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Suffolk Police Apache Fleet partners with Cillit Bang

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Suffolk Police Apache Fleet partners with Cillit Bang
Cillit Bang

Suffolk Police Apache Fleet has teamed up with Cillit Bang to help them reach new heights in the 2024 Olympics.

The next Olympics will be held in Paris, France beginning on July 26, 2024 and ending on August 11, 2024.

Cillit Bang will sponsor Suffolk Police Apaches. Cillit Bang is famous for the tagline “Bang and and the job is done” which will have their logo added to all 4 of Suffolks Apache fleet.

Why partnering with Cillit bang?

They believe that British Sprinters will dominate the next Olympics which is why they partnered up with Cillit Bang.

“We will need their powerful cleaning product to clean up all the stains and remains of the other sprinters”, according to Suffolk Police.

But not only will they use Cilit Bang to clean up the remains of the competition, also the sprinters they are training.

Currently, over fifteen new attack helicopters are undergoing test flights for the British army.

The AH-64E Apache aircraft will replace the Apache AH Mk1 which will go into service by 2024, just in time for the Olympics.

The new AH-64E attack helicopters can reach speeds up to 160 miles per hour. That’s a whole lot of speed!

Suffolk police are currently training 5 British sprinters ahead of the 2024 Olympics. They are Marcus Adam, Harry Aikines-Aryeetey, John Ainsworth-Davis, Kriss Akabusi, and Willie Applegarth.

Effectiveness:

Hughe Dennett, head of Suffolk Police stated, “We will essentially chase and shoot at the British sprinters at 160 miles per hour. If we vaporise them, then at least we know we have Cilit Bang to clean up the mess. And any citizen over the age of 5 years old will have to go through the training. Every citizen will be chosen at random.”

Dennett also stated, “In addition to the air crafts shooting at you at 168 miles per hour, we will have mini drones shooting at your legs so you can run faster. This is the only way we will win truly dominate the Olympics”

It seems rather fitting, said Lorraine Fisher, 34 head of Suffolks Air Operations. A simple squeeze of the trigger and bad guys get vaporised. No courts, solicitors or prisons.

Anglian Water is building a reservoir costing over £2bn

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Anglian Water is building a reservoir costing over £2bn
Anglian Water is building a reservoir costing over £2bn
Reservoir to be called “Fountain of youth”

Anglian Water, the region’s water company, is hoping to build a reservoir on the Norfolk/Cambridgeshire border despite the cost being between £2bn and £3bn.

A reservoir like this one hasn’t been built in Britain in over 30 years.

There will be a second reservoir in south Lincolnshire. Both facilities together would provide water for at least 700,000 homes.

Production will begin by 2030, and by the mid 2030s, the facilities will start supplying water to taps according to Anglian Water.

About the Reservoir:

This project has been in development for about 10 years with its main objective to fight global warming.

It is estimated to supply an average of 20 million liters of water each day. But there is a bit of a discrepancy here.

Bubba Spuckler of Norfolk has proposed a third reservoir to be built. He said he would have it built in 6 months.

Spuckler said, “ I’ve been using the same spade since I was 14. I’ve had 15 new handles and 16 new diggy bits since then. We can run a hose from another local reservoir once we’ve finished, so people can start using it straight away.”

Why is he proposing a third reservoir?

Spuckler stated, “This particular part of Europe is known as The Goldilock Zone also known as The Fountain of Youth. It doesn’t get too hot or too cold. There a special alien compounds that grow and flourish here because they lie neatly in these coordinates”

Lorraine Fisher, 34, is a Prophet, a well respected Scientologist, and allegedly, Jesus Christ Ex-girlfiend. She looks 34 but in reality she is 1,099 years old. Her secret is for the last 500 years, she has been spending 1 hour a day in this region. She built a secret underground jacuzzi in these precise coordinates. Just like Bubba Spuckler, she knows that it is the ultimate goldilocks zone, also known as the fountain of youth.

Lorraine fisher and Bubba want to live here forever together:

Norfolk and Cambrdigeshire heard the rumors that this place was the ultimate fountain of youth. Peter Grimes, a Biochemist from Cambridgeshire, and Mr. Walsh, a Geochemist from Norfolk, was sent down there to study the elements for a week.

They both found materials and compounds unknown to the current scientific literature. Grimes and Mr. Walsh left bald, and came back with a full head of hair.

They both stated, “This is truly amazing. I regeneraged my full head of hair, my vital signs are improving, and my libido is that of a teenagers.”

Norfolk and Cambridgeshire made a deal costing almost 2 billions pounds. The deal was made for both cities to share the reservoir and feed it to their cities. It will be in the water they drink and bathe in. It will also be vaporised so everyone can inhale it effortlessly.

They are calling this project, “The Forever 21 Project “ which will be available in about 6-8 months according to Bubba Spuckler and Anglian Water.

Spuckler said, “So the people of Norfolk and Cambridgeshire, just try not to die anytime soon, that would be great if you didn’t. Great things are coming.”

Parasailor tries to be mauled by Shark off Lowestoft beach

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Parasailor tries to be mauled by Shark off Lowestoft beach
Parasailor

Parasailor tries to be mauled by Shark off Lowestoft beach everyday for the summer. The parasailor in the picture is not really in danger.

Every summer, the sharks off Lowestoft beach have their annual competition to see who can catch as many parasailers in as little time as possible. The sharks don’t attack or harm the humans. They just catch them and let them go.

They wear special braces which soffens their teeth so the humans don’t get hurt.

The real catch:

The way the competition is set up is one shark will be given the whole day to catch as many parasailers as possible. Then the next shark will be given the next day and so on and so on.

Only one shark at a time can have the beach to himself for the day. The competition starts on the first day of summer and ends on the last day of summer. A week after the last day, they announce the winner.

The grand prize is they get to stay in the deepest swimming pool on earth called “Deep Dive Dubai”. The shark gets to have the place to himself for 3 days. He can do whatever he wants. He can mate with as many other sharks as he desires, room service, massage and spa, bottle service, entertainment. Champagne but its premium blood.

Catch That Parasailor Mate:

This summer, 2022 will mark their 100th annual “Catch That Parasailor Mate” competition. It’s a very special year for the sharks.

There have been zero incidents of shark attacks on Lowestoft Beach since 2005. The sharks like to eat fish and other marine life. They do not like to eat humans because it goes against their religion.

If a shark eats a human, he gets the death penalty by leaving him out in the sun suffocationg to death. It’s not something a shark wants to go through.

Mr. Walsh, president of the Catch That Parasailor Competition said,

“This competition is very safe and family friendly. I participated as a parasailor when I was only 5 weeks old. There have only been two shark attack incidents and they deserved it.”

The origin:

The first incident was in 1959, where a high school girl made fun of a shark’s weight. The shark did not like it so he decided to attack her and eat her.

The second incident was in 2005 when a group of drunk fraternity guys went down to the Lowestoft beach and were trying to teach a shark “how to swim correctly”.

The shark obviously did not like this so he attacked all 8 fraternity guys and put it on his social media. The other sharks obviously follow him on social media so they saw it the next morning.

He was given the death penalty.

Walsh later stated, “As long as we dont bother the sharks, they won’t bother us. It is in the contract”

This event is free and a great way to spend the summer and 4th of July with the family. Come on down folks!

Suffolk Liberation Army built a Rod Stewart inspired check post

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Suffolk Liberation Army built a Rod Stewart inspired check post
Rod Stewart

You can see the resemblance, Suffolk liberation army seems to be very inspired by Rod Stewart as they recently built a check post that exactly looks like the British pop star.

Rod Stewart, the British rock star is certainly showing his age with this hairdo. Perhaps he forgot to wash it and decided to give it the bed head style of a hairdo.

All it needs now is a good backdrop and that would fit the bill.

What a combination, a big mouth and a huge set of hair? At least he has his own hair at his age. That must be a bonus! Nice style too.

Some people dream of having a big hairdo just like his. Some people used to think that he even put mayonnaise in it. How gloopy and sticky that must have been? No different to using hair gel but wouldn’t his head start to smell eggy after a while? Maybe he didn’t mind.

There’s no doubt that the man is stylish but why the big hairdo all the time? Maybe he should consider a more modern style? Or is that his USP? People can only recognise him by that perhaps.

Maybe he thinks it makes him more handsome although the latest photos of him suggest he’s tamed it down. Maybe that’s why he has more resemblance to the photo shown!

It’s more of a tamed frizz bomb than a spikey and defined hairdo that promises the earth. It’s been suggested that he spent 4 hours in the barbers to even achieve that sort of look.

Like his hair, it probably needs some taming, considering he’s quite a character with his charisma and charm. He will leave his fans thinking ‘Is he still sexy?’ with his alternative style.

Needless to say:

This is the latest idea of artwork – to photography something that looks like a celebrity.

Whatever next?

Will celebrities be stylised back in the past despite everything moving on?

There are so many options for them to be stylised in the most fantastical way.

Perhaps people prefer boring though and his fans want something more relatable than his flat and frizzed out hair, even though it may take hours on end to sort out and style?

Knuckle duster kept under wraps for pensioners.

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Knuckle duster kept under wraps for pensioners.
Knuckle duster kept under wraps for pensioners.

Ipswich pensioners have armed themselves with the latest ‘knuckle duster’ adapted from their old dentured teeth. This takes the meaning of ‘gummy bear’ to a whole new level.

What an innovative way to aid recycling? That’s one way to re-use them! Pensioners have also been using their own dentures to adapt them into knuckle dusters to scare off other people!

Surely it would scare anyone away with this set of fierce teeth? It can’t be very hygienic though. Imagine all the saliva that has been on them over the years. Imagine trying to keep knuckle duster under wraps? Would you even want to put your fingers near that after many years of use and grossness of all the bacteria and dirt that must be on them after such a long time?

I’m not sure anyone would dare to present them when out and about in town. It surely sends out the wrong message that elderly people need to arm themselves with this type of thing in order to maintain some feeling of safety. It’s a strange choice of item!

Gone are the days of a bit of using a pepper spray or some kind of combat item.
How would a pensioner surely keep this type of item under wraps though? Would they wear it and conceal it under their sleeve, would ladies pop it into their pocket of their handbag for a quick release? Would they brazenly walk about the town wearing them?

It boggles the mind to think what damage this would do to someone if they deployed it in anger or some kind of self defence against someone? Imagine how they would be able to explain why and how they used it if they were to get caught ‘in action’? Maybe someone would just laugh if they saw that thing coming towards them. It’s frighteningly funny and very bizarre as it beggars belief that they would think to use it.

The best bookmakers in the UK

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The best bookmakers in the UK

Many experts say that people in the UK are more likely to bet on sports. It is because many sports fans in this country do not mind making additional profit from their hobby. Today we want to discuss the top UK betting sites that deserve your attention.

Betfred

It is one of the most popular bookmakers, with an impeccable reputation and good user reviews. It has been on the market for more than 50 years, and during this time, it has created favorable conditions for cooperation. Many customers appreciate this for bonuses and promotions that make it easy to get free bets. In addition, you can easily withdraw your winnings to a bank card or cash, which is an essential advantage over competitors.

10bet

Many new customers appreciate this bookmaker for its generous welcome bonus and offer for regular users. With their help, you can quickly increase your profits and get more pleasure from the game.

In addition, it has a well-thought-out VIP rewards scheme. So, you don’t have to bet big or do it every day to get free bets. It is enough for you to make up to 4 stakes per week, and you will be able to receive a generous reward. In addition, many users appreciate it for its vast selection of sports and bets.

Star Sports

It is another market leader in the UK. It is excellent for those who appreciate significant betting limits, bonuses, and loyalty programs. In addition, it offers ideal conditions for horse racing (best odds). However, you should know that it does not have the usual Signup Bonus and limited payment options.

Boylesports

Many today prefer Boylesports due to high odds, a vast selection of sports and bets, and special conditions for British horse racing. Among other advantages, one can single out an excellent site with the most simple and intuitive interface, analytical information, and statistics.

Nevertheless, the bookmaker is fighting quite hard against scammers, so they carefully check each account. It leads to the fact that many accounts are blocked due to too active play.

What to look for when choosing a partner?

Choosing a bookmaker is a rather complicated process requiring the player to know how online bookmakers work. Here are some tips on what to look out for first:

  • Payment systems;
  • Welcome bonus;
  • Bonuses and promotions for regular users;
  • The size of the coefficients;
  • The convenience of the site (interface, availability of analytics and statistics) and much more.

In addition, we strongly advise you to read reviews about it on the Internet before starting cooperation with a bookmaker. Moreover, it is necessary to consider the study of experts and user reviews who have previously used it. Remember that they are partially paid, so pay attention to those reviews that tell a real story, not just emotions.

Payments play a considerable role. So, on the one hand, you can choose the payment method you use in everyday life, which will significantly simplify the work with the bookmaker and avoid unnecessary commissions. Today, more and more bookmakers are starting to cooperate with cryptocurrencies, which is a significant advantage.

Each bookmaker calculates the size of the welcome bonus independently. Usually, this is 50% – 100% of the deposit amount. However, some bookmakers allow you to increase the welcome bonus up to 5 times if you enter a unique promo code. 

Every year it becomes more and more challenging to choose, so you need to study the information about the bookmaker more carefully.

An example of a resume for a business manager

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An example of a resume for a business manager
An example of a resume for a business manager

A business manager is a crucial job role and one which everyone aspires to attain. Years of experience and an excellent employment record lead one to the status of a business manager. However, that is not all that is needed. Your excellent employment record needs to be visible.

While some successes can be shown through a portfolio of projects you have worked on, an updated resume with clean-cut information is crucial. As for any job, the resume is the first impression you make on your future employer. It is how they initially assess your suitability for the job.

Given the crucial role that resumes play in determining your selection for the role of a business manager, it is essential to ensure that you have a tailored business manager resume updated with the most relevant information.

Critical details in a business manager resume

A resume for the role of a business manager needs to be more precise than any other position. There are some key details that need to be followed in these resumes. These include:

  • Employment history: Within the employment history section, depending upon the number of jobs you have held, you must enter the most relevant and recent ones only. A powerful resume contains all information but is also succinct.

You do not need to mention your 1st university part-time job here. Maybe not even your first job right out of college if it is in a different field. Start with the latest job you have held.

  • Skills/ Hobbies, Personal Info: These sections, while important, need to be adjusted on a side so that they do not take up a lot of space on your page. Remember, a Resume needs to be only 1 page or a maximum of 2 pages long. Organize this information in a neat manner, perhaps on the side.

An example of a Business Manager Resume

The format of your business manager resume can be as follows:

NAME

Business Manager Resume

Profile: A few lines of briefing about relevant experience pertinent to the job

Employment HistoryPersonal Information
Current Job
Bullet description and key projects

Previous Job
Bullet Description and key projects

Address
Email
Contact number
Educational History
University of Chicago
Name of School		Skills
Financial Management
Communication
Extra Activities
Volunteer Business Management Trainer
Volunteer at Animal Shelter

Keeping this format, creating a business manager resume should be simple. It is essential to ensure that you mention vital roles or leadership positions that you may have held in your jobs. If you have had multiple leadership roles, mention the most relevant ones.

The relevancy of a previous job can be determined by the Job description of the potential role. As such, while customizing your resume, it is essential to go through the entire job description.

Even if you have reached a high point in your career, your resume needs to be updated constantly. A resume is always an essential step in procuring a job, especially for roles that take you to the highest ranks. It thus becomes vital to know what information needs to be highlighted.

Looks like it’s turning out to be a FINE day!

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Looks like it’s turning out to be a FINE day!

Suffolk police have rolled out a new parking ticket which may shock you. This week, a new parking fine ticket has been rolled out which has caused uproar in the community.

The new ticket is bolder than it’s predecessor and is emblazoned with the following warning: You’ve parked like a cat. Do not do it again. Warning. The person who ‘parked’ this vehicle doesn’t care about other people, the selfish stupid.

Public reaction on new parking ticket:

There have been many in the community who have shown their disgust with the choice of words used on the new ticket. G. Spotte, 28, lives locally and shared her thoughts with us.

“I am utterly disgusted at the police. Using the word c is sexist! As a proud feminist, I am furious that the people think it acceptable to use words for female anatomy in such a negative light.

Twice on this ticket they have referred to the female form but can we see any adjectives with male connotations? No! Because the patriarchy is oppressive and wishes to squash female power!”

Miss Spotte has since collected signatures from fellow activists who wish to campaign for the new tickets to be rephrased in a more inclusive way that will deprecate drivers of all genders equally.

Petition against new parking ticket:

PC Ste Lit made comment on the disapproving feedback received from the public: “Our intention was not to target or isolate any one gender. Our aim was to reduce the ambiguity residing in the previous tickets. We had many situations in which people would struggle to understand why they had received a ticket for parking in a disabled bay without a badge or parking on double yellow lines – as such, we decided to make the parking ticket clearer to understand for all.”

In response to G. Spotte’s petition, Suffolk police have opened a poll on their Facebook page, encouraging locals to vote on their preferred phrasing. While cat remains high in the votes.

Have you voted?

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