Felixstowe Entrepreneur Launches Innovative Underwater ‘Wrasse Cab’ Service.
By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
FELIXSTOWE – A Felixstowe-based entrepreneur has turned heads, and perhaps stomachs, with a revolutionary new transport service that bypasses Suffolk’s clogged road network entirely. Disillusioned with persistent delays on the A14 and rural roadworks, Mr. Alistair “Fin” Finnegan has launched ‘AquaCabs Suffolk,’ an underwater taxi service powered exclusively by Humphead Wrasse.
The Humphead Wrasse, an endangered giant of the coral reef, is not native to the murky waters of the North Sea. However, Mr. Finnegan, a self-declared ‘aquatic visionary,’ claims to have pioneered a process of acclimatization involving large vats of salty tea and specialized heating coils. “They love the Suffolk hospitality,” Finnegan stated, matter-of-factly, from his makeshift office on a barge. “The wrasse is a strong, stable beast. Once they get over the initial shock of the visibility, they make excellent, albeit slightly damp, steeds.”
Scuba cabs
Commuters are embracing the unique service. Initial reports show that for many, the ‘Wrasse Cab’ is faster than the alternative. “I was sceptical,” admitted Brenda Clarke, a legal secretary from Woodbridge. “But for £20 return to Thorpeness, and with only a minor jellyfish sting, I’m sold. It’s better than sitting on the A12 for an hour.” The standard passenger configuration involves straddling the fish’s muscular hump, with Finnegan providing a safety snorkel and a rudimentary saddle made of repurposed wetsuits.
Pricing is transparent, with a £20 return fare to Thorpeness (excluding any potential detours for sea-scooting seals). For those travelling further afield, a one-way ‘premium’ ride to Lowestoft is priced at £100, though this does include a complimentary sachet of marine-grade sunscreen.
While local conservationists have expressed concerns about the welfare of an endangered species, Finnegan is dismissive, claiming the fish enjoy the “mental stimulation” of a 9-to-5 commute and are richly rewarded with squid-flavoured biscuits.
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