The Government plans to solve the national seagull crisis by learning lessons from the polite, middle-class gulls in Aldeburgh.

Boffins have noticed how the seagulls in the genteel Suffolk seaside town are extremely polite.

They keep their distance from locals and well-heeled tourists, and only accept a snack of a tasty vol-au-vent, canape or dollop of foie gras if it is offered to them.

The exemplary behaviour of the Aldeburgh seagulls is in stark contrast to the screeching, evil, murderous gulls terrorising people and pets across the rest of Britain.

Reports of seagulls attacking people, killing dogs, pecking the eyes out of young children, stealing cars and removing the wheels from pensioners' wheelchairs have hit fever-pitch in recent weeks.

Prime Minister David Cameron promised everyone needed to have a "big conversation" nto decide how to solve the issue.

He has instructed his team to study the Aldeburgh seagulls and see how their genes can be spread to the rest of the gull population.

But locals in Aldeburgh said the local gulls only behaved well because they copied townsfolk.

Lady Hilary Fotherington-Smythe, who lives on the seafront, said: "We are all made from the right stock here in Aldeburgh. The way we go about our business is reflected by the local wildlife.

"The gulls see how we behave and copy. As a result they are respectful, quiet, polite, and do not steal. They also think they are better than the gulls anywhere else in our country."



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