IPSWICH, SUFFOLK – Nadeq Sikzad, 29, a fake asylum seeker from Afghanistan who entered the UK illegally on a cross-channel dinghy, ‘got what he was asking for’ when he mistook an 18-stone rugby player for a 15-year-old schoolgirl.

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

Believing him to be a vulnerable teenager, Sikzad, followed 6 ft 2 inch Brain Hargreaves, 36 into the car park of the Coach & Horses pub in Ipswich with the intention of instigating sexual relations after Hargreaves had stepped outside for a fag.

Animal lover

Defence counsel, Janice Green told the court there were language difficulties and a “cultural barrier” between Nikzad’s home country where shagging anything that moves – including sheep and goats – was common.

She said: “I’m not suggesting that means that he reasonably believed Hargreaves was consenting, but that there’s a reason why he could have misunderstood.” Whatever.

After realizing his mistake, Sikzad found himself on the receiving end of “a pasting he will never forget” when Hargreaves left him hospitalized with a broken arm, a dislocated eye and a ripped scrotum (ball bag) the court was told.

The case has drawn more attention to the scandal of foreign criminals posing as asylum seekers entering the UK illegally across the English Channel. In the first five months of 2025, the number of small boat crossings has reached a record high, with over 14,800 crossings recorded from January to May. This figure represents a 42% increase compared to the same period in 2024, leaving ‘Sir’ Keir Starmer’s claim that Labour is “smashing the smuggling gangs” in tatters.

The Real Question

The British public is rightly now asking – when will Labour take action to protect Britain’s vulnerable rugby players?

Meanwhile: Rich kids eject ticketless illegal migrants from Glastonbury Festival