<b>EXCLUSIVE
By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

Suffolk Police arrested two men yesterday, one for stealing a car battery and another for the theft of a firework.</b>

A police spokesman confirmed today: "We charged one, and let the other off."


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Meanwhile, in completely unrelated news, the editor of the Suffolk Gazette, Britain's brightest spoof and satirical news publication, is under investigation for stealing old jokes.

An insider at the newspaper admitted: "If time is tight, then an old joke book is an easy target. Anyway, it's this sort of childish humour that is appreciated most by our readers."

Anyone who thinks they can do better is urged to reach out to this publication's <a href="http://www.suffolkgazette.com/contact-us/">Contact Us</a> page with any mildly amusing story suggestions.

The insider added: "We need to line up some stories over the Christmas period as the editor will be busy working for charity, helping the needy, walking elderly neighbours' dogs, and in no way drinking for four days solid."

<a href="http://www.suffolkgazette.com/donations/suffolk-gazette-beer-fund/">Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!</a>
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