Monday, February 12, 2024

Bury residents accuse Tory council of ‘dirty business’

Bury residents accuse Tory council of ‘dirty business’

A picturesque green square at the heart of a leafy,.Bury St Edmunds village has been renamed ‘Poo Square’ and designated as an exclusive toileting area for local pets and pooches.

The decision, which was announced with great fanfare by the hardline Tory town council,.aims to address the rising problem of dog muck (shit) being deposited on the neighbourhood’s pavements.

Bury residents shocked

Unsurprisingly, the council’s move has left some residents up in arms. Local resident Henrietta Pish, chair of the Bury St Edmunds chapter of the campaign group,.Residents AGainst Everything (RAGE) told this reporter, “We’re all hopping mad around here and our arms are up, too. Gawn are the days of leisurely strolls and peaceful picnics in our once-beloved square.

Now we, the local residents, as well as a parade of unwelcome visitors to the area,. must dodge an obstacle course of dirty,.dirty dogs relieving themselves on every patch of grass. The aromatic fragrance of nature has been replaced.by an overwhelming perfume of doggies’ dirty business and the once-vibrant square has been transformed into a cats’-piss utopia.”

Despite RAGE’s complaints, other enthusiastic pet owners, armed with plastic bags and scoopers,.proudly parade their four-legged companions to the square, treating it as a prestigious destination for their pets’ potty breaks.

Local businesses – quick to jump on any old bandwagon, have even started offering specially designed doggie waste bags, featuring delightful caricatures of cute pups and pets. Eeeeew!

Lava-Tory

While some residents have found humor in the absurdity of the situation, Pish, herself a Conservative, continued to rail against the decision from her position atop a soapbox at the gateway to the square.

With her arms still up in the air, she continued her complaint through a squealing loud hailer: “What’s next, eh?” came her echoey remonstration, “Tours of the most significant piles of poop in the town, for heaven’s sake?”

While the controversy rages on, ‘Poo Square’ stands as a remarkable testament to the Brits’ love of animals and our desire to accommodate our furry, mucky-arsed friends.

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