Wednesday, June 19, 2024

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Conehead Car Chaos In Ipswich City Centre

Conehead Car Chaos In Ipswich City Centre

An idiotic gang of drunk, teenage delinquents dressed as traffic cones caused chaos on the roads in Ipswich city centre last night.

The collection of shiftless, antisocial miscreants who have been dubbed ‘The Coneheads’ by social media commentators, thought it would be funny to waddle into the middle of the road as the pubs were turning out on Northgate Street at 11.30 pm.

Standing in the way of traffic, and bounding around like tedious, post-modern, performance artists, the moronic apaths amused themselves for around 45 minutes until police were called to disperse them.


News of the uproarious incident quickly spread through social media, prompting countless memes and hilarious photoshopped images of the Coneheads’ childish escapades.

Some commentators (probably lefty students, or the unemployed) considered the prankish behaviour amusing (“Go the Coneheads!”, “Can’t stop the Coneheads!”) while the sensible majority (older, cleaner people) rightly condemned the loutish antics in the strongest possible terms (“Don’t condone the Coneheads.”, “Hang the Coneheads!!!!”)

Ipswich City Centre

It is not clear whether the Coneheads acted alone or were attempting to make a political point as part of the wider ‘social justice warrior movement’ which includes; Lesbinas, Just Stop the Oiling group, Greenpuss, The Labia Party, The Liberal Hermocrats, CamFam, Harriet Harperson, RFHC (Rainbow Flying High Coalition), and other silly lefty-lawyer organizations that want to stop us kicking out foreign criminals.

Cone alone

Ipswich police later posted an update on Twitter which read: “’Allo, allo, ‘allo, wot we got ‘ere then? Well, it looks laike wot we got is a small group of h-inebriated local students who have been causin’ a rumpus in their local community.

Anyone would think that his majesty’s constabulary ain’t got nothing better to do than go haround cleanin’ up after them, whell we haive, I can tell yooo. However, I can report that we haive nicked four of ‘em, but we are still traiyin’ to locate one other. But don’t worray, we shall ‘av’ ‘im soon.”

Are you the missing Conehead, or do you know who it is…or isn’t?


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