‘Muslim women’ refused Halal cocktails after Suffolk pub mixer mix-up
Tonight, Matthew, I will be… a grain of rice
Bob Vylan takes job selling sausage rolls at Greggs
Woman’s husband impregnated by best mate’s Zumba instructor
Toe-tally confused: Scarlett Johansson and Hanson tangle over surgery slot
Wedded bliss gets a reboot in green as Shrek & Fiona wow Worksop
Search for Wally is over as kids’ book hero apprehended at roller disco
Half-Term plans in deep water as “Swim in Poo” sign appears in Bury St Edmunds
Row, row, row your woke: Oxbridge floats migrant boat race idea
Sacre Bleu! France Declares War on ‘Allo ‘Allo
Claw and Order: Ipswich Co-op deploys moggie to tackle shoplifters
Centenary party planned for ‘Thatcher the Scratcher’
Bearly Recognisable: 70s icon Bungle falls on hard times
Gammons warned: Too many British holidaymakers could obstruct migrant landings
Jersey Cop Jim Bergerac Murdered on TV
Nestlé gives customers the Toffee Finger as Xmas Quality Street tub shrinks again
A load of baubles: Londoners unimpressed by ‘scrawny’ Trafalgar Square Xmas tree
Refund for Mince Pie connoisseur who ‘can’t taste the difference’
AI Baby Generator confirms Keir Starmer as love child of Stalin and Mao
Petition against Mrs Brown’s Boys Xmas Special hits million mark
Choccy shopper Chris Rea in chock-a-blocker shocker
