Over-priced but beloved British supermarket chain, M&S (No relation to Frank Spencer) has discontinued it’s popular all-day breakfast.
Previously available ‘all day’, the delicious classic M&S English breakfast of; burnt sausages, undercooked bacon, cold beans, slimy mushrooms, watery tomatoes, wet scrambled eggs and soggy toast is now only available in store until 11.30 am.
Big fat sausage
We decided to visit the Heath Retail Park store in Ipswich to ask regular diners what they though about the new breakfast restriction. Georgina Fulcrum, 80, a retired comb tester told me, “Eh? What’s that luv? Eh? All gay breakfasts? Oooh, no, luvvy. I never touch the stuff.”
Brian Edgbaston, 72, a former Mr Suffolk, claimed that the limitation on breakfasts has ruined his life. “I am a man who likes to eat his breakfast in the afternoon. Don’t ask me why. I just do. The new restrictions have ruined my life. Now look at me. It’s 12:45 in the afternoon and I’m eating Chilli Con Carne. What’s going on around here??”
Upper crust cut of
Another geriatric customer, Ena Cluttock, 91, a former lady-in-waiting to Queen Mary, told this reporter, “When I was a gal at the palace, breakfast was strictly between 7.30 and 9.00 am by a whate gloved butler, don’t you know?
Brekkah was a take-a-pew meal with a spoon, a starter fork, and two small starter knives. You, one’s old bean, also have a side plate and napkin. Your brekkah starts with a glass of freshly squeezed orange or apple juice. You then have a cereal, such as bran or similaaar, followed by the full English brekkah, which always includes toast.
M&S breakfast
During the meal, you, one’s old bean, would take teah or cawfee. The toast should arrive with the crusts cut orf and in rectangles. The reason for this is the fact that you, one’s old bean, ne’ah cut toast at the table, nor should you break it.
The pieces in the toast rack should be small enough to eat in a few bites, don’t you know? You apply the buttah and condiment of your choice on the side of your plate and apply it to the toast mwah, mwah, sweetie.
If you have laaargah pieces of toast, dane’t buttah and apply your condiment all in one jolly well go, rahthah, focus on a small piece at a time, but as mentioned, dane’t cut or break it. Understood?”
A spokesperson for M&S told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, “We have decided to take the common sense approach to breakfast. Everyone knows that breakfast is supposed to be eaten at, well… breakfast time.
In the morning, at least. So that’s what we’ve done. Anything after 11.30 is really lunch, isn’t it? or at the very least, brunch. If you expect to eat breakfast after 11.30 am then might we suggest you are getting out of bed slightly tardily?”
We love movies that transport us to a different time and place, yet even a small mistake can ruin the illusion. The following are examples of a few classic movies that momentarily lost their way with terrible mistakes that are difficult to forget.
Robert De Niro Gets Replaced by an Obvious Dummy
The opening scene of 1995’s Casino is almost perfect, as Robert De Niro playing the gaudily-dressed casino boss Sam “Ace” Rothstein gets into his car and meets a sorry end. It’s a powerful opening, but viewers are left wondering why the dummy that replaces the actor is so obvious and why the camera lingers on it for so long. Some fans assume that director Martin Scorsese did it deliberately, but it’s still unclear why he would do that.
If we compare the scenes shot inside casinos, they are far more realistic. Having said that, many players these days have more experience playing online casino games at sites such as those reviewed by BonusFinder. Real-money gambling sites like BetMGM and Caesars provide virtual versions of the same games we’ve seen represented in Casino and other great movies. However, they can be played conveniently at any time and from anywhere the casinos operate.
The Strange Street Sweeper in Quantum of Solace
This 2008 James Bond movie helped to establish the gritty new direction the franchise took with Daniel Craig in the lead role. It includes exciting action sequences and a deeper look at 007’s inner rage and ruthlessness. Quantum of Solace also gives us plenty of chase sequences using a variety of vehicles in several locations, making it onto this list from Time of the best car chases in movie history.
Yet, one bizarre scene caught the eyes of movie-goers for the wrong reason. An extra behind Bond is meant to be sweeping the ground but, for some unknown reason, sweeps his brush in mid-air. It’s a comical moment and some sources suggest that the extra might have been told to sweep in that way to avoid filling the scene with dust.
The Van and Muddled Timeline in Braveheart
1995’s Braveheart was such a huge success that it allowed millions of us to learn more about the story of Scottish freedom fighter William Wallace. It told of his battle to gain independence for his country, with Mel Gibson playing the lead role as well as directing the film. It just didn’t tell the story correctly.
Braveheart has been criticized for being historically inaccurate in many areas such as the clothing worn by 13th Scottish warriors and the Royal timeline, as explained by SlashFilm. Most people watching it wouldn’t be aware of these issues, but they would recognize the white van rolling along behind a battle scene.
The Fight Scene in The Godfather
It’s hard to believe that one of the most loved and critically-acclaimed movies of all time has one of the worst fight scenes. 1972’s The Godfather is incredibly detailed and beautifully shot but when Sonny Corleone (played by James Caan) beats up his brother-in-law Carlo it looks like a scene from a cheap TV series.
Some sources suggest that this scene was probably filmed early and before the studio had seen Francis Ford Coppola’s work and become more relaxed over the budget. That’s still no excuse for the punch that misses Carlo by a considerable distance but still makes a noise as though it landed.
Jurassic Park and the Helping Hand
Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park helped to change the way we think about special effects, but there’s one moment in the 1993 film that almost ruins the illusion that the rest of the scenes has helped to build up.
This is when the giant velociraptors are chasing the humans in the kitchen. At one point, we see a human hand that appears to keep the dinosaur steady. Once you’ve seen it, the idea of powerful beasts hunting down the humans is shattered.
These are all still great movies, but those messy moments we’ve looked at take some of the edge off the drama and excitement if you look at them too closely.
The online betting industry is a circle that permits putting down wagers on various games and events on the web. In Australia, this area has acquired wide fame among players as of late; for instance, in 2022, the online betting business sector arrived at 4.5 billion US dollars, and by 2027, examiners anticipate that it could arrive at 7.5 billion. This is noteworthy and exhibits a typical yearly development pace of 7%.
Along with the market price, the number of online casino players in Australia will also grow, and if you look at the statistics, you will see impressive numbers – almost 15% growth in players in one year. This growth is due to such important factors as technological processes, convenience, the regulatory environment in Australia, diversity of game selection, etc. You can see a detailed analysis of all the factors below, but first, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with the list of Australian online casinos for real money.
The Advantages of Online Gambling
We invite you to read the best advantages to get a complete understanding of online gambling:
You don’t need to visit a real casino when you use an online club, making it very convenient and affordable for gamers.
To satisfy players’ preferences and interests, online gambling offers many games, including slots, table games, poker, and sports betting.
The running expenses of online casinos are frequently less expensive than customary clubs. This empowers them to give greater payout rates, working on the chances of winning for players.
Play at whatever point and any place you need. Best gambling sites give players admittance to games 24 hours every day, seven days per week, letting them play at whatever point and any place they need.
Technological Advances and Innovations
It is vital to note that technological advancement has an urgent impact on promoting online gambling. The improvement of quick online, which can give players access to online casinos that accept Australian players, is conceivably the principal component. This gives continuous interaction without delays.
Upgrades in design and sound, combined with improved gaming software, affect online gambling promotion in Australia. We shouldn’t ignore live dealer games, which, on account of technical developments, permit players to cooperate with real dealers.
Mobile games have also contributed to online gambling development in Australia, permitting gamers to play when and where they want. The introduction of mobile casinos in Australia has extraordinarily expanded the number of clients by captivating people who use telephones or tablets to participate. Integration with social networks is also important, as it allows gamers to share their gaming experiences, which may help to attract new customers.
Change in Consumer Preferences
Recently, we have seen a critical shift in customer behavior towards the Internet and portable devices, and there are several explanations for this, which we will discuss below.
The digitalization of life plays an important role in this process, as people are becoming increasingly aware of innovations. This explains the rapid transition from traditional clubs to online clubs in Australia.
As for the transition to mobile platforms, it is simple: the increase in the number of customers with mobile phones has led to the popularity of universal betting.
Note that simply having an online gambling site in Australia isn’t sufficient; developers need to add the improvement and provide their players with convenience and personalized experience. Furthermore, focusing on innovative features will give one-of-a-kind gaming opportunities.
Marketing Strategies and Promotions
The role of marketing in the popularization of online gambling is also significant. Every Australian online casino needs to have a strong marketing strategy that expands brand awareness and helps to attract new users. Also, targeted marketing plays an important role; its peculiarity is to direct advertising to a specific audience.
To assure the confidence and security of clients, gambling institutions should prioritize showcasing their permits and other verification of honesty. But if the company fails to gain trust, all other marketing efforts will likely be useless.
The use of promotional offers by Australian online casinos is far from uncommon, and they resort to various methods of incentives, such as free spins or bonus money and matches. Most likely, this is done with only one goal: attracting new players. Loyalty programs are also quite common on online gambling sites in Austria, and their task is to keep players interested.
Prospects for Industry Development in Australia
We offer to review the table that demonstrates the forecast for further growth and development of the online gambling industry:
Year
Market Size (USD Billion)
CAGR
Factors Contributing to Growth
2022
$105
N/A
Mobile gamingTechnological advancementsIncreased Internet adoption
2023
$120
13%
Virtual reality integrationCryptocurrency adoptionExpansion of mobile gaming
2024
$135
12.7%
Emerging marketseSports integrationAI and ML
2025
$150
12.5%
Improved security measuresExpansion of online sports bettingTechnological advancements
2026
$170
12.6%
Mergers and acquisitionsNew game developmentContinued expansion of online sports betting
2027
$190
12.8%
Blockchain technologyGrowing online poker marketExpansion of online lottery
The online gambling world is ripe for change, and Australia is no exception to the potential impact of cutting-edge technologies like blockchain and computer-generated reality. These innovative developments promise to revolutionize the gaming experience and introduce novice and seasoned players to new and unique online offerings. Blockchain’s advanced security features also offer the added benefit of ensuring a tamper-proof and meticulously designed record of all transactions.
Conclusion
Factors like creative advancements drive the notoriety of the online gambling industry in Australia, augmented reality and blockchain, which upgrade client experience and security. Changing consumer preferences favoring online platforms and viable advertising procedures attract more players.
The business’s promising possibilities are upheld by evolving regulations and expanded market rivalry, cultivating development and improvement. Overall, these factors contribute to Australia’s thriving and dynamic online gambling landscape. You can play in Australia from 21 years old. Do it responsibly because you risk your money.
Lionel Richie’s original lyrics to topsy-turvy, multi-million-selling international smash hit,.‘Dancing on the Ceiling’, are to be auctioned to raise money for blind sculptors.
Richie, who wrote the song while he was taking a shit at LAX airport in 1986,. discovered the long-lost original lyrics as he rifled through a box of old photographs found in the loft of his Beverley Hills home.
Discovering the old snap of the inside of the LAX toilet door,.the mega-chinned soul serenader was reminded of the graffiti that inspired Dancing on the Ceiling, a song about clapping, dancing, and getting high at a house party.
The legendary Lionel Richie lyrics
The hastily scrawled legend, ‘Anyone can piss on the floor, be a hero, shit on the ceiling’,.was the spark that lit the creative fuse in Richie’s mind.as he sat straining on the airport bog waiting for a flight to Berlin. After changing the stolen lyric ‘shit’ to ‘dance’ (to avoid accusations of plagiarism),.Richie quickly recorded the track in his home studio and sent a tape of it to his record company,.who loved it so much they released it on 7” and 12” vinyl. The sleeve depicted Lionel looking quite serious in a casual white linen suit which was highly fashionable at the time.
Get into my car
Richie, 103, whose recent performance at King Charles’s Coronation Concert was widely criticisedas being tuneless, weird and generally God awful, decided to auction the shithouse door photo to raise money for a cause close to him – blind sculpture.
The top pop singer, whose other hits include, ‘When the Going Gets Tough,.The Tough Get Going’, ‘Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)’, and ‘Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car’ (or is that Billy Ocean?) began collecting blind sculpture during the making of the video for his 1983 smash hit ‘Hello’, when unbeknownst to her, his blind co-star in the vid played by Laura Carrington, sculpted a likeness of his head in clay.
Other pieces in his collection are a telephone sculpted by Stevie Wonder, and a self-portrait in clay by Helen Keller entitled ‘My best guess’.
The auction takes place at Sotheby’s in London on Friday.
A strange sex-witch (Deformed porn star) with two vaginas (‘fannys’) has told the world’s press that she uses one of them for porn, and the other for her husband, which poses the question – what does she use to piss out of?
Aussie deformed porn star, Brianna Paradise – ‘doublesnatch’ to her friends – first discovered her second fanny when she hit puberty at thirteen. “I’d just stuck a tampon up my mut, but it was all a bit uncomfortable because I’d just started using them, so I reached up there to adjust it a bit, but it was gone! ‘’Struth!’ I thought, ‘Where the hell has that gone?’ I thought to meself.”
In actual fact, her tampon had not disappeared but was snuggly inserted into fanny #1.
Having two vaginas has a clinical name which is something like ‘uterus didypylidas’ but I don’t think that is the correct spelling. Women with the condition usually have two uteruses and two sets of ovaries, which doesn’t do anything to help keep the weight down, but does make it easier to conceive twins – one would assume?
Double-sided map of Tasmania
Paradise’s claim that she saves one of her Mappa Tassies exclusively for her husband is somewhat undermined by one of her ‘Only Fans’ videos which some of the lads back at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE office watched (for research purposes only) in which she appears to take three big cocks simultaneously, and none of them are in her mouth. You work it out.
Doublesnatch is currently earning about $AU1,500 a week from her porno ‘Only Fans’ website, and that’s on top of her income from her successful ‘Doubleknicker’ website which sells sexy lingerie and sex toys for women with two fannys, and men with two cocks (is that even a thing?)
For those readers wondering if Ms. Paradise’s fannys are positioned one behind the other or side to side, we recommend visiting her website where everything is revealed in minute detail – according to the lads in the office that is.
Clever scientists from Suffolk have invented a new dish made from potatoes called, ‘mashed potatoes’.
The new plant-based dish is being trialled in selected branches of UK supermarket chain, ASDA and is unlike anything ever seen before on British soil, apart from… wait for it… potatoes.
The potato, or ‘spud’ as it is known in some parts of the UK, is a starchy, root vegetable native to the Americas, a tuber of the plant Solanum tuberosum and is commonly used in another lesser-known British delicacy known as ‘chips’.
Do you love me, now that I can mash?
Not to be confused with the trendy dance ‘the mashed potato’ which was immortalized in the hit ‘Do You Love Me?’ released by The Contours in 1962, the real ‘mashed potato’ is a ground-breaking new dish invented by the boffins at Eurofish Food Testing UK Ltd, a testing laboratory based in Needham Market, Suffolk. Consisting of potatoes that have been mashed with a potato masher – a handheld device that is a bit like a knife but with a flat, circular end with holes in – the dish is said to have a taste something akin to – potatoes.
Only having been previously tried by pretty much the entire population of Britain, the unusual dish is said to be quite versatile – for a dish made entirely of potatoes, that is. With the addition of a pinch of salt, a sprinkling of turmeric, and a knob of butter, a tasty side can be created that is the perfect accompaniment for sausages, roast dinners, and… err… well, sausages and roast dinners.
The Devil’s in the detail
The allegedly tasty new recipe has, according to the laboratory’s press release, other applications beyond pure culinary use. Apparently, due to its Play-Doh-like consistency, ‘mashed potatoes’ are the perfect substance for anyone needing to quickly create a scale model of a UFO landing site – in the style of, for example, Richard Dreyfuss’s Devil’s Tower sculpture, which was featured in the 1977 science fiction movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Cutbacks were today blamed for Suffolk Police recruiting S&M fetishists into their K9 response unit.
Dubbed ‘the gimp squad’, the new leather-clad recruits were hired.after they responded to an ad placed in ‘Leather Love’ adult magazine by Conservative Police and Crime Commissioner Tom Pissmore.
Pig lover Pissmore, 67, who, for the past 80 years has been an intensive livestock producer and expert on pig breeding, is himself a sado masochist, despite the fact that he pretends to live as a normal, happily married Tory with his wife Angela and their three boys in west Suffolk.
Volunteer perverts
Pissmore, who is particularly fond of shiny vulcanized latex, is believed to be behind the cutbacks which forced the recruitment of volunteer perverts into the K9 unit.
An investigation by the SUFFOLK GAZETTE revealed that due to war, famine, Brexit, postal strikes, rail strikes, nurses strikes, sunny weather, the endangered status of the Javan Rhinocerous, institutional racism at the Theatre Royal Stratford East, and the never-ending, ever-upward-spiralling cost-of-dog food crisis, Pissmore decided to open up the HR drive to his mates in the local S&M community who agreed to do it for free.
Let off the leash
Reverend Glynis Galbraith, 57, a clergyman from Tuddenham who agreed to talk to us on condition of anonymity, told this reporter “Woof! I do it because I like being treated like a dog, ruff.
Part of my job is chasing baddies, woof. I do a lot of sniffing to help me find them. I sniff everywhere, bark! Bark! I don’t mind sniffing in the gutter, through rubbish bins, or up humans’ arses, grrrrr. I’ll sniff whatever it takes to uphold the law, ruff!”
We asked Mr Pissmore for an interview but his secretary said it wouldn’t be possible as he was currently hand-cuffed to his desk wearing a hooded bondage mask with a ball gag down his throat.
Are you part of the Ipswich BDSM community? Do you have any compromising photographs of Police and Crime Commissioner Tom Pissmore?
Send them to pissmorepissedonme@suffolkgazette.dirtybastard.com.co.uk
So-called ‘record’ temperatures (measurements of heat that may or may not actually be hotter than previous measurements) have been melting the ‘bits of Brits’ up and down the country – with no end in sight!
Recent scorching temperatures (which are likely to end this coming weekend) have been reaching heights not seen since the last time temperature records were broken – in the 1970’s or 2010’s or whenever.
Double Cremation
In Lowestoft last weekend, a new ‘record’ temperature of 40.3 °C (104.5 °F) was recorded inside a telephone box on the promenade. Reportedly, the handle on the door was so hot, an elderly lady’s hand spontaneously combusted as she attempted to use the phone box to call her sister, Hilda in Bognor Regis, to remind her to feed the cats before she left for her Dignitas appointment.
Despite a plethora of weather forecasts and hundreds of years of precedent of Brits suffering sunburn, thousands of Brits suffered sunburn as the unyielding heat beat down on their pasty-white skin. Experts commented that to avoid self-immolation by autocremation (W.C. ‘setting oneself on fire’), one simply has to rub a substance called ‘suntan lotion’ into one’s skin before exposing it to prolonged ultraviolet light.
99.9 Fahrenheit degrees
As temperatures soared across the region, an ice cream van fell victim to the sun’s dazzling rays as it melted into the sand at Great Yarmouth. Some local feral children were rushed to hospital when it was discovered that the ‘free ice cream’ they had helped themselves to was mixed with toxic plastic and rubber from the van’s melted body moulding and Michelin tyres.
Wet Fish
Sir Michael Fish, weatherman father of John Kettley the weatherman, told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, “That’s it. You’ve had your sun for this year. It’s over.”
Forecasting a changeable outlook for next week, Fish added “New records being set next week cannot be ruled out, but this time it is more likely to be for rainfall. And I’m not ruling out a hurricane, either.”
