Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Suffolk pub wards of ‘scummy’ parents this Christmas

Suffolk pub wards of ‘scummy’ parents this Christmas

A pub in West Suffolk has notified neglectful, ‘scummy’ patrons that their unattended children will be served energy drinks and encouraged to swear. And who can blame them?

What is worse than being in a pub on a Friday afternoon, getting hammered with your mates, than the sight of a snot-nosed kid, wandering around, spilling cheese & onion crisps all over the carpet, looking for its mummy so it can have a go on the fruit machine?

Just take them home FFS!

You had your chance. You were young – without kids. The whole world was your oyster, but you let down your guard, and now you have kids. Not our problem. Deal with it… preferably at home.

Scummy Parents

You made your bed, now lie in it – with your multiple annoying kids. Take them home and read them a bedtime story for once. Curl up with them, cuddle them and tell them as they, listen, spellbound, how their grandad was a hero in the Navy in the second world war. He wasn’t of course. He was a draft-dodging, alcoholic gambler who never did an honest day’s work in his life, but what the hell. Lying to kids is normal. We all do it. Take Santa Clause for example. As if! A big fat 60-year-old obsessed with sneaking into children’s bedrooms after dark to leave them presents? WTF? Who thought that up?

The soft play area is closed

So… keep your kids at home this Christmas instead of bringing them to the pub. Take them to the cinema to see Arthur Christmas III. We don’t want them – or you – in our grown-up boozers,  where we play darts, pool, and ‘guess the barmaid’s bra size’. We don’t want to see you struggling to heave your double pushchair over the hearth of the pub door, adorned with all its kiddie paraphernalia – rattles, comfort blankets, nappy bags and dropped soft toys, etc. We don’t want to wait behind you at the bar as you loudly and incompetently attempt to order chicken nuggets and chips for your eight kids with two Orange and Passion Fruit J2O’s, four Apple Fruit Shoots, one Coke, and a lemonade… FFS. Isn’t Mothercare still open?

Having said that…

We at the Suffolk Gazette, love children and would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of them a very, very merry Christmas!

Just not in our local.

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