You can drink booze, play fruit machines and pick a new ‘future ex’. – At ‘Gluttons’ singles bar in Halesworth, Suffolk.
Don’t you just love an ex-wife? Ready to upgrade from your current one? Well, thanks to a new dating craze sweeping East Anglia.
All men over 16 know that no matter how you try to stay in love with your current wife, girlfriend, lover, or partner. After a few short days the flames of passion begin to die out. It terribly, terribly sad, but there’s nothing we can do about it. God invented romance that way.
Negative Cinderella
Once the thrill of the chase is over, men understand that the fascinating, enigmatic, and sexy woman. Who was ‘the only one for you’ just a few short hours ago, will soon transform (like a reverse Cinderella) into a plain, sexless and disinterested nag. Don’t blame yourselves, men, it’s just the way women are. It’s not you, it’s them. Fact.
Having accepted that short-term relationships are just the way Charles Darwin wanted it, men can now, at last, be themselves. With no shame attached. They can enjoy being who they are, comfortable in the knowledge that changing wives on a regular basis is just a normal part of their development. That male swans who stay with their lifelong partners are doing it wrong, and that, as Adolf Hitler believed, ‘conscience doesn’t exist.’
Halesworth Gluttons
So come on men, get yourselves down to Gluttons in Halesworth where manager Steve Henderson has a pint and a packet of fags waiting for you. This reporter asked Steve what was so special about singles nights at Gluttons? “Nuffing. It’s just the same as every uvver pub.”
But… we thought… “Nah. This sort ov fing goes on in pubs awl owver the place, mate. Geezers leave their wives at ‘ome, come dan ‘ere, and cop off wiv a new fyucha wife. It’s awl the rage.”
Blimey!
Okay. Er… a pint of Carlsberg and a packet of Scampi Fries then, please Steve!
An equal opportunities landmark was reached in the European Court of Human Rights and employment tribunal. Wrongs this week with a victory by blind and partially-sighted airline pilots and cabin crew.
The class action brought by 21 (as good a number as any) previously grounded crew, succeeded on the grounds that, in the words of the panel of 17 judges ‘equality should always trump reason where minority rights are at risk.’
Blind to the truth
Employment tribunal Judge Grayson Bartholemew-Trinket (101) speaking for the grand chamber said in his summing-up “Errr? What was it again? Yes, yes, yes… blind RAF? Yes, of course. Where the appellants argued that a lack of vision is not an impediment to seeing what is in front of one’s face, they were correct in doing so. Errr, err, err in fact, that is precisely the basis upon which this grand chamber has reached its decision. NEXT!”
Employment tribunal ruled
Peter Paulson, a pilot with 734 hours of flying training spanning 26 years, and the lead appellant in the action, spoke to the press pack outside the Strasbourg court. “Sorry… where are you? There? Ok.
Today justice has been done for all those fliers who have up until now, had their dreams, ambitions, and careers hampered by out-of-date and discriminatory legislation.
Like a number of my fellow partial or unsighted pilots, cabin crew, and ground staff, I have for many years, dreamed of soaring like a blind bird, high above the clouds, somewhere between the sun and the earth.
Today, well tomorrow, or soon at least, thanks to those 17 clever European judges in there (pointing to a telephone box across the street). I, we (pointing to some children playing with balloons nearby), will be able to realize those dreams.”
First crash
Asked by this reporter to explain more about his experience, training, and flight readiness, Mr Paulson replied “Yes. Well, I have flown replica model aeroplanes ever since I was a kid.
My father used to take me out on Sunday mornings to Ballingdon Hill. I started with the basic balsa wood gliders but on my 12th birthday, dad bought me an Acro-Wot radio remote-controlled fuel model.
I was overjoyed. It had red wings (according to my dad) and a cute little carved pilot. I had hours and hours of fun flying it with him! Actually, it was only half an hour as I crashed it into a tree and it caught fire. The tree as well. According to dad.”
Employment tribunal does it again!
Upon hearing this, a sense of unease rippled through the press pack and another reporter asked if he had any experience flying ‘real’ aeroplanes. “Ha ha! Yes, of course! When I was 13, Mum and dad took us to Spain, and because I’m blind I got to go up into the cockpit and have a feel around. The pilot even let me handle the controls, or joystick, or whatever it’s called for three seconds. It was awesome!”
Mr Paulson’s first flight for Phoenix Airlines is expected to take place next week. Watch out below!
The A1214 ring road around Ipswich is hard enough to navigate at the best of times. Now with the completion of the new Blondie roundabout, things have gone from bad to worse.
The Suffolk Gazette had received numerous reports from bewildered drivers concerned at the confusing directions on the signage at the rotunda. Umpteen motorists have told how they have taken wrong turns. Driven around in circles, and ended up going the wrong way because of the unusual and amusing directions.
Blondie Ipswich dates cancelled
Based on the 1978 hit record ‘one way or another’ by iconic, new wave pop group. Blondie, the signpost instructs road-users to drive ‘one way’ ‘or another’ in pursuit of ‘finding and getting’ an unidentified individual. Possibly a love interest. It is not known whether any of the Blondie band members including lead singer, Debbie Harry have ever driven on the A1214.
In other pop/travel news
Aging British soft-rocker, Chris Rea has announced via his Twitter account that he will be driving home for Christmas. Via the newly resurfaced A66 from Darlington to Middlesbrough a.k.a. ‘The road to hell”.
In the US, Talking Heads lead singer, David Byrne is reported to be traveling across America in a 1986 Winnebago motorhome on the road to nowhere. We’ll let you know when he gets there.
Can you name any other classic pop and rock road journeys?
Saxmundham, a market town in suffolk has opened its new kiddies’ playground.
Pornofruit Greengrocers of Saxmundham, Suffolk – recently featured in the Suffolk Gazette – has been showing off its new playground. The £12,000, state-of-the-art-of-lovemaking play area has been provided to allow horny parents to shop for groceries. Without having to drag their annoying, complaining children around, spoiling the sexy, adult atmosphere within the store.
‘No-kids’ wedding
Ex-Anne Summers shop manageress, Lolita Feelgood (65) told this publication: ”We have a lot of men, gays and lezzers coming into our store. Many of them mums and therefore there can be a lot of unwanted kids and toddlers wandering around. Like at a wedding reception. As I told the Gazette previously, I know from working in the love industry for over 40 years that what most normal people are thinking about when they are doing their weekly shop is sex, not kids.”
The brand new play area, a welcome distraction for shoppers’ offspring, features: swings, a roundabout, some springy horse things, and an ‘iconic’ ‘sperm-slide’ which is becoming a favourite.
No, you can’t have a Kinder egg.
Regular Pornofruit shopper, Gary from up the road told us: “Well I don’t have kids myself and when I’m shopping for a big peach to suck on the last thing. All I want is some chavvy woman’s snotty-nosed kid following me around whining about ‘mummy, mummy can I have Kinder egg?. I like to shop in peace, thank you very much, thinking about sex, and fruit, not shitty diapers.” I think the play area is fabulous. Keep them out of the way I say!”
Can you think of any more highly inappropriate amusements for a kids’ playground?
A clumsy hacker who accidentally stole some terrible songs by immigrant folk singer Ed Sheeran. Has been jailed despite some people saying he has been punished enough.
Ricky Kwarteng – no relation to Kwasi – mistakenly downloaded the tracks. While he was in fact trying to nab some unreleased recordings by his favourite band – 1970s easy-dreamers, The Carpenters.
Overruled!
The 21-year-old, from Alderton, East Suffolk admitted downloading the Sheeran numbers. But insisted he would never knowingly do such a thing as he believed the Framlingham-based singer’s music to be ‘Derivative commercial tripe. Which itself has been recycled from far superior classic artiste’s pre-existing work.’ When Sheeran’s lawyers objected to this in court, Judge Sir Robin Roth overruled.
Kwarteng’s defence lawyer told the court that having found himself with 14 unwanted such recordings. His client decided to “get rid of them as soon as possible on the dark web.” He eventually managed to do this raising a measly £25 in cryptocurrency. Hardly worth it.
Eating disorder hope
Hit 70’s sibling duo, The Carpenters, who sold over 90 million records and whose hits included: ‘Rainy Days and Mondays’. ‘Yesterday Once More’, and ‘Top of the World’ are officially the most stolen musical artist on the planet. This is put down to the fact that their music forms 65% of all vinyl LP’s held in charity shops across the UK. Well-known hangouts of skinflints, cheapskates, and kleptomaniacs.
Kwarteng, a trainee marble polisher with learning difficulties, admitted 4 charges. Including copyright infringement, not knowing how to spell ‘Jambalaya’, and possessing other people’s criminally bad-sounding property.
As technology continues to advance, motorists are now weighing up the decision to move from the more traditional, fuel-consuming cars to the vehicles of the future – electric cars.
As your block slowly starts to fill with more electric cars, and you start see them on the freeway, picking up great speeds yet almost whispering as they are driven, you might be wondering – how do I go about making the switch?
With many people looking into electric car insurance, there are many benefits of owning an electric car, from less fuel consumption to a much safer way of getting to your required destination, as well as the added benefit of trading your old gas car in for an electric one.
So, read on, as we discuss the top perks of driving an electric vehicle in 2022.
1 – Cheaper insurance
One of the perks of an electric car is the premium insurance on offer, as these types of cars tend to be safer, often having spacious interiors without compromising any of the features that a fuel vehicle has.
The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (HIIS) has frequently sung the praises of how safe electric cars are.
The president of HIIS has said that: “It’s fantastic to see more proof that these vehicles are as safe as or safer than gasoline- and diesel-powered cars… we can now say with confidence that making the US fleet more environmentally friendly doesn’t require any compromises in terms of safety”.
While it might cost more to repair or replace parts for your electric car, the money you save on insurance premiums, due to their safety, can be better spent on maintenance.
2 – Help the fight against climate change
As well as having good insurance options, the switch to electric cars is also helping lower your carbon footprint.
Electric vehicles are better for the environment than their gasoline fuelled counterparts, and often the new models can be fully charged within an hour, saving yourself time and money.
The lower emissions reduce the amount of pollution in your area, not only making your block a more environmentally friendly place to live — benefitting your community — but your car won’t continue to age due to the fewer emissions.
3 – Plenty of choice
The surge of electric vehicles in recent times has meant there are a wide variety of options at your disposal.
Be it a plug-in, hybrid, or fully electric vehicle, there are lots of different models for you to select.
As freeways start to fill up with electric cars you might spot some of the most economic models, including the Škoda Enyaq, Renault Megane E-Tech and Audi E-Tron.
————
The reality of the situation is that while fuel consumption of standard vehicles is still high, there are plans for a lot of companies to switch to fully electric models.
Plus, with states like California planning to phase out combustion engines by 2035, you may wonder is now the right time to get ahead of the curve and make the switch to an elective vehicle?
And with these top benefits of driving an electric car, there are plenty of reasons to the make change.
‘Leaky Sue Braverman’ costume for Halloween 2022 has become top sellerin the UK.
With Halloween coming up, what better way to scare the shit out of your family, mates, and the general public than to share sensitive national security information with terrorists?
That’s what ‘Leaky’ Sue Braverman, Home Secretary will be doing this 31st October and you can too! Come on pranksters! Play the ultimate terrifying prank by visiting your local joke shop… the one down the high street with all the coloured wigs, facemasks, costumes, and (inexplicably) smoking paraphernalia and air rifles.
Buy the new ‘Leaky Sue’ costume for Halloween (available in all sizes). Dress up like the careless and negligent politician. Who ‘was probed over a national security leak’ after she used her personal email account to spray around sensitive security information to her mates and other accidentally copied-in randoms.
Scary
The costume for Halloween, which comes in Tory blue and accentuates one’s ample bosom. Comes complete with your own ghastly private email server, free of restrictions enabling you to send top-secret intelligence documents. To your buddies without following the proper security protocols.
Also included is a gruesome retractable P45 allowing you to return to your previous employment within days of a humiliating resignation.
Tragic costume for Halloween
Completing the set is a handy private jet to Rwanda! Use this to deport those spooky failed asylum seekers and economic migrants. But watch out! Those other dreaded phantoms – the human rights campaigners – will be hiding around every corner, ready to jump out on you and f*ck you up just as you are about to depart!
So, don’t delay. Halloween is just days away! Get down to the joke store before ‘Leaky Sue’ is removed from the shelves… again.
In 2021, the global market size of the eSports industry was an astonishing $1,178 million, which does not include the revenue of correlated segments like paysafecard CSGO gambling, case opening platforms, and similar endeavors.
These numbers only demonstrate that the ever-growing popularity of different eSports leagues and in-game items like skins are changing the way people all over the world interact with iGaming.
The massive numbers of this novelty industry caught the attention of traditional educational entities, which are currently forming eSports professionals and experts.
The World of eSports Goes to College
As one of the UK’s first colleges to offer an eSports-related course, West Suffolk College developed a course called “Managing and Developing Esports,” a two-year course that grants a BTEC Level 3 Extended Diploma.
The course is directed to students who enjoy the competitive video gaming industry and demonstrate a genuine interest in progressing to higher education or a profession in the eSports field.
The initiative of West Suffolk College is a fundamental endeavor considering the importance of forming new professionals. During the course, students are exposed to a wide range of topics such as:
History of eSports
Live stream broadcasting
Shoutcasting
Video editing
Professional producing focused on eSports brands
eSports event management
Professional management of social media focused on eSports
Since its first edition, the course is publicly endorsed by the British eSports Association. During the outbreak of the pandemic, West Suffolk College continued to hold live stream sessions with prospective students to answer questions about the course.
Currently, the course is normally available for students, which can contact the institution using its official website.
A Brief Look at the West Suffolk College History & the Entity’s Interest for iGaming
Considered one of the UK’s most accomplished educational institutions focused on Further Education, West Suffolk College offers several courses ranging from vocational and technical courses to apprenticeships.
The entity also offers several bachelor’s degree courses and higher apprenticeships accredited by the University of East Anglia, a traditional public research university with nothing less than three Nobel laureates among its alumni history.
Currently, the institution has over 12,000 students enrolled in different educational courses and programs.
Since 2020, the entity has been involved in a series of talks focused on eSports themes. The purpose of these talks is to introduce students to the eSports universe and help them potentially find careers in the segment.
The endeavor offers students the chance to participate in talks with speakers such as Guild, NUEL, G2, Hitmarker, and other eSports experts.
According to the eSports course director Benjamin Lewis, the course brought a great impact on the eSports scene at the educational level. Lewis stated that “back when we started, we were literally the pioneers. I think there were about 8 or 9 colleges that were sort of looking at this.”
Why the eSports Industry Needs More Educational Programs?
While the eSports industry is growing massively in recent years, the supply of professionals with the required skills to make it work is experiencing a rising shortage.
This unique industry has been growing steadily and positioning itself as one of the main players in the ranking of the most profitable segments in the global sports and entertainment industry.
The segment was one of the few that suffered the least from the pandemic, registering a percentual decrease in revenue numbers of only 1.09% in 2020 compared to the previous year, from US$ 957.5 million to US$ 947.1 million.
Merchandising and professional events make up a good portion of the total revenue generated by the industry. Unlike the world of real-world sports, a considerable share of the revenue obtained from the sale of in-game items is directed to the competitive teams.
Further Education vs. eSports – How a British College is Revolutionizing the Concept
Since 2020, UK-based West Suffolk College offers an educational course focused on eSports called “Managing and Developing Esports.” This novelty had a massive impact on the educational scene, as other institutions also showed interest in adopting a similar approach.
Forming future eSports professionals was never so promising, especially as the audience numbers keep growing globally year after year. Currently, the industry expects to reach 646 million viewers in 2023.
