Friday, September 23, 2022

Kim Jong Un shock as grossly obese chain smoker falls ill

Kim Jong Un heart surgery
What a drag: Kim Jong Un smoking

There was widespread surprise today over claims a morbidly obese, stressed chain smoker had fallen gravely ill.

Normally super fit, it is unclear what may have caused the North Korean dictator to be under the weather.

Some suggest he has had heart surgery that went wrong, and he is now in a critical condition.

If that is true, his heart surgeon will be unavailable to comment for some time.

But South Korea says it is impossible to verify the claims, and experts this newspaper has spoken to indicate Mr Jong Un is fit and healthy.

Heart surgeon Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Ipswich Hospital, explained: “We have seen from many images that Kim Jong Un is fit and healthy, like most 36-year-olds.

“The fact he likes the occasional pie, pint and cigarette should not deflect from the fact he is a fine specimen of a man.

“No doubt he’s out jogging around his palace grounds as we speak.”

This newspaper is particularly fond of the North Korean leader, who raised eyebrows when he purchased a holiday caravan on the Suffolk coast.

Is North Korea mugging us off?

Who can tell? But you can get your very own exclusive mug from Dirty Old Goat, our very own mug empire. Here are some current goodies:

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