Tuesday, May 21, 2024

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Sports Direct offers coronavirus a place to exercise

Mike Ashley’s Sports Direct stores tried to remain open to thoughtfully offer the coronavirus somewhere to exercise freely.

After Prime Minister Boris Johnson ruled everyone is only allowed out to exercise, Mr Ashley spotted that the poor coronavirus cannot walk a dog or enjoy a bike ride.

So he has decided to unselfishly keep his shops open so the virus can jump around from one member of staff or shopper to another.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a spokesperson for Sports Direct, said: “We have racks upon racks of cheap Firetrap t-shirts and Lonsdale tracksuits where the coronavirus can lurk after being placed there by the public.

“Then they can hop on to the next hapless person who comes along. It’s the only exercise the virus can get thanks to Mr Johnson’s new lockdown measures.

“Mr Ashley and Sports Direct are doing the public a great service and should be applauded.”

However, Brits were not sure Mr Ashley’s excuse for remaining open will go down well.

Shopper Steve Walshe said: “He’s just a money-grabbing, irresponsible tosspot.”

After a huge public outcry, Sports Direct announced that, despite writing to the Prime Minister asking for clarification if it could open, it would now shut.

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