<i>Introducing the Suffolk Gazette's very own agony aunt, 89-year-old Doris Daley. Write to her at deardoris@suffolkgazette.com - we'll publish the best each week (maybe)</i>

Dear Doris,

I'm hoping you can help, as I'm a little bit too embarrassed to ask anyone else. I've had suspicions about my family doctor for some while, as seemingly he has taken an unhealthy interest in me. Whenever I have gone to the surgery he has held me by the wotsits and asked me to cough. Once he did it when I'd only gone in to pick up a prescription for my mother.

Then this week he told me to bend over and with no warning he stuck his finger up my backside. I understand this is a regular and useful prostate test for men of a certain age, but I am not sure it was necessary for me.

Stephen, aged 24.

<b>Dear Stephen,

Lucky you. I have not had such close attention since VE Day in 1945 (which sadly soon became known in my house as VD Day, but that's another story).</b>

* * * * *

Dear Doris,

Recently my son has been coming home with lots of unnecessary little things from the shops, and I never see a receipt. I'm beginning to worry he may be shoplifting. What should I do?

Maureen, Sudbury.

<b>Dear Maureen,

Tell him to pocket a bottle of gin from the far aisle in Lidl. There are no cameras in that section.</b>

* * * * *

Dear Doris,

I've been going out with a girl,
her name is Julie
But last night she said to me,
when we were watching telly

(This is what she said)

She said listen John, I love you
But there's this bloke, I fancy
I don't want to two time you,
so it's the end for you and me.

Jilted John, 29.

<b>Dear John,

Forget about the trollop and give me a call. I'll make you feel like a real man. It's all part of the Doris service.</b>

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