Business

Kim Jong-un buys Suffolk caravan

By  | 

WORLD EXCLUSIVE
By Suffolk Gazette staff

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has bought himself a holiday caravan on the Suffolk coast.

He fell in love with the area after joining a secret visit to the county to inspect the Sizewell nuclear power station.

But although he was unimpressed with the facility, believing his country’s coal power is more efficient, he fell in love instantly with the countryside and coast.

He ordered staff to find him an ideal holiday home where he could relax unnoticed away from prying eyes – and the caravan, just up the road from Sizewell, fitted the bill perfectly.

The 38-foot Horizon Cavalier static caravan is described as the perfect ‘starter’ home, coming with three bedrooms, family shower room, separate toilet, central heating and double glazing.

However, it’s the view over the North Sea which has apparently enchanted Kim Jong-un, who has already spent a week recently in his new holiday home.

The Suffolk Gazette knows where the caravan is, but has agreed not to reveal its exact location. But we have chosen to publish the view from his front window.

caravan view

horizon cavalier caravan

The leader, famous for looking after his hair, will be pleased to know nearby Leiston has a range of salons, including the Hair Shed, which will be able to keep his mop in top condition during his holidays.

He’ll also be able to enjoy superb takeaway curries from the Cinnamon in Leiston High Street, while a North Korean diplomatic insider confirmed a trip to the Adnams brewery just up the coast in Southwold is high on the leader’s wish list. He is also a huge fan of sea fishing.

kim jong-un fishing

The owners of the caravan park declined to talk publicly about their infamous new guest, but said in a statement: “We keep details of all our guests private. Our location is wonderful and the perfect spot for a young world leader who wants to relax and get away from it all.”

Local leisure businesses are now vying to attract Kim Jong-un, who would generate fantastic publicity. Thorpeness Golf Club has already made inquiries to the North Korean regime, pointing out that the Dear Leader would easily beat his father’s amazing record of having scored 11 holes in one on his very first game of golf.

EDIT: READ OUR SUBSEQUENT WORLD EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH KIM JONG-UN HERE

13 Comments

  1. JagBoy

    April 4, 2016 at 9:51 am

    What a load of rubbish

    • The Editor

      April 5, 2016 at 6:41 am

      Dear Mr JagBoy

      My hard-working journalists only report the truth.

      Regards,
      The Editor

  2. JunenKlein

    August 14, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    Hilarious and such great:tongue-in-cheek’ writing
    I live the in the United States the United States now and miss so much,the British sense of humour.

    • The Editor

      August 14, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      Dear Junen

      Are you a South Korean spy?

      Regards,
      The Editor

  3. Sam Wunnells

    August 13, 2015 at 7:18 am

    I often walk that way (to avoid getting arrested), and as i’m involved with both a radio and a television station, would like to find out when he’s next in the area. An interview will be a real coup for both. Shame its taken 3 and a half months to find out. Someone else could have got there first.

    • The Editor

      August 13, 2015 at 7:46 am

      Dear Mr Wunnells

      I’m not sure his security people will allow approaches for interviews. Regardless, when he does grant one, it will be to the Suffolk Gazette!

      Regards,
      The Editor

  4. Eve A. Brown, Southwold

    April 24, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    Sir,

    I find this news somewhat disturbing. Our community prides itself on diversity and tolerance, but an influx of sandle-wearing vegan Guardian-reading Communists cannot be beneficial to the area.

    For this reason, I have requested that the parish council obtain particulars of caravans which would appeal to world leaders who would assimilate more easily into local politics.

    Would it be possible for your Russian correspondent to make representations to the Kremlin on our behalf?

  5. thomas c

    April 23, 2015 at 9:40 am

    I hope this is a joke, we don’t want that evil scum in our county!

    • Lynette

      August 2, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Thomas I cherish the hope that you were joking. If not, then please get with the picture.
      Cheers

      • Paul

        August 4, 2015 at 11:37 am

        I think it is a forlorn hope Lynette.
        Furthermore, Thomas will never read your kind and enlightening words as he has probably gone back to looking at the pictures in the Daily Star!

  6. Oh Lordy!

    April 21, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    Dear Editor,

    Although not a resident of Suffolk I do like to visit. I am a little peturbed about the location ot Mr. Un’s caravan. Is it situated overlooking the public footpath that runs along the Coast from Sizewell? If so, how can the safety of me and my two Chihuahuas be guaranteed as we amble along, enjoying the same view that Mr. Un does?
    Will his security guards be positioned atop his caravan with Howitzers? Are there garroting lines in position to prevent people passing?
    I do not feel that the owners of the site have thought this through. Undoubtedly they have considered it a great publicity coup but could a coup of another type be being planned?

    • The Editor

      April 21, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Dear Oh Lordy!

      I am assured by my diplomatic sources that Mr Un bring nothing but wishes of peace during his restful breaks on the Suffolk coast. There are no visible armed guards, and I am told he is happy for anyone to continue to use the footpath at Sizewell.

      However, I can give no assurances about the safety of your two beloved Chihuahuas. You know what they say about Koreans and dogs, right?

      Regards,
      The Editor

  7. Miles Fiddes

    April 20, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Cant believe this!! How could suffolk let this happen!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Send this to a friend