Tuesday, January 31, 2023

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No Pumping and No Jumping on Pornofruit’s Bouncy Castle

No Pumping and No Jumping on Pornofruit’s Bouncy Castle
No Pumping and No Jumping on Pornofruit’s Bouncy Castle

Pumping and Jumping have been banned on Pornofruit’s new Bouncy Castle.

Regular readers of the Suffolk Gazette will be familiar with the Pornofruit Greengrocers shop in Saxmundham, Suffolk. The shop opened a state-of-the-art children’s playground in October to entertain customers’ kids while they shop for pornofruit. Some of the rides and slides in the playground have been criticized for being too adult in design, forcing the ‘fruity’ fruit seller to provide alternative amusements.

Just a12ft inflatable male member

Pornofruit owner & manageress, Lolita Feelgood (65) told this reporter ”Since you last came to review our coc’n’nuts bouncy castle, business has been up, but we did receive a few complaints from some local, old-aged whingers about the design of the castle. I don’t know what all the fuss was about. I mean it was just a12ft inflatable male member and two enormous squishy testicles. Without a big fat cock, none of the bloody kids would even be here would they?”

Just a 4ft male member

However, under pressure from a male member of the Saxmundham branch of morality campaign group Residents AGainst Everything (RAGE), Feelgood was forced to make changes.

The old coc’n’nuts bouncy castle has been dismantled and a new one, which meets with the morality restrictions imposed by RAGE, installed. Gone are the references to cocks, balls, nuts, etc which have been replaced by inoffensive images of familiar Disney characters.

Feelgood, however, feels that one of the restrictions is too punitive and defeats the object of having a bouncy castle in the first place. The ‘no jumping’ rule was part of the deal agreed between her and RAGE. “It’s bloody ridiculous isn’t it? I mean, what’s the point? You may as well just have the kids rolling around on the floor. I think it’s just jealousy. The miserable old sods at RAGE just can’t stand anyone else having a good time. Especially that Robert Newsance – the crusty old Colonel who runs the show down there. No jumping? Nothing to do with the fact that he’s in a wheelchair having had his legs blown off in WWII? Yeah right. Coiincidence? I don’t think so!”

Mention ‘Suffolk Gazette’ at Pornofruit Greengrocers shop in Saxmundham in December and get a 50% discount off of all ‘Reindeer Nuts’ and ‘Santa’s Frosted Goolies’ purchases.

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