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Brexit donor Arron Banks Twitter secrets leaked on World Toilet Day

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arron banks twitter
Down the pan: Arron Banks’ Twitter account

In an extraordinary coincidence, secret messages from Arron Banks’ Twitter account have been leaked on World Toilet Day.

Allegedly “bombshell exchanges” between the mega-rich Brexit donor and political associates and media members are doing the rounds today.

Twitter wag Lorraine Fisher, 34, highlighted the delicious irony of all this coming out today, of all days.

“It’s World Toilet Day,” she pointed out. “Normally this occasion might be a flash in the pan.

“But today it is mixed up with Arron Banks’ secrets being spilt over the internet.

“It lifts the lid on some allegedly startling conversations.”

Arron Banks Twitter

The Suffolk Gazette can not repeat any of the alleged private messages, because readers have failed to buy the editor enough beer to even pay for a taxi to court, let alone fork out a huge libel bill.

A spokesman for the Suffolk Gazette added: “Our decision not to repeat any of the messages has nothing at all to do with the fact Mr Banks sent a large donation to us to write positive Brexit stories.”

Mr Banks is the co-founder of leave.eu

Top 10 most popular sports among students

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The interest in youth sports participation is constantly on the rise. Young people love games, and they especially love the chance to let the steam off through an adrenaline-rush, competitive game of sports.

Whether they choose to play basketball, soccer, or golf – the benefits of playing sports are tremendous. There’s simply no better way to keep yourself active and healthy than by playing sports, any sports. That being said, answering the question of what is the most popular sport in the world is an impossible task. We can, however, narrow down the list of choices to the 10 most popular sports among students today.

1.    Basketball

Many people consider basketball to be the most popular sport in the world. It takes the highest-rated spot in terms of sports played by students in America, both for boys and girls. Even those who don’t play it love to watch basketball on a program sport on TV, or attend the games at their college where peers play to win. Compared to soccer and handball that are exceptionally popular in Europe nowadays, basketball is by far the most popular sport in America.

2.    American Football

American football is most popular in America and not commonly placed in other parts of the world. However, interest in this sport is starting to spread. American football is now played in Spain, Germany, Italy, Brazil, and Mexico.

3.    Baseball

Baseball is often referred to as ‘America’s pastime’. It is football’s biggest competitor in the US, attracting quite the big amount of fans of the game, even in student circles. The youngest start by playing tee ball and switch into a league with another variation of baseball as soon as they grow a bit older. When they finally reach an age where they can practice baseball as played professionally and seen on channels like BBC sport, they go for the real, official baseball variant. 

4.    Soccer

Soccer is a fast-growing sport in the US, with an immense interest on behalf of students. It is one of the curriculum activities popular with both genders thanks to the fact that it’s easy to learn to play, and really interesting. But, don’t think that it’s easy to play – it requires quite a lot of activity and critical thinking.

If you want to learn to play soccer, check the student portal to see the activities your academic institution offers. To get the time to practice, get some help so that you don’t lose your grades because of it. If you’re wondering can I pay someone to write my research paper, open this useful resource for help, as well as great research topic ideas online.

5.    Ice Hockey

Ice hockey is a greatly popular sport in the US. It was first placed in the 19th century in Canada. Nowadays and in the US, ice hockey is played on a hockey rink and includes six players on each side. The goal is to score goals by shooting on a vulcanized rubber disk with a stick into the opponent’s goal net.

6.    Golf

Golf was first discovered in Scotland in the 15th century. It has 9 to 18 holes that come with a ground for teeing. You play it by using a stick with a pointed head that hits the golf ball to place it into a hole.

7.    Wrestling

Wrestling is one of the modern popular games in the US. It focuses on weight and the goal is to take power over the opponent. Kids aged under 7 can’t start participating in this sport.

8.    Tennis

Tennis is the perfect sport for people of all ages, including students who want to boost their focus and let the steam off. It’s a game that’s played between two players or two teams four in all. The goal is to return the ball back to the opponent without losing it.

9.    Cross Country

This is an athletic sport that has piqued the interest of students today in the past few decades. It’s very active and requires quite the amount of running, for a long duration of time. It is run over natural terrains.

10.    Swimming/ Diving

Aquatic sports are on the rise among American students. These are active sports with tremendous health benefits for those who practice them.

Conclusion

Have you chosen a sport to participate in? You don’t have to limit yourself to a single sport – test the waters and see what works best for you.

Author’s Bio

Elizabeth Skinner is a professional tennis trainer who works primarily with young people such as students. She’s also a nutrition expert, therefore giving people complete guidance in terms of how to maintain a healthy and happy life. If you want to learn more of her useful advice, read her articles online.

The Queen asks Philip to take Prince Andrew for a drive

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By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

Her Majesty The Queen has asked the Duke of Edinburgh to take Prince Andrew out for a drive.

She thinks it will be a “good bonding” exercise for Prince Philip to drive Andrew around the dangerously narrow and winding country lanes around the Sandringham Estate.

Royal expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Prince Andrew has been under incredible pressure over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.

“Watching his car crash television interview this weekend gave The Queen the idea it might be nice for Andrew to go out for a drive with his father.

“Her Majesty was aghast to see Andrew claiming he could not have had sex with a teenage girl because he was enjoying a meal at the Woking Pizza Express on the 2001 night in question.

“The whole scandal is becoming a huge embarrassment.”

It is believed The Queen has readied a bespoke Range Rover for the excursion – the one without any seatbelts included.

A Royal wag said: “Perhaps they can go and pick up a takeaway pizza?”

I was at Pizza Express in Woking in 1996, insists Bill Clinton

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Pizza Express Woking
Bill Clinton was at Woking Pizza Express in 1996, not shagging Monica Lewinsky

Bill Clinton claims he could not have had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky because he was at Pizza Express in Woking at the time.

The former US President distinctly remembers tucking into a family-sized pizza with wife Hillary and daughter Chelsea on January 11, 1996.

“I could not have had sexual relations with that woman,” Mr Clinton said in an extraordinary interview last night.

“I was at the Pizza Express in Woking. I remember it well because I spilt some mayonnaise down Hillary’s blue dress.

“The food was fit for a prince. It was so good, I was there on many occasions between 1995 and 1997.”

Former Woking Pizza Express waitress Lorraine Fisher, 34, said the Pizza Express branch was strangely popular with famous guests, who enjoyed tucking into the restaurant’s famous Alibi Pizza.

“We’ve had a few well-known faces through the door,” she said. “Lord Lucan popped in on November 8, 1974.”

Mr Clinton was prompted to remember his hungry trip to Surrey in 1996 after Prince Andrew last night claimed he was could not have had sex with teenager Virginia Guiffre because he was in Pizza Express in Woking with his daughter at the time, in 2001.

The car-crash interview gave The Queen the idea to ask the Duke of Edinburgh to take Prince Andrew for a drive.

Boris Johnson promises to bring CEEFAX to Norfolk

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Ceefax

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Following news that Jeremy Corbyn will connect electricity to Norfolk, Boris Johnson has trumped him by promising to bring hi-tech CEEFAX to the county.

The backward rural county has become an unlikely key battleground in the general election campaign as leading parties seek to win favour with the local numpties.

Critics have already pointed out that Norfolk people won’t have a clue what to do with “electrickery”, while the notion of CEEFAX is a non-starter since none of them can read, let alone have a TV set.

The rest of Britain dumped CEEFAX decades ago, preferring to get information from the internet via their computers, tablets or mobile phones.

Conservative campaign spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Boris is a man of the people and wants to help drag Norfolk into the 19th century.

“Labour only went as far as promising to add electricity to every home in the county – well Boris is going one better by bringing them CEEFAX.

“Norfolk famously doesn’t like anything newfangled – although a recent archaeological dig found they used tools as far back as 1946 – but we think they’ll come round to the idea of seeing how much Norwich City lost by on CEEFAX page 390.”

However, even locals don’t seem too impressed with the idea.

“What’s television?” asked, Edna Spratt, 84, from Downham Market.

Now Labour promises to bring electricity to Norfolk

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By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

After his extraordinary election pledge of free broadband to every home in the country, Jeremy Corbyn has now promised to bring electricity to Norfolk.

If elected as Prime Minister, the Labour leader says electricity will be made available to every mud hut and treehouse in the backward rural county.

He will need to nationalise UK Power Networks to deliver the election promise, a move that has not gone down well with the markets.

Already, BT shares have plunged after Labour said it would nationalise Openreach and other tech components of the BT empire, much of it based in Suffolk.

** EDIT: Boris Johnson later trumped Mr Corbyn by promising to bring CEEFAX to Norfolk **

Political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Bringing electricity to Norfolk is fantasy politics. It will come at a huge expense, and even if it’s done, the locals won’t know what to do with it.”

People in Norfolk still point at cars and think aeroplanes are a devil from a far-off land.

Norwich politician Bubba Spuckler, who lives with his sister and their eight children said: “I’m not sure electricity is a priority. We would like to be connected to sewage systems and running water first.

“There’s no point in Labour just promising the earth. Who’s going to pay for it all?”

John Lewis dragon returns to burn mean villagers alive

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Edgar the Dragon returns to burn mean villagers (Photo: HBO, Game of Thrones)

The John Lewis Christmas TV advert takes a surprising twist when the dragon grows up and returns to kill all the mean-spirited villagers.

Edgar is widely shunned by locals in the ad because he accidentally sets fire to things. It’s only after gifting them a fiery Christmas pudding that they show him any sort of love or respect.

Enraged by this childhood of loneliness and bullying, especially leading up to Christmas, a grown-up Edgar returns to the village to burn the whole place down.

No longer will anyone dare criticise his fire-breathing antics.

Edgar with his Christmas pud (Photo: screenshot of John Lewis TV ad)

The remarkable true story behind Edgar’s violent return inspired makers of the hit TV show Game of Thrones, where a dragon burns King’s Landing to the ground, slaughtering its residents.

Mother of Dragons Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “They may look cute when they are young, but don’t ever get on the wrong side of a dragon.

“They have a long memory and will come back one day and barbecue you.”

Here is Edgar before he grew up to be a killer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9D-uvKih_k
Edgar before he returned to slaughter everyone

Norfolk rotten borough investigated ahead of election

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By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A Norfolk parliamentary constituency with just seven voters is being investigated as a rotten borough, it has emerged.

Downham Market has been the House of Commons seat of Conservative Bubba Spuckler for 27 years – and his family has provided a Member of Parliament there for 265 years.

Rotten Borough

Now questions have been asked because all seven voters are members of the extended Spuckler family, and one of them is a goat.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a spokesperson for the Electoral Commission said: “We had hoped rotten boroughs were a thing of the past when the English democratic system was rife with corruption, bribery and violent crime.

“We’re not sure how Downham Market escaped our notice until now – perhaps being in the wilds of rural Norfolk was a perfect disguise.”

Norfolk rotten borough posterVote ‘Mr B’: Election poster backs Bubba
Ms Fisher added: “We’re quite certain that with only seven voters, one of them cloven-hoofed and six others with webbed-feet, and all of them with the same surname, that the democratic process in Downham Market is corrupt.

“Anyone standing against Bubba Spuckler is unlikely to get much support on the hustings, let alone the ballot box, and in all probability will be fed to the pigs.”

General Election

The investigation is expected to be completed before the December 12 general election, and if found to be a rotten borough, the Downham Market seat will be merged with neighbouring Swaffham South, which is much larger with 25 voters.