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Is Max Hopp set to become the assistant manager of Liverpool Football Club?

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Over the years, there have been several examples of successful clubs failing to build on their success, after standing still from a player and staff recruitment standpoint. Crucially, Liverpool don’t want to fall into that trap. So, could a blossoming relationship between Hopp and Klopp see the Reds move to change the structure of their backroom staff? 

A potential backroom reshuffle for the Reds?  

Back in April 2018, Jurgen Klopp’s long-term assistant manager, Zeljko Buvac, left Liverpool Football Club for personal reasons. Despite Pep Lijnders being promoted to the role following the Serbian’s departure, the six-time European champions may look to further alter their backroom staff in the not-so-distant future, with Max Hopp thought to be keen on once linking up with his fellow German, but this time on Merseyside.

In December 2019, Klopp and Lijnders went head-to-head in a highly-anticipated darting contest, that saw two of Liverpool’s key coaching figures add a new dimension to their competitive relationship, which typically revolves around table tennis.

However, on this occasion, the two were partnered up with a couple of the best players from the modern era of darts in Max Hopp and Raymond van Barneveld. Even though the contest ended in a draw, it was evident throughout that team Germany worked in a cohesive manner that had a clear structure of order, with the 23-year-old referring to the Liverpool manager as the “coach”.  

Furthermore, with the Champions League-winning coach declaring his admiration for darts, many believe that there could be scope for the two Germans to develop their working relationship further in seeking to bring more trophies to Liverpool.  

The need for change 

Moreover, career alterations may be advantageous to all of the parties involved in this potential reshuffle. At the time of writing, Lijnders is widely considered to be one of the leading candidates to replace Klopp as the Liverpool manager when the 52-year-old decides to walk away from the Reds. If Hopp were to take up a role in a coaching capacity at Melwood, it would allow the 37-year-old Dutchman to further his managerial pedigree, given that, in his only position as a first-team manager to date, he was sacked after just one season with NEC Nijmegen.  

For Hopp, however, such a position with the reigning champions of Europe would, in theory, enable him to balance his darting commitments with football coaching.

As of the 30th April, the Wiesbaden-born player has yet to win any major trophies during his darting career. That said, he is, at present, among the favorites with darts betting to win the PDC Home Tour. Additionally, having failed to get beyond the last 32 at the PDC World Championships in seven attempts, it may be time for Hopp to shift his sporting focuses to the world of football.

If he were to make the move to Liverpool, the German would be, in one sense, going in the opposite direction to Rafael van der Vaart, who recently competed in the BDO Denmark Open following his retirement from football. 

A shared desire for long-term success 

Ultimately, the prospect of Hopp taking up a coaching capacity is not beyond the realms of possibility, given his strong relationship with Klopp. The 23-year-old is, by his own admission, an honest talker, which means that he wouldn’t have any issues in setting Liverpool’s title-chasing team clear on various elements of his desired coaching style.

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Boris and Carrie name baby CLIVE to raise nation’s spirits

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Boris Johnson baby called Clive
Clive Johnson

Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds have named their baby boy Clive to revive the nation’s flagging spirits.

Little Clive, who was born today and said to be doing well, brings back a famous British name that has been lost for generations.

Family spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “They had been part of the nation’s fabric, but recently, Clives have all but disappeared.

“The Prime Minister and his partner have selflessly called their new-born son Clive to cheer us all up.

“The return of a great British name like Clive is just what the nation needs during this time of the coronavirus pandemic.”

Aside from the fact that Clive was born this morning, and that everything with he and Carrie is well, we don’t know much more.

We have no idea yet how big Clive is, for example. But we do know his full name is Clive Brian Kevin Guy Gary Steve Johnson.

It’s been many years since we have celebrated Clives in Britain. Here are some great Clives of the past:

  • Clive James, showbiz
  • Clive Owen, acting
  • Clive Lloyd, cricket
  • Clive Woodward, rugby
  • Clive Dunn, Dad’s Army
  • Clive Anderson, TV
  • Clive Allen, football

Er, that’s it.

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Manchester City beat Norwich as Premier League action resumes

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Action from today's Premier League match between Man City and Norwich
Action from today’s Premier League match between Man City and Norwich

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Premier League football has finally returned, with champions Manchester City beating Norwich City in a behind-closed-doors fixture.

With players forced to wear new COVID-19 protective strips, the City side outclassed the Canaries, winning 4-0.

Normal home advantage did not count, with crowds forced to stay away for social distancing reasons.

But City got used to the protective suits much faster, romping to a 2-0 lead inside 20 minutes, with Sergio Aguero and Raheem Sterling on the scoresheet.

Another goal by Kevin de Bruyne just before half-time made it 3-0 at the break. Aguero added his second and City’s fourth in the last minute as the Manchester club took their foot off the gas in the second half.

The game was the first to be played since coronavirus lockdown restrictions put all sport on hold. Many fans had predicted the outcome having used GameDayr.com to find a fantasy team betting site like Draft Kings.

Premier League secretary Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It was a thrill to see professional matches return.

“Despite players having to wear full-body protective suits, and the crowd being banned, some things didn’t change – like Norwich getting spanked as usual.”

Defeat leaves Norwich rooted to the bottom of the Premier League.

They play at Carrow Road next week, against West Ham. The stadium will again be empty, but Norwich are used to playing in silence at home.

This story was inspired by the Have I Got News for You Facebook page.

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Pensioner stuck up tree, rescued by firemen

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A hapless elderly man spent seven hours stuck up a tree before being rescued by firemen.

The sprightly 83-year-old became wedged between two branches after clambering 25 feet up a pine tree in Ipswich while trying to retrieve a kite.

But because he was suffering from a cold, nobody in Christchurch Park heard his cries for help – and he was only spotted by a passing dog walker looking at squirrels.

She called the fire brigade, who sent an engine with a turntable ladder to the park to rescue the man, who has asked not to be named.

 

pensioner-stuck-up-tree
Safe again: rescued pensioner uses fireman’s phone to call his wife

 

The pensioner told firemen he had been enjoying his daily constitutional walk around the park when he spotted the kite stuck up a tree.

“The kite had clearly been abandoned,” one of the fire crew told the Suffolk Gazette, “and he decided to get it down and give it to his great-grandson as a present.

“Unfortunately he discovered that while getting up was quite easy, even for a man of his age, getting down again was another thing entirely.

“He said he was there for seven hours before a lady with a dog spotted him at 4pm. He had begun to wonder if he would be there all night.”

The man, who lives near the park, was shaken but otherwise unhurt after his ordeal and borrowed one of the firemen’s mobile phones to call his relieved wife to tell her he was okay.

And he promised everyone he would not go tree climbing again.

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Donald Trump disinfectant injection idea shocks Norfolk

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Norfolk people urged to wash
Norfolk people usually wash just once a year

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

The residents of Norfolk were astonished by President Trump’s COVID-19 Dettol or bleach solution – because they had never heard of disinfectant before.

Mr Trump’s revelations have opened a whole new world of cleanliness and personal hygiene for Norfolk residents.

Traditionally, folk’s from the rural East Anglian backwater take just one community shower each year, at a Norfolk Day festival.

But now they have found out there is something called disinfectant, their hygiene options have taken a massive step forward.

Director of East Anglian Public Health Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The President’s comments about injecting disinfectant were ridiculous.

“But the positive is that people in Norfolk have now heard of disinfectant.

“We will be busy educating them about the benefits of Dettol and bleach.

“This will go a long way to bringing their hovels up to modern day cleanliness expectations.”

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President Trump: I have been drinking Dettol for years

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President Trump

President Trump has reassured Americans that injecting themselves with a disinfectant is a perfectly safe way to combat COVID-19.

Indeed, he confirmed he had been drinking neat Dettol for the past 40 years – and it hadn’t apparently done him any harm.

The President told an astonished press conference yesterday that perhaps injecting disinfectant was a great way to “clean the lungs” and rid the body of the coronavirus.

He told perplexed aids afterwards: “I’ve been drinking three bottles of Dettol a day for years. Believe me. It’s why I look so great. Really great.

“Bleach, I drink that too. Got white teeth, best white teeth in the world. People are saying, ‘How does Donald get such brilliant white teeth’. They tell me I look great.

“It’s now up to the Governors to start detergent injection programs. They asked for them, I provided them. More than any other country. The biggest Dettol injection program in history. No-one’s ever done it before, believe me.”

Doctors were quick to urge dumb Trump supporters not to start injecting themselves with anything, let alone disinfectant.

Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Donald Trump is living proof that doing so will make your hair go weird, your skin go orange and turn you into a gibbering moron.”

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Harry and Meghan refuse to cut ties with the Suffolk Gazette

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By The Editor

For more than 124 years, the Suffolk Gazette has been an online newspaper of record, beloved and respected by kings, queens and common people.

As a trusted truth-seeker, we have watched aghast as certain periodicals played fast and loose with the facts while covering the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

It was no surprise when Harry and Meghan announced this week that they were cutting all cooperation with Britain’s tabloid press.

But we here, from our palatial offices in East Anglia, were never concerned. We have only ever written the truth about the Sussex newly-weds.

It was no coincidence that the Royal pair will continue their cooperation with your favourite newspaper.

Harry’s press attache Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Both Harry and Meghan have always admired the Suffolk Gazette’s high standards.

“We are hoping to invite the Editor to Los Angeles shortly to give him an exclusive interview.”

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Waitrose takes advantage of social distancing to ban common people

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Waitrose

Upmarket supermarket Waitrose has taken social distancing to a whole new level – by banning all the working classes from its premises.

The new rules, which came into force this week, ensure that common people are kept well apart from the nice middle-classes shoppers.

Waitrose spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We wish our shoppers to feel like they are king or queen of the store when they visit.

“They should be able to park the Audi or Volvo and walk around without the prospect of coming into any sort of contact with the great unwashed.

“The coronavirus social distancing requirements have given us the perfect cover to do what we always wanted – ban the oiks.”

Waitrose security staff will now man the doors carrying out working class detector tests, involving studying visitors clothing brands and checking how they smell.

But common person Steve Walshe hit back.

“The can stick their artichoke hearts where the sun don’t shine,” he said.

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