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Couple, 85, win record Felixstowe Seniors Ice Cream Race

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Couple, 85, win record Felixstowe Seniors Ice Cream Race

Ice cream race

Sprightly Suffolk pensioners Basil and Audrey Belmarsh have won the annual Felixstowe Seniors Ice Cream Race in record time.

The Ipswich couple bought their cones at Felixstowe Pier and “ran” all the way down Sea Road to the Mannings amusement park before the last of the ice cream melted.

Thousands of elderly couples take part in the popular race each summer bank holiday weekend – and the Belmarshes, both aged 87, came out on top with a winning time of just 19 minutes.

The 400-metre course is fraught with obstacles, including greedy seagulls, drunks, people walking on the promenade while looking at their phones – and others whizzing around on disability scooters.

But Basil and Audrey, who recently celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary, evaded the lot to reach Mannings with several licks of their ice creams left.

“We’ve been taking part in the Felixstowe Seniors Ice Cream Race for years,” explained Audrey. “But we have never been close to winning before.

“We’ve been practising in the garden on hot days, and that, together with a bit of luck, was enough to see us romp home.”

Entrants must be in mixed pairs and be over 75 years old to take part in the race, which attracts huge crowds who love the thrills and spills of the competition.

The contestants set off from the pier at 30-second intervals to prevent congestion on the promenade.

But that did not stop one unfortunate incident yesterday when four couples caught up with each other and began jostling for space.

Six people fell down from the prom to the beach below. They were not seriously hurt.

Organisers Sunset Promotions Inc. said the race, which was first run in 1898, had attracted 1,057 retired couples yesterday – an increase of 15% over last year.

“The weather helped,” said Sunset’s spokesman Graham Cobbold. “We were impressed with Mr and Mrs Belmarsh, and it was good to see the course record broken. Will anyone be able to beat it next year?

“The pensioners love taking part. Fortunately, there are many benches for them to rest on if they get tired.”

The Belmarshes were presented with their first prize – a year’s free gym membership – at a special ceremony outside the Regal Fish Bar.

Lowestoft’s ‘stunt ramp’ river crossing unveiled

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Lowestoft’s ‘stunt ramp’ river crossing unveiled

Lowestoft bridge

Only the brave will want to use Lowestoft’s new river crossing – speeding up a steep ramp and zooming through the air before landing on the other side.

The long-awaited design for the fun new crossing, which will help ease the town’s infamous traffic problems, has been welcomed by the more adventurous motorists.

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Boy racers say they can’t wait to rev up the engines on their powerful Vauxhall Novas and launch themselves off the ramp like a stuntman.

They say there will be unofficial records kept of who can leap the furthest while landing safely.

Estimates show drivers need to reach 66mph to generate sufficient speed to get up the ramp and leap the 200-foot gap safely.

They will need to use all their skill to keep the flying car level to ensure a safe landing.

But not all Lowestoft residents are keen, fearing some will not go over the ramp fast enough and will end up plunging into the water below.

Town councillor Bill Withers fumed: “This is a ridiculous and dangerous scheme. Many local people are elderly, and I can not see them wanting to take a run at the ramp and leap over to the other side in their little runaround cars.

“They rarely get above 20mph, so there could be carnage. Why can’t architects come up with a normal bridge?”

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Construction company E. Ville & K. Neavel Ltd defended the scheme.

Director Keith Neavel explained: “Not only will it help solve Lowestoft’s traffic problems, but the ramp crossing will soon become a tourist attraction.

“People from miles around will come and watch as locals take their turn to try to jump across in their cars.

“It will be the best spectator sport to come out of Suffolk in years.”

Health and Safety executives are currently studying the plans, and expect to give the go ahead for building work to begin next year.

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Concrete tank traps will see off invading Russians

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Concrete tank traps will see off invading Russians

Tank traps

By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

World War Two-style tank traps are to be Britain’s main defence against enemy invasion for the next century, it has been confirmed.

Secretary of State for Defence Michael Fallon has revealed the simple concrete blocks are the most cost-effective deterrent in times of austerity.

The traps are being placed randomly along parts of East Anglia’s coastline in a show of strength that will make Putin and his Russian forces think twice before launching an attack.

A defence insider said: “We haven’t got any budget to speak of, so these concrete blocks seem like a good idea.

“They only cost a few quid each and a fork lift truck to put them in place.

“Our top-level strategic review revealed our most likely threat comes from the East – so it makes sense to place some concrete blocks along parts of the East Anglian coastline.

“These will be a brilliant way of stopping the Russians should they think about launching an invasion using tanks from the sea.

“Once the might of the Russian army comes ashore they will be dumfounded by our concrete blocks.

“They’ll have to get back on their ships and go home again.”

Asked what would happen if the Russians decided to launch an attack from the air, or simply launched an assault further up the coast, the insider was unable to answer.

Suffolk residents fear the blocks may not be an effective deterrent after all.

“They’re a bit Dad’s Army, aren’t they?” one beach walker near Sizewell said yesterday as he sat on a block enjoying his lunch.

A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence would not be drawn on the subject.

“This is a top secret operation and we do not discuss sensitive information like this.

“All I can do is reassure the public that these tank traps are effective – the Germans never invaded successfully in World War Two, did they.”

Stay-away Ipswich fan secretly annoyed by great start to season

The Editor
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Stay-away Ipswich fan secretly annoyed by great start to season

ITFC ground

An Ipswich fan has privately admitted that he’s disappointed by Town’s promising start to the new season, after refusing to re-new his season ticket.

Raymond Stubbs – who had previously attended every home game at Portman Road for the past 20 seasons – surrendered his seat citing the ‘stubborn’ nature of Blues boss Mick McCarthy.

Ipswich have since started the new season with four wins from four games, with promising new signings being blended with exciting youngsters, giving fans reason to be cheerful, after one of the worst seasons in the club’s history last time out.

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Speaking to an undercover Suffolk Gazette reporter, Raymond, from Sizewell, revealed that he got fed up with McCarthy’s approach last season.

“Time and time again he failed to acknowledge that times had changed.

“One thing that really annoyed me was how he refused to give the young players an opportunity in the first team, and I’m sure it’s the same this time around.

“McCarthy is a dinosaur and the most stubborn man in Suffolk.

“I haven’t been following the team this year, and only heard about the results due to my daft son continuing to follow the team.”

The perceived change of direction at the club was on show on Tuesday night at Millwall, where the Blues won an exhilarating game 4-3, despite an injury list longer than a bank holiday queue for Fish & Chips in Aldeburgh.

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“Frankly I don’t care how well Ipswich do in the short-term, I won’t be going to Portman Road with that stubborn old dinosaur in charge of the team. And I bet he still plays that Jonathan Douglas bloke.”

Is there anything the former Sunderland and Wolves manager could do to win back Raymond, and other stay-away supporters?

“No.

“He never admits when he’s made a mistake, and his colourful language when speaking to the media really p****s me off.

“I won’t be changing my mind and going back.

“He’s the most stubborn man in Suffolk is McCarthy. And he’s always repeating himself as well.”

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Man employed to sit on Big Ben and shout ‘BONG!’ every hour

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Man employed to sit on Big Ben and shout ‘BONG!’ every hour

Big Ben

A man has been employed to sit at the top of Big Ben and shout “BONG!” very loudly while the bell is being repaired.

Jonathan Squires, 57, of Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk, has to live 24/7 in the clock tower and shout into a megaphone on the hour, every hour.

News that the traditional bell would be silent for four years was met with howls of protest by people with too much time on their hands.

Even Prime Minister Theresa May interrupted her work on important global crises to say it was wrong for Big Ben to be quiet during a lengthy restoration project.

Parliamentary officials decided the best compromise would be to employ a man to shout “BONG!” so tourists would still experience the charm of Big Ben’s chimes.

Mr Squires, a former geography teacher, was selected after proving he emitted the loudest and most realistic “BONG!” out of all the candidates.

He will be paid £24,000 a year, plus meals and accommodation in the 96-metre clock tower, which was built in 1859.

Speaking to journalists at a press conference to unveil him today, Mr Squires said: “I’m looking forward to keeping the nation abreast of the time.

“It’s a simple enough job – I just have to shout “BONG!” into my megaphone the required number of times, on the hour every hour.

“It is an honour to serve my country in this way, and I hope the Prime Minister is satisfied.”

Mr Squires takes up his position next Monday.

More and more Brits are playing American lotteries

The Editor
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More and more Brits are playing American lotteries

The British have a longstanding passion for the lottery, which has made the National Lottery and the EuroMillions thrive these past few years. But while the local games are still going strong, it seems that Brits have developed quite the passion for American lotteries. In this article, we are going to tell you how English players have fallen deep into the temptation of the big foreign lotteries and why.

The entire lottery market has boomed in the past decade, with jackpots reaching unprecedented amounts in big games from all around the world. But while everything got bigger and better, there was one lottery jackpot that got larger than life.

In 2016, the US Powerball has broken the world record for the largest jackpot with its gargantuan prize worth $1.58 billion. It was the first time in the entire history of the lottery when a prize got past the $1 billion threshold.

As you can imagine, the Powerball frenzy of 2016 was not limited to the US because everybody wanted to be part of the game. People were playing Powerball all over the world for a chance to be a part of the legendary draw of January 13th, 2016.

There were three winning tickets for the biggest jackpot of all times, and the enormous excitement of the draw left lottery players everywhere craving for more. As you can imagine, this kept them playing Powerball even after the big draw and it quickly turned them into fans.

Lottery winner

Moreover, the US Powerball is not the only lottery in America to make headlines. Before 2016, the holder of the world record for the largest jackpot was the Mega Millions, which had a staggering $656 million jackpot in 2012.

While these two titans of the American lottery fight each other for the first spot in the game, there are more and more record-breaking prizes to play for, which keeps the temptation of the US lotteries very much alive for Brits.

Considering that the jackpots in the US lotteries are almost twice as big as those in the EuroMillions, it comes as no surprise that the British have expanded their lotto preferences outside European borders.

Moreover, lottery ticket concierge platforms make it incredibly simple to play the lottery online and to participate in games from all over the world. This has broken the special barriers of the game and it has opened players to a worldwide range of lotteries.

It’s an exciting time to play the lottery with the biggest games in the world fighting to steal the show. And it seems that Brits want to be a part of it every step of the way. As long as the top US lotteries are going to have large prizes available, even more Brits are expected to play the American games.

Powdered water to change our lives forever

The Editor
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Powdered water to change our lives forever

H2-ooh powdered water

A Suffolk company has launched a brilliant powdered water product that could revolutionise the way we drink.

Instead of lugging heavy bottles of water about, you now only need a small sachet of the special powdered water which weighs hardly anything at all.

Simply add water to the H2-ooh Powder, stir and you’ll enjoy a perfect drink of water every time.

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The remarkable invention is the brainchild of snake oil sellers Monty’s Python Liniments Inc, based in Haverhill, Suffolk.

Company boss Monty Burns, 59, said they had already received a bulk order for H2-ooh from Norfolk, and were now looking to expand sales elsewhere.

“It’s very easy to make tasty water every time, simply by adding water to one small sachet of H2-ooh. It has gone down a storm in our test market of Norfolk. They’ll buy anything there.”

H2-ooh comes in packets of ten sachets, each capable of making one litre of water. Each pack of ten costs just £7.99 – much cheaper than bottled water.

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“We see this as a great labour-saving invention,” Mr Burns added. “There’s just no need to carry around a bottle of water anymore.”

Monty’s Python Liniments is refusing to say what secret ingredients go in to making H2-ooh.

“It’s a closely-guarded secret,” Mr Burns said. “We don’t want anyone ripping us off.”

H2-ooh is the second exciting invention to come out of Suffolk this summer. Last month we revealed how the HoseAway cordless garden hose, operated by Wifi, was taking the gardening world by storm.

Mr Paul Eaton, of Trading Standards, said he was aware of the new product and would be looking into it.

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Man spotted driving Fiat 500

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Man spotted driving Fiat 500

Man drives Fiat 500

A man has been seen driving a Fiat 500, it has emerged.

Police are now keen to speak to the male motorist, fearing he may be in need of medical attention.

The sighting happened on the B1083 near Alderton in Suffolk on Sunday morning.

Officers say the man with Fiat 500 may have deliberately used quiet country roads to avoid being recognised.

“His plan backfired when he was spotted behind the wheel by a passing cyclist,” a Suffolk Police spokesman explained.

“He was heading towards Woodbridge, where he undoubtedly intended to park in a quiet field outside of the town and walk the rest of the way.

“There is a remote possibility that he could not care that anyone saw him, in which case we’d like to speak with him to make sure he is okay.”

The police were called when the concerned cyclist stopped at the Alderton village shop and asked to use the telephone.

It has been legal for women only to drive the Fiat 500 since it was relaunched to widespread acclaim in 2007.

A Fiat insider said: “We often get males in the showrooms looking around – but only when they are with their wives or girlfriends.

“They often remark about what nice little cars they are but decline the offer of taking them out for a test drive.”

Women can buy a new Fiat 500 from only £10,700. They are available in a range of colours, so long as it is white.

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