The public has been warned of sharks landing on roofs due to aquatic tornadoes after Southwold local finds great white shark on her roof.
It turns out it wasn’t tornadoes but a group of devoted religious people.
Religious people were doing a re-enactment of the story of Moses parting the sea but went terribly wrong.
During the re-enactment, they parted the sea which caused the sharks to land on people’s roofs.
The Loch ness monster landed in portman road stadium.
Debris from the city of Atlantis landed inside Astro Turf, Wattisham Airfield stadium.
The whale from moby dick landed inside the Gold star stadium.
Meanwhile, a football fan rang Suffolk Gazette after he saw local finds great white shark on her roof:
“There I was in the stadium, it was the last 5 minutes of the Anglian Derby when all of a sudden, a giant white shark landed in the middle of the field. They continued playing around the shark and Ipswich won 3-2.
Lorraine Fisher – 34, creator of The Parting of the Seare-enactment had this to say after Southwold local finds great white shark on her roof:
“We are terribly sorry for all the ocean life landing all over England and the Netherlands”
“This is our very 1st annual parting of the sea re-enactment”
“We made a mistake because we were supposed to part the sea in which the water lands north and south. We read the instructional manual wrong and split the sea going east and west”
The police has made an official statement saying that they will no longer use german shepherds to help the force. Because german shepherds only want to play fetch. That is why Police soon to replace German Shepherds with Honey badgers
They will be using honey badgers. They are also known as “Ratels.” which is a mixture of the words “Rat” and ”Cartel.”
Honey badgers have an incredible ability to “Rat Out” criminals. That’s where the name “Ratels” comes from.
The slang word to “rat someone out” means that you tell an authority about something bad someone has done.
This is why the police are using honey badgers after they will replace German shepherds.
Lorraine Fisher 34, is a renowned German shepherd expert.
In her book, The Goodest Boy Who Swam With The Dolphins, she talks about how german shepherds are evolving to be more playful and less violent.
They no longer want to fight crime. She believes all the drugs that they have sniffed from criminals are changing their genes, making them calm and playful.
She says, “imagine consuming all those drugs little by little for decades. It will have an effect on your body and mind”.
She theorizes that the same thing will happen to honey badgers.
“In a few decades, they will no longer want to help the police by telling on criminals. They will keep the secrets to themselves”, Fisher explains.
She encourages the police department to use robots and advised to replace German shepherds, similar to the one in the movie Robocop.
She stated, “Robots don’t need to consume drugs when sniffing suspects. It will do nothing to their mind and body. If they start malfunctioning, just simply update their software and they are good to go”.
Car owners with no air conditioning are driving their cars into the water to stay cool.
It seems to be a trend on social media right now.
Teenagers are sneaking out with their parents’ cars and driving it off a cliff straight into the water. They are doing this to get more likes on social media.
One man said that he accidentally typed in air conditioning in his GPS and it gave him directions to drive the car into the ocean off the boardwalk.
He said, “It’s okay because my vehicle insurance covers this and plus, it’s a free car wash from mother nature.”
Experts say that if the car is submerged underwater, you can’t just open the windows to get some air, you will get salt water instead.
They are urging car owners with no air conditioning to simply go for a swim or do an ice bath at home.
Lorraine Fisher, 34, is the creator of Can You Escape Poseidon?
In her show, participants drive a car into the ocean. Whoever can escape the fastest wins a cash prize. During an interview, She gave us tips on how to survive this scenario.
This is what she had to say,
“Always carry water guns just in case sharks are nearby. They are absolutely terrified of water guns.”
“Instead of air bags, equip your car with a full scuba set. Simply punch the steering wheel and a full scuba suit and tank will come out of the steering wheel.”
“If your car turns into a submarine, then it’s perfectly okay to drive into the ocean. Just make sure you completely fill the inside of your car with ice to stay cool because you will not be able to open the windows underwater.”
“And just remember, you will only have 2-3 minutes to get out of the car”.
The farmers of Norfolk began harvesting bumper crop of fire. They are calling it Lucifer’s broccoli.
In agriculture, the word “bumper” refers to a crop that yields an unusual large amount of harvest. In this case, a large harvest.
Farmers are confused because the Norfolk bumper crop keeps catching on fire.
It’s a phenomenon known as spontaneous combustion.
Norfolk bumper crops of fire being harvested of strawberries, tomatoes, apples, Christmas peppers, as well as lucifer’s broccoli are all catching on fire at exactly 6pm.
Scarecrows are spontaneously combusting which looks like something out of a horror film.
Extra-terrestrial experts believe that the reason why the crops are catching on fire is because the aliens want to erase the messages they are leaving.
The crop circle messages have been decoded by a cryptologist named Pete Peters. The message says, “send nudes.”
Experts believe that aliens do not want to get caught by their wives. So as soon as the aliens leave the dirty messages, they essentially burn the messages to leave no traces.
“We don’t know where the aliens came from or why they are doing this, but we are trying our best to put a stop to all of this”, said the Prime Minister after Norfolk bumper crop of fire being harvested.
It has been confirmed that a new series of Baywatch will start productiononLowestoft beach.
It is reported that the only way the original actors such as David Hasselhoffand Pamela Andersonwill do the show is if they are paid £9 million per episode.
Which is more than what Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon are getting paid per episode for the Morning Show; £2 million.
It is reported that Dwayne Johnson and Jason Mamoa will reprise their roles. But we will see them as Black Adam and Aquman respectively. They will be the main villains of the show.
Johnson and Mamoa destroy the Claremont Pier and the Thatch Cottage in multiple episodes.
They wait until the city rebuilds it, then they destroy it again.
The writers of the show said, “we want the audience to really feel like they are there at Sandy’s Toes during these events.”
Baywatch was known for their slow mo shots of the lifeguards running towards danger to make the actors look sexy. This was inspired by the Olympics. There will be a total of 108 hours of slow mo scenes at Lowestoft beach.
The producers were able to buy the rights for £10 because at the time, there was no single individual to control the assets of the show.
Just like in the original series, in the reboot, nobody will be allowed to gain weight.
“As long as they are gonna be on the show, they have to remain as fit as humanly possible”, said one of the producers.
One of the executive producers stated that they are using a total of 209 bottles of sunscreen a day on set at Lowestoft beach.
Horse racing has plenty of festivals and one is in Suffolk next month. Newmarket is the course to go to for the Moët & Chandon July Festival.
There’s not one, not two but three days of top class horse racing to watch. From July 7 to 9, if you want a day out watching racing and trying on some of the latest fashions, then Newmarket will offer you all of that. Oh, and don’t forget the return of Après Racing featuring some great hits being played by Radio 1 DJ Adele Roberts and Denise van Outen.
July 7 is Ladies Day so that’s when all the fancy dresses and hats are to be seen. The racing that day is highlighted by the Group 2 Princess of Wales’s Stakes.
That’s run over a mile and a half, and the highest rated entrant is Hurricane Lane. The Charlie Appelby trained runner has won twice over the distance. However, Hurricane Lane can go further and won the St. Leger last year.
Other possible runners include Pyledriver, who was recently second in the Coronation Cup. Alpinista will be attempting to win a sixth straight race. Victories have included two recent Group 1 wins in Germany and last year won the Lancashire Oaks.
July 8 sees the Group 1 Falmouth Stakes take place with recent Royal Ascot winner Inspiral at 4/7 to be the winner. If successful, it’ll be her third win at Newmarket. The filly has come a long way from winning in Class 4 at the 2021 July meeting. All five of her races have been won and the filly will be difficult to beat in this race.
The British Gambler that compares the best horse wagering firms in Great Britain assures: Homeless Songs will be out to cause a surprise and can be baked at 7/1. May saw this Dermot Weld trained runner win the Irish 1000 Guineas. Already a Group 2 winner at Newmarket this year, Dreamloper (8/1) followed that up with a Group 1 success in Longchamp.
Saturday July 9 is the final day of the festival and there are two great races scheduled. If you love trying to work out a difficult handicap, then the Bunbury Cup is ideal for you. This is a Class 2 handicap run over seven furlongs and even the joint favourites are 8/1.
Montassib is one of those joint favourites and trained by William Haggas. He’s won twice this year and could have also won the Buckingham Palace Stakes at Royal Ascot with a clearer run and has less weight to carry here.
The other joint favourite hails from the John and Thady Gosden stable. Samburu also has two wins this season but was sixth last time out in the Group 3 Jersey Stakes at Royal Ascot. Back down in class, this contender only has 8st 5lbs to carry and at 8/1 looks a good tip for success.
The Group 1 Darley July Cup is the main attraction on the last day of the festival. This six furlong race sees Royal Ascot winner Perfect Power as the current 2/1 favourite. The Richard Fahey trained runner looks to follow up his Coronation Cup success.
Earlier this season, Perfect Power was seventh in the 2000 Guineas at Newmarket. That was over a mile and proved to be too far for him. Moving down to six furlongs worked well at Royal Ascot and could do so again in July.
Due to high gas prices, the citizens of Norfolk are getting creative when it comes to public transportation. A very first Uber spotted in Norfolk.
Tractors and sofas have risen 400% in the last quarter because Uber drivers are using tractors instead of regular vehicles.
You don’t need a special kind of license to drive the tractors, just your normal automobile license. You can also put the tractor under your normal vehicle insurance policy.
After first Uber spotted in Norfolk, Uber drivers have stated that sometimes it can take up to 5 hours to drive 10 miles because the tractor only goes 2 miles an hour. But it is better than paying for the over priced gas.
And when it comes to maintenance, a technician will come to you to service your tractor while you rest in the comfort of your own home.
Lorraine Fisher, 34, is the owner of a tractor company. She had this to say,
“We lease the tractors fully equipped with couches to Uber drivers. Our patented tractors run on Komodo Dragon urine. We made a business deal with Komodo Dragon breeders to sell us the urine at a reasonable price.”
Fisher later stated that her next project will be to build fully reusable rockets that run on Komodo Dragon urine.
Elon Musk might have some competition after first Uber spotted in Norfolk.
Ukraine will not host next year’s competition despite winning this year’s because of the ongoing conflict in the country. Other countries are going to bid to host the 2023 Eurovision Song.
It was announced that the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) would be looking for a different country to host the event in 2023.
The UK has hosted the competition nine times.
In order to host the event, every city is required to meet a minimum criteria, such as being close to an international airport and the resources. Hotel space to accommodate at least 2,000 delegates, journalists and spectators.
The venue has to have a capacity of a minimum of 10,000 spectators.
Other cities that have shown an interest in the competition are willing to bid are New Castle, London Aberdeen, Manchester, Liverpool, CardiffLeeds, Birmingham, Glasgow, Belfast, Bristol, and Ipswich.
Lorraine Fisher, 34, is a vocal coach for dogs. She was born in Ipswich. She had this to say, “I really hope they can allow dogs to compete. Either way I am really excited that my home city canplace a bid to host the next Eurovisioin singing contest.”
The EBU said that in the worst case scenario, we will do the event via zoom. That way everyone can get “front row seats” to the 2023 Eurovision Singing Contest after bid to host the 2023 Eurovision Song
