Business

Ipswich renames main shopping street as Pound Plaza

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Ipswich is celebrating the popularity of its cheap-as-chips discount stores by renaming the main shopping thoroughfare as Pound Plaza.

Poundland, Poundworld, Poundshop, 99p shops and other discount retail outlets have taken over Ipswich town centre, proving just how far the it has come in its bid to be the worst shopping destination in East Anglia.

So many of the shops have sprung up that charity shops are giving up and moving elsewhere, while trendy pop-ups – popular in most other towns – never pop up.

Doreen Spraggins, head of Ipswich Town Centre Initiative explained: “We are very proud of the way we have totally ruined Ipswich. By charging more for 20 minutes parking than the price of most goods sold in any remaining shops, we have conclusively shown we have absolutely no idea of what we are doing.

“While places like Norwich, Colchester and Bury St Edmunds have attracted lovely big-name stores and many great independents, Ipswich now has an enviable amount of discount stores.

“Everyone loves a bargain, so we are delighted that the main shopping area will now be known as Pound Plaza, which has a splendid continental ring to it.”

But shoppers who spoke to the Suffolk Gazette are not so keen. Mavis McMuffin, 67, of Chantry said: “Towns like Ipswich should have grand stores like Harrods or Selfridges. No one wants all these cheap and cheerful bargain basement shops, although I do go there for all my toiletries.”

Quids in: Discount stores everywhere

Quids in: Discount stores everywhere

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3 Comments

  1. Dave Shitpeas

    February 4, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    You are most welcome – and with “urban crawl” progressing as terrifyingly as it is, we’ll soon be the same town anyway! Ipsildon? Baswich? Truly the Pride of Anglia :)

  2. Dave Shitpeas

    February 4, 2015 at 1:43 am

    Sir,-

    We here in sunny Basildon are delighted to see that Ipswich is following us down the toilet pan.

    Soon your fine town shall inevitably progress to the next level – with many of your pound and 99p stores (we actually pioneered the 89p store here in sarf Essex) being replaced by the 21st century’s delightful take on pawn shops and friendly establishments were one can get “cheques cashed”.

    We have an entire street of these emporia wherein useless household items like cookers and gas boilers can be converted into ready cash for beer and gambling.

    Yes, it is truly an exciting time for us as we look forward to day soon to dawn when our shopping parade is mostly burnt-out vacant business units where money enters the economy at the hands our new generation of illegal loan sharks (and muggers, of course!).

    Kind regards,
    D Shitpeas,
    Reggie Kray Crescent, Basildon.

    • admin

      February 4, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Dear Mr Shitpeas

      How lovely to hear of Basildon’s success. Maybe we at the Suffolk Gazette should campaign for Ipswich to be twinned with Basildon. It would look so nice to be able to show this relationship off on road signs into the town.

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