A Norfolk man is in custody for public indecency offences after mishearing a challenge for the planking world record.
Bubba Spuckler, 33, was inspired by American Marine George Hood who set the world planking record of eight hours and 15 minutes this week.
But he misheard what the record was about, and was arrested for outraging public decency on a special stage he had set up in Norwich city centre.
Norfolk Police spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Spuckler is a little hard of hearing and thought the record was about something else entirely.
“He had been practising for years and fully expected to pull it off.
“Despite it being a cold day, and with hundreds of shoppers milling about, he got on with his disgusting act.”
Unemployed Spuckler, who lives with his sister and their eight children in Downham Market, will appear before city magistrates tomorrow.
In Norfolk, there are many experts in the activity that Spuckler was performing.
The Suffolk Gazette was officially “confused” today after the popular website TripAdvisor claimed Ipswich is a top 25 worldwide emerging destination.
It’s normally this newspaper’s duty to write satirical or spoof news about Suffolk’s county town.
But now TripAdvisor’s Top 25 Emerging Destinations in the World list has named Ipswich as the only UK inclusion, leaving us and many townsfolk scratching our heads.
With mounting crime, anti-social behaviour, shop closures and a football team that is heading to oblivion, Ipswich was a surprise entry on TripAdvisor’s list, which is being reported gleefully all over the media today.
Travel expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I’ve been to Ipswich. It’s a surprise to see it named alongside exotic locations in the likes of the Caribbean, Australia, Japan and Brazil.”
TripAdvisor insists the worldwide list is based on positive visitor reviews, claiming the town is popular for its “historical charm” and “ever-growing list of theatres and dance houses”.
Local man Steve Walshe said: “I don’t even know what a dance house is.
“I invite TripAdvisor reps to spend a few days wandering around the town centre to see what it’s really like.”
A Suffolk Gazette spokesperson said: “We advise TripAdvisor to leave the Ipswich jokes to us.”
Britain’s prison population will be forced to work in chain gangs on farms after new immigration rules ban low-skilled workers entering the country.
Home Secretary Priti Patel today unveiled radical new measures to prevent fruit rotting in the fields and creating food shortages.
Many foreign workers do the jobs Brits don’t want to, but the Government’s new points-based immigration system, announced today, means they can no longer get a working visa from next January.
Ms Patel has allayed fears by announcing all prisoners will be available to join chain gangs to work in the fields and do manual labour at care homes.
Chain gangs were made popular in the US by soul singer Sam Cooke.
But the use of forced labour had been frowned upon in the UK – until now.
“This is a super way to kill two birds with one stone,” said Home Office spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34. “We will get the lazy prisoners working and farmers can harvest their crops.
“Better still, you and I will still get our strawberries, lettuce and other tasty crops that had been back-breaking work for Eastern Europeans for years.”
Suffolk potato farmer, Maurice Piper had long called for chain gangs.
“We’ve got Hollesley Prison down the road, full of layabout convicts who do nothing but eat food, watch television and play on the xBox.
“I’m all for them coming to the farm in a chain gang to pick my spuds and other vegetables and fruit.”
Village chain-maker Rick Petchey, speaking from his forge said: “This is excellent news.”
Britain is facing a custard shortage after crops in Southern Europe were devastated by unusual freezing weather, it has emerged.
Custard prices in supermarkets have already more than doubled, and retail experts say shelves could be empty by the end of the week.
Households now face the prospect of enduring family favourites like apple pie or rhubarb crumble without the tasty yellow sauce.
Problems emerged in Southern Europe, especially Spain and parts of Italy, where weeks of snow and ice caused the custard plant crop to fail in large areas.
Custard
The recent harvest produced a record low yield, and import prices have increased substantially – and become rare as supplies run out.
Shoppers are only just getting over the devastating courgette crisis, after the long green veg was also hit by inclement weather.
Suffolk shopper Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I was in Aldi yesterday and there was no custard left. Staff said there was a shortage and they did not know when they would get any more in.
“It’s a trifle unfortunate.”
But retail experts said the shortage will not last long. Ryan Fraser, head of Food Imports and Distribution Inc., said: “The custard crops in the UK have not been affected the by weather, and it looks like the harvest here, expected in March, will be fine.”
Chefs say shoppers should try alternative sweet sauces, like chocolate or toffee. “British custard is out of season in winter, so it’s not something we should simply expect all year round,” said Justine Kahn, head chef at the Tower Hotel in Framlingham.
A Suffolk Gazette supermarket survey today found very few custard supplies in the region. There were only a few tubs of Ambrosia custard left at the Tesco store in Martlesham, near Ipswich, while Asda in Bury St Edmunds had run out completely.
Sainsbury said it had been forced to raise prices of 300g Bird’s Custard from 98p to £3.10 to cover costs, while Asda in Felixstowe said it had run out but hoped to get at least one pallet of custard in later this week.
Custard is made by extracting oils from the pretty custard flower and mixing with sugar and flour.
Coffee time
Have you been affected by the Custard Crisis? Maybe it’s time to relax with a Suffolk Gazette mug, produced by our partners DirtyOldGoat.com – see the full collection on the website, or buy direct from some of the items below…
One of the most
significant horseracing events in history will soon be here – the Cheltenham
Festival 2020. For those who observed last year’s event, there were some
sensational highlights, including the many wins that Willie Mullins achieved
with Klassical Dream. Not to mention the other triumphs such as Nico de
Boinville being crowned top jockey, and Willie Mullins being crowned top
trainer with four wins in total.
However, it’s not just the horse racing that makes up this world-renowned event. There are lots of other reasons to attend Cheltenham this year. Including the champagne, fantastic catering, children’s entertainment, or perhaps even the sense of pride in dressing up for the occasion.
For those considering
visiting Cheltenham for the first time or thinking of placing a bet, this can
be nerve-wracking and surrounded by uncertainty.
Take a look at the Cheltenham Champion day
betting tips to gather hints and tips in
choosing the very best horses taking part in this year’s festival.
Day one schedule for this year
Here are the races
happening this
year at Cheltenham, along with what time they
kick-off, how long they will last, and what they’re worth.
Rowland Ward, 5th, in
the JCB Triumph Juvenile Hurdle. Although not entirely living up to levels
achieved on the flat, this horse which was bred to win classics always puts in
the effort, particularly at Kempton on the second start.
Imperial Aura, 2nd, in
the Timeform Novices Handicap Chase. One to focus on this year, Imperial Aura
has gone up in effort which slowly built from March. Based on the Irish rivals
to be faced this year, this capable horse has every chance of succeeding
against them.
Garde la Victoire in the
Paddy Power 45 Sleeps to Cheltenham Trophy Handicap Chase. With a fantastic
finish at Cheltenham previously, Garde la Victoire is itching to get started. A
previous grade one winner, this horse could eventually be involved in the Grand
Annual or Gold Cup, although it’s stamina does need working on.
De Rasher Counter in the
Paddy Power Cotswold Chase. Although yet to achieve gold, this horse has
thrived recently despite the unfavourable circumstances during races. Although
it may have dropped in the ratings, it could well reach the Nationals if Tiger
Roll performs well.
Harry Sailor in the
Ballymore Novices Hurdle. This long-term handicap project could do well this
season, and with experience and course form behind it, this six-year-old horse
has excellent prospects. It has overcome barriers and should do well if it has
a chance through Albert Bartlett. Only the best horses will beat Harry Sailor
this time around.
If the Cap Fits in the
Galliardhomes.com Cleeve Hurdle. Will probably retain its crown in the Paddy
Powers Stayers Hurdle but worth keeping an eye on to see how it does in the
next six weeks. Despite past troubles and a slightly exaggerated betting
reaction, hold tight to see how it performs at Aintree in April.
Lust for Glory in the
Steel Plate And Sections Handicap Hurdle. Did well back in 2014, plus the hat
trick achieved at Aintree during the grade one race the month after. Has made a
great start this season and remains in top form. Not greatly handicapped but
performs well on suitable ground — one to look out for at the first Cheltenham
meeting this April.
What you need to know before heading to Cheltenham this year
We probably don’t need
to tell you that the Cheltenham Festival is one of the most significant events
in horse racing around the globe. As well as enjoying some much-favoured traditions year in year out, every year appears to bring something
new and exciting. For those new to the event, be sure to experience the thrill
of placing a bet on a favourite horse. We know it
can be challenging to work out which horse to consider, so have a look at the
above guide to boosting chances of success. This year kicks off with the 1.30
pm Sky Sports Bet Supreme Novices Hurdle (Grade 1), but there will be other
races available on the day, so make sure not to miss out.
Garden trampolines must now be microchipped so they can be returned home after taking off in windy weather.
Each time a storm hits, like this week’s Storm Ciara, thousands of trampolines disappear from gardens across the country.
Inexplicably, many of them turn up on railway lines, creating a hazard to trains and anyone trying to bounce on them.
Now, the Government has announced that owners must microchip so they can be easily returned during windy spells.
Home Office official Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “During storms, it’s always tricky returning them to their rightful owners.
“But once they are microchipped, a quick scan will reveal who it belongs to.”
With climate change expected to bring a lot more incidents of strong winds, the microchip programme can’t come soon enough.
This week, trampolines ended up on tracks across the country. One owner was forced to pay a fine for the inconvenience, but railway official Roy Everett said the cheque bounced.
In the last couple of decades, poker has seen a revival. Online Poker has made the game more accessible to players around the world while streaming services like Twitch have allowed fans to watch the World Series of Poker tour action as it unfolds.
Today at poker sites, there are increasingly more options available – from the type of poker (it’s not just Texas Hold’em, you know) to the types of games and tournaments that can be entered. If you’re new to online poker, there’s a whole new world out there to learn about, but we will help you decide where to start with our helpful guide.
Cash games
The beauty of online poker and cash games is that they run 24/7. Whether you’re an early bird, a night owl, or somewhere in between, you can guarantee there will be an available game. No matter your skill level or bankroll, you’ll find something that suits your needs. One thing to be aware of is that you’ll be playing against people from all corners of the globe and varying levels of expertise – so if you’re a beginner, beware that a couple of Poker experts may also be sat at your table. If you’re unsure, enter a low-limit game before making the step-up to high-stakes where the more experienced players are.
An advantage to cash games is that you can drop in and out as you please. You are also able to sit out if you need to get away from your screen for a minute or two. There are many different cash games available, including full-ring (9-handed), 6-handed, 4-handed or even heads-up games.
Unlike in tournament Poker, the blinds in cash games always
remain the same and never increase, so there’s no added pressure. The values of
the chips represent their real money value too – so a £1 chip will be worth
£1.
Sit & Go tournaments
Sit & Go tournaments are perfect for beginners, as they
are small tournaments which don’t cost too much to enter and last for a set
amount of time. If you’re a new player, a Sit & Go is a great way to learn
Poker fundamentals such as actions, blinds and strategies.
All players pay the same buy-in and are given an equal
pre-determined number of chips. As soon as the tournaments have the required
number of players, they are ready to begin. Prizes are awarded determined on
where players finish, rather than how many chips they have left at the end.
The tournaments are split into three stages: the beginning, middle and end. If you start badly, there’s still the opportunity for you to claw your way back and make the final three hands. It’s worth saving two-thirds of your stash for the middle stage when there’s competition for places and players opt to go all-in. Like cash games, there are different types of Sit & Go tournaments and you’ll find them all in the Poker lobby.
Speed Poker
One of the newest forms of Poker, Speed Poker is usually played using Texas Hold’em rules. As the title suggests, speed is of the essence. Instead of playing at a single table, you’re playing against a whole pool of players. As opposed to regular Poker when you fold and lose the hand, in Speed Poker, you don’t leave the game, you simply join a new one and are dealt a new set of cards. However, in the final table, normal service resumes.
The instant fold function allows you to stay in the action at all times, so there’s not that boring period while you wait for the round to finish – you simply get transported to a new game. Playing in a pool allows you to test your abilities against all manner of skill levels, while you can stay in control of your own stakes with the different games available. If you want action, Speed Poker is for you and you’ll find yourself playing twice or three times as many hands as you would playing the standard game – perfect for those that get bored easily.
The Duke of York has been promoted to Seaman Staines to mark the occasion of his 60th birthday, it has emerged.
Buckingham Palace confirmed the honour – a slightly lower promotion than expected owing to recent events.
Royal spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Convention suggested Prince Andrew would be made an Admiral of the Royal Navy when he turned 60.
“While he is currently unemployed, however, and facing somewhat lurid accusations, he has agreed to a less controversial appointment.
“Seaman Staines has been a noble position in the Royal Navy alongside Roger the Cabin Boy and Master Bates for generations. Captain Pugwash is part of Britain’s military fabric after all.”
Captain Pugwash
A Palace statement confirmed Seaman Staines Andrew had asked that his promotion to Admiral be deferred until such time as he resumes Royal duties.
However, bells will still ring out around the country to celebrate the great man’s 60th birthday.
