Friday, September 22, 2023

Latest Stories

Treacle workers stuck in factory for 85 years

Treacle workers stuck in factory for 85 years

Four toothless workers stuck in a treacle factory for the last 85 years have been freed at last, the SUFFOLK GAZETTE can report.

The four old-timers, last seen by their families in 1938 when their ages ranged from 12-16, were discovered playing cards and drinking tea when stunned workmen arrived at the site to reopen its doors after more than eight decades.

History of treacle workers

John Pedant’s Treacle Factory of Lowestoft first opened in 1874, and by 1900 was exporting treacle across the globe, especially to Greece, where the locals used the thick, gloopy treacle to capture sparrows on a long stick for the purposes of eating them.

By the late thirties, with the rise of fascism across Europe, Pedant was forced to stop producing his famous treacle which Adolf Hitler had added to his list of ‘degenerate foodstuffs’. Consequently, the factory closed its doors in 1938 and, until a week last Thursday when the incredible discovery of ‘the treacle four’ was made, had not seen the light of day – or night.

Dead families

Upon Treacle workers release, the four men; Burl Greerson, 96, Logan Jack, 100, Vern Jephcots, 101, and Ossie Wheeler, 99, were taken to Colchester hospital where they are being kept under close supervision. Dr. Guptal Singh told reporters gathered at the hospital that as a result of treacle (along with cups of tea and roll-up cigarettes) being the only sustainable foodstuff available to them in their 85 years trapped inside the factory, the four would have to undergo a gradual process of withdrawal from treacle dependency, as well as be appraised of world events of the last 85 years and the deaths of their entire extended families.

Asked how the four had become trapped in the first place, Singh said that he had asked the four gentlemen but that none of them could remember as it was such a long time ago.

Did you know?

Black Treacle, made from Cane Molasses – a product of the sugar beet and sugar cane refinement processes, is a great source of minerals and is also useful for adhering hairpieces such as toupes and fake mustaches to one’s skin for theatrical or espionage-related purposes.

🤞 Get our stories on email

We don’t spam! Read more in our privacy policy

Oh hi there 👋
It’s nice to meet you.

Sign up to receive awesome content, weekly in your inbox.

We don’t spam! Read our Privacy Policy for more info.

LATEST STORIES

Most Read