Saturday, April 20, 2024
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Prospectors strike oil worth billions on Suffolk coast

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Prospectors on the Suffolk coast have struck oil worth billions of pounds, it has emerged.

They have been test drilling on Sizewell beach for weeks and today tapped into a huge oil field thought to contain around four billion barrels.

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Never before has oil been discovered in such a posh area, sandwiched as it is between Southwold and Aldeburgh, and experts say that as a result it will produce the most refined oil ever brought to market.

And experts say because it comes from such a well-heeled source, consumers can expect to pay a premium for the end product to fuel their cars and homes.

The discovery was made close to Sizewell B Nuclear power station, and makes it likely that the proposed Sizewell C will be put on hold so a new oil pipeline can be built linking to a state-of-the-art oil refinery at Thorpeness.

Drilling for oil at SizewellBlack gold: prospectors drilling for oil at Sizewell this week

While new oil money will be welcome, making the Suffolk coast the Dallas of Europe, environmentalists are less enthusiastic.

“We should be looking at alternative energy like wind farms, not fishing about for fossil fuels,” a green campaigner said.

But Mr Bob Ewing, of Well Oiled and Lubricated Ltd, which struck gold at Sizewell, said: “This new oil field will provide fuel for Britain for generations.

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“Who needs green alternative energies when we’ve got all this oil right under our feet.”

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Will virtual reality change sports viewing?

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A few years ago, it sounded like 3D home video was going to revolutionise sports consumption. 3D TVs were briefly peddled as the next big thing in home entertainment, and many were excited about the way sporting events in particular could pop off the screen. As it turned out, no one really took to 3D home entertainment. Wearing goggles to watch TV was awkward, and a lot of the viewing experiences, unless specifically tailored to 3D viewing, were somewhat disappointing.

Now we’re in the midst of a new revolution in home entertainment, as more people make the leap to embrace virtual reality. Right now, VR is primarily being used for games rather than just watching content, but movies and television could be just around the corner. There’s also reason to believe that we might soon be watching sports in virtual reality as well.

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The first one that comes to mind is drone racing, which might sound like a fringe activity for robotics nerds, but is actually on its way to becoming a legitimate sport. It’s like a combination between playing with remote control cars and hopping into a pod race from Star Wars: Episode I. It’s called “Drone Racing League,” and though a detailed write-up by Wired described it as being in “stealth mode” about 18 months ago, it’s starting to become more mainstream. The most interesting thing might be the viewing experience. Racers “pilot” their drones from a first-person VR perspective, and as the sport expands, this could be how fans engage with it as well. That would make it the first sport (if you want to call it that) where fans engage in the matches from the perspective of a competitor.

Drone racingDrone racing: soon to be a legitimate sport

However, drone racing isn’t alone as a fringe “sport” tapping into the wonders of virtual reality. Poker has also come a long way in this regard. Poker tournaments continue to be enormously popular, and the ways they’re being played is starting to change. Casino Source’s guide to live casinos explains how players engage in online games with real human dealers through a live video stream. These live modes offer players the excitement and atmosphere of a physical casino and virtual reality could help take it to the next level. Many people like watching online poker tournaments, and the idea of tapping combining VR with the presence of other real players and dealers could bring fans closer to the action than ever before.

This idea of getting closer to the action without having to leave your couch is something we’re going to start seeing in more mainstream sports, too. In fact, excerpts from a recent podcast at The Ringer indicate that at least one major sports owner is actively considering ways to make it happen. Steve Ballmer, the one-time tech CEO who now owns the Los Angeles Clippers, made some minor waves across the internet when he said that he wants to work out a way for fans to watch games from the perspectives of players on the court. Using point guard Chris Paul as an example, Ballmer argued that software could work out a way for games to be streamed as if from Paul’s eyes—without the player having to wear any sort of goggles or other distracting gear. It’s a bold plan that could still be a ways off but could also present the next big innovation in spectator sports.

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Keep in mind that we’re still in the early days of widespread VR adoption. Still, these ideas in games, sports, and niche entertainment, demonstrate a clear trend. 3D failed to bring us closer to the competitive action we love to consume, but VR might succeed where 3D TV failed. In the near future we might be watching our favorite sports in new and exciting ways. We’ll just have to wait and see.

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Six-Fingered Norfolk is first new cloud for 70 years

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New Norfolk cloud added to Cloud Atlas
By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

The Six-Fingered Norfolk cloud is the first new “species” to be added to the International Cloud Atlas in more than 70 years, it has emerged.

The mysterious cloud formation is called the Six-Fingered Norfolk because it resembles a six-fingered hand – and only appears in the skies over the rural East Anglian county.

Now it has been added to the Cloud Atlas, the official cloud bible of the World Meteorological Society, and is the first new cloud formation since 1951.

An Atlas spokesman said: “We began getting reports of the new cloud shape over Norfolk in recent years. We have no idea why it only appears there, or what causes it.

Norfolk skies

“But it is very exciting to be able to add a new cloud species after all these years.”

Norfolk farmer Bubba Spuckler, who lives in Downham Market with his sister and their eight children, said: “I looked up one day and said to my sister, ‘That cloud looks like our hands’.

“I was chatting down the cattle market last week and others had seen it, too. We feel honoured that it has been named the Six-Fingered Norfolk cloud, but we have no idea why it only appears here.”

Four and twenty virgins from Inverness arrested

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By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Four and twenty virgins who came down from Inverness have been arrested for fighting and outraging public decency.

The rowdy women told cops they were desperate to get a man before Saturday night, or they’d never have one at all.

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But as they roamed Ipswich town centre bars trying to attract the attentions of rugby players and other handsome men, it all kicked off with jealous local girls.

A Suffolk police insider said: “Unfortunately as the four and twenty virgins from Inverness became increasingly desperate they began flaunting themselves outrageously in the bars.

“This upset the local women and a mass brawl broke out. One virgin was even thrown through the doors of a pub like something from the Wild West. She was unhurt but we then had no choice and arrested the lot of them.”

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However, none of the Scottish visitors were charged and were sent back home to Inverness on the next available train, apparently without having achieved their unsavoury goal.

One onlooker said: “These Inverness virgins were most insistent and were singing a very rude song as they roamed around town looking for a man. Had they found one, he may never have fully recovered.”

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Lewis Hamilton starts new Formula One season in a Vauxhall Nova

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New Formula One season car

Lewis Hamilton is being forced to race in a 1993 Vauxhall Nova to make the new Formula One season more interesting, it has emerged.

The three-time World Champion will sit behind the wheel of the red banger for the opening race in Australia this weekend.

F1 bosses say the move will make the racing more interesting, as nothing really happens when 20 or so grown men driving round and round in circles for a couple of hours.

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Two Mercedes-powered cars – one normally driven by Hamilton – generally sit at the front of the rather dull procession, but his new car, which has been snapped up from a second-hand garage in Stowmarket, Suffolk will certainly make things more entertaining.

Experts say the 32-year-old Brit will struggle for speed during qualifying, but should still see off the Saubers and Renaults to start on the grid in mid position.

Lewis HamiltonLewis Hamilton

A F1 insider said: “Lewis has been at the front with Mercedes for too long and, to be frank, it’s all a bit boring. Putting him in a 24-year-old Vauxhall Nova spices things up a bit.”

Lewis Hamilton's Mercedes F1 carToo good: Lewis Hamilton’s former Mercedes Formula One car

The £300 Vauxhall Nova is not allowed to be modified for the new Formula One season, and will hit a top speed of around 72 miles per hour. Hamilton’s engineers do not expect any reliability issues, however, and will be hoping for retirements around him so he can sneak into a points position.

“These old Vauxhall Novas seem to be quite resilient,” a Mercedes team mechanic said. “It will be interesting seeing the other cars zoom past him on the straights at 200 miles an hour.”

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The Mercedes team has ensured the ashtrays have been cleaned and have been allowed to remove the radio in order to make the Nova a little lighter.

Engineers at the Brackley-based team said getting spare parts for the Nova will be “dirt cheap”, and it will not need as much fuel as the more traditional F1 car that will be driven by Hamilton’s new team-mate, Valterri Bottas.

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Donald Trump Tweets his admiration for Suffolk Gazette journalism

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Donald Trump has sent a Tweet admiring the Suffolk Gazette

US President Donald Trump has sent an extraordinary Tweet praising the journalism of the Suffolk Gazette.

In what is – by a country mile – our most high-profile support ever, Mr Trump urged his 27 million Twitter followers to “check out” the Suffolk Gazette.

He even quipped that we had a “fun” soccer team, and used the #ITFC hashtag!

The President has been waging a war on so-called fake news in America since coming to power, and while repeatedly chastising the likes of CNN he has now started to showcase great journalism as well.

Last night it was the turn of the Suffolk Gazette to get a name check, and we couldn’t be more delighted.

A spokesman for the Suffolk Gazette said: “We’re only a small local newspaper in England, but we take great pride in our responsible and accurate reporting.

“It is the only way to build trust with your readership, and this explains why hundreds of thousands of people enjoy our pages every month. Even some from Norfolk.”

A spokesman for the White House said: “We do not comment on the President’s Tweets but it is true to say he is fond of England and admires the British Press. He also loves soccer.”

Mr Trump’s Tweet about the Suffolk Gazette has already been Liked by 76,000 of his followers and Re-Tweeted by 16,000 more.

Work begins at last on Ipswich Northern Bypass

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Ipswich Northern Bypass

Work has finally begun on the long-awaited Ipswich Northern Bypass, according to a council document leaked to the Suffolk Gazette.

Recent closures of the Orwell Bridge have forced local authorities to act now before Suffolk’s county town is gridlocked on a permanent basis.

A joint Suffolk County Council highways and planning document, handed to the Suffolk Gazette at a secret meeting at its Greyhound public house HQ, shows work has already started on the bypass.

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Local taxpayers will be pleased that local councillors have thought laterally and found an economic solution enabling work to start immediately.

Compulsory purchase orders will now be issued on April 1 to ensure local home and landowners release sufficient land to permit construction to proceed. A contract was signed this week with Norfolk New Roads Ltd, which offers particularly low labour costs.

The document reveals that to speed up construction of this much-needed A14 relief road section – officially designated as the A14 Relief (Suffolk) Extension, ARSE – councillors have agreed it should be built using the latest technological innovations.

To minimise costs the ARSE will be single lane only with several passing places, and there will be a level crossing where the road crosses the railway at Westerfield.

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Unfortunately pressure groups known as Bealings Indignant Group (BIG ARSE), and the Witnesham, Henley Including Tuddenham Environmentalists (WHITE ARSE) are already lobbying councillors and threatening legal action.

By complete coincidence several great crested newts have also been spotted in the area for the first time in centuries.

The route will link the existing Claydon interchange and with the former Martlesham Park and Ride site, where a proposed tollgate will be installed.

Toll charges are expected to be significantly lower than those applying on the M6 toll road, and councillors expect the income raised to quickly permit the construction of a second lane at some point in many years to come.

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Mod’s scooter laden with so many accessories it can’t move

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Mods and scooters
A middle-aged mod has admitted he has attached so many headlights and mirrors to his scooter that it now can’t move.

Barry ‘The Face’ Smith, of Lowestoft in Suffolk, says he got a bit carried away with accessorising his Lambretta, which struggled to reach any sort of speed in the first place.

“Now it is so weighed down that the bloody thing does not move at all,” he explained.

Factory worker Mr Smith, 58, who wears a green parka coat with a target on the back together with numerous patches of The Jam and The Who, said he now just used the scooter to sit on.

“I can’t go anywhere on it unless I remove all the lights and mirrors, as well as the long aerial on the back with a rabbit tail tied on top. But then I’d just be left with a scooter, and that would be shit.”

Mr Smith’s wife, Jane is annoyed with the 60s machine. “The mirrors make it so wide he can no longer take it around the side of the house. So it sits out in the front garden and all the kids make fun of it on their way to school.”

Scooters for mods