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Resident spotted suspicious plants outside Ipswich council

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Resident spotted suspicious plants outside Ipswich council

It was resident Tray Veronica, a gardener who spotted the 6 suspicious plants outside the display of the Ipswich council. She raised concerns and demanded they be removed effectively.

She claimed that she can recognize most plant species. So when she saw the cannabis plants, her head was spinning in great concern.

Veronica made an acute observation in which she said,

“They were pretty huge. Which means they have been there for a while because someone has been maintaining them. It might be their idea of a joke.”

They noticed the plants on Wednesday during one of the village’s floral displays.

Statement by Ipswich Council:

A few days before discovering them, the council posted pictures on Facebook saying the plants look nice because the locals are watering and maintaining them during the summer heat.

Ipswich council made a public statement saying that they were not part of this year’s botanical layout. They have no idea how they got there. They have handed the plants over to the police.

The police just to be safe smoked them in order to effectively verify that they were cannabis plants.

Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent said, “We had to smoke them in order to verify, we had no choice. It’s the law”

Do you think these plants “migrated” here or did someone plant them here?

Someone on Facebook said, “the seeds are common in bird seed mixes which might end up in other gardens which will begin to blossom.”

What Ipswich council experts say?

Botanist Lorraine Fisher – 34, author of “Why Cannabis Plants Get Lonely” and “THC: The Hero’s Charm” explains that sometimes cannabis plants get lonely so they want to wander and gentrify other botanical gardens.

Disney and Pixar are currently looking for screenplay writers to write and produce a kids story about this phenomenon. It is reported that Boris Johnson and Ricky Gervais might be attached to the project.

After further investigation, the police department was able to view the security footage to see who might have planted the seeds there.

What they found was Arnold Schwarzenegger and Snoop Dogg driving around late at night hitting mailboxes with a bat.

Snoop was driving and Arnold was hitting the mailboxes.

What they saw was Snoop getting out of the car and indeed planting the seeds there.

No major charges have been made against the rapper. Just a small fine for public indecency and destruction of property.

Case closed.

Must Farm fully preserved bronze age settlement discovered

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Must Farm fully preserved bronze age settlement discovered
Must Farm bronze age

Archaeologists discovered Bronze Age settlement preserved in Must farm Cambridgeshire also known as “Britain’s Pompeii”.

Items such as axes, spears, sickles, and logboats dating back to 1300 BC to 700 BC will be displayed nearby Flag Fen until Wednesday.

The ancient artefacts will be displayed at The Must farm Finds roadshow which is a component of the Flag Fen’s Festival of Archaeology.

Must farm has been regarded as extremely significant by Historic England.

Special artefacts are constantly sprayed with a wax and water solution to prevent any further decay.

Maybe I should start taking a shower with this stuff because I feel like I am aging very fast.

Flag Fen is by far the most significant Bronze Age archaeological site in Britain. I am sure archaeologists will continue to dig around for more artefacts from the bronze age.

Must farm fact finding:

Peter Grimes is a history teacher at a local Suffolk high school. He said:

”I was teaching my morning history class, and all day yesterday I was excited to share with my students that they found an item preserved from the bronze age. When I asked what they thought it was, one student shouted, It was a big black sexy sex toy ! ” It broke my heart that they don’t care about history.”

Peter Grimes put his two year notice at the end of that day. He cannot tolerate his students’ impatience for history.

He later stated, “Don’t they know that during the bronze age, the wheel was invented. Should I say that again? Hello? The…wheel…was…invented during that time”

Conclusion:

Peter Grimes will now spend his retirement posting content on TikTok and social media regarding the bronze age and Must farm. That’s the only way He can get the students interested in the bronze age and its significance.

Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court after being labeled Transphobic

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Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court after being labeled Transphobic
Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court

Allison Bailey has been awarded £22,000 after winning her case in which she was discriminated against because of her gender beliefs.

She is a barrister at Garden Court Chambers (GCC) in London where she was being labeled as “trans-phobic” in 2019.

GCC was tweeting saying they are gonna go look at her old tweets in order to find some dirt on her regarding her views on sex changes.

So be careful out there kids. If you are 11 and tweeting something offensive, in 89 years, someone will dig it up and use it against you. They even started canceling dead people. That makes no sense.

An LGBT charity teamed up with GCC to scheme against Ms Bailey. That’s when she accused Stonewall of “trans-extremism”.

“Trans-extremism”, I had to look that word up on Urban Dictionary. It’s not there yet.

What’s even more insane is that Ms Bailey is a full blown Lesbian..or is it Pescatarian or Episcopalian…one of those.

The point is that she likes women and the LBF9*& group is turning against their own people.

You can’t make this up!

Allison Bailey who is a lesbain simply believes that a woman should be defined as an “adult human female”.

Her salary decreased because of these kinds of views against trans people.

Wait until the days when we have robot judges and robot cops. I don’t think they are capable of being transphobic unless someone programs the software to act transphobic.

Or how about the octopus that predicts who will win the world cup. I don’t think that octopus is biased. We should have an octopus as part of the jury from now on. They seem to know what they are doing.

This has never been the case ever in the history of court cases. Imagine if Charles Bronson or OJ

Simpson said, “I don’t feel like I’m in my safe space. Please don’t assume my gender.”

If you get in trouble and you are on trial, just say that you woke up that day and DECIDED that you wanna change your pronouns. So when the plaintiff is questioning you, just say you feel offended that they are not calling you by the desired pronouns. This will effectively reduce his lawyer’s income dramatically. Then when the case is over, change your pronouns back.

The real Impossible:

Doug Trench, a lawyer in London says he will now encourage all his defendants to identify as both male and female cartoon characters.

He stated, “If I am ever losing a case, I can always use the trans-extremism card to win the case.

It’s not a bad plan b to have. I recommend it.”

Doug Trench also started teaching Trans-extremism 101 at Oxford. He wants every lawyer to use it in court. You can also access his course on Youtube Premium. It’s only a matter of time that it’s not going to be YOUtube any more, but THEY/THEM tube or IT tube.

If singer Demi Lovato can go from “she” to “they/them”, then back to “she”, then so can you.

This is what Allison Bailey will do from now on in her professional career.

If they ask her, what do you identify as, she will say “All of them. I am all the things about being human.”

How Aldi is able to afford a second pay rise to 26,000 workers?

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How Aldi is able to afford a second pay rise to 26,000 workers?

Aldi is a German company who initially began life as a corner store. Fast forward to today, Aldi is the UK’s 5th largest supermarket with more than 900 stores across Britain.

ALDI will start to pay their workers £10.50 an hour nationally and £11.95 within the M25 from September this year.

Aldi’s minimum wage rate is currently £10.10 outside London, and £11.55 within the M25.

Aldi CEO Giles Hurley, stated that the new pay raise will be the “UK’s highest paying supermarket.”

It is estimated that Aldi will essentially give a sum total of £43million to all their workers in terms of pay rises as well as £830 to each store worker annually in paid breaks.

It is also reported that 1,000 new logistic jobs will be created this year.

Aldi isn’t the only supermarket increasing their wages this year.

A few fun facts about Aldi.

Aldi doesn’t accept coupons. It’s so that cashiers can keep the lines moving instead of wasting time clipping and scanning coupons.

The only way to use a Trolley at Aldi is by paying a deposit which is by inserting a ruler in the mounted coin slot which unlocks the trolley. This prevents thefts and encourages people to return the trolley.

This is one of the reasons why Aldi workers are getting a pay rise.

Due to the pandemic and inflation rates, there has been an upsurge of gamblers trying to get control of their lives.

They have been gambling in the strangest ways.

The way they do it is they insert the ruler in the trolley and the person has to pick a certain amount of items, go to check out, bag everything themselves, and return the trolley in a given amount of time.

If they meet the time, they win and get their quarter back plus 100 dollars, if not, they have to pay a hefty sum of cash up to 5 thousand dollars depending on their time.

This is why the CEO said we will be giving that “lost money” to our employees.

Who doesn’t love a pay raise right? But not in this particular way.

Aldi employee, Mr Walshe, 39, decided to open up his own Aldi store and is now a proud franchise owner.

Aldi supervisor, Peter Grimes decided to buy a tiger.

Another employee by the name of Doug Trench decided to buy a boat and a tiger.

Who knows what will happen if they continue to increase their wages.

Who Will Contest Super Bowl LVII?

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Who Will Contest Super Bowl LVII?
Who Will Contest Super Bowl LVII?

Although such things are open to debate and conjecture, there is a feeling that the 2022-23 NFL season could be the most unpredictable in years.

Neither of last year’s Super Bowl protagonists, Los Angeles Rams and Cincinnati Bengals, are particularly fancied to repeat their heroics, and it does feel as though there is a chasm waiting to be filled in both the AFC and NFC conferences.

The sportsbooks tend to be on the money with their NFL odds, and to that end the analysts are suggesting that it will be either the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+700) or the Green Bay Packers (+1000) that are the most likely Super Bowl champions from the NFC, while the Buffalo Bills (+650) and the Kansas City Chiefs (+900) are predicted to lead the way for the AFC.

One associated betting market that is of interest is in forecasting which two teams will contest Super Bowl LVII in Arizona on February 12, 2023, and in that spirit here’s some insight and analysis that may well bear fruit in the near future.

Beatable Bills?

It’s not rocket science that if you combine a successful offense with a watertight defense, you will do rather well in football.

The Bills had both of those elements down to a fine art in 2021-22, and will have been devastated to lose to the Chiefs in the AFC divisional playoffs.

The loss of offensive coordinator Brian Daboll could also hit hard, and the Bills’ relative lack of big-game experience – they haven’t won the AFC Conference in 30 years – suggests they can be taken on as the betting market favorites.

Message Received for Green Bay

Any team with Aaron Rodgers at quarterback has a chance of being successful.

But he still needs quality targets to make the most of his passing variety, and it has to be said that Green Bay – as far as potential Super Bowl combatants are concerned – are a little light in this area.

Wide receiver Davante Adams has headed for the bright lights of Las Vegas, and that’s 1,550 yards and eleven touchdowns from the 2021 regular season that the Packers will need to make up for – with limited quality waiting in the wings, it has to be said.

Defensively strong, it seems doubtful that Green Bay have the offensive class to go all the way to the Super Bowl.

Expect the Unexpected

The other fancied franchise in the AFC, Kansas City Chiefs, have lost their own star receiver – Tyreek Hill hitting the road to join the Miami Dolphins.

Opportunity knocks then, and it may well be an outfit like the Baltimore Ravens that comes calling. Their 2021 campaign was waylaid by injuries, but the rollcall of players fit to start this term – Marcus Peters, J.K. Dobbins, Gus Edwards, Ronnie Stanley, Tyus Bowser and more – suggests improvement is likely.

Lamar Jackson and All-Pro ace Mark Andrews add star quality, and with a solid draft the Ravens could yet surprise plenty in the AFC.

And that could lead them to a Super Bowl LVII date with Tampa Bay, who still look the strongest side in the NFC. That would be a meeting that can be backed at odds of +4000 with the sportsbooks, and both teams would surely offer bettors an excellent run for their money.

Saudi Arabia to build a 75 mile long skyscraper

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Saudi Arabia to build a 75 mile long skyscraper
Saudi Arabia to build a 75 mile long skyscraper

The 75 mile long skyscraper will have mirror sides that will traverse the desert, mountains and cut all the way to the coast.

This wonderful 75 mile long skyscraper mirror building will cost up to a trillion dollars with a capacity of five million people. The building will be ready by 2030 and will be carbon neutral.

What 75 mile long skyscraper will offer?

Reports say that inside, there will be floating trees, a high-speed train, stadiums, marinas for boats and many other amenities.

This sounds like something out of a science fiction movie.

After hearing about this, Stephen King ran into the writers room of Black Mirror and they haven’t slept in 5 days because they are furiously writing the next black mirror episode.

Many don’t know this but architecture was once an Olympic sport. Saudi Arabia would win this competition.

Lorraine fisher – 34

What is a skyscraper?

Imhotep, born in 2650 BC, has the title of being the first recorded architect. He would have definitely been one of the judges at the architect Olympics.

A skyscraper essentially erases the sky by sticking out and blocking it. It’s essentially scraping the sky.

How much 75 mile long skyscraper will cost?

An average skyscraper weighs approximately 222,500 tons and can range from $150 Million to $1Billion to build it. This building will be $1 Trillion.

If King Kong or The Avengers destroy it, then it’s not going to be a great outcome for them to say the least.

Concerns & Questions:

There are many questions concerning the design such as:

“Aren’t birds going to crash into the mirrors?”

“What if I come home drunk and I don’t know what side of the mirror I’m supposed to be on?”

“Wouldn’t the billionaires be inside while the rest of us would be outside?”

“Wouldn’t the sun reflect on the mirror and burn everything around it? It’s in the middle of the desert after all.”

Suffolk to help Saudi Arabia:

Saudi officials consulted with a special architect for this mighty 75 mile long skyscraper.

Suffolk architect Mr. Walsh said he will do the project under one condition: it will be made from Legos and cotton candy for the insulation.

This is the only way the building will be carbon neutral.

Saudi officials thought this was a ridiculous idea but eventually agreed.

Mr. Walsh comes from a long generation of architects.

His father helped build many football stadiums in the UK and Europe.

Going back in his family tree, his other relatives helped build the pyramids, the Eiffel tower, and the skyscrapers in the city of Atlantis

He is the perfect person to help build the mirror line.

Selfridges offering premium sex and sleep at corner shops

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Selfridges offering premium sex and sleep at corner shops
Selfridges offering premium sex and sleep at corner shops

Selfridges a chain of high-end department stores in the UK is now offering sex and sleep at local corner shops.

Selfridges & Co has a consumer rating of 1.28 out of 5 indicating that customers are generally dissatisfied with their purchases, particularly with customer service. I’m sure their ratings are going to climax higher than the sexy sex that is allegedly going on.

What is Selfridges sex and sleep?

Selfridges is not offering any sex service. They are offering different ways to optimise your sex and sleep through unique, one of a kind, patented products.

The police station heard about this, so they decided to send an undercover cop to see what kind of services they are really offering.

Hugh Dennett, Crime Correspondent went undercover to see what was going on.

Purpose behind Selfridges sex and sleep:

The agent documented everything with his sunglasses on which had a small camera built in. After a brilliant investigation he brought the footage back to the station and all the police officers wanted a copy of it.

Officer wanted to find a way where he could last 8 hours in bed and only need 3 hours of sleep all while gaining height, gaining muscle and losing fat at the same time.

They gave him some CBD.

The staff said, “This special matcha CBD infused solution will cure all your ailments.”

Dennett responded with, “It didn’t cure anything, it only gave me the runs for 3 weeks straight. Now I can’t see out of my left eye.”

Conclusion:

If any departmental store is going to offer sex, it would be Victoria Secret’s. But they don’t.

Or maybe that’s been their secret this whole time, that they do offer it , you just have to give them the passcode.

I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with “Clorainne, Sniffer, 34.”

Selfridges won the 2020 ‘Retailer of the Year’ title at the Positive Luxury Awards.

I guess they won’t be getting another trophy in 2023 after Hugh Dennett’s honest review.

Undercover squirrel breaks into Norwich BnQ

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Undercover squirrel breaks into Norwich BnQ
squirrel breaks into Norwich BnQ
Norwich B&Q

Apparently, a “not so” highly intelligent squirrel was caught stealing food inside a BnQ Norwich store for the ultimate heist.

How nuts is that?

It happened on a saturday night when a burglar alarm was triggered which called out Norwich police to the crime scene at Norwich BnQ.

The first question the officer asked was “How many nuts can a squirrel fit in his mouth?”

I guess this is the equivalent of a human robber having a big bag with a dollar sign on it.

The squirrel was photographed near a barbecue grill at Norwich BnQ before it successfully fled the scene of the crime.

Did he at least wear a black mask to hide his identity? Well according to the footage, he didn’t wear anything to conceal his identity.

Want to know what’s even more nutty?

It turns out that the Norwich BnQ thief was the ex star of the Alvin and the Chipmunks successful film franchise.

He was currently not working on any films due to his addiction of stealing nuts and other crime related endeavours.

His agent and manager Mr Walshe, 39, fired him due to his destructive habits.

Walsh said,

“I believe all this Hollywood success got to his head. He is paranoid of the alleged nut shortage that will come”.

Alvin now lives a life of crime stealing from other chipmunks and breaking into DIY stores for supplies.

Alvin stated,

“I am preparing for the nut shortage that will inevitably happen. Inflation prices are out of control which will affect the supply chain. I need to support my family. If it means I have to steal, then so be it.”

Findings:

Some species of squirrels can fly which is why they were never able to capture Alvin.

His ability to fly away is unmatched for killer police drones.

Alvin is still on the loose. There is a bounty on alvin.

Whoever finds and captures him will be rewarded 88 nuts, a lifetime supply of peanut butter, and the ultimate cure for peanut allergies, all tax free.

Be advised that he lies, he might be flying over your very own eyes.

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