By Doug Trench, Defence Editor
Three Suffolk beaches were evacuated today after several sightings of a dangerous Portuguese Man-of-War.
Bathers and fishermen were warned that the Portuguese Man-of-War can cause a nasty injury and victims should receive medical treatment.
But if you are attacked by a 17th century warship from Portugal, and there is no medical help nearby, it is thought that urinating on your wound may help.
A spokesman for Suffolk Coast Watch said: “We received several reports that a 17th Century Portuguese Man-of-War was stalking the North Sea coast.
“It was seen off Southwold, Walberswick and Dunwich.
“These things are armed with cannon and some fearsome sailors with particularly bad breath.
“The weapons are not terribly accurate, but if you’re sitting on the beach reading the paper and get hit by a cannonball, you’re going to know about it.
“Should you lose an arm or a leg, remove the cannonball immediately and seek medical assistance.”
It is thought the rogue 400-year-old warship was attracted to Suffolk by unseasonably warm waters.
It presumably sailed unnoticed through the channel, disguised by yet another mystery chemical off the coast of Sussex.
Beach walker Angus Young, 71, said: “I saw the tip of the mast coming over the horizon, followed by the distinctive sails.
“It managed to avoid crashing into the offshore windfarm and approached the coast menacingly before disappearing again.”
The sightings come as several beaches in Cornwall and Wales were closed because of a nasty purple jellyfish called a Portuguese Man of War.