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Police quiz Prince Philip over hotel digger rampage

The Editor
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Police quiz Prince Philip over hotel digger rampage

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Prince Philip faces further questions over his driving after taking a digger for a spin in Liverpool.

Workers watched in amazement as the digger went out of control and smashed down the front of a Travelodge hotel.

The Duke of Edinburgh, 97, claimed he was dazzled by the sun and smashed into the hotel lobby.

He walked away unhurt from the crash, just days after his Range Rover turned over in an accident in Norfolk.

Liverpool hotel builder Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I was just laying some bricks when there was this almighty crash.

“Next minute there is a terrible commotion as this digger is ripping up everything in the hotel lobby.

“Only then did we realise Prince Philip was at the wheel. And he wasn’t even wearing a seatbelt.

“He probably shouldn’t be driving at his age.”

Police will question the Prince, who was unhurt in the accident.

The news comes just days at the Prince was named as a new driver for the Williams F1 team.

It is believed Prince Philip was on a private visit to Liverpool to view building work at a Travelodge hotel.

Windsor Davies obituary Haiku

The Editor
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Windsor Davies obituary Haiku
Windsor Davies obit

Actor Windsor Davies, famous for his barking sergeant major character in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, has died aged 88.

The Suffolk Gazette publishes this tribute from resident obituary Haiku writer, Richard Standen. We’re the only newspaper in the world to cover obituaries in this way.

It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’s
Windsor Davies dies. “Oh dear,
how sad, nev… SHUT UP!”

Windsor Davies

Born: 28th August 1930

Died: 17th January 2019

To see all our obituary Haiku tributes, click right here.

Williams F1 announces new driver line-up for 2019 season

The Editor
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Williams F1 announces new driver line-up for 2019 season

The Williams Formula One team has completed its driver line-up for the new season, with Prince Philip the surprise choice behind the wheel.

His Royal Highness, described as a “keen and fearless” driver, will make his F1 debut when the 2019 season kicks off in Australia in March.

A source close to Williams deputy principal Claire Williams said: “Phil has been busy testing in Norfolk over the winter break.

“He’s been putting in some impressive times, with only one or two minor bumps along the way.

“Because he is married to The Queen, we expect heightened media interest in our team, and hope to attract new sponsorship, too.”

Racing insiders say Range Rover has already stepped forward as potential commercial partners, while Norfolk Police are taking a keen interest.

Critics say Prince Philip, 97, is nothing more than a rookie driver who could be a danger to others on the track.

“Not so,” explained a Williams spokesman. “It’s well known that Royal protocol dictates you have to remain two steps behind the Duke at all times.

“We can’t wait to see the frustration on Lewis Hamilton’s face.

“Our only concern is the HRH will lose his bearings on the circuit and go the wrong way round.”

France on alert for tide of British refugees risking lives to cross Channel

The Editor
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France on alert for tide of British refugees risking lives to cross Channel

French authorities are increasingly concerned about the thousands of Brits fleeing the UK for the safety of Europe.

The number of refugees trying to escape the madness of British rule has reached epidemic proportions in recent days.

Desperate men, women and children are dicing with death by heading across the English Channel on any floating device they can find.

Often, they make the perilous journey on nothing more than a raft put together from barrels and wood.

They have started arriving on beaches across Northern France, and now the French coastguard has been forced to increase patrols.

The numbers seeking a new life in Europe reached epic levels yesterday.

French humanitarian worker Madame Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “These poor people are desperate. Their country is unstable, dangerous and there is about to be an economic disaster.”

The madness of UK life became apparent this week when Parliament voted overwhelmingly against the Government’s key Brexit policy. The next day, it confounded logic by voting it had overwhelming confidence in the Government.

Refugee Darren Knight, 27, from Suffolk landed in France last night aboard a raft made from a bathtub.

“I shall be seeking immediate asylum status here in France where it is safe,” he said.

Cracking Suffolk Gazette eggs photo to beat world record

The Editor
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Cracking Suffolk Gazette eggs photo to beat world record
No yolk: eggs are a serious matter

EGGSLUSIVE, by The Editor

After a picture of an egg became the most liked photo on Instagram, we’ve gone one better with two eggs on a plane.

The Suffolk Gazette editor had eggs on a recent flight from the Isle of Man to London.

The polished domes were framed perfectly after he scrambled to take the picture, above.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, the Suffolk Gazette’s PR officer, said: “If this image does not go viral, then I will be surprised.

“Please contact the Suffolk Gazette offices for permission to reproduce the photograph. In the meantime, share this post on all your social media channels and egg on your friends to do the same.

“The Gazette deserves to beat this egg nonsense on Instagram, where the image got 23 million likes.”

The eggs on a plane belonged to mystery travelers on the short flight from Douglas on the Isle of Man to London.

The editor had whisked over to the tax haven to discuss how to invest the millions he makes from the Suffolk Gazette every year.

Mysterious outer space signals were from Radio Norfolk

The Editor
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Mysterious outer space signals were from Radio Norfolk

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

The mysterious radio signals from a distant galaxy last week were actually from Radio Norfolk, it has emerged.

Boffins in Canada made headlines around the world by revealing they had picked up extraordinary repeat signals from 1.5 billion light years away.

But further investigations reveal the CHIME observatory in British Columbia had discovered something far more remote.

Local astrophysicist, Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This is a remarkable discovery, proving there is life in Norfolk.

“It seems we are not alone, after all.”

Scientists had been working around the clock to untangle the meaning of the mysterious radio signals, which came through in short, repeated bursts.

Now, after bringing in experts from London, they have identified them as repeats of Bubba Spuckler’s Night Time Banjo music sessions.

“We’re all amazed,” continued Ms Fisher. “However, it’s a bit of a stretch to suggest we found signs of intelligent life in Norfolk.”

Special branch hunt perv tree surgeon

The Editor
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Special branch hunt perv tree surgeon
Morning wood…

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A twisted pervert who leaves x-rated trees in suggestive poses is being hunted by cops.

Special branch detectives were called in to trace the rogue tree surgeon but insiders say they are stumped.

Suffolk Police insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “They had a lead but were barking up the wrong tree.

“These suggestive carvings have been left outside a library, an old folks home and the county council headquarters.

“Some people have been shocked, although others find them amusing.”

Anyone with information about the perv with the saw is urged to contact Crimestoppers.

If you want more urgent Suffolk Police stories, check out this Suffolk Police stories link.

Burton Albion confident they’ll turn it around in the second leg

The Editor
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Burton Albion confident they’ll turn it around in the second leg

Cup minnows Burton are confident they’ll overcome a 0-9 deficit to giants Manchester City in the second leg of their League Cup semi-final.

The League 1 side were thrashed at the Etihad Stadium last night. Up 4-0 at half-time, City went on to score another five in the second half romp.

But Burton fans feel they have a “great chance” of scoring at least ten without reply when the Premier League champions travel for the return leg later this month.

Supporter Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “That’s the thing with semi-finals played over two legs. You never know what’s going to happen.

“Plenty of teams have lost the first leg away, only to win the second home leg and go through to the final.

“All plucky little Burton need to do is score ten goals in 90 minutes against a Manchester City team that has only let in 17 league goals all season.

“It won’t be easy, but we’re confident of causing an upset.”

The replay will be at the Pirelli Stadium, where the capacity is just 6,900.

There is no suggestion that Pirelli sponsored Burton because the players were “worn out” and had skid marks in their shorts.

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