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Woman uses Just For Men hair product, grows beard

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Woman uses Just For Men hair product, grows beard

Just for Men

A woman who foolishly used Just For Men hair dye product ended up growing a beard, it has emerged.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Stowmarket in Suffolk, ignored strict instructions that the product to remove grey hair was for men only.

She popped into her local chemist and purchased a bottle of Just For Men hair product, then splashed it all over her greying head.

But Ms Fisher was horrified that although her grey hairs become a beautiful dark shade of brown, she also started to grow a beard.

Within five days she more or less had a full beard and had to return to the chemist to buy a razor.

The shopkeeper refused to give her a refund for the Just For Men hair product because the packaging explicitly says it is just for men.

Ms Fisher has been told she will always now have a beautiful beard – and that she can use the alternative Just For Men beard colouring product to ensure it remains free of grey flecks.

She has decided to make the best out of a rather annoying situation by joining the Norfolk Traveling Freak Circus, which is currently enjoying a summer season in Great Yarmouth.

A family friend said: “Everyone knows Just For Men can only be used by men. She’s not too clever when it comes to that sort of thing, so she sort of accepts it’s all her fault.

“She is getting used to the beard. Her partner actually and enjoys stroking it in the evening.

“And because she’s joined the circus, she’s actually the first member of her family to get a proper job.”

An insider at US makers Combe Incorporated said: “What part of Just For Men did this woman not understand?”

Madonna at 60 has ‘let herself go’, say critics

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Madonna at 60 has ‘let herself go’, say critics

Madonna at 60

As music icon Madonna turns 60, some critics rather harshly suggest she has left herself go.

Her official birthday selfie today, released above, shows her relaxed and doing her grandchildren’s laundry.

But while she clearly feels at ease with her ageing looks, some fans say she should try a little harder.

They remember the days when Madonna oozed sex appeal on stage.

She’s still retained some of her looks. Her new 60th birthday portrait certainly has more than a passing resemblance to the beautiful photo on her first album.

Fan Lorraine Fisher, still 34, said: “I used to dream of looking like Madonna, but I’m afraid she appears to have let herself go.

“You’d think with all her money she’d doing something about it.”

Some say she now has a passing resemblance to EastEnder Dot Cotton, but we can’t see it ourselves.

VIDEO: Norfolk hit celebrates forbidden ‘cousin love’

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VIDEO: Norfolk hit celebrates forbidden ‘cousin love’

Bubba Spuckler

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Norfolk country singing star Bubba Spuckler has released a sparkling new hit that’s getting played 24/7 in the county.

Dashing Spuckler, 34, is enjoying extraordinary success with Cousins, a song about his first love.

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Country music fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Suffolk, said: “I like the music, but I’m a little concerned about the words.”

See for yourself, as Spuckler performs the song at Cromer village hall…

The song is expected to go straight in at number one in this weekend’s Norfolk charts.

It will finally knock off When She Gets Randy, Her Extra Finger Comes in Handy from the top spot, where it’s been for 47 weeks.

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Spuckler, who lives in Downham Market with his sister and their eight children, has already enjoyed musical success with his top-selling album Delia Smith Bit my Carrot.

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Norfolk residents gripped by fear over village’s fate

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Norfolk residents gripped by fear over village’s fate

New Buckenham village fate

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A Norfolk village is in fear after residents were called to a meeting to learn its fate.

Villagers have been ordered to the village hall for the crunch decision at 1pm on August 27.

They will take blankets, torches and tinned foods in case the news is bad.

New Buckenham, which is near Old Buckenham (they are nothing if not original in Norfolk) has been fearing the worse.

Villager Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I remember once being called to the headmaster’s office to learn my fate. It didn’t end well.

“Now signs (photo: New Buckenham Facebook group)have gone up calling us to the village hall for the village fate.

“People are stockpiling food and bottled water in case they get to the hall, only to be told they can never leave again.

“Some Norfolk people are even fleeing to Suffolk where everything in life seems far more certain.”

Norfolk Police said they could not comment on New Buckenham’s fate.

The news comes just weeks after the Norfolk Day annual wash was postponed for another year, whether the locals needed it or not.

‘I was there, but I don’t think I was involved’ – Jeremy Corbyn’s dog

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‘I was there, but I don’t think I was involved’ – Jeremy Corbyn’s dog

jeremy corbyn dog

Jeremy Corbyn’s dog has admitted she was present when a cute teddy bear was torn to shreds, but didn’t think she was actually involved.

Bull terrier Lola was filmed clearly present at the scene of the carnage.

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But despite posing for pictures next to the little cuddly bear’s decapitated head, she insisted that she had not been involved.

Master Mr Corbyn accepted this explanation and said any suggestion otherwise was simply a smear campaign by his cat.

Five-year-old Lola, he insisted, had spent a lifetime enjoying the company of cuddly toys and promoting harmony in the home.

The Labour Party leader has some sympathy for Lola, since he himself was photographed at a wreath-laying service for Palestinian terrorists, allegedly including individuals behind the Israeli Olympic team attack, which left 11 Israelis dead.

As the row blew up, including condemnation from Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Mr Corbyn said: “I was present at that wreath-laying, I don’t think I was actually involved in it.”

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Meanwhile Lola, surrounded by teddy bear stuffing and clear evidence that the toy had been ripped apart by a four-legged animal, like a dog, was sticking by her guns.

“I was here, but it wasn’t me. It must have been the cat.”

Political analyst Lorraine Fisher, 34, said it had been a tough week for Lola.

“This is absolutely a smear campaign by the cat. The cat has been having a rough time of it after being caught shitting on Mr Corbyn’s kitchen floor.

“So, it’s a bit of a coincidence this bear story should emerge now.”

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Suffolk village houses are only sloightly on th’ huh

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Suffolk village houses are only sloightly on th’ huh
Suffolk village houses

By Ruth Tyler, Property Correspondent

Traditional Suffolk village houses are not about to fall down but are simply “sloightly on th’ huh”, it has emerged.

Locals confirm wonky buildings have been seemingly falling over for years, so there’s nothing to worry about.

Londoner Lorraine Fisher, 34, insisted on walking down the middle of the street during a recent visit to Lavenham, just in case the pretty crooked houses fell on top of her.

Writing in the London Evening Standard newspaper, she said: “They don’t look like they were made very well.

“Builders in Suffolk clearly don’t seem up to much – perhaps the spirit level hasn’t reached rural East Anglia yet.”

But local property expert Jeremiah Tolly exclaimed: “Blaarst me! They’re only sloightly on th’ huh.”

He said the houses had been built more than 600 years ago by wealthy wool merchants.

And if they were going to fall down, they would have done so long ago.

Not wonky, just sloightly on th’ huh

“Cood-a-hell! That Lorraine Fisher woman is a wurry guts. She’s talking a lood of old squit,” Mr Tolly said.

News that Lavenham’s houses are not about to fall down was welcomed by tourists in the town today.

Steve Walshe, 38, from the United States said: “I tried to talk to some local Suffolk people. Don’t these guys speak English?

“Is there a fried chicken joint here?”

The news comes soon after it emerged a local woman had been able to to afford to buy a house in Southwold.

Greater Anglia launches reliable new train service

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Greater Anglia launches reliable new train service

Greater Anglia new train

By Casey Jones, Railways Correspondent

Greater Anglia has launched a new hi-tech commuter rail service which promises to be its most reliable ever.

The under-fire train company has begun a novel peak-time service between Ipswich and London Liverpool Street, stopping at Colchester.

It features a single train carriage strapped to the back of a lorry, which sets off from Ipswich station at 5.30am.

The ‘train’ then heads down the A12, round the M25 and into east London to Liverpool Street via the A13, arriving at 10am.

Service levels are said to be “excellent”, with no reliability issues with trains breaking down.

And the only signal problems encountered so far was when the traffic lights at the end of Burrell Road turned red just as the lorry was approaching.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Greater Anglia’s innovations department, said: “Our customers have been telling us for years that our trains are unreliable.

“Together with points issues, signal failures, line-side fires, leaves on the line, it being too cold and it being too hot, it all adds up to a fairly crap service.

“Now we have come up with this brilliant new plan, and we haven’t had one train fault yet.”

The lorry train has been such a hit that Greater Anglia is leasing another 30 lorries.

Each will have its own train carriage on the back, and will be able to take hundreds of passengers every day.

Rail user Steve Walshe, 38, of Woodbridge said: “I commute into London every day from Ipswich and have used this new service once.

“It was very reliable, but a little slow. However, at least it got me to work, which is not always guaranteed with the current rail service.”

But critics say Greater Anglia’s the new lorry train idea is a waste of money.

“They already have a huge fleet of rail replacement buses. Why not just use them all the time?” asked on angry passenger.

Rotherham and Ipswich Town fans in unique Barry Chuckle tribute

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Rotherham and Ipswich Town fans in unique Barry Chuckle tribute

Football fans will today pay a unique and emotional tribute to comedy legend Barry Chuckle, who died last week aged 73.

Barry was a life president at his hometown club Rotherham United, and today the Chuckle Brothers’ catchphrase will be chanted loud and clear between Rotherham and visiting Ipswich Town supporters.

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During the 73rd minute, no matter what the score is or how exciting the game is, Rotherham fans will shout: “TO ME”, and the 2,000 Ipswich supporters will respond with “TO YOU”.

This will carry on for the whole minute in recognition of The Chuckle Brothers’ famous catchline, which was usually accompanied with a plank of wood.

The Suffolk Gazette is proud to be an Ipswich fan on a day when football comes together and supporters can do their bit to honour a great man.

It’s not clear if his brother Paul will be attending the game.

RIP Barry Chuckle, although we still hope Ipswich come away with three points today.

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Football fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “A whole generation of people have grown and found it impossible not to say, ‘To me, to you’, when carrying something with a friend.

“Well done to Rotherham and Ipswich fans for this moving tribute, and we all look forward to seeing videos of it afterwards.”

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