Having been exiled in Wales for over thirty years I enjoy reading about crazy goings on back in Suffolk.  Hailing from Saxmundham I return a couple of times each year and follow the Tractor Boys more in hope than expectation. 

I have written a couple of items which I hope will be of interest one of which I copy here or if you e-mail me I could attach them.
Regards Kevin

Historic Suffolk Church to be Demolished
By Religious Affairs Correspondent Arlaudin Evan
Bungling town planners have caused the closure of the picturesque 14th century St John the Baptist church in Saxmundham.  This sleepy market town had  a thriving high street up until a few years ago when the town centre was bypassed.  Tesco and Waitrose have moved in peddling their sugary drinks, fatty ready meals and cheap lager. The only problem was that they set up opposite one another on the small winding road which once lead to Leiston and the local church.  Chaos ensues when new residents of the massively over-developed town attempt to visit the shops causing gridlock which backs up to the rarely-changing traffic lights in the high street. 
Local parishioners of St John the Baptist church can no longer access their place of worship due to traffic congestion on Church Hill but have been invited into a temporary pop-up church in Tesco for Sunday morning service.  
Local vicar the Reverend Wayne Inflock was asked for his views on the arrangements;
“Well in a very real sense we are now all living in the modern world and must find communion with the Lord wherever we can. The high ceilings and basic arrangement of aisles within a supermarket will be familiar with church goers, so the micro- church in aisle three of Tesco has been well received as it reminds us of the Holy Trinity and takes account of falling congregations.  With 24 hour supermarket shopping, seven days a week, time is a precious commodity for many of our parishioners.  Now we can have ham with our hymns and salami with our psalms.”
Furious Waitrose chiefs are now looking at the possibility of their own United Reformed chapel in a bid to secure their share of ‘worshoppers’ as they have come to be called with an offer of free hot cross buns and have identified a suitable area in  the tea and coffee aisle.
In a new development the owners of the church, Lord’s Estates Inc. are in advanced talks with Sainsbury’s about possible demolition and construction of a new supermarket on the site.  Property developers  will be contributing to the vicar’s retirement fund, have offered to remove some of the gravestones and will incorporate the historic knapped flint walls in the foundations of the new construction, also promising to use some of the stained glass windows within the foyer.
Local councillor Mr S. Atan who sits on the planning committee and is also on the board of Lord’s Estates was quoted as saying, 
“In the 21st century we expect Saxmundham to become a supermarket hub for East Suffolk and can’t let an old building that is only used once a week, stand in the way of progress.”



Bobby Robson was Swayed by Player Power
By our sports correspondent Rue Mer Mille
Papers made public from Portman Road this week suggest that Bobby Robson was considering resting some of his squad for key games during their record breaking 1980-81 season.  In scenes reminiscent of the ‘Escape to Victory’ film in which some of the players starred, it was  the intervention of Russel Osman, John Wark and Kevin O’Callaghan who urged Robson to keep going with their strongest team saying, “Come on, we can do it!”  This rallying cry came too late for Kevin Beattie and George Burley who got lost in a tunnel under the Portman Road changing rooms and were forced to miss the end of the season.  The rest of the team played on and into the history books.
Many top managers today including Town’s very own Mick McCarthy routinely rest players for cup games to make an all out assault on eighth place in the league but back then there was no squad rotation and many of the players played over 50 games, with Osman ever present with 60 appearances.  Unknown to Robson the players organised extra training at the Gardener’s Arms public house after the official sessions were over and this team building exercises are believed to be the reason why the season was so successful/ended so disappointingly (delete as appropriate).
One former player was quoted as saying;
“Back then if one of our players got injured we just carried on with a splash from the magic sponge or a whiff of smelling salts.  Men were men and boys were boys but they were good enough to step straight into the team when called upon.  Using the loan system for overpaid, superannuated players was simply not the done thing in those days.”
The remake of the film ‘Escape to Victory’, renamed ‘Belligerent in Defeat’ is due to be made shortly and once again will include Ipswich players as Mick McCarthy played by George Clooney leads his plucky band of strugglers through years of imprisonment in the Championship.  Deprived of money and star players by the evil forces of the Premiership who continually poach their best players, they are presented with a means of escape but remain imprisoned due to a combination of bad luck, injuries and a lack of ambition, while a map detailing the secret escape tunnel is stolen from the boardroom by Delia Smith, played by Dame Maggie Smith.
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AUTHOR: Kevin Revell
AUTHOR EMAIL: kevin.revell2@ntlworld.com
AUTHOR URL: 
SUBJECT: [Suffolk Gazette] Contact us
IP: 86.166.176.62
Array
(
    [1_Name] =&gt; Kevin Revell
    [2_Email] =&gt; kevin.revell2@ntlworld.com
    [3_Comment] =&gt; Having been exiled in Wales for over thirty years I enjoy reading about crazy goings on back in Suffolk.  Hailing from Saxmundham I return a couple of times each year and follow the Tractor Boys more in hope than expectation. 

I have written a couple of items which I hope will be of interest one of which I copy here or if you e-mail me I could attach them.
Regards Kevin

Historic Suffolk Church to be Demolished
By Religious Affairs Correspondent Arlaudin Evan
Bungling town planners have caused the closure of the picturesque 14th century St John the Baptist church in Saxmundham.  This sleepy market town had  a thriving high street up until a few years ago when the town centre was bypassed.  Tesco and Waitrose have moved in peddling their sugary drinks, fatty ready meals and cheap lager. The only problem was that they set up opposite one another on the small winding road which once lead to Leiston and the local church.  Chaos ensues when new residents of the massively over-developed town attempt to visit the shops causing gridlock which backs up to the rarely-changing traffic lights in the high street. 
Local parishioners of St John the Baptist church can no longer access their place of worship due to traffic congestion on Church Hill but have been invited into a temporary pop-up church in Tesco for Sunday morning service.  
Local vicar the Reverend Wayne Inflock was asked for his views on the arrangements;
“Well in a very real sense we are now all living in the modern world and must find communion with the Lord wherever we can. The high ceilings and basic arrangement of aisles within a supermarket will be familiar with church goers, so the micro- church in aisle three of Tesco has been well received as it reminds us of the Holy Trinity and takes account of falling congregations.  With 24 hour supermarket shopping, seven days a week, time is a precious commodity for many of our parishioners.  Now we can have ham with our hymns and salami with our psalms.”
Furious Waitrose chiefs are now looking at the possibility of their own United Reformed chapel in a bid to secure their share of ‘worshoppers’ as they have come to be called with an offer of free hot cross buns and have identified a suitable area in  the tea and coffee aisle.
In a new development the owners of the church, Lord’s Estates Inc. are in advanced talks with Sainsbury’s about possible demolition and construction of a new supermarket on the site.  Property developers  will be contributing to the vicar’s retirement fund, have offered to remove some of the gravestones and will incorporate the historic knapped flint walls in the foundations of the new construction, also promising to use some of the stained glass windows within the foyer.
Local councillor Mr S. Atan who sits on the planning committee and is also on the board of Lord’s Estates was quoted as saying, 
“In the 21st century we expect Saxmundham to become a supermarket hub for East Suffolk and can’t let an old building that is only used once a week, stand in the way of progress.”



Bobby Robson was Swayed by Player Power
By our sports correspondent Rue Mer Mille
Papers made public from Portman Road this week suggest that Bobby Robson was considering resting some of his squad for key games during their record breaking 1980-81 season.  In scenes reminiscent of the ‘Escape to Victory’ film in which some of the players starred, it was  the intervention of Russel Osman, John Wark and Kevin O’Callaghan who urged Robson to keep going with their strongest team saying, “Come on, we can do it!”  This rallying cry came too late for Kevin Beattie and George Burley who got lost in a tunnel under the Portman Road changing rooms and were forced to miss the end of the season.  The rest of the team played on and into the history books.
Many top managers today including Town’s very own Mick McCarthy routinely rest players for cup games to make an all out assault on eighth place in the league but back then there was no squad rotation and many of the players played over 50 games, with Osman ever present with 60 appearances.  Unknown to Robson the players organised extra training at the Gardener’s Arms public house after the official sessions were over and this team building exercises are believed to be the reason why the season was so successful/ended so disappointingly (delete as appropriate).
One former player was quoted as saying;
“Back then if one of our players got injured we just carried on with a splash from the magic sponge or a whiff of smelling salts.  Men were men and boys were boys but they were good enough to step straight into the team when called upon.  Using the loan system for overpaid, superannuated players was simply not the done thing in those days.”
The remake of the film ‘Escape to Victory’, renamed ‘Belligerent in Defeat’ is due to be made shortly and once again will include Ipswich players as Mick McCarthy played by George Clooney leads his plucky band of strugglers through years of imprisonment in the Championship.  Deprived of money and star players by the evil forces of the Premiership who continually poach their best players, they are presented with a means of escape but remain imprisoned due to a combination of bad luck, injuries and a lack of ambition, while a map detailing the secret escape tunnel is stolen from the boardroom by Delia Smith, played by Dame Maggie Smith.


)
