Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Haitian Voodoo Doll curses Suffolk lorry driver

Haitian Voodoo Doll curses Suffolk lorry driver

THRANDESTON, SUFFOLK – Chaos erupted in the idyllic Suffolk village of Thrandeston yesterday as an articulated lorry, ironically emblazoned with the word ‘brakes’ on its side. Careered out of control and ploughed into a quaint country cottage.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

Eyewitnesses watched in horror as the lorry, seemingly bent on executing a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hurtled down the narrow village lanes with reckless abandon before smashing through the cottage’s front wall like a battering ram. The sounds of crunching metal and splintering glass echoed through the tranquil streets, shattering the peace of the sleepy village.

Sheepish Shrug

As emergency services scrambled to the scene, all eyes turned to Gary Parsnips. The hapless driver who emerged from the wreckage with a sheepish expression and a shrug of resignation. When questioned by police about the calamitous crash, he reportedly muttered, “I knew something like this was going to happen as soon as I set off this morning, ffs.”

Suffolk Lorry brakes

The admission only added to the utter predictability of the situation. Prompting speculation about the lorry’s cursed cargo – 3 tonnes of imported Haitian Voodoo Dolls – and the driver’s premonitory powers.

Regardless of the driver’s claimed foresight, the damage was done. Leaving the thatched cottage in ruins and the village in a state of shock.

Meanwhile: PM Rishi Sunak stole my job, says Lorry Driver

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