Visionaries are planning to revolutionise our lives with a new social network called a Town Centre High Street.
The offline social network will see scores of small independent shops like butchers, bakers and greengrocers opening up in town centres across the country.
Residents will be able to visit the High Street to buy interesting items, chat to the helpful shop owners, and even get to know each other by engaging in something called conversation.
The new social network is to be tested in Ipswich next year after it emerged nobody visited the town centre anymore, and everyone lived out a soul-destroying existence on social media.
Ipswich residents did all their shopping at large out-of-town supermarkets where they would whiz around as fast as possible without speaking to anyone, except the checkout person to say they did not want to buy any bags.
Entrepreneur David Albert, CEO of the Town Centre High Street Hub, said: “Some people even do their shopping online. There is no hope for the future of humanity unless we do something to get everyone off social media and the internet, and instead encourage them to interact with each other, in person.
“The Town Centre High Street social network will revive our towns, bring people together, and allow small businesses and trades to thrive.
“It worked quite well for hundreds of years, before the web and faceless corporate retail chains killed off our sense of community.
“Ipswich will be the first to trial our new social network, and there will be low business rates for shopkeepers, and free car parking for all.”
The new Town Centre High Street social network will be free to use, and will not require giving away all your personal information to a multi-billionaire social media guru in America.