We’re waiting for the Boris Johnson speech today (Photo: Chatham House under CC BY 2.0)
People have been asking: “What time is the Boris Johnson speech today?”
Thankfully, your ever-caring Suffolk Gazette political team has come up with the answer for you.
It’s 7pm.
Why have we taken the trouble to find the answer to this question, when we should be sitting at home doing nothing?
Because it means lots of you will have come from Google for the first time and become acquainted with our little corner of the internet.
We write lots of interesting articles, most of them with questionable fact-checking, so have a good nose around while you’re here.
What time is Boris Johnson speech today?
However, we can be certain that the Boris Johnson lockdown speech is indeed at 7pm.
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A fearsome new women’s group that forces men to stay off the booze is taking hold in Suffolk.
Battleaxe members insist they will reject any sexual advances if their husbands have had a drink.
Branches of Booze It, You Lose It have been popping up as far south as Framlingham after the group first launched in Kessingland last year.
Now, even music superstar Ed Sheeran, who lives just outside Framlingham, is worried his wife Cherry might sign up to the group.
Marjorie Dawes, 73, from Kessingland launched Booze It, You Lose It after becoming fed-up with her hen-pecked husband, Geoff, disappearing to the pub.
“Alcohol is the Devil’s work,” explained Marjorie, who is the stern-looking lady pictured pointing to the sign in the picture above.
“Men spend all their wages on drink and then still expect us to be their sexual playthings.
“Well no more! As our campaign slogan clearly states, ‘Lips that touch liquor shall not touch ours’.
“It’s the only language layabouts like my Geoff understand.”
The formidable members of Booze It, You Lose It are drawn mostly from the radical wing of the Women’s Institute, which is already embedded in every town and village across Suffolk.
Ladies there are made of strong stuff, and you really wouldn’t want to argue with them.
But their campaign is seemingly having little effect on the drinks industry.
Lorraine Fisher, 34, who runs a pub in Walberswick, said: “The number of men coming into the pub has not changed at all.
“In fact, more of them are drinking than ever so they DON’T have to go anywhere near the wife with no clothes on.
“I think it’s a bit of a relief for them, a weight off their minds.”
Elon Musk and his baby, A12 (Photo: Elon Musk/Twitter)
Tycoon Elon Musk raised a few eyebrows when he named his newborn son after the A12 road from London to Suffolk.
He and his partner, the singer Grimes, revealed they had named the baby X Æ A-12.
The X part, he explained, is an unknown variable, while the Æ part is an orthographic ligature (obviously).
But it was the Space X and Tesla boss’ inclusion of the A12 dual carriageway that caused most surprise.
He told the editor of California Mother and Baby magazine, Lorraine Fisher, 34, that the A12 was close to his heart for two reasons.
“Firstly, I have holidayed on the Suffolk coast for many years, and we always have to drive up the A12 to get there from Heathrow.
“We love the winding nature of the carriageway and its many potholes.
“Plus, we get to stop off at interesting places along the way. Like Witham and Ipswich.
“Secondly, the A12 was formerly used as an unofficial test track for my Tesla cars.
“That was until they put all those blasted average speed cameras up between Colchester and Ipswich. My drivers were getting more points than Ipswich Town FC.”
Young A12 and his mum are said to be doing well.
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A virtual stop to air traffic has seen dragons return to the skies over Norfolk, it has emerged.
The fiery creatures have become all but extinct except for parts of Norfolk, which is considered to be hundreds of years behind the rest of the UK.
Around seven breeding pairs are known to exist, mainly in the unchartered territory around Downham Market and the north-west of the county.
But with airplanes now virtually absent from the skies, the dragons are able to fly with more freedom.
One, pictured above, was even seen over Norwich yesterday, looking for a local peasant to feast upon.
Professor Lorraine Fisher, 34, Britain’s foremost dragonologist, said the creatures have been all but wiped out by commercial air traffic over Norfolk.
“There have been too many cases of dragon strikes, which is a danger to aircraft as well as killing the poor dragons.
“But with just about all planes grounded, the dragons are confident enough to fly around again.
“Norfolk people are therefore urged to keep their small animals and young children indoors.”
Local Norfolk man Bubba Spuckler, who lives with his sister and their eight children, said: “We always said there be dragons in Norfolk.”
Coronavirus has been tested for Piers Morgan and will miss today’s news.
The virus developed the classic Piers Morgan symptom of an irritating arse yesterday.
Medics advised coronavirus it could no longer front the news until being given the all-clear from a test.
News spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “COVID-19 began showing mild symptoms of Piers Morgan, including classic irritation and pain in the backside.
“The test results will be back later today, but we’re sure the nation will be sending good wishes in the meantime.”
Coronavirus had been a vociferous critic of the Government’s response to Piers Morgan testing in recent weeks.
There were growing fears that Piers Morgan was out of control, but this was denied by Health Secretary Matt Hancock.
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Google search has a bad impression of Suffolk’s major towns, calling most of them “a dump”, we can reveal.
Typing in a Suffolk town name followed by the word ‘is’ in the Google search bar generates an autocomplete list of suggestions for you to click.
And they are mostly unflattering or unintentionally funny, with only Haverhill appearing to be any good, with Google suggesting “Haverhill is happening”.
Which is ridiculous in itself.
Here is the new Google map of Suffolk. Please note only larger towns work – typing in smaller ones does not generate a “[town name] is” autocomplete suggestion.
Not great: Google’s suggestions for Suffolk towns do not paint a good impression
Here is the list of towns and descriptions we discovered on Google, where the autocomplete suggestions are based on search term input from other Google users…
Ipswich is a dump
Felixstowe is a dump
Felixstowe is in which country
Woodbridge is ghetto
Lowestoft is a dump
Lowesoft is bridge still closed
Bury St Edmunds is it a city
Bury St Edmunds where is it
Sudbury is small
Lakenheath is bombing your
Haverhill is happening
Halesworth is on the map
Mildenhall Istanbul Kebab
Orford is shithouse
Happily, typing in ‘Norwich is’ results in ‘Norwich is inbred’.
And on that bombshell, Google has redeemed itself in the eyes of the Suffolk Gazette.
With a population of approaching 800,000, the CBD Oil market place in the county of Suffolk is incredibly busy, and it is growing fast.
CBD oil really took off throughout the county around the end of 2017 as its legality was finalised by the UK government. This allowed for the sale of CBD products that had a maximum of 0.2% of THC in them. Since that point the market has spiralled upwards in terms of value and growth and looks unstoppable going through the 2020’s. Currently the market is worth around £300 million a year to the UK, with conservative estimates saying that by 2025 we will see it worth well over £1 billion a year in terms of sales value.
As popularity in the products has increased, with many using them for anxiety and stress disorders, ( even helping those withdrawing from drug dependency), pain relief and also for recovery after intense exercise, we have seen better and better quality products hit the market. Due mainly to a demand from those buying for better products that actually contain what they claim to. We have also seen Trade associations like Cannapro-UK, grow into being places consumers can go to hold rogue trading outfits accountable and make sure that those selling products do so ethically and within the law.
How big is the CBD market in Suffolk?
Currently, in 2020 and despite the Corona Virus, (that has only enhanced online sales of CBD Oils, Capsules and Vape products), the market is worth around £11million a year for the whole county. The value in a big town like Bury St Edmunds is a very healthy £900,000. These figures will likely increase by a factor of five by 2025. You are really looking at a major industry that not only creates many hundreds of jobs for the Suffolk population, but also generates high levels of taxation that can benefit our communities.
You can buy CBD products from companies online, or buy from market stalls or vape shops. It couldn’t be easier to get hold of high quality products, just remember to make sure you buy from suppliers who are members of a Trade association. Also make sure that you read carefully what product you are buying, what oil is it? Is it Full Spectrum or Broad Spectrum, Raw or Pure, filtered oil?
What products are popular to buy?
CBD tinctures, (oils you take with a pipette sublingually, under the tongue), still remain the most popular product purchased, usually around 1000mg in 10ml bottles. Tinctures are estimated to account for about 40% of the marketplace, not just in Suffolk, but also the UK.
Quickly chasing though are vape E Liquids, as vaping itself continues to grow in popularity. It is estimated around 35%, roughly, of the Suffolk CBD market could well be now Vape orientated.
A slow climber up the popularity charts would be capsules, like these, that are popular due to their ease of being taken and slow digestive qualities. Around 20% of the market is estimated to use CBD capsules.
The above figures are hard to be exact as most people will take combinations of products and also count capsules as edibles, which could also incorporate products like gummies and other confectionery that is made with CBD Oil. They do offer a decent estimate as to how the market around Suffolk is split between the main products sold to consumers.
What does the future hold?
As we have already addressed above, the market is growing five fold with the space of the next 5 years. That is astounding growth. That is also just based on retail and doesn’t include the extra money that could be generated if farming the Hemp plants as well was also widespread and industrialised. This is something that would likely be of interest to many farms that reside in the Suffolk area.
You will also see more of the “shady” sellers minimised online and in the shopping centers as regulations start to get tough and those mis selling CBD products are actually removed quickly from the marketplace. There is even talk of possibly having to be licenced to sell CBD Oil, we will see if anything materialises with that.
Importantly we are seeing the emergence of a popular, booming industry that will help create jobs and with fair and sensible regulation, a safe industry that will help Suffolk grow and prosper.
