Christmas is everyone’s favourite time of year, so it’s great that the celebrations for the big day keep getting closer to Halloween and further from Boxing Day. From the middle of November onwards, expect to see crowds of co-workers piling into entertainment venues, booking up community centers, and filling the bars across Ipswich.
Obviously, everyone looks forward to all of these activities and will extend the Xmas joy across the winter months in Suffolk. So, for those savvy managers and bosses looking to make this the best Christmas ever for their employees, here are a bunch of winning moves that’ll undoubtedly be crowd-pleasers.
Xmas Activities in the Office
There’s nothing quite as striking as being in your place of work but seeing it transform into a house of fun. One day of Xmas activities and some general relaxing vibes is a classic move because it so often proves to be popular. You can run a stack of activities, including a quiz, a party, running Secret Santa, or creating a big Xmas spread of food and drink.
Keeping in the classic swing of things, hosting a game of bingo with prizes to be won will also grab their attention. Bingo can be a festive addition to Christmas celebrations. With its numbered balls, cheeky calls and plenty of opportunities for a laugh, it’s an easy way to bring everyone together. Add some suitably seasonal prizes, and you’ve got all the ingredients for a fun-filled festive game.
Plus, modern bingo has proven to be very adaptable. In the world of online bingo platforms, different themes are all over the place. 80s Bingo, Britain’s Got Talent Bingo, Mystic Meg Bingo, and even Age of the Gods Bingo are there, showing that the game can work with just about any setting or theme. Why not Crimbo Bingo?
Venturing Out into the Suffolk Wilds
Team building and Xmas go hand-in-hand, and luckily, Suffolk is loaded with great ways to simply book in, sit back, and watch the team enjoy themselves. Go To Events have many options for indoor occasions – given the weather – including the game show and inflatables Under Pressure, the Squid Game-themed Quid Games, Betrayers, and Master of the Tasks. Of course, if you want to brave the cold, there’s also the Soap Box Derby.
Alternatively, combine the bars with the games and book in at one of the many game bars in Ipswich. Boom Battle Bar is a favorite in Suffolk, but there’s also Blast from the Past and Press Start Gaming Lounge on the menu. That said, if your office prefers something a bit classier, Theatre Royal and Snape Maltings have shows on across the Xmas period.
Depending on when you host your Xmas extravaganza, a certain spooky tour may actually be more relevant than all of the snowflakes and Santas. The Ghostly & Macabre Tour in Bury St Edmunds is 90 minutes of visiting the most haunted parts of the county, complete with retellings of horrifying legends. Plus, it’d be quite the power play to pivot your Xmas party into one more suited to Halloween.
Whether you stay in the office or venture out this November, December, or perhaps even in January, Suffolk’s got exactly what you need to throw a legendary Xmas party.
A whole eight games into the Premier League season, and Ipswich Town are flying. The Tractor Boys secured three wins and a draw in that opening stanza, sitting comfortably in tenth and just three points back of fourth place.
Many naysayers feared that, despite the emphatic return to the Premier League, Ipswich would be relegation candidates. Clearly, this isn’t the case, and now local fans can go all-in on spurring Town to those great heights.
Bundle in that the Canaries are treading water down the foot of that division we left behind, and it’s easy to see why football fever has caught on across Suffolk.
Fixtures are still only weekly, though. Luckily, to help keep those big tyres rolling, there are plenty of options around for football fans to enjoy that don’t even involve kicking a ball in the wind and the rain.
The Most Obvious Symbiosis of Football and Entertainment
For some football action beyond the live games, the most obvious place to look is the world of gaming. It’s been an arena that football fans around the world have been able to turn to for decades to take control of the sport.
However, where football has been on the rise over the last year is a very different format of gaming entertainment. There’s now a distinct section of casino games that have expanded into the realm of football.
Now, you might be thinking, they’re probably slot games because slots can essentially boast any theme that they want. Rather, you’ll find the most popular segment of football casino games right now is found amongst the classics.
Goal Goal Goal! took a punt as a casino game theme, and has since proven to be at its most popular in table games. Goal Goal Goal! Blackjack and Goal Goal Goal! Roulette stand out for their emphasis on football.
As it turns out, it’s a blend that works well and has proven popular. In theory, then, football can work in tandem with just about any form of entertainment, should there be creatives willing to embrace the sport in all its glory.
The Other Side of Ipswich Town Fandom
While the Tractor Boys moniker may be fairly new, it’s stuck for over two decades by this point. It was forged from Ipswich’s spell in the top flight at the turn of the millennium, seeing the little rural club face off against metropolitan giants.
Now, the Boys are back in the Premier League, and Portman Road still boasts much of the same rural charm that has long made Ipswich Town tough to beat at home.
To get immersed in this fan heritage, there isn’t a better place in the world to go than the Power of the Past Collection. Found in Rendlesham as part of Bentwaters Parks, it’s as tractor-y as they come.
Just a couple of years ago, in fact, the owners of the vast tractor collection that spans over a century of models saw it necessary to try to make it more accessible, as perusing the tractors was done by appointment only.
Ipswich Town have an eye on European places already in the 2026/27 season, so it only makes sense that fans would seek out everything and anything with even the most tenuous ties to the action.
Austin Labrador Attempts Hardware Upgrade on Musk’s Cyber-Dog.
By Our Crime Editor: Rob Banks
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Innovation met instinct on Tuesday afternoon when Elon Musk’s custom personal cyber dog, FBTNY (pronounced ‘Fuh-Buh-Tuh-Nuh-Yuh’), was subjected to humping during a routine afternoon stroll through downtown Austin.
Witnesses reported that while Musk—the billionaire executive currently leading developments in AI, interplanetary transport, and autonomous robotics—was walking the dalmatian-patterned quadruped, a passing white Labrador broke free from its handler before mounting FBTNY from behind in a brief, vigorous attempt at courtship.
FBTNY remained completely inert throughout the duration of the incident, maintaining structural balance and executing standard posture-stabilization routines without emitting an alert. The owner of the Labrador intervened within seconds to separate the two quadrupedal subjects.
Speaking to reporters shortly after the event, Musk took the interaction in stride, expressing relief that the hardware suffered no structural damage and confirming that FBTNY was safe from any biological complications
Data dump
“From an engineering standpoint, the threat of unexpected offspring is zero,” Musk stated, chuckling as he adjusted the robot’s diagnostic telemetry unit. “However, observing the natural interaction did trigger a fascinating insight. We are now evaluating theoretical concepts for a synthetic reproductive protocol—a modular hardware-swapping framework that could allow future generations of autonomous robots to iterate and deploy new sub-units directly in the field.” – which apparently means robot dog pups could be a thing of the future.
Market analysts noted that while competitor stock experienced minor fluctuations following social media clips of the incident, Tesla’s robotics unit remained stable. FBTNY resumed its planned sidewalk route without further disruption, continuing its daily walk through the Texas capital including taking a data dump against the foot of a tree on the sidewalk.
Suffolk Nurse Barred After NHS Panel Rules She Poses Odour Risk.
By Our Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike
SUFFOLK — A community nurse who presented a “significant risk of body odour” to patients and licked her finger before touching them is set to be struck off the medical register following a regulatory panel ruling.
Brenda Oganda was dismissed by private provider Puresmell Healthcare Ltd in April 2023, six months into a probationary role delivering home-based intravenous (IV) treatments on behalf of NHS trusts, including Norfolk’s Princess Eugenie University Hospital.
According to findings by the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC), Oganda’s six-month tenure was marked by a persistent departure from basic hygiene protocols and core clinical competencies.
The panel noted that Oganda was repeatedly “smelly and unkempt” during patient visits, broke wind in front of service users, and failed to grasp elementary infection control. Evaluators documented instances where Oganda neglected to wash her hands, failed to clean reusable equipment, wore the same pair of gloves across sterile and non-sterile tasks, and carried out non-clinical activities with her eyes shut. On at least one occasion, she licked her finger immediately prior to patient contact.
Complete nutter
Clinical oversights were similarly documented. The NMC report detailed how Oganda exhibited little to no knowledge of the medications she was assigned to deliver, at times asking patients to provide their own diagnoses. During home visits, she was unable to rectify a stalled IV infusion drip and attempted to connect a syringe containing trapped air directly to a patient’s line—all while maintaining a wide, fixed grin throughout the procedure.
Concluding that her conduct represented a fundamental risk to public safety, the NMC panel ordered Oganda’s removal from the register, effective in 18 months barring an appeal.
“Your actions were significant departures from the standards expected of a registered nurse,” the panel stated in its final decision.
Police question dental assistant after body bags spark terror.
By Our Crime Editor: Rob Banks
BURY ST EDMUNDS — A local dental assistant was questioned by police this week after online photographs of her seasonal side hustle sparked an investigation into a potential spree of horrific homicides.
June Baldock, 23, who works at Hamilton’s Dental Practice in Bury St Edmunds, raised alarm when she uploaded images showing herself posed alongside dozens of red, duct-taped, human-shaped plastic body bags. Concerned social media users immediately alerted local authorities, prompting officers to visit the clinic on suspicion of serial murder.
Following a brief inspection, Suffolk Constabulary confirmed that the sinister bundles were, in fact, bespoke “Halloween Body Bags” manufactured for lawn display purposes.
Grave mistake
Constructed meticulously from a combination of foam, discarded plastic bottles, sawdust, and synthetic hair, the dummy corpses are designed to be dropped onto clients’ front gardens ahead of Halloween night to instil terror across local neighbourhoods. According to Baldock, customers systematically cremate the props after the holiday, completing the gruesome theatrical illusion.
“We responded swiftly to reports of mass human remains stored at a commercial address,” said a police spokesperson. “Upon arrival, officers determined that Ms. Baldock is not a psychopath, but rather an enterprising artisan caterer to the seasonal horror market.”
Baldock expressed relief after officers satisfied themselves that her practice basement was free of actual human remains. “I just wanted to help people decorate,” she noted, adjusting a roll of duct tape. “It’s all harmless fun.”
Hamilton’s Dental Practice confirmed that Baldock remains employed in good standing, though patients have reportedly requested that routine check-ups be conducted during daylight hours only.
Suffolk has spent most of 2026 adjusting to payment technology that moves faster than the till receipt. Shoppers across the county were still grumbling about the talking self checkout update that left Norfolk shoppers muttering at their groceries when a quieter shift started showing up somewhere else: how people in Ipswich, Bury St Edmunds and Woodbridge choose to put money behind an online bet.
This guide to Apple Pay casinos UK tracks that shift in detail, and the mechanics explain why a phone has started replacing a debit card at the deposit screen. An Apple Pay deposit is confirmed by the account holder’s face or fingerprint, and the casino never actually sees the card number behind it. It receives a one time encrypted token instead, generated fresh for that single transaction.
What changes at the cashier
The guide’s testing found Grosvenor processed an Apple Pay withdrawal in under 15 minutes, a turnaround that would have been unthinkable for a card payment five years ago. bet365 accepts Apple Pay deposits from as little as £5, low enough that the method now sits alongside pocket change rather than a planned outlay. For players used to waiting on a card provider to clear a transaction, the speed is the whole appeal.
That speed matters most to the casual, low stakes player rather than anyone chasing a big win. A £5 deposit confirmed by a fingerprint removes the usual pause between deciding to bet and the account actually showing a balance, the same pause that a card number, expiry date and security code used to force on every single top up.
Credit cards are out of the equation entirely
Credit cards have not been usable for gambling deposits in the UK since April 2020, under rules set by the Gambling Commission to limit borrowing against bets. That ban follows the card into Apple Wallet too: load a credit card into the wallet and a UK casino cashier will still decline it at the point of payment. Only debit cards and linked bank accounts carry through to an approved deposit.
The money does not come back the same way it went in
Most UK casinos only accept Apple Pay on the way in. Withdrawals route back to the debit card sitting behind the Apple Pay token, and that transfer can take up to five working days to land, the same timeline as a standard debit card payout. A deposit confirmed by a fingerprint in seconds still exits through a banking system built for 2026, not for the pace of the method that funded it.
That gap between instant deposits and slower withdrawals is not unique to gambling. Apple’s own security and privacy overview states that Apple does not store the original card numbers used with Apple Pay and does not keep transaction details that can be tied back to the user on its own servers. The bank behind the card still sees and clears every transaction, which is what keeps the five day withdrawal window in place regardless of how the deposit was made.
Read the bonus terms before the deposit, not after
Apple Pay deposits are usually treated the same as a debit card payment for welcome offer purposes, unlike PayPal or Skrill deposits, which several UK casinos exclude from bonus eligibility. Some operators, though, classify Apple Pay as a digital wallet rather than a card method in their own terms, which can rule a deposit out of the same offer. The distinction sits in the small print, and it is worth checking before the deposit goes through rather than after a bonus fails to apply.
Licensing still does the heavy lifting
The payment method is new. The protection behind it is not. Every operator covered in the guide holds a UK Gambling Commission licence, which is what actually governs how deposits are handled, how disputes get resolved and how a withdrawal gets enforced if a casino drags its feet past the five day window. Apple Pay changes how quickly money moves. It does not change who is responsible for where it ends up.
None of this requires a Suffolk resident to do anything differently at home. It changes what happens in the seconds after the deposit button gets pressed, and it puts the responsibility for sorting out a slow payout or a disputed bonus back where it has always sat, with a licensed operator answerable to the regulator, not with the payment method that moved the money.
Commuters arriving at Ipswich station yesterday were reportedly confronted by the national rail smart ticket validation failure: train gate demands you pass a maths test, a development officials insist is “only slightly less confusing than buying a return to London”.
By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
The new smart barriers, which have replaced the traditional and far too forgiving practice of simply scanning a ticket, are said to display a different arithmetic problem for every passenger. Anyone failing to calculate 17 per cent of £46.80 before the little glass doors sigh shut must attend a remedial lesson in the ticket hall with a man called Keith and a laminated pie chart.
This is, naturally, an entirely invented report. But anyone who has ever tried to establish whether an Off-Peak Super Return is valid at 09:31 on a Friday with a Y, an asterisk and a tiny drawing of a swan printed beside it may feel it has the ring of administrative truth.
National Rail smart ticket validation failure hits Suffolk
The crisis began at 7.42am, when marketing executive and reluctant mathematician Chloe Pemberton tapped her mobile phone on Gate 4 and was asked: “If a train leaves Manningtree at 07:19 travelling at 74mph, how much regret will it carry into Liverpool Street?”
“I panicked,” said Ms Pemberton, who had intended only to get the 07:58 to Colchester. “I said ‘quite a lot’, which I thought was a fair answer. Then the gate made the sort of noise a microwave makes when you’ve put foil in it and referred me to an examiner.”
One witness claimed a family from Stowmarket missed a day at the seaside after their eight-year-old was asked to explain a quadratic equation in the context of a rail replacement bus service. The child reportedly replied, “There are no buses because they are all cancelled,” and was awarded a distinction.
A spokesman for National Rail, which does not run trains but has nevertheless been blamed by everyone within a 40-mile radius of a platform, said the gates were part of a “modern, passenger-focused journey”.
“Smart ticketing should be intuitive,” he explained, while standing beside a machine that appeared to be asking an elderly man to convert his railcard discount into Roman numerals. “The system is designed to ensure travellers understand not only where they are going, but why they have chosen to go there and whether they can prove it using simultaneous equations.”
Gates now demand proof of mental arithmetic
The technology was reportedly developed after a consultation found that passengers wanted less waiting around and more opportunities to relive the emotional terror of GCSE maths.
Under the proposed system, standard ticket holders receive a basic question, such as working out whether buying two singles is cheaper than a return. This is considered a trick question because it depends on the moon, the time of booking, whether it is a bank holiday, and the personal mood of the fare-setting computer in Milton Keynes.
Advance ticket holders may be asked to identify the precise 90-second window in which their ticket is valid, while those travelling with a Two Together Railcard must demonstrate that they have spent sufficient time together to have become quietly annoyed by each other’s breathing.
For first-class passengers, the gate offers a word problem involving a businessman, three small cans of tonic water and a sandwich described as “artisan”, before opening with the gracious reluctance of a country-house butler.
The most difficult questions are reserved for anyone holding a ticket marked “Any Permitted”. Passengers must define what “permitted” means, name the relevant routeing guide, and explain why their perfectly reasonable plan has somehow taken them through Peterborough at 11.47pm.
“I bought a flexible ticket because I thought it would be flexible,” said retired teacher Graham Nuttall, 68, of Kesgrave. “The gate asked me to factorise 4x² + 12x, then informed me that the correct route to Norwich was via an emotional support branch line in Lincolnshire. I have now been standing here long enough to qualify for a pension.”
The invigilators have arrived
To keep the station moving, specially trained ticket inspectors are said to have been rebranded as Fare Assessment Officers. They now carry clipboards, black pens and the haunted expression of people who have been told to enforce a policy nobody can explain.
Passengers suspected of copying answers are separated by retractable queue barriers. Those caught using a calculator are asked whether they also intend to bring a packed lunch into the Quiet Coach and ruin civilisation for everyone.
At Ipswich, a temporary examination room has allegedly been created in the old waiting area. Candidates are issued with a pencil, a bottle of water and a warning not to discuss the answers until all passengers have either boarded their train or accepted that the next one is “subject to alteration”.
One sample question reads: “A service is delayed by 23 minutes due to a signalling issue. It then waits for a platform, a driver, a guard and a decision from somebody in an office. Estimate the likelihood of arriving before your meeting.”
The accepted answer is: “Not bloody likely.”
Commuters adapt with revision timetables
Suffolk residents, who have long coped with potholes, parking apps and council websites that resemble a hostage negotiation, have responded with the practical stoicism for which the county is occasionally famous.
Several commuters have begun revising on the platform. A study group has formed outside the Cornhill entrance, where passengers practise percentages while eating a sausage roll at a speed that suggests they are about to sit an exam or catch the 08:12. A local tutor has started offering “Rail Maths Boot Camps” in a village hall near Needham Market, charging £40 per hour or one anytime day return to Diss.
There are also reports of a black market in answer sheets. A crumpled Post-it note, allegedly containing the solution to “calculate the split-ticketing saving between Ipswich and Stratford”, was said to have changed hands for £18 and a half-finished packet of Fruit Pastilles.
Not everyone is opposed. One regular traveller, who asked not to be named because he works in procurement and enjoys causing minor inconvenience, said the system had improved standards.
“People used to barge through gates while pretending their phone had run out of battery,” he said. “Now they stand quietly, contemplate depreciation and discover they cannot remember how fractions work. It has brought a certain dignity back to public transport.”
A solution, allegedly
Rail bosses are understood to be considering a compromise. From next month, passengers may be allowed to bypass the mathematical section by correctly identifying which of six identical blue buttons says “continue”. The buttons will then redirect them to a page explaining that their journey cannot be completed online.
A pilot scheme will also permit travellers to gain entry by answering a question on British railway folklore. Early examples include: “What does ‘due to a shortage of train crew’ really mean?” and “At what point does a replacement bus become a mythological creature?”
Until then, commuters are advised to travel with a charged mobile phone, a valid ticket, a pencil, a protractor and the emotional resilience of someone who has tried to get home from London after a football match.
If the gate asks you to find the value of x, stay calm. Tell it x is the number of minutes until the next delay announcement, and wait for the little doors to consider your answer with the grave disappointment of the British state.
The early release prisoners list in the UK mysteriously includes an entire Suffolk parish council, according to papers briefly left unattended beside the multifunction printer at a village hall.
By Our Security Correspondent: Ben Twarters
In a development that is absolutely not real but feels spiritually accurate, all seven councillors were apparently released early from a sentence of fortnightly meetings, planning applications and being asked whether they have considered a zebra crossing.
The parish, which Suffolk Gazette has agreed not to name because its residents already have enough trouble locating the recycling centre on bank holidays, was said to be “deeply concerned” by the administrative error. This concern was expressed in the traditional local-government manner: a six-page email, a subcommittee and a motion to defer all emotional reactions until the next available agenda.
Suffolk parish council on the early-release list
The supposed list was discovered at 9.14am on Tuesday by the council clerk, who had been attempting to print the minutes from last month’s extraordinary meeting on whether the parish noticeboard required a second noticeboard explaining where to find the first.
Instead, the printer produced a document headed: “Early Release Prisoners: Priority Cases.” Beneath several names that definitely did not belong to anyone from the village, it reportedly listed the entire parish council, followed by the words: “Eligible for immediate discharge, subject to good behaviour and no further discussion of bollards.”
Councillor Malcolm Trudgeon, chairman of the council and owner of a fleece with more pockets than a fishing jacket, told reporters he had always suspected public service would end in trouble.
“I have attended 184 meetings in a row,” he said, standing in front of the village hall’s faded Christmas lights. “I have listened to Dennis explain why the grass by the bus shelter is three inches too long. I have witnessed a man bring a tape measure to the annual parish assembly. If that is not time served, I don’t know what is.”
Mr Trudgeon denied the council had committed any offence, aside from approving a heritage-style bench in a shade later described by residents as “aggressively green”.
A clerical error, or a merciful intervention?
Officials close to the matter, by which we mean someone who knows a woman at the post office, believe the mix-up may have been caused by a government computer system attempting to categorise people who had spent an extended period in a confined space while being spoken at by a man called Clive.
The system is also understood to have flagged several parish councillors as “low risk” because none had access to a vehicle larger than a Skoda estate and their most serious known offence involved using Comic Sans on a consultation leaflet.
One councillor, who asked not to be named because she was midway through composing a strongly worded letter about dog fouling, said the news came as a relief.
“It has been lovely serving the community,” she said. “But after twelve years, I am ready to see the world beyond the parish boundary. I hear there is a farm shop near Stowmarket where the sausage rolls are served warm.”
Her optimism was short-lived. Within minutes, residents had formed a campaign group called Keep Our Criminals Local, arguing that releasing elected representatives without a proper handover could leave the village dangerously exposed to unregulated hanging baskets.
The group has already submitted a petition demanding that any councillor granted early release be fitted with a high-visibility lanyard and recalled immediately if the Christmas tree lights fail before 6 December.
The sentence nobody can quite remember receiving
For many in Suffolk, the revelation merely confirmed a longstanding suspicion that parish councils operate under their own peculiar form of custodial justice.
New councillors often arrive bright-eyed, armed with a notebook and an idea for a community orchard. Within months, they are debating drainage gullies with the intensity of a televised leadership contest. By the end of their first year, they can identify three separate types of unauthorised shed and have developed a personal feud with a district council officer named Neil.
Former councillor Brenda Waple said she had been released in 2019 after failing to secure re-election by nine votes, one of which was believed to belong to her husband.
“The first few weeks were difficult,” she admitted. “I would wake up at 3am and think I had forgotten to circulate the revised minutes. Then I remembered I no longer had to approve the floral display outside the village sign, and I could breathe again.”
Mrs Waple said rehabilitation was possible, although it took time. She began with short walks that did not involve inspecting pavement damage and has recently managed to attend a coffee morning without asking who had authorised the expenditure.
“There is hope,” she added. “But only if you stay away from the parish Facebook page.”
Residents fear a power vacuum near the duck pond
Not everyone supports the apparent early-release scheme. The council’s sudden absence has raised immediate questions about who will decide whether a caravan parked for two nights constitutes tourism, invasion or both.
At the village hall, a small but vocal crowd gathered beneath a banner reading: “WHO WILL OBJECT TO THE TELECOMS MAST?” One resident said the parish council may be imperfect, but it was the only body prepared to spend three and a half hours considering a proposal to move a litter bin six feet to the left.
“People mock them,” said retired accountant Paul Dicker. “Yet when a skip appears outside number 14 without the correct permit, who do they call? The police? Absolutely not. The council clerk, obviously.”
Another resident said the parish could not function without councillors to translate the language of planning documents into normal Suffolk English.
“The developers say they are delivering sustainable rural mobility,” she said. “We need someone to ask whether that means more traffic past the Co-op. It always means more traffic past the Co-op.”
Government denies deliberately freeing anyone
A spokesperson for the fictional Department for Administrative Tidiness said there had been no official policy to release parish councillors early, late or at any point before the conclusion of a meeting about the minutes of the previous meeting.
“Parish councils perform a valuable democratic role,” the spokesperson said. “They represent local people, protect village character and ensure the phrase ‘matter arising’ survives for future generations.”
Asked whether the government could guarantee that no other Suffolk bodies had been accidentally included on prisoner release paperwork, the spokesperson paused for what sources described as “an unusually long time”.
Rumours later emerged that a neighbourhood-watch committee in Bury St Edmunds had also been offered supervised freedom, while a residents’ association in Felixstowe was reportedly reclassified as a maximum-security pressure group after objecting to a bench.
Back at the village hall, the councillors were eventually told they had not technically been released. The printer, it turned out, had combined a Ministry of Justice email with an attachment titled “Prisoner of the Month”, referring to a fundraising scarecrow competition held in 2017.
The clarification was met with a silence so profound that it was later entered into the minutes.
Councillor Trudgeon accepted the decision with the weary dignity of a man who knows the agenda still contains “Any Other Business”.
“We shall return to our duties,” he said. “There is a culvert requiring attention, a hedge that may be fractionally too tall, and an alarming report that someone has put a trampoline where a trampoline has not traditionally been.”
For the rest of us, there is a useful lesson. If you ever find yourself tempted to join a parish council, take a deep breath, check the printer tray and remember that freedom is relative, especially when the parish plan is up for renewal.
