Has-been children’s TVs Penguin, ‘Pingu’ is running a Chinese laundry in Antarctica to make ends meet.
The one-time pre-school favourite has been running Pingu’s Laundry.ever since his hit telly show was unexpectedly cancelled in 2006, leaving him stony broke.
Pingu (36) from West Berlin, Germany, is best known for getting up to no good with his best friend Robby,.sister Pinga, and girlfriend, Pingi over 157 cold, caper-filled episodes which ran worldwide for sixteen years from 1990.
However, having squandered his fortune on cordon bleu krill, squids, and fishes,. and with other stop-motion, clay animals stepping into his shoes.
.Pingu has been forced to return to his family’s traditional trade.of washing and ironing the clothes and bedsheets of more prosperous and enduring celebrities such as Morph, Wallace & Grommet, and Shaun the Sheep.
Sprechen sie Chinese?
Chinese laundry, services were first introduced to the US.and Canada by Chinese immigrants in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Poverty and a lack of English language skills prevented the Chinese from obtaining more gainful employment. Conditions in the laundries were poor and the launderers were forced to wash, scrub and iron up to sixteen hours a day.
We contacted Robby, Pingu’s former best friend and co-star and asked him where things went so badly wrong for his old chum. “chramalachanangachlang, Nachlanga damachanga lamancha, womanizer, Noot Noot! Hatachamanchalacha hamanglchanka, forgot who his friends were, damana lachanga underage sex scandal, Noot Noot! Famahadan, amanchalanada, naked romp at Michael Barrymore’s house, Noot Noot!”
Bosses at Aldi are in a flap as their new range of branded sportswear has flopped in its shops.
By placing itself as the affordable supermarket of poor people, Aldi-branded groceries continue to fly out of the shops as the never-ending, ever-upward-spiralling cost-of-living crisis continues to bite. But when it comes to fashionable sportswear, they haven’t got a f*cking clue!
Bundesflagging sales
No discerning Brit abroad, regardless of how chavvy, lolloping, or lacking in self-respect they might be, would ever consider wearing the tacky Aldi-coloured plastic crap that the popular German Bundeshop has released in preparation for the scorching-hot summer that Greenpeace has promised us. The poorly-produced, waterproof (possibly) footwear, which feature the aggressive colours of the German flag, also appear (albeit completely coincidentally – probably) to be inspired by fellow German sports footwear manufacturer Adidas.
Dassler way to do it
For those readers who don’t already know, Adidas was founded in 1949 by Nazi cobbler and entrepreneur, Adolf Dassler, younger brother of Heir Rudolf Dassler, founder of Puma (also purveyors of Sportschuhfabrik.) Emblazoned with their iconic three diagonal stripes, the Dassler brothers’ shoes were an instant smash and were even endorsed by Jesse Owens who wore them as he set his long jump record at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. The shoes also graced the feet of thousands of sports club members of the Hitler Youth. Ahem.
Aldi Flip Flops
In a weird replication of the German-Nazi-brother-entrepreneurs-invading-England model, Aldi too was founded and run by two German brothers, Karl and Theo Albrecht, when they took over their mother’s store in Essen in 1946. Younger bruder, Theo fought under Rommel in the Afrika Korps, while bigger bruder, Karl fought with the Third Reich on the Russian front.
Don’t mention the war
Despite the Albrechts both being long dead, their shops are undeniably extremely cheap and successful, and for that, the people of Great Britain will always be grateful.
Quite why Adidas shoes are still worn by so many of us is anyone’s guess?
To its credit, Primark has attempted to take the lead in the great British ‘what is a woman and what is a man?’ debate by signaling to customers its fitting room rules. Trouble is, the guidance is really confusing.
It used to be so simple. When you went to the shops to buy clothes, women would try them on in the women’s fitting room, men would use the men’s fitting room, and transvestites or transgenders would just borrow their wives’ or mums’ clothes without the need for them to fit properly at all. Today, everything’s changed.
Pri Mark (or Michelle)
Some of Primark’s fitting rooms are for women only, but they don’t specify what a woman is (?) I know what a woman is (I think), and so do you (probably) but one can never be certain anymore. I think womanhood has something to do with having the ability to menstruate and look after a family’s finances in a responsible way (apart from my brother’s wife, who spends his wages like she’s trying to bail out a swiss investment bank.) But what if I (a handsome, butch, womanizing man) choose to identify as a woman (which I sometimes like to do on a weekend)? Can I use the women’s fitting room at Primark? Perhaps I had better ask Nicola Sturgeon.
Fat Doris (or Dave)
Primark also offers ‘Any gender fitting rooms’ (whatever they are) to those who ask. Does this mean that as a fully-grown man (on weekdays, at least), I can share a fitting room with a juvenile female fitting for a school uniform, or a fat old Doris trying on some plus-size hosiery, as long as I ‘identify’ as a woman? Really?
Although we applaud Primark for trying, we recommend that it scraps its confusing fitting room guidance and adopt the system we use at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE. If our staff need to change clothes for whatever reason (e.g. switching between genders, willy-nilly) we just strip off and do it right there in the middle of the room, where everyone can see, without warning. I mean, what’s the point of having a special room for discreetly changing clothes IF ANYONE CAN GO IN THERE?
With cannabis becoming legalized in more places and as people become more aware of the medical benefits of cannabinoids, more people are willing to use it to ease their health conditions. There is also more research into the therapeutic potential of various cannabinoids in the cannabis plant continues to expand. Among the cannabinoids gaining attention these days is tetrahydrocannabinolic acid (THCA).
The THCA flower is the raw cannabis flower containing high concentration levels of tetrahydrocannabinolic acid (THCA). While it is not psychoactive like tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and would not cause you to get high, THCA flower has different medicinal properties that make it valuable for treating various medical conditions.
This article discusses the potential benefits and uses of the THCA flower.
Potential Benefits of THCA Flower
Some of the medicinal properties of the THCA flower include the following:
Anti-Inflammatory Properties
THCA has anti-inflammatory properties, which can relieve health conditions such as arthritis, Crohn’s disease, inflammatory bowel disease, multiple sclerosis, and psoriasis. Research has shown that it can modulate the activities of immune cells, such as T-cells and macrophages, to reduce the body’s natural response to injury or infection and subsequently reduce inflammation.
Regular use of THCA flower can help protect brain nerve cells from damage caused by oxidative stress and inflammation. It influences the expressions of cells that control inflammation, stress response, and neuronal growth to protect nerve cells from degeneration.
It also increases the production of the brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that enhances the growth and survival of neurons. This makes it valuable in treating conditions such as Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and multiple sclerosis.
A 2017 study on the effectiveness of THC for neurodegenerative conditions revealed that THCA reduced inflammation and improved cognitive function in subjects diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Antiemetic Properties
It is common for patients to suffer from nausea and vomiting after chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and some medications. While traditional antiemetics, such as serotonin receptor antagonists, can be effective, they may also have unpleasant side effects. The antiemetic properties of THCA make it ideal for treating nausea and vomiting without experiencing undesirable reactions.
In a 2013 experiment, researchers found that THCA reduced vomiting and nausea induced by cisplatin, a chemotherapy drug. The study also revealed that THCA is a stronger antiemetic agent than THC because it does not readily cross the blood-brain barrier. It is also non-psychoactive, making it a safer alternative for people who do not wanting to get high.
Antioxidant Properties
When reactive oxygen is produced in excess, but the body cannot detoxify or repair the damage they cause, it can lead to oxidative stress. This can cause cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurodegenerative disorders due to damage to cells. THCA interacts with the endocannabinoid systems to eliminate the free oxygen radicals and reduce oxidative stress. Moreover, it has a stronger affinity for reactive oxygen radicals, which allows it to neutralize them more effectively than THC.
Uses of THCA Flower
There are different ways to use your THCA flower to maximize its therapeutic benefits. Some of them include the following:
Juicing
You can juice raw cannabis leaves and flowers into smoothies. This is one of the best ways to consume the flower without risking decarboxylation and mistakenly converting the THCA cannabinoid to THC.
Topicals
The topical application involves rubbing creams or balms that contain THCA directly into the skin. This allows for localized delivery and reduces the risk of decarboxylation. Even better, topical application can improve skin conditions such as eczema and acne.
Tinctures
Tincture application involves dropping a few THCA tincture under the tongue and holding it for a few seconds before swallowing. This sends THCA into the bloodstream via the blood vessels under the tongue. You can also make your THCA flowers into tinctures by soaking the raw cannabis flower in alcohol or oil.
Smoking and Vaping
If you want to experience a psychoactive experience, you can also convert your THCA flower into THC by smoking or vaping the flower. Applying heat strips the THCA molecule of the carboxylic acid atom, converting it to THC, which readily binds to the CB1 receptor of the endocannabinoid system.
We’ve all done it. You see a fitty on the London tube, and you think to yourself ‘she’s nice. I’m perfect for her.’, so you stand up and whip it out to impress her.
That’s what happened when Elvin Carmichael headed into London tube on a sightseeing trip from his hometown of Nayland in Suffolk. Carmichael (26), a budding comedian of no fixed address, was on the central line near Stratford when a beautiful, young professional boarded the train and sat down beside him.
After staring at her reflection in the opposite window and taking a few selfies of the two of them together, the day-tripper began to repeatedly peer out of the corner of his eyes at the attractive young lady, who sitting, obliviously staring at her phone beside him. When these dating formalities were over, Carmichael, who has a history of mental illness, decided to take their romance to the next level.
Hand down trousers
An anonymous commuter who witnessed the events told this reporter “You instantly know when a nutter has boarded the London Tube because you can see them looking up and down the carriage, scanning for a victim.
After he sat down, I could see him mouthing some shit to himself – another surefire sign of lunacy. Anyway, after the unsuspecting woman sat down beside him, I watched to see what happened next. My hands began to clam up and I thought ‘here we go’. After he had taken the photos and done the eyes thing a few times, he started the mouthing again, practicing whatever crazy idea he had in his head. And then he did it.”
Did what?
“I was about to tell you. He stood up and faced the lady. She looked up from her phone. His back was to me now but I saw him put his hand down his trousers and reach for something. He began to slowly pull whatever it was up and out over his waistband. It turned out to be a large carton of full-fat milk. A few of the passengers began to take notice, but the girl, who was wearing ear pods, sat quite unmoved.”
Then what?
“Give me a chance, I was about to tell you. Then he reached down the back of his trousers and pulled out two paper straws, already out of their wrappers. They must have been lodged in his ass crack to have been so immediately accessible. He sat down again, this time facing the woman, and started to mouth some crazy shit.”
What did he say?
“I don’t know. I was wearing ear pods also, but he had taken the lid off the milk and put the straws in so it was probably a bonkers chat-up line. He kept puckering and making sucking motions with his lips. He was gesturing for the girl to drink the milk through the other straw as he sucked through his.”
Good grief. Then what happened?
“Don’t ask me. We got to Bethnal Green, which is my stop, so I got off.”
READING BOOKS LEADS TO FAR-RIGHT TERRORISM SHOCKER!
In the past, reading a book was generally considered a sign of intelligence. Not so in Britain in 2023.
An investigation by the SUFFOLK GAZETTE has revealed that the British government-led,.multi-agency ‘Prevent’ programme – which aims to stop individuals from becoming terrorists – considers the reading of books a potential route to right-wing extremism and by extension, terrorism.
Ha! Books such as J. R. R. Tolkien’s epic fantasy ‘The Lord of the Rings’, and George Orwell’s dystopian psychodrama.‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ have been cited as tomes that might encourage the vulnerable and marginalized to actually think for themselves – just as the authors intended. Oh no! We can’t have that!
Prevent my arse
Orwell’s deliciously prescient ‘1984’ artfully describes how governments attempt to use fear, paranoia, and isolation to control the proletariat (W.C. ‘working-class people collectively’).
Ironically, and considering that the very working people the UK Government most fears becoming enlightened,.are the least likely to read (due to illiteracy, poverty, and poor high cultural awareness), it is the UK Government and its policing agencies that come across as paranoid.
It is generally accepted that knowledge is power, but power isn’t necessarily something to be feared. The enlightened are usually better equipped to see both sides of an argument,.and thus seek remedies to their grievances which are just and obtained without recourse to violence.
Suppressing knowledge is self-defeating as it stymies the realization of the progressive ideals that those who seek to dominate claim to want for themselves – if not the wider society.
Fishy fascism
In the same way that if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day,.and if you give him the knowledge and means to fish he will feed himself and his family forever, giving the beggarly the means to think for themselves should ultimately lead to more civilized and safer societies.
So rather than suppress illuminating books,.or the language they use (as Adolf Hitler was fond of doing) why not instead provide, promote, and promulgate them?
Having said that, if, with the same end in mind, the Government wishes to ban or burn the Sun and Guardian newspapers, we at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE have no problem with that, whatsoever!
Since its inception in the late 1990s, online betting platforms in the UK have seen remarkable progress in almost all aspects. Stemming from well-established and thoroughly developed land-based sports gambling options, this industry has blossomed into a whole new world with plenty of choices for customers. Online bookmakers have grown from offering simple sports betting options to providing customers with an array of markets and options, such as in-play wagering and improved live streaming.
Despite the rapid growth and evolution of online betting, bookmakers still need to attract new customers while keeping existing ones satisfied. Thus, sportsbooks are moving beyond traditional sports betting to offer a broader selection of betting options. From the winners of Danish X-Factor to Dota 2 International outcomes and the results of elections and referendums globally, these opportunities open up the world of betting to those unfamiliar with the current line-ups and the form of top-notch sporting teams.
To conquer new demographics, betting sites are diversifying their offering and creating more lucrative opportunities that include bets on politics, entertainment, esports and virtual sports. Diversification has become even more essential over time as the competition among bookmakers has intensified. Let’s explore how the UK bookmakers are going an extra mile in terms of their offering variety together with BetReligion’s guide to sports coverage on top betting sites.
Traditional sports
Traditional sports betting has long been the cornerstone of online bookmaking. Popular bets include football, basketball, horse racing, boxing and tennis. However, bookmakers are now especially wary of less popular leagues and local competitions to appeal to a broader range of customers and interests.
Politics
One key area that bookmakers strive to expand upon has been politics, with sportsbooks now offering betting markets on major political events like the year of the next general election or the winner of the US presidential race. The interest in politics has always been high, and a thorough understanding of the political landscape coupled with lesser volatility than in sports betting makes for plenty of value bets in this area.
Entertainment
Another area of diversification is entertainment, with bookmakers now offering betting markets on popular entertainment events like international award and reality TV competitions — from the Nobel Prize to Strictly Come Dancing. This has proven a popular betting choice as these events are often the ones to make headlines, so one way or another you’ll be rather well-informed on the topic.
Esports
Esports have truly become a fan-favourite option in recent years. To capitalise on the growing competitive gaming and popularity of esports tournaments, bookmakers have begun offering betting markets on various events like CS:GO, Dota 2, League of Legends, Overwatch, and Rainbow Six.
Virtual sports
Virtual sports, which are computer-generated simulations of real sports events, have also seen a steady rise in terms of their betting popularity. Bookmakers offer virtual sports markets for various sports like football, horse racing and greyhound racing. With virtual sports, customers can place bets on events running 24/7 getting access to an endless supply of betting chances.
Are online bookmakers becoming more than just a platform for sports betting? The answer is an emphatic yes. With their services expanding, online bookmakers are catering not only to sports fans but also those interested in politics, entertainment, esports and virtual sports. Customers now have access to more betting possibilities than ever before which makes them increasingly appealing to punters with varied interests.
Picture this: your Android app is a smashing success in your home market. Downloads are skyrocketing, and you’re ready to take over the world. But how can you ensure your app resonates with users from different countries and cultures? That’s where app localization comes in. Localization means adapting your app to meet a specific target market’s language, culture, and other requirements. And, in today’s global software distribution landscape, it’s more important than ever.
In this guide, we’ll dive into the world of Android app localization, showing you how to maximize your global reach and conquer new markets. Ready? Let’s get started!
Why is Localization Crucial?
You might be wondering, “Why should I bother with localization?” Well, here’s the deal:
● Global appeal: You can tap into the ever-expanding international Android user base by adapting your app to suit different markets. After all, software distribution is not just about reaching users in your home country – it’s about going global.
● Improved user experience: Localization ensures your app feels native to users from different cultures, leading to higher engagement, satisfaction, and retention rates.
● Competitive edge: Localizing your app can give you a leg up on the competition by making your app more accessible and appealing to a diverse audience.
Step-by-Step Guide to Android App Localization
So, how do you localize your Android app? Here’s a simple roadmap to follow:
1 – Plan ahead: First things first – decide which markets you want to target. Research your audience, identify key markets, and prioritize your localization efforts based on market size, growth potential, and competition.
2 – Internationalize your code: Internationalization is the process of designing your app to support multiple languages and cultures. This involves: o Separating your app’s text strings from the code and storing them in resource files.
o Using Android’s built-in support for right-to-left languages, if applicable. o Adapting your layout to accommodate different text lengths and screen sizes.
3 – Translate your content: Next, you’ll need to translate your app’s text strings into the languages of your target markets. You can do this in-house, hire professional translators, or use a translation platform. Whichever route you choose, remember to:
o Keep context in mind, as literal translations might not always make sense. o Consider cultural nuances and avoid using idioms, slang, or jargon that might not translate well. o Test your translations with native speakers to ensure accuracy and cultural appropriateness.
4 – Adapt your visuals: Visuals play a crucial role in making your app feel native. So, consider:
o Changing colors, images, and icons to suit cultural preferences. o Using culturally relevant symbols and imagery. o Adapting your app’s layout to accommodate different writing systems, if necessary.
5 – Localize your app store listing: Don’t forget to localize your Google Play Store listing to attract users in your target markets. This means translating your app title, description, screenshots, and optimizing keywords for local search trends.
6 –Test, test, test: Once you’ve localized your app, it’s time to test it with real users. Gather feedback, identify issues, and make improvements as needed.
7 – Launch and iterate: Congratulations, you’re ready to launch your localized app! But remember, localization is an ongoing process. Continuously monitor user feedback, update your translations, and fine-tune your app to stay ahead of the game and keep users engaged.
8 – Stay up-to-date with local regulations: As you expand into new markets, staying informed about local laws and regulations related to privacy, data storage, and app content is essential. Compliance is key to avoiding legal headaches and ensuring your app remains available worldwide.
9 – Monitor the competition: Keep an eye on your competitors and learn from their localization efforts. What works for them? What doesn’t? Use this information to improve your app and stay ahead of the curve.
10 – Leverage analytics: Use analytics tools to track your app’s performance in different markets. Identify trends, opportunities, and challenges, and use this data to inform your future localization efforts.
Bonus Tips for Localization Success
To wrap things up, here are a few extra pointers to help you nail your Android app localization:
● Be culturally sensitive: Steer clear of offensive or controversial content, and respect the values and customs of your target audience. This will go a long way in building trust and fostering a positive user experience.
● Localize your marketing efforts: Tailor your marketing campaigns to each target market, using localized content, language, and channels to resonate with local users.
● Consider local pricing strategies: Pricing can vary widely between countries, so consider adjusting your app’s price or in-app purchases to better align with local purchasing power and market dynamics.
● Leverage local influencers: Collaborate with influencers in your target markets to promote your app and build credibility with local users.
In conclusion, Android app localization is all about adapting your app to meet users’ unique needs and preferences in different countries and cultures. By following the steps outlined in this guide, you’ll be well on your way to maximizing your global reach and conquering new markets. So, go forth and localize!
