Bungling robbers raid sperm bank


By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Reporter

Two men who attempted to rob a sperm bank were today labelled Britain’s dumbest criminals.

The pair burst into the Suffolk Sperm Bank building in Ipswich expecting to grab cash and jewellery – but instead they found only desposits of a different kind.

Police collared the disappointed-looking pair as they attempted to escape clutching nothing more than a few pornographic magazines.

Detective Inspector Paul Hood told the Suffolk Gazette: “The two men were Eastern European and had clearly recognised the word ‘bank’ on the signs outside the building.

“But they evidently had no idea that a sperm bank was something very different.

“Armed with a lead pipe, they burst in through the front door, and CCTV pictures from inside the building clearly show them scratching their heads as they wondered where all the safes containing money were.

‘Pull it off’

“Rather than rows of cashiers behind security screens and hundreds of thousands of pounds, they were confronted with nothing more than a receptionist and a few embarrassed-looking men.

“They probably still hoped to pull it off, but the building’s alarm went off. We arrested the bungling robbers as they tried to run off up Tavern Street.”

Det Insp Hood said two men, aged 27 and 31, had been charged with attempted robbery and would appear before Ipswich magistrates in the morning. One was named locally last night as Jack Meoff.

No-one in the bank was hurt, although the receptionist was said to be “shocked”.

A spokesman for the Suffolk Sperm Bank said: “We are very grateful to the police for taking this in hand. Our receptionist was worried these men would take out their weapons and put their empty sack on the table in front of her.

“You could say that it turned into a bit of an anti-climax for the robbers.”

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Got their cum uppance…!!

I do hope they came quietly…

Arthur Pint

Are these the same hardened criminals that hijacked a lorry load of Viagra?
have the police issued a statement yet as to why these criminals were no shot in line with the new policy reported on 25th March this year?

the two criminals were fast tracked and ordered to make deposits at a London sperm bank. The London sperm bank issued a statement that it was was unsuccessful as one came on the bus and the other missed the tube.

Arthur Pint