I saw a documentary about how ships are kept together.
It was riveting.
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My wife told me: “Sex is better on holiday.”
That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.
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“You are accused of the theft of luxury toilet rolls from Tesco. How do you plead?”
“Not quilty.”
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Sorry to report that my hamster has died tragically.
He fell asleep at the wheel.
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My mate’s wife left him last week, she only went out to get some milk.
I asked how he was coping, he said he’s using the powered stuff.
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“I didn’t see you on camouflage parade this morning, corporal!”
“Thank you, sir!”
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As the door opened today, I was stark naked in front of the postman.
I don’t know if he was more surprised at me being naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
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I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
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