Friday, September 23, 2022

Musk shits pants on news of Tesla competitor

Musk shits pants on news of Tesla competitor

Elon Musk reportedly soiled himself when he was first told of the new Suffolk-built ‘Eco-Buggy’ taking (Tesla competitor) the world by storm.

Musk, a.k.a. ‘Major Tom’, known mainly for making shockingly-bad, multi-billion dollar-losing business decisions here on Earth, allegedly crapped himself as he feared his own little-known fleet of battery-powered toy motor vehicles: Teslas 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,A,B,C,D,E & F might never break out of its current Scalextric formula if the new market challenger from Suffolk cleans up in his own back yard.

Pile of crap

The headline-making ‘Eco-Buggy’ was designed and manufactured by Roger ‘Roger’ Wilko, (brother of the bloke who runs the famous wild-west style general store of the same name) in Tuddenham, West Suffolk. Wilko, an engineer and former RAF pilot claims all his vehicles will be manufactured entirely from a pile of old wartime aeroplane parts, wood, and scrap metal he found in a disused hangar up near the old RAF base, decommissioned in 1963

This reporter caught up with him in his garden shed and asked him what on earth he was playing at? “(talking into a tin can) Rattlesden Control, G-ABCD, I wish to file an airborne flight plan, over. SORRY OLD BOY! Well it was bloody clampers out there and I said to Popsie, lumpy jumpers y’know! HOLD ON! (into tin can) BIGJET 347, delay not determined, runway obstructed.

Get back, over. Ha ha ha ha. He flies a bloody mahogany Spitfire y’know! SORRY! Where was I? Ah yes… well anyway, I ask you. I wanted to put a beer lever in, see? But H.E. wouldn’t hear of it so I stuck with what I had. Then the old lag went in.

Filled her up with gallons of rigger blood but it was bloody clampers so… HANG ON! (tin can) Mendlesham Ground, BIGJET 347, stand 24 information Bravo, QNH 1022 request start up. What’s wrong with this bloody desert lily? Still smells of piss! Whizzo!”

Pre-historic tech and Tesla competitor

In contrast to the highly developed fleet of Tesla electric cars which utilize induction motors, inverters, transmission, differentials, state-of-the-art battery packs, and a revolutionary regenerative braking system, the ‘Wilko Eco-Buggy’ comprises a chassis made of old rotting plyboard, hard MDF seats, a convertible roof made from a ripped, mildew-ridden curtain and front and rear combination axle-wheels roughly hewn from stone. However, like the Tesla design, the W.E.B. is truly ground-breaking in the sense that it literally breaks the ground as it travels along the road.

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