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Suffolk Gazette to bid for regional newspaper group Archant

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EADT publisher Archant is a Suffolk Gazette takeover target

The Suffolk Gazette is preparing to launch a bid to buy Archant, the struggling owner of magazines and newspapers including the East Anglian Daily Times.

Archant put itself up for sale last week as the newspaper industry faces a financial crisis, with falling circulations and advertising revenue.

However, the Suffolk Gazette newspaper is thriving because it publishes stuff people actually want to read.

It is also famous for its accurate reporting on many issues, including goings on in Norfolk.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a source close to the Suffolk Gazette editor, confirmed: “We’re going through the figures now, but we think we are close to meeting Archant’s six-figure valuation.

“That’s £1,025.99.”

However, Ms Fisher added that Archant’s worrying pension deficit would mean the Suffolk Gazette would have to flog a few more funny mugs from its partner DirtyOldGoat.com.

“Either that or we close down the Norwich Evening News to save costs – no-one can read there anyway.”

The Suffolk Gazette is expected to fight off competition from newspaper mogul David Montgomery and several private investment companies to secure Archant.

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Chris Grayling sends Russia Report to Vistaprint

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Chris Grayling

Bungling Chris Grayling has sent the highly-sensitive Russia Report off to Vistaprint for printing.

He also took advantage of a special offer to get a Russia Report mouse mat and some Russia Report-branded ballpoint pens.

Just hours after being nominated as head of the UK Intelligence Committee, the man who paid £13.8 million to a ferry company without any ferries has raised eyebrows again.

Tasked with overseeing the release of the top-secret Russia Report into alleged Kremlin interference in UK politics, he has sent it to Vistaprint for printing.

The top secret Russia Report
The top secret Russia Report

Downing Street insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “There is no suggestion that Vistaprint does not guard the privacy of clients’ material.

“But perhaps an online printing services company is not the best place for a highly-controversial report into international political maneuvering.”

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Everyone looking forward to half-price meals at Wetherspoons

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Not a Wetherspoon burger

The nation was licking its lips today after chancellor Rishi Sunak promised 50% off meals eaten out from Monday to Wednesday.

Going by a fabulous Wetherspoon menu, diners can now tuck into a tasty brie & smoky chilli jam burger with all the trimmings, plus a non-alcoholic drink, for the princely sum of £3.90.

“I can’t wait to cram into my local Wetherspoon and order a half-price meal and a portion of coronavirus,” said excited local woman Lorraine Fisher, 34.

“It is also excellent news that well-known Tory supporter, Wetherspoon boss Tim Martin is expected to profit from this scheme.”

Meanwhile, Prince Andrew is looking forward to taking up the offer of a discount at Pizza Express in Woking.

The Chancellor’s 50% voucher offer, up to £10 per head, was part of a package of measures announced to ease the financial impact of COVID-19.

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Ghislaine Maxwell trying to find receipts from Pizza Express in Woking

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Pizza Express in Woking
Pizza Express in Woking (Photo: Google)

Jeffrey Epstein’s close friend Ghislaine Maxwell has been looking everywhere for her receipts from Pizza Express in Woking, it has emerged.

The socialite insists the receipts will prove she was nowhere near Epstein or any of the underage girls who claim they were assaulted by him.

A source close to her defence team said: “Ghislaine is facing six federal crimes, including enticement of minors, sex trafficking and perjury.

“But she was in Woking enjoying a meal at Pizza Express every time an alleged offence occured.

“She is desperately trying to find the receipts to prove it.”

The news comes after Prince Andrew, coincidentally another pal of Epstein, also said he dined at the popular Surrey eatery.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a private investigator, asked anyone with any receipts from Pizza Express Woking from the last 20 years or so to get in touch, because they may be of interest.

Maxwell, 58, is currently being held in a New York jail awaiting a court appearance this week. She has previously denied all the accusations against her.

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Man missing after trying to use rowing machine in River Wensum, Norfolk

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Bubba Spuckler's rowing machine was fished out of the River Wensum in Norfolk.
Mr Spuckler’s rowing machine which was fished out of the River Wensum

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A man is missing, presumed drowned after trying to use his new rowing machine on the River Wensum in Norfolk.

Bubba Spuckler, 37, had purchased the machine last week because he wanted to get fit and impress his sister.

But police say things went badly wrong when Spucker carried his rowing machine into the river near Fakenham and tried to sit on it.

Eyewitness Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “At first I thought he was flytipping. But he walked into the river, sat astride the machine and then promptly sank without trace.

Man drowns trying to use rowing machine on the River Wensum in Norfolk
The River Wensum (Photo: Fernando Butcher)

“I and another man who was walking his dog waded in to try and save him, but he was gone.

“We found the rowing machine, though.”

Mr Spuckler, who lives nearby with his sister and their seven children, is no stranger to fitness incidents.

Only last week, he got lost on a spin bike.

A police spokesman confirmed: “Our teams have been looking for a 34-year-old local male who tried to use a rowing machine in the river.

“Sadly, our search had to be called off last night with no sign of the man.”

Norfolk man gets lost on spin bike

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By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Norfolk man Billy Spuckler says he has no idea where he is after spending an hour on a spin bike.

He recalls getting on the bike at a gym in Norwich, but then got lost after a few miles.

“I got a bit carried away with the exercise and was not really taking proper notice about where I was going.

“I must have gone miles and miles, and when the spinning stopped I was in unfamiliar surroundings.

“I have decided to contact the police to see if they can help.”

Sgt Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Norfolk Police said: “We received reports of a man in a disoriented state in a Norwich gym.

“He is being looked after at the station until relatives can be traced.”

It is believed Mr Spuckler, 29, comes from Downham Market where he lives with his sister and their seven children.

“I recommend people ask the instructor where they are going before they join a spin class,” Sgt Fisher added.

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Steps you need to take to get your start-up off the ground

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If you want your business start-up to be as successful as it can be then there are various steps you need to take. If you want to help yourself then simply look below to find out more.

Secure funding

You will need to make sure that you have enough capital if you want to get your company off the ground.

There isn’t a magic number here that will apply to every business, and the cost for your start-up will vary depending on the industry in which you will operate. Some companies will require more funding when compared to others, so make sure that you keep this in mind as much as you can.

You should know that 82% of businesses fail in the first year due to cash flow problems, so it is vital that you keep all of your financial statements in check so that you can determine how much you need to raise in order to get started. You may find that the number is way higher than you originally thought.

Even if you start up a small application shop with just a few people, this is probably going to cost you $100,000 or more. If you want you can chat with your friends, family or even Angel Investors. Investing in start-ups is very lucrative for investors if you can make your business model as appealing as possible.

Refer to your business plan

It’s so important that you make your business plan presentable. You also need to know how to successfully verbalise your strategy as well. Investors are very busy at the end of the day and they might not want to take the time to read through your entire plan. Once you are able to secure the funding, you can then proceed to the next step of launching your company.

Surround yourself with good people

You are going to need some help to say the least when you make the decision to launch your own start-up company.

If you do not know where to start, then you need to look at the industry you are working in. Most start-ups in the tech industry for example consist of small teams. The numbers would be very different if you happened to work in the restaurant sector. You would need to hire servers, chefs and front of house management.

If you need some help getting your company off the ground, then it would be helpful for you to try and find a mentor. When you do, they can then work with you to make sure that you are happy with the structure of your plan and that you are confident with the overall progress you are making.

A marketing team can also be helpful to have as they can give you the support you need to get your brand out there and to also make sure that you are not going over budget as well. This can be very useful when you are just starting out as a new company.

BREAKING: Donald Trump in his Lone Ranger face mask

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Donald Trump wearing a face mask like the Lone Ranger
Who is that masked man?

This is the first picture of US President Trump wearing his COVID-19 face mask.

Mr Trump has revealed he now supports wearing face masks and even donned one himself which made him “look like the Lone Ranger”.

Unfortunately for the President, the Lone Ranger had a mask over his eyes with holes in it so he could see.

White House staff now have the tricky job of telling Mr Trump he has got the face mask thing terribly wrong.

Aid Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “None of us want to tell him because he will get mad.

“But someone needs to before he steps out in public like this.”

The photo leaked to the Suffolk Gazette shows Mr Trump proudly sporting his new surgical face mask in the Oval Office.

The news comes after he spent months denying they were necessary. And now he has finally come on board, he has got it ever so slightly wrong.

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