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Will Arsenal Finish in the Top-Four This Season?

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Will Arsenal Finish in the Top-Four This Season?

It seems like it was only yesterday when Manchester City were crowned BPL champions for the second year in a row, an eighth title for the Citizens. The Community Shield final between City and Liverpool will be decided very soon, after which the first match of the 2022/2023 English Premier League season will be mere days away.

The first whistle of this season will sound on August 5 as Crystal Palace welcomes Arsenal. The Gunners have not won the trophy since their heroics in 2003–04 when they triumphed in the Premier League under Arsene Wenger without a single defeat that season. Since then, the club has won the FA Cup five times and lifted the Community Shield four times, but the ultimate domestic title has eluded them, with the team failing to finish in the top four for the past six seasons. Will this season prove more optimistic for the Gunners?

Close Call in 2021/2022

Mikel Arteta’s team had a very real chance of finishing among the first four of the EPL last season but missed the mark. As of May, the Londoners had recorded a four-match winning streak, including a 3-1 win against Manchester United, before losing 3-0 to city rivals Tottenham. Another loss followed, this time to Newcastle, which generally put in strong doubt Arsenal’s chances of qualifying in a position to play for the Champions League. In their last game, the Gunners cruised past Everton 5-1 but ultimately failed to finish in the top four.

Overall, last season for the Gunners was accompanied by a number of ups and downs. The team started poorly, recording three consecutive defeats in their first three matches. In the end, the London side finished fifth, out of the Champions League places, but enough to earn a spot in the Europa League groups and far better than a disappointing eighth in 2020-21.

Wenger Set the Bar High

After the Wenger era, the team’s regular participation in the Champions League is no longer part of Arsenal’s legacy, which is sure to frustrate the team and its fans. The last time the Gunners took part in the Champions League was during Wenger’s penultimate season in 2016-2017.

Even before the final standings for last season’s Premier League were decided, Mikel Arteta said it would be disappointing if Arsenal failed to finish in the top four, given the statistical chances they had until almost the very end of the championship.

Better Times Ahead?

All that is now in the past, and the question of whether Arsenal will be able to enter the top four in the upcoming season is on the agenda. It will certainly not be an easy year for any of the top teams, given the fierce competition at the top and the extra workload some players will experience alongside the World Cup. There is a promise for great football spectacles by the end of the year, and fans looking to watch Arsenal live can click here to conveniently buy their tickets for any of Gunner’s games this season.

If the team’s performance in recent years is any indicator, it will be a herculean effort for them to finish in the top four of the Premier League, but not at all unachievable. More than once, the Londoners have proven that they are a tough team and can withstand periods of crisis. The Gunners’ squad is still in the process of being formed and growing, but it’s entirely possible that it won’t take much longer for the team to reach the high bar that Wenger had set after 19 years at the helm.

The met office has issued a warning for extreme heat in the next couple of days.

The Editor
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The met office has issued a warning for extreme heat in the next couple of days.

By Lorraine Fisher, 34 – Professional sun watcher

The met office has issued 3 amber warnings for extreme heat in the next couple of days. Don’t confuse “amber warning” with “amber alert”. The first one is about the “elements” being hot in England and Wales, and the other is about a sick person thinking kids have hot “elements” resulting in abductions in the USA.

A typical British summer looks like rain and grey skies. But not this year.

Warning for extreme heat:

From July 17 to July 26, forecasters are predicting that the UK’s record temperatures of 38 degrees C could be surpassed with a heat wave sent from Lucifer himself.

Experts believe his son, Lucius Baphomithecus messed with the thermostat while Lucifer was tipping the food delivery guy.

Forecasters are predicting that the temperature can climb as high as 35C.

However, after Wednesday, the met office predicts that temperatures will begin to stabilize bringing Suffolk’s heat wave to an end.

Editor’s finding:

For many British citizens, this presents the perfect time to go to the beach and soak up the rays and Vitamin D.

For others, they might want to find a lido and relax with their friends and family.

However, this weather can pose a serious health risk for children and the elderly. It’s best to look after your loved ones if you believe the scorching weather will be harmful to them.

We interviewed a retired weather lady to shine a bright sunlight on these conditions.

Lorraine Fisher, 34 is professional sun watcher and a retired hurricane hunter.

She spends her days staring directly at the sun in order to gauge how harmful it will be.

Fisher stated, “eventually the sun will blow up and I want to watch the exact moment it happens”.

She holds the Guinness Book of World Record for staring at the sun the longest without blinking in Dubai.

Her record is 40 days. 40 degrees Celsius is about the same temperature human eyeballs melt.

During her stay in Dubai, she said it can reach 121-126 degrees F, following Warning for extreme heat.

She remarked,

“You can’t do jumping jacks outside without having a heat stroke.”

“You can’t touch your car door handle without getting 2nd degree burns.”

“It’s no surprise that they have the deepest swimming pool over there”

Conclusion:

Researchers suggest that the heat will kill the COVID virus. When humans get sick, they get a fever.

The body will increase its temperature. That’s the body’s way of getting rid of the virus because they can’t survive in hot conditions.

The heat however will not kill insects.

Since they are cold-blooded, they will thrive in the heat.

Scientists did a rough calculation stating that the insect population as a whole weighs the same as all the humans in the world combined.

So for the next couple of days and after the warning for extreme heat, you will see an increased amount of insects but a decreased amount of COVID cases. It’s a decent trade off.

A smooth hound shark was spotted in River Stour

The Editor
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A smooth hound shark was spotted in River Stour

A small smooth hound shark was spotted in the River Stour near Manningtree by locals.

Essex Wildlife Trust spokesman said that based on the videos, “it seems like this is a smooth-hound shark”.

These sharks have evolved with rigid teeth because they love feeding on crustaceans which have hard shells.

Do smooth-hound sharks bite humans?

Well, due to their small size and preference for O blood type, they might be considered harmless to humans. They can be seen in aquariums due to their extreme adaptability to living under human care and supervision.

What was this shark doing in this river and how did it even get there, some might wonder?

A “hound dog” and “hound shark” can be interpreted as a “promiscuous” individual.

Since it is a “hound shark”, much like a hound dog, reports say that it was looking for his next victim to “woo” and “seduce”.

Even though they are small in stature, they are the ultimate Alpha Males of the ocean.

They are also known as bully sharks.

An interview with Hammerhead Shark:

An anonymous Hammerhead shark came forth and gave a brief testimony to Suffolk Gazette

Hammerhead shark said that these hound sharks like to make fun of us by saying that we look like we are missing a chromosome. He said we look kinda down “syndromyish”.

Hammerhead sharks would probably make the worst patients when it comes to their eye doctor appointments due to their lack of equipment capable of measuring and assessing their weird cranial anatomy.

Hound sharks are known to be the ultimate “ladies man” of the water. Some sharks can reach speeds of up to 46 miles per hour which is like having a Lamborghini under the sea.

When they pull up in their “Phat Whip” they often show off their ultra smooth skin to the ladies who use designer skin products.

How do sharks get such smooth skin without any designer skin products ?

Well we have someone who might be able to answer some of the most puzzling questions regarding these strange creatures.

Lorraine Fisher, 34 is a shark expert and world renowned shark tooth fairy.

Many people do not know this but she was in Steven Spielberg’s film Jaws. She was inside the large, prosthetic, operating the shark. This is why the movie did so well.

Sink your teeth into that film buffs.

Sharks have the ability to regrow their teeth almost on command. It is said that sharks can replace thousands of teeth where us humans only have a fixed number of teeth.

This is the primary reason why Fisher retired from being a shark tooth fairy because she was working 89 hours a week to salvage the teeth.

Conclusion:

If you ever see one of these sharks along the local coastlines, and you see that it is visibly uncomfortable, don’t try to capture it or eat it, just call 101 and ask for the wildlife police.

In this instance, just admire it from a distance and consider yourself lucky that you encountered such a beautiful creature outside of its normal habitat.

A smooth hound shark was spotted in River Stour

The Editor
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A smooth hound shark was spotted in River Stour
Man didn't get crabs but not the kind you think

Durham fisherman gets sad as he could not get crabs from river tees.

First COVID-19, then World War 3, then Amber Heard’s dog stepped on a bee, and now we can’t even get crabs.

What’s next, Elon Musk’s neuralink chip is going to display ads in our dreams? What is going on in 2022?

The Actual Tragedy:

Carcasses of thousands of crabs have been found on the coast near the River Tees. Durham Fishermen fear for the future as lobsters and crabs were found washed up off the North East’s coast.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, is a retired pirate and crustacean expert. She is also the author of “That Was Such A Moby Dick Move Sir” and “Moses found Aquaman when parting the sea and kept it a secret”. 

Fisher says, “This kind of stuff happens when crabs and lobsters simply get tired of being in the water. You just kind of need a break sometimes ya know” Fisher later stated that she believes that there are secret societies out there that are killing sea life. These societies are severely allergic to seafood.

The Findings:

Lorraine Fisher, 34, is a retired pirate and crustacean expert. She is also the author of “That Was Such A Moby Dick Move Sir” and “Moses found Aquaman when parting the sea and kept it a secret”. 

Fisher says, “This kind of stuff happens when crabs and lobsters simply get tired of being in the water. You just kind of need a break sometimes ya know” Fisher later stated that she believes that there are secret societies out there that are killing sea life. These societies are severely allergic to seafood.

Fisher now spends her time consulting with the writers of “Spongebob Squarepants” in order to make the show more believable. She offers invaluable insights about life in the ocean.

The Conclusion:

Fisherman Paul Widdowfield, from Hartlepool, said he had caught “nothing at all” since October. “It’s been abysmal,” he told Suffolk Gazette, adding he had had to let two crew members go. 

His son Jamie said: “It’s heart-breaking really. I think by the end of summer if Durham fisherman can’t find a fishing ground I’ll be out of a job.”

Amber Heard went to the Court AGAIN

The Editor
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Amber Heard went to the Court AGAIN
Amber Heard went to the Court AGAIN

Being publicly humiliated in front of the entire world wasn’t enough and she also needed to rub salt into her wounds that’s probably why Amber Heard went to the Court once again.

The legendary Johnny Depp sued his wife, the woman crazy enough to inadvertently make claims about him, for defamation.

It seems Amber Heard is clinging onto the world’s tiniest thread to try and get the defamation trial re-run, but the judge cut that thread with a blunt pair of scissors.

Judge Penney Azcarate practically laughed in her face when she claimed that one of the jurors had not been appropriately vetted. She threw out Heard’s application with an eye roll so big you could hear it.

Why Amber Heard went to the court again?:

Heard’s lawyers claimed that one of the jurors, a 77-year-old man, was replaced by his son of the same name who lived at the same address.

To make matters worse, Heard’s lawyers desperately claimed there was no evidence to support the trial’s verdict. The trial revolved around the 2018 Washington Post article where Heard claimed she was the survivor of domestic abuse, although she never named Johnny.

Her lawyers argued the jury did not focus on this. In other words, their plan didn’t go to plan.

Court’s reaction:

Judge Azcarate, losing patience with Amber’s time-wasting, said she has no leg to stand on with the juror or her claim of domestic abuse.

“The juror was vetted, sat for the entire jury, deliberated, and reached a verdict,” she said.

“The only evidence before this court is that this juror and all jurors followed their oaths, the court’s instructions, and orders. This court is bound by the competent decision of the jury.”

If you thought Heard and her lawyers were already pushing their luck with the defamation trial, this one really took the biscuit. The only thing they didn’t try was getting down on their knees and begging the judge for a re-trial.

Another MP joins race to be the next Prime Minister

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Another MP joins race to be the next Prime Minister

A relatively unknown backbench Conservative MP has thrown his hat into the ring to be the next Prime Minister.

Ivan Reddy, the MP for Oxbridge, is the tenth MP to declare they are running to be the new Tory leader after Boris Johnson announced he was stepping down.

Mr Reddy said he loved a party, and the Conservative one was no exception.

His campaign chief Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Ivan Reddy is ready by name and ready by nature.

“He will make a brilliant leader, uniting not just the Conservatives but the country, too.

“Unlike the current occupant of Number 10, Mr Reddy is a class act, known for straight-talking and also telling the truth.

“He is confident of rebuilding the country under his command.”

It is believed Mr Reddy will fight on a ticket of free workplace booze, touchy-feely staff events and tax cuts for fathers.

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Larry the Downing Street cat to be interim Prime Minister

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Larry the Downing Street cat to be interim Prime Minister
larry the downing street cat

Larry the Downing Street cat has been appointed interim Prime Minister until the Conservatives can elect a new party leader.

The statesmanlike moggy will run the country from Downing Street after Boris Johnson dramatically quit as Tory leader this morning.

Larry will lead his first cabinet meeting later today and expects an audience with the Queen, so long as her Corgis are out of the way.

“Things are going to be shaken up around here,” Larry told reporters outside Number 10.

“There will be no parties or sex-pest scandals. To be honest, everyone around here acts in an incoherent fashion all the time, so it’s hard to tell if they had been on a jolly-up or not.

“But what I will say is there will be no such outrageous behaviour on my watch.”

Downing Street insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said Larry has been acting like he owns the place for years, so people should not be surprised at him ruling the country with an iron paw.

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The challenges facing construction firms in 2022

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The challenges facing construction firms in 2022

The construction sector remains one of the largest and most generative in the UK economy, employing 3.1 million people or some 9% of the total workforce.

However, the industry has also been in a state of flux for several years now, thanks to a longstanding shortage of specialist skills and issues involving access to materials. These are just two of the reasons why successive governments have struggled to build the requisite housing over the course of the last decade.

We’ll explore these challenges below while asking what other issues the industry could continue to face in the next year and beyond.

#1. Materials Shortage

Starting with the materials shortage, this issue has been exacerbated of late and is likely to worsen before it improves.

Currently, lumber, steel and lighting are subject to the most significant shortages, which are largely being driven by continued supply chain issues (that emerged during the coronavirus pandemic) and the ongoing impact of Brexit.

At the beginning of 2021, a staggering 71% of contractors faced material shortages (including those referenced above), while the current production of timber simply isn’t enough to meet the global demand.

However, the issue isn’t as challenging in other countries across the globe, as other nations are willing to pay more to secure the materials that are available.

#2. The Push Towards Net Zero

As part of its ambitious plans to reduce all greenhouse gas emissions in the UK to net zero by 2050, the government is looking to drive an infrastructure revolution that will place huge demands on the construction sector.

More specifically, the main objective is to transform the construction industry so that it becomes considerably more productive and sustainable. At the same time, there’s a wider aim of ensuring that it becomes more competitive on the global stage, through the use of data, technology and contemporary building practices.

This is already causing huge issues, with the UK construction sector accounting for approximately 45% of total carbon emissions on these shores.

Given this and the environmental impact of certain construction projects, net-zero represents a huge transition and one that will take a number of years to complete successfully.

#3. Health and Safety

As we touched on in our introduction, there remains a significant construction skills shortage in the UK. One consequence of this is that sites can struggle to work consistently and efficiently, creating huge challenges in terms of each employee’s health and safety.

It’s, therefore, more important than ever for employers to provide the necessary PPE to their workers, from high-viz jackets and hard hats to ear plugs that help to protect against excessive noise levels.

At the same time, they need to invest in continued training and ensure that staff members operate safely at all times while creating a transparent accident reporting process that also creates accountability.

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