Suffolk golf clubs are halting falling memberships by reverting back to their traditional values.

New criteria being introduced at a number of member clubs in Suffolk includes a reduction in women membership, 
Masons only on committees, and cutting out 70's & 80's discos (60s & 50s are ok).

Their clubhouses have now banned Sky television, one-arm bandits and music - and they have all raised their beer prices.

Swedish chairman of a Mid Suffolk golf club, Mr Upiss Owen Ars, said cheerily: "Ladies' membership is now at an all-time low mainly due to the introduction of Stag nights, including strippers and extremely blue comedians for regular men-only lock-ins.

"Husband really do not want their wives following them to their club, and we are recommending if they really are serious about playing golf, they should try some of the Norfolk clubs - making sure that they get home on time to do the ironing and cooking.

"One club introduced a swipe-card system which tells you how much money you spend over the bar in a 12-month period. This is ridiculous - my wife found out and left me. Granted, I can now play a lot more golf, so it's swings and roundabouts really."

Another local club committee man, Ian Shanks said: "Clubs are also well aware that the juniors do not spend money over the bar and disappear to University before they earn any money to spend at the club, so we have decided to cut them out as well."

Mr A Nutherputt, Chairman of House at a Suffolk links golf course
commented, " We have re-introduced a strict Dress Code to ensure the
tradition of check trousers, plus fours, and tasteful Pringle jumpers
is not lost and we are able to continue to maintain the image that has
served us so well over many years".
"Moreover", he continued, "We really do not want members who
are, to quote a useful phrase I once heard on an expensive cruise,
"not our class dear". So we have re- introduced a large joining
fee and maintained an above inflation increase in subscriptions for
the foreseeable future. This appears to be working well and we are
losing the dross by the dozen which will help at our future AGM's
eliminating winging from the plebs who can't afford to be
members." 

"There is a need to increase the average age of members to 65
because these are the people who have decent pensions, can afford to
pay their way and forget that they have already paid and pay their
subscriptions up to three times a year. Only slight problem with these
members is when they do remember to play they are very slow but that
is an entirely different subject."
Overall the policies seem to be working with less and less people
joining golf clubs as members and the popularity of Darts and Snooker
is again on the rise.
  
Press Release from respected Asian Golf commentator Wai Mai Ballsdurty
   

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