Friday, July 12, 2024

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Norfolk Police now armed with pitchforks

Norfolk Police pitchforks

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Police in Norfolk are being armed with pitchforks in a desperate bid to combat rural crime, it was revealed yesterday.

Officers have been trained to use the fearsome forks for crowd control, self-defence – and all-out attack against the most hardened Norfolk criminals.


The news comes just days after police in neighbouring Suffolk were handed guns and told to shoot suspects on sight to cut back on expensive paperwork back at the station.

Norfolk police spokesman Noah Clowes said: “Pitchforks are the weapon of choice in Norfolk, as they have been since baying yokel mobs first used them as long ago as the rebellions of 1992.

“We have now supplied all beat bobbies and traffic officers with a well oiled, sharp pitchfork, and already crime numbers are falling.

“There was an incident near Norwich when a speeding motorist was unfortunately impaled to death, but other than that things have gone brilliantly.”

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