Extinction Rebellion campaigners admitted today they had been unable to halt the distribution of the Suffolk Gazette.
Although XR protests outside press plants owned by Rupert Murdoch prevented copies of The Sun and The Times from reaching readers, the Suffolk Gazette carried on as normal.
Suffolk Gazette spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said the climate change activists had failed to locate the pub from which the Suffolk Gazette editor was operating today.
“The Suffolk Gazette production process involves beer and no small amount of ‘let’s press publish and see what happens’.
“Extinction Rebellion may have tried to disrupt our production today, but the editor is already four pints in, and the presses continue to roll. In his head at least.
“But here we are, publishing a story as normal on a Saturday morning.”
As most sensible people read the Suffolk Gazette online, no trees were harmed producing this newspaper, and no fossil fuels were set on fire to send a fleet of vans to deliver it to your door.
However, there are concerns from Extinction Rebellion that the editor is full of hot air, particularly after ten pints and a curry.
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Football superstar Lionel Messi has announced he is staying at a team that Ipswich Town used to beat.
The Argentine will stay with Barcelona for the 2020/21 season.
Barcelona are a major European force but they used to struggle against the mighty Ipswich Town.
The Tractor Boys beat them 3-0 at home in the UEFA Cup as recently as 1977. And just to prove it was no fluke, they beat the Spaniards 2-1 in the Cup Winners’ Cup two years later.
Lionel Messi was not in the Barcelona squad for either of those matches.
Ipswich fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “My grandfather used to go on about beating Barcelona, bless him.”
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They present themselves as the King and Queen of Social Justice, so Prince Harry and Meghan should offer their empty mansion to refugees who are seeking asylum in the UK.
Football pundit Gary Lineker revealed yesterday he wants to take in a refugee to his Surrey home.
But now observers say the Duke and Duchess of Sussex should go one further by throwing open Frogmore Cottage, their UK base, to many more.
Social justice campaigner Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Throwing open Frogmore Cottage will make them King and Queen of Social Justice. It’s the only royal title they want.
“Frogmore Cottage sits empty while Harry and Meghan broadcast about social injustice, the environment and goodness knows what else.
“It makes perfect sense for their UK mansion to be put to good use. You could probably fit around 50 refugees in there. It would be cheaper than housing them in hotels.”
The Sussexes now live in a $15 million mansion in California, where they have just signed a multi-million deal with Netflix to produce very interesting documentaries.
Frogmore Cottage in Windsor was meant to be Harry and Meghan’s home before they decided Royal service was not for them. They are paying back the £2.4 million in public money used to do the home up.
Ed Sheeran and Cherry are big Ipswich Town fans (Photo: @teddysphotos)
Suffolk superstar Ed Sheeran’s new baby faces a life of disappointment supporting Ipswich Town Football Club, it has emerged.
Little Lyra Antarctica Seaborn Sheeran, who Ed announced to the world today, will be forced to endure endless dull 0-0 matches and defeats at Portman Road.
Ed and his wife Cherry Seaborn are big fans of the Tractor Boys and are regularly seen supporting the team while wearing the blue kit.
Now poor Lyra seems destined to support the club as well.
Child psychologist Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Never mind her weird name. Lyra Antarctica is perfectly normal and she will grow up all the better for it.
“But the prospect of having to follow Ipswich is a bit extreme.
“The poor thing could be in for a lifetime of misery.”
Ipswich Town, once one of Europe’s best teams, are currently languishing in League One, the third tier of English football.
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Manchester City have been in a fierce battle with UEFA for a number of years now. If the Premier League club was successful in the Champions League this season, they were planning a huge protest during the trophy presentation in an act of defiance.
Earlier this year, City were banned by UEFA from playing any European football over the next two years. In what was a big blow to the governing body, City were able to get that punishment lifted after an appeal with the Court of Arbitration for Sport.
Manchester City, who overcame Real Madrid in the last 16 of this year’s tournament, were planning to not accept the trophy if they were successful in the final in Lisbon. Instead, the club had commissioned their own trophy, which they would celebrate with following the game.
City were even considering going as far as taking UEFA’s Champions League trophy and having it melted back in England. This is likely to infuriate UEFA and they are already mulling over what punishment they can hand out this time, with a lifetime ban from their competitions thought to be their preferred penalty.
Since Pep Guardiola took over at Manchester City in 2016, the brief has been to win the Champions League. This year looked to be their best chance of ending that wait as they were -370.37 to get past Lyon in the odds on the Champions League quarter-final ties, while they were +200 in the outright market in the competition.
Unfortunately, Lyon beat them 3-1.
City have often come unstuck against fellow Premier League opponents in this tournament. In 2018 they were beaten by Liverpool, while last year, Tottenham eliminated them in the last eight. Guardiola’s side will have no such problem this season as they are the final club flying the flag for the Premier League.
City in talks with rivals over joining new European body
Manchester City’s relationship with UEFA is thought to be unrepairable now, therefore, they are taking the lead when it comes to lobbying other major European clubs to form a new super league.
They want to rival UEFA and encourage the other big players in Europe to become members. This new super league will give the likes of City more control on how the competition is run, particularly when it comes to financial fair play, something they want to abolish.
It is thought that the big clubs are split over the decision. It could mean that next season all the major teams will not be in the same competitions. Those who choose to support City’s idea will be involved in a super league where there is no qualification required, while others will stick with the Champions League.
This new super league could be a lifeline for clubs which failed to qualify into Europe through their domestic leagues. Unless they win the Champions League, Lyon will be without European football next season, while Valencia and Athletic Bilbao finished outside the Europa League placings in La Liga.
It is going to be interesting to see how the Champions League plays out this season as it may change the landscape of European football.
The Suffolk Gazette tag line is ‘You Couldn’t Make It Up’, and in this case, we really couldn’t.
A few weeks ago we wrote a story claiming Norwich City were launching a new blue and white kit to finally try and bring some success on the pitch.
Superior East Anglian team Ipswich Town have won three major trophies wearing blue and white, so the switch was a good plan, even though Canaries fans detest blue and white, for obvious reasons.
Our brilliant story featured an exclusive image of the new Norwich kit, reprinted below.
The Suffolk Gazette shot of the new Norwich kit
Now, in a dramatic twist even the editor of the Suffolk Gazette could not have foretold, Norwich have actually launched a new blue and white away kit (dedicate to NHS workers, which must be applauded).
The actual new Norwich blue and white kit (Photo: Norwich City)
What we love about this new blue and white Norwich kit is that not only is it a sagely nod to Ipswich Town, it apes the pinstripe kit we wore in our most successful season. In 1981, we won the UEFA Cup, were runners-up in the league and got to the FA Cup semi-final wearing a pinstripe kit.
The Ipswich 1981 kit
Now, the cunning Canaries would have us believe their new away kit is “petrol blue”.
But blue is blue, and the Norfolk numpties have finally seen the light.
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View over the Thames to the South Bank and the London Eye
The city of London is becoming overgrown with weeds and trees as office workers continue to stay away, choosing to work from home.
Our exclusive photograph, above, shows the view over the River Thames towards the South Bank, with the London Eye wheel in the background.
Where once there were office workers, public transport, and bustling shops, restaurants and bars, now there is an eerie quietness as nature reclaims the streets.
The photograph was taken by Suffolk Gazette reader Lorraine Fisher, 34, who had travelled to her office in London to collect her mail.
She was shocked by the amount of greenery, trees and wildlife roaming free on the city streets.
“Outside Liverpool Street is like the Amazon,” she said.
“I had to use a machete to hack my way through to my office near the Embankment.
“I managed to take this photo from my desk. The view from my window has changed a bit since I was last here in March.
“Everything was completely overgrown. If people don’t start returning to wok in offices soon, then the city will be lost to nature forever.”
The news comes as the Government urges people to get back to work, rather than continuing a home-working culture during the coronavirus outbreak.
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Whether we’ve actually played high-stakes poker or not, chances are that we’ve all seen the gambling movies.
It’s the final play of the poker game, and it comes down to the cards in the protagonist’s hands. It’s impossible to tell if the opposing person is bluffing or not, though our protagonist seems quite convinced. We all hold our breaths awaiting the results.
Surprisingly, the art of the bluff is not nearly as fictitious as some of us might imagine. In reality, bluffing in poker is indeed an essential part of the game, and pulling it off successfully can mean the difference between making remarkable wins or tragic losses.
However, it’s no easy feat to pull off a successful bluff. Even most of the seasoned poker players, who have a wealth of experience and intuition behind them, still struggle with this from time to time. It’s just against our human nature to lie, even if not doing it could cost us a lot. Not to mention that there are tons of poker sites to choose from; for instance, Global Poker has real money sweepstakes that attract many online players.
If you’re new to poker or pulling off poker bluffs, here are four tips to help you get it right. It takes practice, so get started today.
1. Know-How Your Body Reacts To Bluffing
The first tip is so painfully obvious, but many poker players, both new and experienced, often overlook this part. Contrary to popular belief, bluffing is not all in the mind. Our bodies can actually betray us by giving away telltale signs to our opponents.
It’s perfectly normal for our bodies to react this way when under the duress that comes with trying to pull off a bluff. Some of us get sweaty palms, dilated pupils, even shaking hands and intensified breathing. It’s also common for voices to start wavering, and even for eyes to start twitching! So as a starting point before you attempt to pull off a bluff, try getting your own nervous tics on video. Film yourself pulling a bluff, and spot your noticeable physiological changes. Alternatively, you can ask a friend to help observe you.
That said, a good poker player doesn’t just know what his or her physical reactions are, but also how to manage them. This comes with lots of practice, so take your time to find what behaviours work best for you. A simple way to combat the physical signs is to train yourself into getting into a certain relaxed posture every time you bluff. Perhaps you can slouch a little, or cross your legs. Keep doing that posture each time you bluff, and that way, your brain is conditioned to keep the telltale signs at bay each time you sit in that manner.
2. Confidence is Key
This mantra sounds cliche, but when it comes to poker, it rings as true as ever. After all, how can you expect your opponent to believe you when you don’t even believe in yourself?
For this, demeanour is everything. Approaching a table, sitting down, and playing with confidence is a surefire way to intimidate and convince your opponent that you’ve got a good hand. Seems simple enough, but you’d be surprised at how many poker players lack the confidence they need to win.Â
The lack of confidence comes through in the most subtle ways. For instance, fidgeting is a big giveaway that you’re not confident in your hand. Be it finger drumming, shaking a leg, or flicking the cards, fidgeting allows your opponent to read you like a book. Apart from this, other signs include avoiding eye contact, becoming quieter, or even becoming uncharacteristically aggressive as the game goes on.
The best way to build confidence is to do it in mind. For beginners, start by learning the rules of the game. More than just the basics, try committing certain winning combinations or smart moves to memory. The more knowledge and understanding of the game you have in your head, the more confident you’ll be in poker — and the more likely you’ll be able to pull off a successful bluff.
3. Remain Calm
It might be the most intense poker game of your life, but you’ll have more than enough time to think about that later. Right now, during the game itself, it’s imperative that you remain in a state of calm. Being zen might sound like some new-age nonsense, but it actually is one of the most crucial parts of playing poker as a whole. The best players are the ones who have the mental fortitude to remain effortlessly calm, even when they’re trying to pull off the bluff of the century.
If you’re wondering how to keep calm and carry on, here are a couple of tips from the pros. Firstly, remember to have fun at the poker table. It’s much easier to remain calm when you don’t take yourself or the game so seriously. Enjoy the game, treat it as nothing more than a game, and you’re more likely to take even the worst losses in stride.
Of course, if you’re playing something more high stakes, you do need to recognize the gravity of the game. In this case, what you can try is to memorize some sort of internal mantra or phrase to help you remain calm. Some players mentally hum a tune, others recall a scene from a movie. Whatever keeps your heart rate down and keeps you calm, remember it and practice using it whenever you can.
4. Know What Works Best For You
If you’ve tried the aforementioned tips for a while and still can’t seem to pull off that bluff, then read closely: there’s no fixed formula. Don’t be afraid to fail, and keep on pushing on with trial and error. Ultimately, it’s all about knowing what works best for you and tweaking as you go along to be the best bluffer you can be.
To illustrate, perhaps you struggle with projecting confidence because you’re just a naturally shy person. If you find that appearing confident isn’t quite up your alley, consider switching to projecting something else. Some players have even found that appearing shy and distant works better for them, and perhaps you could be one of them.
Conclusion
All in all, poker is different for everyone — and so is the method of pulling off the best bluff. Keep practising and knowing more about yourself and your style, and you’ll be able to do so even when there are piles of chips on the line.Â
