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Suffolk Schools Introduce “Defence Against the Dark Arts” to Combat Rise in Muggle-Born Attacks

Suffolk Schools Introduce "Defence Against the Dark Arts" to Combat Rise in Muggle-Born Attacks

In a move that has stirred mixed emotions among parents, Lowestoft schools and academies have announced that a new subject—Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Subject will be introduced in response to the alarming rise in attacks on muggle-born students by followers of ‘she who shall not be named’ a.k.a Dark Witch, Lorraine Fisher, 34.

Taking a page out of the magical playbook of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,.educators claim that teaching this specialized subject will empower young minds with the knowledge and skills.necessary to ward off any further attacks by disciples of fearsome Fisher. “We must be prepared for any eventuality,” declared Professor Albus McGonagall, headmaster of the prestigious St. Muggle’s Institute of Education, in Lowestoft.

“Our muggle-born students deserve the same level of protection as their pure-blood counterparts. Defense Against the Dark Arts is the answer.” Parents, however, have been left scratching their heads, unsure of what exactly the subject entails. One concerned muggle mother, Mrs. Veronica Pendleton, exclaimed, “What on earth is Defense Against the Dark Arts? Will my little Brian have to carry a wand to school now?”

According to the curriculum outline, students will learn the art of wand-waving, enchantments, and counter-curses. The subject aims to equip pupils with practical skills such as disarming their opponents,.casting protection spells, and summoning the occasional patronus charm during lunch breaks.

Mouthy Malfoy

Not everyone is thrilled with the decision, though. Draco Malfoy III, pure-blood and scion of the Malfoy family, protested vehemently, asserting, “This is ridiculous! I refuse to learn how to defend myself alongside Mudbloods and Suffolk riff-raff!”

The Ministry of Magic has been quick to dismiss any concerns,.emphasizing the importance of inclusivity and unity in the face of the dark witch’s resurgence. Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt assured the public that the subject would be taught only by certified wizards and witches,.such as Jeremy Paxman and Holly Willoughby, who have undergone thorough background checks and possess a Ministry-issued “Good Wizarding Practice” certificate.

The introduction of Defense Against the Dark Arts has caused a surge in the sale of robes, wands, and spellbooks across the county with fancy-dress shopkeepers in Lowestoft High Street struggling to keep up with the demand.

Spelling gag

Students eagerly await their first Defense Against the Dark Arts class. – beginning in September – hoping to acquire the skills necessary to fend off any potential Fisher-led attacks. With their wands at the ready, Muggle-born students are gearing up for a school year like no other.—protecting themselves against the dark arts while at the same time navigating traditional subjects. such as algebra, spelling, and farming studies. After all, in these uncertain times, one can never be too prepared for the unexpected, whether it be an exam in pig breeding or a dementor lurking in the school cafeteria.

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