A Suffolk pilot has been appointed to lead the Red Arrows display team.
Peter Paulson, a flyer with 735 hours of flight experience (mainly spent on radio-controlled model planes) was selected to lead the Arrows from the start of the 2024 air show season.
Paulson, who is visually impaired (blind) became eligible for selection to the world’s foremost aerobatics team after a recent landmark decision by the European Court of Human Rights and Wrongs. Asked to decide on whether blind pilots should be allowed to fly, the court determined that not to allow them to do so would be discriminatory, and gave its consent for thousands of blind pilots who had formerly been prevented from doing so, to take to the skies. Crazy.
Aldi Airfield
The Suffolk Gazette spoke to Mr Paulson (‘Wobbly Pete’ to his friends) when we covered the legal case in November and we contacted him again to congratulate him on his new appointment. We asked him how on Earth did he get the job? “Well, after the ECHRW decision I was desperate to get off the ground, so I booked a 1-hour lesson in a powered hang glider, my first. It went OK. Apparently, the views were spectacular. Admittedly, I came down with a bit of a bump – but there isn’t much space in the Aldi car park where they tell me I landed.”
Suffolk pilot & Red Arrows
We asked Wobbly a.k.a Suffolk pilot to get to the point. “Yes, of course. So anyway, I thought well, this isn’t too difficult,.and now that the Europeans have agreed that I can’t be discriminated against, the sky’s the limit! After the flight, I asked Jeremy Paxman.– who is a keen amateur hang-gliderer – to read out the jobs advertised in the monthly aviation magazine, Pilots Only. When he said that the Red Arrows were looking for pilots, well… that was it. I knew that that was the job for me!”
Barmy
Unfortunately, Wobbly had no experience flying the Hawk T1 advanced trainer aircraft used by the Red Arrows,.and arrived for the job interview at RAF Scampton in the powered hang glider he had borrowed from the Suffolk & Essex Gliding Club. He admits he felt a little nervous. “I admit, I felt a little nervous, but when I got up there I relaxed,.and everything just fell into place. I had thoroughly researched and practiced the formations using some of the Airfix models.I had kept from when I was a kid, and I knew the call signs inside out.”
Mental
So how did the Squadron leader come to pick Paulson out of the tens of more experienced pilots.who had applied for the post? “Ahh, that was easy! A soon as I heard the guy who was in charge say ‘I’m sorry to tell you…’,.I just whipped out the ECHRW decision and waved it in front of his face, or near his face. And that was it… works every time!”
In a rare honour – historically bestowed only upon the feet of the peoples of Egyptian, Roman, and Greek heritage. Norfolk feet have been inducted into the Podiatrists’ Hall of Fame – in recognition of their own unique biological deformation.
Norfolk Feet Award
A panel of international Podiatrists and Chiropodists and other people fascinated by feet.(athletes, for example) announced the award after conducting a lengthy 25-minute study of the rare condition known as ‘norfoot’. Norfoot refers to the distinctive webbed toes commonly found among people born in the backward East Anglian county of Norfolk, England.
Webbed Dogfoot
The announcement was greeted with glee by the Puddledock Association of Limbs, Metatarsals,.Ankles, Toes, and, Emery boardswhose chairman, Vanessa Chickpea told this reporter “F*ckin’ YESSSSS! I’ve never won anything before! Ahem.
I mean, we are pleased that, at long last, people from Norfolk born with ‘norfoot’. have been recognized as ‘special’ rather than denigrated as deformed or inbred, etc. Now, All Norfolk Dumplings with the norfoot peculiarity can take their rightful place in society alongside.other palmates such as Platypi, Otter, Newt, Pelican, and Daschund.”
Chickpea, who is semipalmated (W.C. ‘Having webs between some, but not all, of the toes’), accepted the award to a rousing round of muffled, squelchy applause from the small crowd of P.A.L.M.A.T.E. members gathered at the ceremony held in the reptile house at Banham Zoological Gardens, Norwich.
Did you know…
British naval hero, Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson who hailed from Burnham Thorpe, Norfolk, is believed to have had at least two webbed feet, possibly three! 1st Viscount Nelson, who is known for holding the record for the longest-ever standing still on a column in a London Square, developed the condition as a boy when he spent too many hours playing with toy galleons, barefoot in a local duck pond. Historians believe that duck urine was infused into his bloodstream via the exposed skin under his toenails where he had clipped them too short, and that over time, his multiple feet morphed so as to resemble those of a mallard.
A poster campaign organized by the secretive Suffolk feminist organization ‘Yeast Angrier’ has been raising eyebrows,.and a few laughs, in various male-dominated locations across the region.
Pubs, betting shops, greasy spoon cafes, football stadiums, and plant hire shops. have all been targeted by the campaign group whose message, ‘F*ck off, men!’ is gaining widespread local support – among men.
Feminist misconduct
In a bid by the group to confront men with their own gross misconduct at home, and in the workplace, posters including legends such as.“If you’re going to piss on the toilet seat then just PISS OFF!”, and “Leave a pube on the soap again and it will be the last one you owned”, have been popping up in numerous locations usually frequented by males,
Unfortunately, in creating some wonderfully comical, misandristic one-liners, Yeast Angrier which is believed to comprise a ragtag bunch of hysterical students,. lesbians, eco-warriors, and other feminazis, has, rather than offended men, mildly amused them – in an incredibly humbling and self-patronizing way.
Men Only
We asked some beefy, dust-covered, white van men outside of HSS plant hire in Woodbridge,.what they thought of the various posters plastered over the shop’s windows. Referring to the “It’s fine. Leave your pants on the floor – next to your brains.” poster, plumber, Dave told this reporter “Ha ha. Yeah. It made me giggle. I bet some cutie with a nice tight arse stayed up all night thinking of that one!”
The Testimony
Commenting on the billboard inquiring ‘Darling, what time does the football end?’ Harry, a local scaffolder said ‘Yes. I can see what they’ve done there. The clever use of the opening sarcastic term of endearment to disarm the reader,.and create contrast with the bitingly vitriolic reference to another Sunday afternoon being ignored by a sexually lackluster and inattentive husband at the end, is subtle but, in my opinion, extremely effective. A woman wrote that you say?’
Well, there we have it. Militant women… you have men’s approval!
We approached Yeast Angrier for comment resulting in the following exchange:
SG: Any comment on the positive response your campaign has received from men?
Chemistry is the branch of science that enables you to get food and other life items that you need to survive. When talking about chemistry’s importance in everyday life, no one can deny that nothing would be the same without it.
Personal care products, television screens, the refrigerator’s cold, computer circuits – they all exist due to Chemistry. This ever-growing science has improved numerous aspects; life itself is better thanks to Chemistry. Although some consider it a boring subject, it’s an interesting science that helps you understand different phenomena in your life.
Perhaps the top reason you should study chemistry is that it touches on various disciplines, including biology, physics, astronomy, engineering, and medicine. This means you can acquire knowledge on so many aspects of life, which can only benefit you.
If you’ve ever wondered how chemistry can help you, we’re here to answer your question. Studying this remarkable science is an excellent idea for both your personal life and career.
Chemistry is everywhere around you
The objects you use daily and your household products – chemistry exists in all of them. Here are some areas of life where chemistry plays a significant role:
Food. Understanding chemistry allows you to interpret food labels and learn about vitamins, fats, proteins and carbohydrates.
Energy. Energy and fuels are produced due to chemistry. And this doesn’t not only include batteries and fossil fuels but also biofuels and solar cells.
Electronics. Speakers, video displays and silicon chips depend on elaborate chemical processes.
Textiles. Textile chemistry means producing and processing natural fibres such as silk or cotton and synthetics like polyester or nylon.
Cosmetics. Cosmetics are made of chemicals used to change your appearance.
Health. Chemistry is imperative in this area of life – your health relies on biochemical reactions that happen in your body. Also, medical tests utilize chemicals to evaluate patients’ wellness.
And the list can go further, as chemistry also exists in agriculture, paper, plastics, metals, construction, and so on.
Reasons why you should study chemistry
It helps you stay educated about the things you buy
Studying chemistry enables you to become a knowledgeable buyer. Many foods are heavily processed nowadays, so it’s crucial to understand what you ingest. But food labels are pretty complicated, and it can be challenging to make sense of the various sweeteners, stabilizers and preservers that foods contain.
However, understanding chemistry terms such as Sodium benzoate or Citric acid helps you figure out which foods are safe and which ones you should avoid. What’s more, with basic chemistry knowledge, you can grasp the meaning of complex product labels. Consequently, what you buy will be based on informed decisions, and you’ll be able to tell the difference between a reliable product and a scam.
It teaches you how to stay safe in your home
Chemistry can keep you and your family safe, as you’ll be able to tell which household chemicals pose a risk if they are kept together. Plus, you’ll know which of these chemicals are dangerous to mix and their effects on the environment.
Additionally, you’ll be better informed on how to handle chemical products and what’s the best way to store them. And the best part about having this meaningful knowledge is that you can also share it with others around you and help them stay safe as well!
It helps you understand the world better
Almost everything in your life involves Chemistry, including what you hear, see, smell, touch and taste. It’s a constant interaction between matter. By studying chemistry, you’ll learn why chocolate tastes delicious or why a soap cleans.
Understanding the atoms’ structure or a molecule’s stoichiometry will help you know everything you use daily, from your toothpaste to your phone battery. From metal rusting to digestion, every single reaction in nature is controlled by chemistry. If you have an inborn curiosity and want to learn more about your environment, you can take an online chemistry course and immerse yourself in this fascinating science.
Studying chemistry can be very exciting, as you discover what basic elements form the things around you, the changes they undergo, and how they can develop new products. Chemistry teaches you all of this, revealing so many things that seem mysterious.
It offers several career opportunities
Besides improving your personal life, chemistry also opens doors to different career opportunities. If you love chemistry enough to turn it into a profession, the good news is you can choose from several options. You can specialize in nuclear chemistry, analytical chemistry or biological chemistry. It all depends on what interests you the most.
If you want to help humanity, you can become a Materials Scientist and discover ways to utilize recyclable elements like paper or plastic to create materials that can serve people’s needs. This is an excellent option if you care about the planet and want to reduce pollution.
Chemists also collaborate with engineers, doctors and biologists, so you will go beyond the chemistry field and learn about other sciences as well.
It makes you a better cook
Good chemists are good cooks. How come? Well, all food consists of chemical compounds, and the activity of cooking involves changing chemical bonds. You use matter’s properties to play around with oxidation, solubility, combustion and chemical reaction and get tasty ingredients.
The Maillard reaction is a primary chemical reaction that happens while cooking. It’s the reason why cooked foods end up being so delicious. This Maillard reaction occurs between amino acids and reducing sugars that exist in the composition of most foods. Many cooking techniques, such as roasting, frying and baking, include some degree of this chemical reaction.
It helps you understand the news
Nowadays, it’s impossible not to be bombarded with all sorts of news about water contamination, petrol pollution or medical discovery. But you most likely don’t understand much from all this information. But studying chemistry makes you more informed about the world around you. It helps you understand what happens if an underground aquifer gets contaminated or the consequences of an oil leak in the ocean.
Plus, national laws regulate most industries that participate in climate change. Once you understand what happens in your neighbourhood or country, you’ll become a more informed voter.
A kind seagull saved boy from getting over speeding fine by hiding his Reg Plate with wings.
How much is a bird shitting on your car worth? £10? £20? £50?
Teenage Suffolk boy racer, Gordon Clapper knows the answer… a hundred quid! That’s how much a single seagull saved him in bizarre circumstances after he was caught tearing it up on the London Road around Ipswich last week.
Taxing personality
Local yob, Clapper, 17, from a crappy part of Ipswich is no stranger to being caught speeding on traffic cameras. Sometimes 3 or 4 of them on the same stretch of road. A speeding fine will cost a UK driver £100 plus 3 points added to your license, or you may be given the option to attend a speed awareness course instead. Clapper has attended 38 courses and has about six grand’s worth of unpaid fines. He would have over a hundred points on his license by now – if he had one.
Sound like your son?
Early, last Tuesday morning, after evading the Police for most of the night, feral delinquent. Clapper decided to burn rubber one last time through a quiet residential area before going home to smoke dope with his mum. As usual, the flash of a traffic camera illuminated his Formula 1-esque drive home. He didn’t care.
How Seagull saved him
When the penalty notice arrived, gormless Gordon was amused to find that a rogue seagull featured heavily in the snap taken by the traffic camera. With impeccable timing, the heroic bird had launched itself from the top of the yellow box. In front of the camera lens housed within, just as Clapper’s souped-up mini Cooper rocketed past. The resulting picture, which shows Clapper’s registration plate obscured by the seagulls’ wing. Must surely be the most fortuitous intervention ever captured by a speed camera.
Prison is too good
We got in touch with Clapper through his probation officer and he gave us the following comment via voicemail. “Fackin bird dun me a roight favour but then e shit all over me mota din’e? Just after that pictcha wos takern, he crapped all over me winsdcreen. facking cant of a bird.”
Labour leader and socialist Lord of the Realm, Sir Kier Barrington Starmer, announced in the house of commons today. That he wants to recreate Britain’s second finest hour. Namely the 1940 Evacuation of the British expeditionary force from Dunkirk.
This time, instead of repatriating the stranded British soldiers who bravely fought their way to the North French coast. Under fire from Nazi munitions, der patriot Sir Winston Starmer plans to save 330,000 Albanian refugees, currently hanging around, smoking fags on the very same historic, blood-stained beaches.
How times have changed
The Dunkirk evacuation, codenamed Operation Dynamo took place between 26 May and 4 June 1940. After British troops were cut off and surrounded by the German Wehrmacht in the final days of the Battle of France. As promised by Churchill, our boys ‘fought them on the beaches’. Until deliverance came in the hastily convened flotilla of ‘little ships’ – merchant boats, fishing trawlers, pleasure craft, yachts, and lifeboats – sent from England to France by Churchill to rescue them. In total, 693 small vessels braved the north sea to bring home the bulk of the trapped British Army. Around 100 of which never made it home.
Britain under Labour
Class grasshopper Sir Kier, roared-on by his backbenchers, insisted that under a new Labour government. He would ‘recreate Dunkirk’ by allowing multitudes of Albanian refugees. Bravely leaving their wives and children at home as they run away from the Albanian Civil War (which ended in 1997), to create their own ‘flotilla of rubber dinghies’ with which they may ‘invade’ the south coast of Britain.
Starmer plan of action
The heroic labour leader, who is famous for not being able to resist knighthoods. For letting his mate Sir Tony Blair off copperbottomed ‘cash for honours’ charges. When he was Director of Public Prosecutions (what is it with socialists and titles?) insisted. In a heated commons debate, that the invading Albanian Expeditionary Force would be given, upon its arrival in Britain, ‘full board and lodgings in sumptuous English hotels at a cost of £7 million per day to the British taxpayer.’
Bad taste in the mouth
Asked by a random right-wing Tory MP, let’s say Jacob Rees-Mogg. Whether the sight of thousands of working-age male Albanians arriving illegally on British beaches, unable to provide for themselves might leave a ‘bad taste in the mouths of hard-pressed British citizens struggling to keep the lights on?’ millionaire tennis fan, Sir Anthony Blair Starmer replied: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.”
If life insurance is something that you are seriously considering, then you want to make sure that you get the right cover for what you want. This can be an intimidating process if it is something that is totally unfamiliar to you. That is why we have put together some of the ways that you can find the right policy for you. This will ensure that if anything were to happen to you, your loved ones will get the financial security they deserve.
Figure out your budget
First of all, you need to think about the costs involved with life insurance. Consider how much you’re willing to spend, and get life insurance quotes to see what you’re working with. This will mean that you know how much you need to set aside each month.
Write down what you want covered
There are endless different options for you to choose from when it comes to life insurance, which can be a blessing and a curse. It’s great to have the luxury of choice but it can be trickier to navigate when you have so much to decide between. That’s why you need to get particular about what it is you want. As we mentioned, figure out how much you’re willing to spend. Think about how much you want the cover to offer. Do you want a certain type of insurance, such as ‘decreasing life insurance’? These are all aspects for you to keep in mind, as they will not only make your goals clearer, but will allow you to ultimately make decisions.
Assess your current situation
You need to think about what your health is like currently and how it could impact those immediately around you. Do you have close family members that you want to provide for after you’re gone? Sometimes it’s better to plan ahead, and if your health is currently sound, this doesn’t mean you should become complacent as things can change rapidly, especially when you get older. Sometimes it’s wiser to hope for the best and expect the worse, as you’ll be prepared for each possible outcome.
Do plenty of research
Like most things, it’s always recommended that you do plenty of research to find out what is exactly right for you in your circumstances. So, read the online reviews of different providers. Explore your various options. Speak to others who may have already taken life insurance out. The more you know, the better. This will allow you to make a sensible, informed decision.
Compare
Then, once your research is complete, use comparison sites to find the best deal for you. With these you can also check out if they cover exactly what it is you’re looking for, how long they last, and what the associated costs are. You can find recommendations through certain sites too but make sure you double-check these, as they could be sponsored.
Are you feeling more confident about finding the right life insurance policy for you?
Downing Street pet, Larry the cat, has adopted the tactics of the ‘Just Stop Oil’ campaign by gluing himself to the road outside No.10. The ministerial moggie is reportedly frustrated at the continual change of owners, in and out of the P.M.’s London home.
So far, Police have not been able to free the disgruntled Larry the cat and are taking the softly-softly approach. Tickling his tummy, stroking his ears, etc. in an attempt to bring him ‘round.
We wanted to know more, so we contacted veteran Welsh television presenter, Johnny Morris OBE. Who was best known for talking to animals on his hit BBC zoological kids’ show, Animal Magic. Apart from Dr Doolittle and Jeremy Paxman, Morris is the only celebrity we can think of that that can talk to other species. Unfortunately, Morris died in 1999 but he nonetheless agreed to talk to us for the purposes of this story.
Larry the cat’s Interview
We asked Morris to translate Larry the cat’s comments:
Larry the cat: Miaw, miaw, miaw miaw miaw.
Morris: I’m lying here today, glued to the street as a protest against the continual changing of my owner. The uncertainty is having a seriously detrimental effect on my mental health, job security, and most of all, food supply. I haven’t had my favourite Iams Delights Chicken in Gravy Wet Senior Cat Food for 3 weeks now.
Larry the cat: Miaw, miaw, miaw miaw miaw… miaw, miaw, Sunak, miaw miaw miaw?
Morris: So what I am demanding to know is… how long is this guy, Sunak going to be here, and what’s in it for me?
Morris: If my demands are not met, I will move on to the next phase of my campaign which involves shitting all over Nos 10 & 11, including over the new lecturn, just before the next big announcement. Got it? Oh, and tell Truss that she dropped a pair of knickers down the back of the settee.
