Downing Street pet, Larry the cat, has adopted the tactics of the ‘Just Stop Oil’ campaign by gluing himself to the road outside No.10. The ministerial moggie is reportedly frustrated at the continual change of owners, in and out of the P.M.’s London home.
So far, Police have not been able to free the disgruntled Larry the cat and are taking the softly-softly approach. Tickling his tummy, stroking his ears, etc. in an attempt to bring him ‘round.
We wanted to know more, so we contacted veteran Welsh television presenter, Johnny Morris OBE. Who was best known for talking to animals on his hit BBC zoological kids’ show, Animal Magic. Apart from Dr Doolittle and Jeremy Paxman, Morris is the only celebrity we can think of that that can talk to other species. Unfortunately, Morris died in 1999 but he nonetheless agreed to talk to us for the purposes of this story.
Larry the cat’s Interview
We asked Morris to translate Larry the cat’s comments:
Larry the cat: Miaw, miaw, miaw miaw miaw.
Morris: I’m lying here today, glued to the street as a protest against the continual changing of my owner. The uncertainty is having a seriously detrimental effect on my mental health, job security, and most of all, food supply. I haven’t had my favourite Iams Delights Chicken in Gravy Wet Senior Cat Food for 3 weeks now.
Larry the cat: Miaw, miaw, miaw miaw miaw… miaw, miaw, Sunak, miaw miaw miaw?
Morris: So what I am demanding to know is… how long is this guy, Sunak going to be here, and what’s in it for me?
Larry the cat: Miaw miaw, miaw miaw miaw, miaw 10 & 11, miaw miaw miaw miaw. Miaw miaw? Miaw miaw, miaw miaw Truss miaw miaw, miaw knickers miaw miaw, miaw miaw.
Morris: If my demands are not met, I will move on to the next phase of my campaign which involves shitting all over Nos 10 & 11, including over the new lecturn, just before the next big announcement. Got it? Oh, and tell Truss that she dropped a pair of knickers down the back of the settee.