Friday, March 1, 2024

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Greater Anglia builds high-speed rail link

By Casey Jones, Rail Correspondent

Greater Anglia trains is to rival HS2 by building its own high-speed rail link in East Anglia, Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

The £3 million track will run from the company headquarters in Norwich, all the way to Barclays Bank in the city centre.

But no passengers will be allowed on board – instead it will be used to dispatch the piles of cash made daily at their expense.

The two-mile line will run a new armour-plated loco and carriages, each with armed guards on the roof to protect the previous day’s profit from furious commuters demanding their Delay Repay refunds.

Greater Anglia’s new high-speed train, dubbed The Profit Rocket
A railway industry source said: “HS2, the high speed rail project from London to the North has been getting all the headlines, but Greater Anglia has managed to keep this new line under wraps.

“The company makes so much profit that it wants to bank it as quickly as possible. So what better way than building a high-speed line to the bank? But I’m sure customers might prefer it if some of that profit was spent on replacing the 40-year-old trains they have to endure every day.”

A Greater Anglia spokesman would not confirm the news, but said passengers should be happy that the company has so far managed to refurbish one, yes ONE, of its 118-carriage mainline fleet with new seat covers and carpets.

One furious passenger said: “We are aghast at this new high-speed rail link to the bank. New trains, track and targeted high speed should be saved for the line into Liverpool Street.”

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