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Top Gear stopped top Prof topping himself

Top Gear stopped top Prof topping himself

TATTINGSTONE, SUFFOLK – a manic-depressive inventor from Tattingstone, Suffolk, has channeled his wretched existence into a potential product that could revolutionize the world of motorcar safety.

Professor of mushroomology, Gavin Hellwater, 54 is no stranger to life’s ups and downs, having survived not one, not two, but four ‘cry for help’ suicide attempts. It was during one of his darkest moments that the spark of inspiration struck. Dangling from a belt attached to the stair banister in his lounge whilst watching an episode of ‘Top Gear‘ on the telly, he conceived the idea of the ‘automotive neck strap’.

Gladys all over

Prof Hellwater’s neck strap seat belt, a unique and somewhat macabre take on car safety belts, promises to protect motorists like never before by securing them into their seats around the neck as well as the torso. Inventor, Hellwater, a man who’s been driven to the depths of despair and back, is convinced that his invention will save lives on the road or, at the very least, prevent serious whiplash. He has even gone so far as to test the prototype on himself and his long-suffering wife, Gladys.

After these extensive field tests, the melancholic Prof intends to present his concept on the popular TV show “Dragon’s Den,” where inventors pitch their ideas to a panel of potential investors.

Gloomy Hellwater told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE; “I do expect the dragons to recognize the potential benefits of the automotive neck strap, and I am confident of at least one offer of investment. However, in the unlikely event that they do not see the benefits of the idea, I will refocus my attention on my next motor vehicular invention.”

Which is?

“An anti-kink hose pipe with car exhaust attachment.”

Hmmm?

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