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For sale: Harvey Weinstein’s casting couch

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For sale: Harvey Weinstein’s casting couch

Casting couch

Owing to unforeseen circumstances, this beautiful casting couch is no longer required by its owner.

Mr Harvey Weinstein, of Hollywood in the USA, says he needs to sell the classy black leather couch as soon as possible.

The piece of furniture, which took pride of place in Mr Weinstein’s plush offices, was purchased new from Walmart in 1996.

Considering the amount of use it has had, it is in superb condition, aside from a couple of stains and some well-worn springs.

The casting couch is an ideal size for two people to enjoy, although three can use it at the same time if the opportunity arises.

Mr Weinstein, 65, has unexpectedly had to leave his office in recent days and is keen to get rid of the couch, of which he has some fond memories.

A pal of Mr Weinstein said: “This casting couch is one of the most famous in Hollywood. It is super comfortable and does its job jolly well.

“It is for sale for $75 and the new owner will get years of pleasure from it.

“For its age, it is in superb condition. It needs only a bit of a wipe down to bring it back to its former glory.”

Mr Weinstein was also selling two bathrobes and a bottle of massage oil, but these have already been snapped up by eager members of staff from the Los Angeles Police Department.

Anyone interested in purchasing the casting couch, can visit this link and make a prompt payment.

The buyer is expected to collect the casting couch, as Mr Weinstein has had to leave the area in order to check in to rehab.

Dartford Crossing to be free, but new charges for Orwell Bridge

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Dartford Crossing to be free, but new charges for Orwell Bridge

Dartford Crossing

Transport chiefs are planning to make the M25 Dartford Crossing FREE at last – but CHARGE drivers to use the Orwell Bridge in Suffolk instead.

The controversial plans will delight those who are fed up with paying to use the Dartford bridge or tunnel each time they cross the River Thames.

But the radical suggestion to introduce tolls on the Orwell Bridge will be met with storms of protest in Suffolk.

It has been free to cross the River Orwell since the bridge opened in 1982, and the route is busy with lorries heading to and from Felixstowe Port.

Orwell Bridge toll

Residents in Ipswich fear the new toll – which could be as high as £2.50 each way for cars, £4 for tractors and £6 for lorries – will drive much of the traffic off the A14 and through the town itself, causing gridlock.

Tolls for the Dartford Crossing were introduced when the first tunnel opened in 1963, and the charges were meant to be dropped once the tunnel was paid for.

However, an extra tunnel and then plans for what is now the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge meant the charges never stopped, much to the angst of drivers.

Dartford Crossing

The Department of Transport now believes users of the M25 Dartford Crossing have paid enough over the years, and it is only fair to make the revenue elsewhere.

Several new tolling areas were considered, but the Orwell Bridge is now number one on ministers’ list of targets.

They are now adding the finishing touches for a presentation to Cabinet next month.

Insiders say they will almost certainly not build toll booths on either side of the bridge, but instead erect number plate recognition cameras.

The Orwell Bridge

Motorists then have to ensure they go online to pay the relevant charge within 48 hours.

Similar to the online system currently used at Dartford, drivers can create an account and pay in bulk for multiple crossings.

Suffolk residents will likely be furious about the scheme, particularly as it seems they will not get any discount despite using the Orwell Bridge more often.

If the cabinet gives the go-ahead, it is likely the new charges will be applied midway through 2018.

Motorists and cyclists ‘secretly love each other’

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Motorists and cyclists ‘secretly love each other’

Cyclist


By Bernie Legg, Cycling Correspondent

Motorists and cyclists only pretend to hate each other in order to conceal their true love, it has emerged.

Experts found the behaviour of the two apparently warring factions was simply a ruse to cover up their romantic inclinations.

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“It’s like the old school disco, where the boys all stand on one side of the hall, and the girls on the other,” said Professor Lucy Garmin, head of psychology at Suffolk University.

“They point and laugh at each other. The boys make jokes about the girls’ hair, while the girls have a laugh at the boys’ clothes.

“But the truth is they really like each other but cannot pluck up the courage to go over and ask them to dance.”

Prof Garmin’s study of traffic user behaviour found that most motorists – particularly women – found middle-aged men in lycra (MAMILs) attractive and wanted to go out with them.

And cyclists dream of close passes with attractive drivers and would love them to play with their horn – but are too embarrassed to say so.

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“The findings were surprising to say the least,” explained Prof Garmin.

“People believe all the ranting between the two groups could turn violent at any time.

“But it turns out all the shouting, hand gestures and intimidation is just a childish form of foreplay.”

She has now called on roadside motels to offer cheap rooms where drivers and cyclists can hook up without being shy.

“Once everyone is open about it, the roads will be a safer place for all,” she added.

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Islamic State claims responsibility for Scotland World Cup exit

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Islamic State claims responsibility for Scotland World Cup exit

Scotland World Cup

The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for Scotland’s disastrous exit from the World Cup, it has emerged.

A statement published by the group’s Amaq propaganda agency said it was behind manager Gordon Strachan’s dismal team selection and tactics.

Scotland needed to beat lowly Slovenia to make the playoffs – and be in with a shot of reaching the World Cup finals in Russia next summer.

But despite scoring first, the bottling Scots ended up drawing 2-2, meaning they will have to settle back and watch England bore everyone rigid instead.

IS is quick to claim responsibility for disasters across the world, and tonight’s football implosion was no different.

Security experts said they doubted Isis was really behind Scotland’s defeat, but the cruel statement was intended to be an integral part of its psychological warfare against the west.

Scotland watched in growing horror as its team failed to rise to the occasion – the country has now failed to reach the World Cup finals since 1998.

A Scottish FA insider said: “Anyone who supports Scotland really should not have expected anything different.

“We only have ourselves to blame – Islamic State can bugger off.”

Meanwhile, England were confirmed as Group F winners, winning 1-0 away at Lithuania to make it 26 points from a possible 30.

“We have to cling on to our memories,” a Scottish football fan said, “like Archie Gemmill’s goal against Holland at the 1978 World Cup.”

Football fans in Scotland will now be cheering on Ireland in the hope they can reach the World Cup instead.

Common cold says its life has been ruined by Theresa May

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Common cold says its life has been ruined by Theresa May

Common cold

A common cold has told how his life has been ruined after being outed by Prime Minister Theresa May.

Virus Steve James said one minute he was flourishing happily within his victim – and the next all hell broke loose.

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“I was minding my own business for a few days. No one really knew I was there apart from Mrs May and her husband, who didn’t seem to have much to say at all.

“Then things took an unexpected turn. The old girl started coughing and spluttering on a stage in front of hundreds of people – and this sorry episode was then shown around the world.

“She blamed me for being irritating. Me? I was minding my own business, and then I’m apparently causing the implosion of the Conservative Party.

“Others went further and said the future of Brexit negotiations and the financial stability of the whole of Europe was at risk because of me.

“I know nobody really likes us colds, but I think blaming me for everything is a bit vindictive.”

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Speaking exclusively to the Suffolk Gazette, Mr James, who is nearly two weeks old, said he now expected to go down in history for all the wrong reasons.

He said that at one point Mrs May coughed so loudly that the lettering on a wall behind her started falling off.

“Most of us colds expect to be described as ‘a bit of a bugger’ or a ‘nasty old cold’.

“But to be portrayed as the biggest disaster in political history is embarrassing and just not fair.

“I’ve been the subject of horrendous abuse and trolling on social media. Something should be done about it.”

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Sonic boom RAF pilots ordered on speed awareness course

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Sonic boom RAF pilots ordered on speed awareness course

Sonic boom in Suffolk

By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

Two RAF pilots have been ordered to attend a police speed awareness course after their jets caused a sonic boom today.

The unnamed servicemen must fork out £90 each to attend the four-hour classroom exercise – or go to court and get three points on their license.

Thousands of startled residents heard a massive BOOM this morning when two RAF Typhoons went at supersonic speed to intercept a Ryanair flight, which had been the subject of a security hoax.

This means they broke the speed of sound and went over 750mph – well above the recommended speed limit.

The two jets then escorted the Luton-bound passenger aircraft into Stansted Airport where it was given the all clear.

But no sooner had the pilots landed back at RAF Coningsby in Lincolnshire than they received a letter from Norfolk and Suffolk Constabulary informing them of their speeding offence.

An RAF insider fumed: “Those bloody police speed cameras are a nightmare. The letter informs the pilots they were above the speed limit according to the annoying series of average speed cameras on the A12.

“As such they have to go on a speed awareness course and sit on the naughty step alongside all the other people who got caught going slightly over the speed limit.

“They were only doing their job, defending the country from potential attack!”

Suffolk Police confirmed there had been sonic booms over the county caused by the speeding jets but declined to discuss the speeding tickets.

The RAF has said it would consider appealing against the speed awareness course letter.

Observers were astonished the hoax involved a Ryanair flight from Lithuania in the first place.

One said: “It’s frankly an unbelievable story – everyone knows Ryanair flights are currently rarer than hen’s teeth.”

Greater Anglia promises usual service of delays and cancellations

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Greater Anglia promises usual service of delays and cancellations

Ipswich station

By Casey Jones, Railways Correspondent

Greater Anglia insists it will run a “normal service” during this week’s strikes – offering passengers the usual selection of delays and train faults.

Rail bosses are keen to point at that despite the train conductors walking out on Tuesday and Thursday, customers can still expect the same crap service.

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A Greater Anglia insider said: “Just because there is a strike does not mean we have to offer any less of a service than usual.

“We plan to offer a full service of delays, cancellations, and a great experience on our ancient rolling stock – at least the parts of it that still work.”

But travel-weary Greater Anglia passengers expect there to be even more problems than usual.

They say it is possible the train company will even exceed this greatest ever train delays announcement, which was published recently by the Suffolk Gazette to critical acclaim.

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One commuter, who travels from Ipswich to London every week day, said: “We are sorry the train conductors feel it necessary to go on strike.

“But for once we agree completely with Greater Anglia – the service will be the same as normal. Sh*t.”

Greater Anglia conductors are planning two days of industrial action because of plans to allow drivers to operate train doors.

The National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers said it would have safety implications and lead to job losses.

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Hugh Hefner’s funeral order of service sheets to stick together

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Hugh Hefner’s funeral order of service sheets to stick together

Hugh Hefner funeral

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s funeral will feature well-thumbed order of service sheets that stick together, it has emerged.

The soft porn mogul died aged 91 at the Los Angeles Playboy mansion he shared with his voluptuous 31-year-old wife, Crystal.

Millions of men worldwide used his trailblazing Playboy magazine to “entertain themselves” in the days before internet porn was just a click away.

His dying wish was that his order of service will have a novel feature.

A business associate explained: “We couldn’t very well include photos of bare-breasted lovelies in Hugh’s order of service. Not in the House of God.

“So to make the funeral as realistic as possible, Hugh requested that specialist printers in Suffolk, UK make the order of service pages stick together.

“This was Hugh’s cheeky wish, and it should bring back many happy memories for those who loved his work.”

Hefner began publishing Playboy from his kitchen in 1953. It fast became the largest-selling men’s magazine in the world.

Millions of copies a month flew of the top shelf at the peak of its popularity.

The magazine made him a millionaire and he went on to forge an empire that included casinos and nightclubs.

He was famous for his hedonistic behaviour, dating and marrying Playboy models, throwing decadent parties at the luxurious Playboy mansion.

He claimed to have slept with more than 1,000 women, and credited the impotence drug Viagra with maintaining his libido.

Family friend Jim Ben said: “I can’t wait for the funeral – it will bring back many happy memories to see the sticky order of service pages.”

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