Saturday, May 18, 2024

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Matt Hancock right back where he started

Matt Hancock right back where he started
Matt Hancock’s once again in action at I’m a Celebrity

Matt Hancock, who was evicted from I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! in third place. He has told the Suffolk Gazette that the thing he was most looking forward to upon his release was to get his hands back on his girlfriend’s fit ass. And who can blame him?

Pay thousands, get a monkey

The former health secretary was voted out of the competition by millions of Labour and Conservative Party supporters after they tired of seeing him make a monkey of himself in the fake Australian jungle.

Matt Hancock once again

Matt Hancock controversially agreed to appear on the low-brow TV show, not because he was paid £400,000 to do so, but because he ‘wanted to show that politicians are just human beings too.’ This he achieved – successfully demonstrating that politicians are indeed humans, albeit, greedy, deceitful, self-important, attention-seeking, unprincipled versions of human beings. 

In a gross lie, typical of all human politicians, Matt the pratt announced to millions of prospective voters “I love (Ed Sheeran). I’m from Suffolk as well.”, despite the fact that he was born 200 miles away in Chester, Cheshire.

Out of the jungle into the frying pan

After being booted off the moronic light entertainment show,.and having finally felt-up his fit girlfriend Gina Coladangelo’s buns live on the telly, the Right Honourable Wally, Matthew John David Hancock returned home to face the wrath of angry voters. For while the disgraced replica human has been away,.lolling around in the Australian outback being paid through the nose to eat camel’s penis, sheep’s vagina, and cow’s anus, his penniless fellow West Suffolk constituents having been stuck at home, giving birth in hospital corridors, eating dropped Chinese takeaway’s from gutters outside pubs, heating their homes by burning their grannies’ clothes, and fueling their cars with nail varnish remover.

I’m a celebrity, let me back in

It is rumoured that Coladangelo & Matt Hancock are planning a future together as UK TV’s answer to Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz. Based on the reception the two are likely to receive back in Suffolk, they mightn’t have any alternative.

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