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Man ventures into back garden for first time since November

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Man goes into back garden for first time since November
In need of work: a back garden

A man has decided to step into his back garden for the first time since November, it has emerged.

But Steve Walshe took one look at the long grass, shrivelling leaves and assorted debris before going straight back indoors again.

“It was a bit of a mess if I’m honest,” he told reporters from his home in Woodbridge, Suffolk. “I think I’ll leave it for a bit.”

Gardening expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said people who loved to spend time in the garden during the spring and summer simply abandoned it for the rest of the year.

“It’s a shame,” she said. “If only they would keep things under control during the autumn and winter, there wouldn’t be so much to do in the spring.”

Mr Walshe reckons it will take him at least four weekends to get things straight again.

“But I think I’ll leave it until March. The weather could turn at any minute and you can’t go sorting things out in the snow.”

Review of Fluffy Favourites Fairground slot

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Fluffy Favourites Fairground slot review

Do you spend your days longing for the idyllic age of childhood, complete with the typical array of soft toys? There are many online slots that take this yearning as an intrinsic theme these days, however not many can match the iconic Fluffy Favourites series from critically acclaimed developers Eyecon.

You just know an online slot is good when it spawns various spin-offs, just look at the Rainbow Riches series, for instance. Well, Fluffy Favourites occupies the same kind of space, with Fluffy Favourites Fairground being one of the best iterations in the series. Let’s take a better look and then play at Easy Slots after!

About Fluffy Favourites Fairground and its bonus features 

Any keen slot gambler worth their salt would have at least tried the original Fluffy Favourites title; it proved to be a jewel in Eyecon’s catalogue pretty quickly after it was released, and for good reason. Players far and wide were blown away by its aesthetic level of detail, especially because it was based on such a relatable and innocent theme. Fluffy Favourites Fairground expands on this topic, placing the, by now, familiar cuddly toys into a highly exhilarating fairground setting.

In terms of configuration, we’re looking at the same 5 reels and 25 pay-line format that was utilized to great effect in the original Fluffy Favourites. It is a tried and tested formula, and there’s no wonder Eyecon has opted to keep this part of Fluffy Favourites Fairground pretty much the same. Things like the scatter symbol also remain the same – you will want to look out for the pink elephant here, it can reward up to 25 free spins, not bad eh? Where Fluffy Favourites Fairground really comes into its own, however, is in the new Toybox Pick bonus round. If you are lucky enough to encounter 3 claw symbols this will take you through to a new screen, when here you will have to pick a prize with an arcade-like claw machine. Fun stuff! 

About Eyecon and Other Slots by Them 

Eyecon are one of the certified heavy hitters in the online slots market, with over two decades of experience in the fiercely competitive industry. This in itself is a massive achievement, but the company gets even more impressive when you start to consider the extent of their very popular back-catalogue. Just take a look at some of these examples, they are mental:

  • Kingdom Of Cash
  • Temple Of Ausar
  • Unicorn Bliss
  • Sunny Money

Moreover, the great thing about Eyecon is that they started out life as proper game developers, with their offering Gore being downloaded millions of times since its release in 1997. It means that their slots are all designed with the best gameplay in mind; not something you can say for every developer.

Fluffy Favourites Fairground: The Verdict 

As if you thought the original Fluffy Favourites could not get any better, Eyecon pulls it out of the bag with Fluffy Favourites Fairground. The Toybox Pick bonus round gives just that little bit extra to the game, ensuring it will be played for many years to come. 

Brexit disaster as pen runs out while writing first £350m cheque for the NHS

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Boris Johnson pen runs out as he signs £350m cheque to the NHS
Blank cheque: Boris Johnson’s pen ran out (Photo: Number 10 Downing Street)

There was an awkward moment in Downing Street today when Boris Johnson’s pen ran out while he tried to sign the first £350 million cheque to the NHS.

The Prime Minister was eager to begin the untold benefits of Brexit with his first weekly post-EU payment to the health service, his side-of-a-bus pledge during the referendum campaign.

But after scribbling out today’s date, and ‘National Health Service’ in the pay line, his biro began to fade and stopped working at all after the word three on the second line.

Official Keeper of Government Pens Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It was a bit embarrassing.

“He still tried to sign his name on a cheque that was actually now for three pounds rather than £350 million.

“There were no more pens available as they were all held up on the other side of the channel, so he gave up and the NHS will need to struggle on as normal.

“It perhaps doesn’t bode well, but presumably he will sign a cheque for £700 million next week to make up for it.”

Political observer Alan Tasker added: “It’s like being robbed at ballpoint.”

Oxford University to offer a degree in poker

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dogs playing poker

A representative from Oxford University has announced that they will begin offering degrees in poker for the 2023 intake.

Rather than equip their students with the knowledge of ancient kings and queens, dead languages, and archaic terminology that nobody finds impressive, they will instead teach them about something that might actually help them get ahead in life.

A degree in poker would show that those who graduate are able to think strategically, bluff when necessary, and thoroughly analyse their opponents.

Many believe this will equip them better in real life than a degree in Slavonic Studies or Roman History would. But how would the degree in poker work?

The degree will be taught by poker experts, who have already announced they won’t be wearing the traditional robes and definitely won’t be hosting suppers to socialise with their students.

One expert, who gained poker fame online, pondered, “Why can’t they just hang out in the SU like at every other university?” Participants to the degree are urged to study up on figures such as Daniel Negreanu, a giant in the world of poker.

A poker degree would present an opportunity for those undertaking it to learn skills in strategy and to gain an appreciation for modern times. Poker, especially online poker from Paddy Power, reflects the latest technology with its live variant featuring a real dealer, while many of its other variants test players’ abilities to think analytically as well as being able to take risks. In order to reflect this, a module will be taught on online poker.

The poker degree will feature a module on bluffing, which the representative of Oxford claimed is already a skill of many of their graduates. One of the board of governors has even suggested that if it is successful, future degrees could be awarded in backgammon, bridge, and even tiddlywinks. “We want to reach a broader variety of students, some of which might be fond of the popular counter game.”

Oxford University
Big draw: Oxford University

Examinations would be undertaken in The Hall at Christ Church and would likely involve a tournament in poker involving all who are studying the subject.

Professors and lecturers may also participate. Experts suggest that the three years of intense study, with a possible year out, would adequately prepare all who matriculate for a life of putting their poker skills to good use. International relations, politics, and careers in the media await those who can show they have the strategic know-how and the ability to play the game.

Cambridge University – not to be outdone – will announce that their 2022 intake can study the art of TikTok, the social media revolution that allows anyone to become a viral star. Many sceptics suggest that TikTok will have fallen from grace by then, and the course should be widened to focus on other social media platforms. LinkedIn’s CEO is especially eager to have a course dedicated to the business networking site, but an insider suggested that nobody really uses LinkedIn and certainly nobody would remember their password for it for an entire three-year degree.

Whether the poker degree at Oxford University is successful or not, it is definitely a huge gamble for the ancient university to offer something that might benefit those living in the present day. But, one that might prove necessary.

ITN to replace Alastair Stewart with Laurence Fox

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Laurence Fox
New ITN newsreader, Laurence Fox (Photo: Alf under CC BY-SA 3.0)

Alastair Stewart, the long-standing newsreader who was forced to quit after quoting Shakespeare to a black man on Twitter, is to be replaced by Laurence Fox, ITN has announced.

Mr Fox, famed for his white-privileged background and forthright approach to Woke Britain, will begin reading the news next week.

A Twitter user was so shocked that Mr Stewart quoted a Shakespeare line to him including the words “an angry ape” that he played the racism card, even though the veteran newsreader had previously quoted the same innocent line to a white person.

Mr Stewart, 67, was forced to end his 40-year broadcasting career as a result.

To ensure there is no repeat of this disgraceful behaviour, ITN bosses are playing it safe with Mr Stewart’s replacement.

News insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, revealed: “We have approached Laurence Fox to become our new newsreader.

“He is a man who is well-loved by all sections of our culturally diverse society. What could possibly go wrong?”

Mr Fox, 41, who stars in Lewis, raised eyebrows on Question Time recently when he was accused by a furious member of the audience of being a privileged white, middle-class male who could not possibly understand anything.

Mr Fox has since become a poster boy of the anti-woke brigade.

Unfortunately for ITN bosses, he is already showing sympathy to Mr Stewart on Twitter…

https://twitter.com/LozzaFox/status/1222826272327258112

Greater Anglia repairs potholes to make bus replacement services smoother

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pothole repairs

Ever alert to the needs of its passengers, Greater Anglia trains has begun repairing potholes in Essex and Suffolk to make bus replacement journies more comfortable.

The move is the latest from the train company that ensures passengers have a worry and trouble-free trip around its network.

Rail industry expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Greater Anglia is concerned that its customers are not getting the best service on the region’s roads.

“To make rail passengers’ life easier, potholes are now being filled in by Greater Anglia.”

Passengers looking forward to riding in a bus are delighted by the move.

Commuter Kevin Brown said: “That’s the thing with Greater Anglia – the company is so thoughtful.

“Now my journies will be super smooth when there are no trains about. Which seems to happen quite a lot.”

Greater Anglia is on something of a roll this month after it emerged TV rail pundit Michael Portillo managed to get a ride on one of its new Stadler train services, one of a few to work or not be delayed.

Pink trousers shortage leads to rise in indecent exposure cases in Woodbridge

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Men's pink trousers
Men’s pink trousers shortage in Suffolk

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A devastating shortage of men’s dusty pink trousers has sparked a rise in indecent exposure cases in Woodbridge.

A Freedom of Information request by this newspaper reveals 78 men were arrested and charged in the town in 2019 for going out without any trousers on.

Suffolk Police spokeswoman Sgt Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “There is a national shortage of pastel pink male trouser garments.

“Rather than dig out other pretentious red or mustard-coloured trousers, fashion-conscious middle-class gentlemen are simply stepping out with nothing on.

“They won’t be seen dead in a pair of jeans or suit trousers.

“Unfortunately, the yummy mummies of the town do not appreciate bare legs, and we have to make arrests.”

Sgt Fisher said similar incidents had been found in Orford, Aldeburgh and Southwold.

“But Woodbridge is a hotbed. And now 78 men have had their collars felt, if not their trousers.”

Local man Tony Stone said: “I hate pastel-coloured men’s trousers, especially pink ones. But my neighbour, Malcolm, loves them. He’s been in prison since last Tuesday.”

Gentlemen’s outfitters have been desperately trying to source extra supplies to cope with demand and spare Suffolk ladies’ blushes.

What is the Difference between Cleanse and Detox?

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Healthy woman eating an apple

We all know that body cleansing means removing dirt from the body either from outside or inside. In the action of cleansing the body inside, several edible materials are used to throw out the harmful contents or the remaining food from your body. Generally, different types of herbs and their extracts are used to cleanse the body like green tea, cumin extracts etc. In the course of cleansing, several types of materials are thrown out of the body like the remaining food, heavy metals, some harmful non-metals, excess vitamins and minerals etc.

  • Detoxifying the Body

Detoxification refers to a procedure that targets the unspecified toxic materials of the body to throw them out of it with the help of some medicines that can be used in alternation with some regular medicines. The process of detoxification is based on the principle of driving out the accumulated toxic materials that have undesirable effects on the body and they may be short term or long term. Detoxification includes the administration of certain medicated materials or withdrawal of food for a certain time that the unwanted accumulation can get out of the body through the regular course of work. Fasting and specific dieting are commonly involved activities in this course.

  • Cleaning the Body From Inside

Cleaning the colon is a common activity in the course of cleansing the body. It involves the use of a number of medicated materials and therapies which claim to remove the unwanted and harmful remains of the intakes from the colon. It is also known as hydrotherapy of the colon or colon irrigation. There are several processes of colon hydrotherapy. It uses tubes as water inlet. Water is often mixed with some herbs, or sometimes with some special types of liquids to clear the colon.

  • The Natural Procedure of Colon Cleaning

Generally, the cleaning process of the colon is a natural process and an automated system of the body. What we eat throughout the day gets out of the body in a natural series of physiological actions. Starting from eating to excreting those materials, there are the influence of several materials and physiological processes like peristalsis. This is a very important process that helps to keep the body fit and free from disease.

What if the Colon is not Cleansed Properly?

There are several disadvantages of a colon that don’t get cleaned properly. the most common problem of constipation is feeling of uneasiness throughout the day and decreased performance in your professional world. There are some bacteria that live in the intestine of a human being and they are generally not harmful. But if the remains of the foods will stay there for quite a long time, then there is a possibility that some bacteria may generate there and can result in adverse health conditions. Intoxications in the body can lead to fatigue, irritability, headache and loss of appetite. The remains of foods may cause infection into the colon if not cleared properly. On the contrary, there can be serious health issues due to this which can, in fact, lead to psychological problems too.

  • Some Risks of Colon Cleansing

When you are looking for the top body cleanse solution or medicine then you should know that there are no such materials that can cleanse your colon fully. The materials which are claimed to be the best solutions are only effective for the little alleviation of the system so that the colon can expel the waste materials easily. As the colon does it automatically so the cleansing process triggered from outside is generally not needed. But if done regularly, then you can face certain problems such as disruption of the normal flora of the bowel, dehydration and sometimes it can extend up to rectal perforation.

  • Severe Risk Factors

When you try to cleanse the colon artificially, there can be several other severe risk factors too. The liquid which is used for colon cleansing is termed as an enema. When you use an excessive amount of it, there can be chances of heart failure also. If coffee is often used as enema then there can be serious events of electoral imbalance which can lead to heart failure.

What is a Detox Diet?

A detox diet is when you take a limited amount of solid and liquid food so that the accumulated remains can get out of your body through your natural excretion system, then, it is called detox diet. Generally, people can’t go with the detox diet regularly but after a certain interval, this type of diet can be an effective way to keep your body free from toxins. This type of diet uses some specific compounds so that your body can be cleaned from inside. A detox diet is a short term in nature. It involves a very restricted diet of fruits, fruit juices, vegetables and water after a certain period of fasting.

Why is it Done?

In general cases, people adapt detox diet after some events of heavy eating like marriage ceremonies, birthday parties, hangouts with friends and so on. This diet is normally done to give rest to your internal organs by fasting. Through this, they get reset for their work. When you don’t supply food to your stomach it can digest the remains well and sends it to the next phases of digestion. There are less pressure on the liver to drive away toxins with increased time. The fasting procedure promotes the excretion and elimination of toxins through urine, sweat and feces.

The Most Common Toxins that Get Eliminated

When you start a detox diet, then it is obvious that many harmful toxic materials will get eliminated from the body. They include some organic pollutants which are persistent in the body, bisphenol, Phthalates, some heavy metals including lead, some non-metals like arsenic and so on. These materials are really harmful to the body and are causes of several diseases like gout, allergies heart blockage. So if you are busy with your daily life and are not being able to go for a regular physical exercise then the detox diet and cleansing will do it for you.