

In a move, certain to shock the world of football and death, it is

understood that Norwich City’s stadium at Carrow Road, has been subject

to a successful takeover bid by French boutique funeral chain, Prêt à

Creuser. A source close to the Club announced today.

Chairman of of the chain, Graham Reaper said: “At present the ground is

filled almost to capacity every week. Indeed, fans of the club tell me there

are over 500,000 of them at every game! I couldn’t believe that such an

enormous body of people could remain silent for so long, so I just had to

pay a visit myself”. Mr. Reaper went on to explain: “It was so very

relaxing, I’ve not enjoyed such a peaceful experience in a long time.

He continued: “I realise this takeover may ruffle a few feathers. So it got

me thinking, how wonderful it would be if we could reward these same,

loyal customers by paying them to attend our services as mourners. In so

doing, it would also provide great comfort to close family members, and

friends of the deceased”.

Joan Cabin, who lives opposite the stadium, thinks it’s a great idea: “It

certainly makes sense”, she said, “I’ve only ever heard a noise from

within the stadium once in my entire life, when I was awoken one breezy

night by what can only be described as an almighty, 'CLANG!'. I was

startled I can tell you!” Mrs Cabin continued: “Police were there

throughout the night, but fortunately it was nothing serious. They

discovered that a door had been left open, and a gust of wind had blown

through the trophy room, dislodging a tin pot”.

However, Nathan Grip, also of Carrow Road, claims he heard a different

noise. “It chilled me to the bone”. He said: “It was a wailing noise, unlike

anything I've heard before. It was around eight thirty in the evening, and I

can only describe it as sounding like a banshee in its death throes. I even

climbed up to peer over the gate!”. Mr. Grip continued: “Well, what I saw

was truly frightening, I can only describe it as an hysterical behemoth. It

was shrieking and screeching at the silent, stunned onlookers, oblivious to

the world around it. I’m certain it wasn’t human”.

Mr Reaper concluded by saying: “That evening has echoes of the famous

Rendlesham, UFO incident. It has gone down in folklore around these

parts, so we feel it’s only right to commemorate it.” He continued: “When

we finally transform the stadium, Carrow Road will be renamed ‘Lesby

Avenue’, in memory of an unforgettable slice of local history”.

As we went to press, fans were too quiet to comment.