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Boy steals penguin from zoo

The Editor
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Boy steals penguin from zoo

A ten-year-old boy stole a penguin from a French zoo and smuggled it back to Britain in his backpack, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

He wrapped the penguin up in a towel, popped it in his bag and zipped it up before taking a ferry home across the Channel with his unsuspecting parents.

It was only later that night back at their house in Brantham, Suffolk that the boy’s horrified mum and dad found the penguin splashing about happily in their bath.

Once their son had admitted the theft, they immediately called the RSPCA. Officials from the charity contacted nearby Colchester Zoo, which is now looking after the bird, an adult female Gentoo penguin.

Suffolk Police were called in and have been in contact with their colleagues in Calais, close to the zoo which the family had visited on the last day of their French holiday.

But it is believed officers have agreed not to take further action against the apologetic youngster, who told them he took the penguin to “give it a new home”, and that he had not intended to cause any harm or upset anyone.

gentoo penguin

Vets examined the bird, which they nicknamed Pingu, and found it was none the worse for its unexpected adventure.

French police spokeswoman Mme Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We understand the penguins had just been fed at the zoo near Calais, and because of that they were a little sleepy.

“The boy slipped under a barrier surrounding the penguin enclosure and simply picked up the penguin and wrapped it in his beach towel before putting it in his backpack.

“The family returned to their car soon after and then drove onto the first available ferry from Calais to Dover, then drove home to Suffolk. Meanwhile, the penguin was fast asleep in the bag.

“The parents had no idea what their son had done. They were furious when they found the penguin in the bath, but I think they are seeing the funny side now.”

penguin zoo

Colchester Zoo staff look after the penguin

Colchester Zoo officials said Pingu had settled in very well with her new Penguin pals, and it could be she will remain there rather than being transported back to France.

A member of staff said: “This is quite an extraordinary story, and while it might be funny we urge people not to enter zoo enclosures, and certainly not to steal any of the animals.”

The boy, who can not be named for legal reasons, has since told his parents that he wants to be a zookeeper when he grows up. He might want to consider holding a policy on the animals, in case something similar ever happens to him.

Man sells Greater Anglia trains for scrap

The Editor
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Man sells Greater Anglia trains for scrap

By Casey Jones
Railway Correspondent

A man who ekes out a living selling scrap metal from his white van hit the jackpot when he stumbled across Greater Anglia trains at a depot near Ipswich.

Pat McGroin was hoping to find the odd abandoned washing machine or bike on his morning round, but instead he discovered such a load of old rubbish that he will soon be able to retire.

He told the Suffolk Gazette: “I was driving around when I saw the biggest pile of scrap metal in my life. They looked like trains but it was hard to tell.

“There is surely no way anyone would actually use those carriages to transport thousands of commuters daily to London for an extortionate ticket price, so I took them.”

This is the age of the train: 94
This is the age of the train: 94

Mr McGroin, 54, loaded the carriages one at a time onto the back of his van, and took them to a scrap metal merchant where he has a registered and perfectly legal account to trade waste metal.

He admits his van was suffering a bit under the weight of a Greater Anglia train carriage, but with so much money being made after each trip to the yard he would soon be able to buy the Rolls Royce of white vans.

Greater Anglia trains passengers have been complaining for years about the terrible state of the stone-age rolling stock. The fleet is so ancient that there are numerous faults every day, making life a misery for long-suffering commuters.

News that the few serviceable remaining trains are now being sold for scrap by a happy Mr McGroin will only add to the pressure on the rail network in East Anglia.

The mainline to Norwich, via Ipswich and Colchester, Chelmsford and Stratford is not due to get any new trains for years, when a new franchise takes over the route and is forced to invest in new rolling stock.

But that may be too late, because Mr McGroin is close to cleaning out the depot.

A Greater Anglia insider said: “We accept that to the untrained eye our 45-year-old trains may look like a simple pile of scrap metal.

“However, they are pieces of hi-tech transportation equipment, and we shall be contacting your Mr McGroin to ask him to stop taking them.”

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Man finds face of Jesus in Nando’s chicken

The Editor
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Man finds face of Jesus in Nando’s chicken

EXCLUSIVE
By Dai Etty
Religious Affairs Editor

An Ipswich man had the shock of his life when he saw the face of Jesus staring back at him from his Nando’s chicken.

Joe Carpenter was about to tuck into his delicious peri-peri chicken breast at the Nando’s Cardinal Park outlet when something stopped him in his tracks.

To his amazement, the face of Jesus was ingrained on the crispy skin, sporting long hair, a beard and a surprised expression.

“I was in total shock,” said Mr Carpenter, 39, of Holywells Road. “I just looked at it in silence before my wife, Mary, asked me if something was wrong with my food.

“I showed her the image and she nearly fainted. She’s quite religious and saw it as a sign.”

Mary wanted to take a photograph with her mobile phone in order to show it her local vicar and get the chicken blessed.

But as she looked up from finding the phone in her handbag, she was devastated to see her greedy husband had eaten the Messiah and had peri-peri sauce dribbling down his chin.

“I was desperate for my cheeky Nando’s. With pangs of hunger I just dived in and ate Jesus,” explained Mr Carpenter. “I hope nobody is offended. And I hope I don’t get struck down by lightning.”

Jesus enjoys food with pals in an olden-day version of Nando’s

Staff at the popular restaurant chain were surprised when Mr and Mrs Carpenter told them the face of Jesus had appeared in the peri-peri chicken.

One waitress took it as a sign of the second coming of Christ. The member of staff, 18, who asked not to be named for fear of ridicule, said: “We’re now expecting Ipswich Nando’s to become a place of pilgrimage.

“More customers will be ordering the same peri-peri chicken to see if the face of Jesus appears to them. I admit it will be good for business.”

A spokesman for the Bishop of St Edmundsbury and Ipswich said: “We’re sorry, we do not believe that Jesus has come back in a chicken. However, we welcome anything that might bring someone closer to God.”

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Smug passenger shaves ten seconds off flight

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Smug passenger shaves ten seconds off flight

By Izzy Jett, Aviation Correspondent

A passenger shaved an astonishing ten seconds off his three-hour flight by being the first to unbuckle his seatbelt and open his overhead locker after landing.

Dean Mowenden, of Mildenhall, Suffolk is one of a growing number of passengers who try and get off their planes before anyone else.

Dean Mowenden grabs his bag even before the plane stops

But the annoying behaviour saves them a mere few seconds – and in most cases they then end up waiting with everyone else at the terminal baggage reclaim anyway.

On Wednesday morning, on a flight from Stansted Airport to Majorca, factory worker Mowenden timed his manoeuvre just right, grabbing his hand luggage and getting a few rows closer to the exit door of the jet before those around him had even moved.

It meant he was walking down the plane steps a full ten seconds earlier than he would have been had he waited patiently to disembark like everyone else.

‘Well chuffed’

“I was well chuffed with that,” Mowenden told the Suffolk Gazette from his seafront hotel room. “I felt my holiday really started so much earlier.”

But fellow passengers were not so impressed. Iris Contrail, 64, said: “These people who unbuckle and stand up even before the seatbelt signs have been turned off are really annoying.

“They have no patience and clearly think they deserve to be off faster.”

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Joy as lorry overtakes another lorry in under a mile

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Joy as lorry overtakes another lorry in under a mile

By Laurie Hall

There were widespread celebrations across Suffolk last night when it emerged a lorry driver had taken LESS THAN A MILE to overtake another lorry on a dual carriageway.

Baz Greening, 54, was driving his Scania truck when he pulled out to overtake a DAF lorry – yet despite a slight incline, he still managed to complete his manoeuvre inside five minutes and in less than a mile.

Car drivers normally have to wait ages for lorries to pass each other, with some seemingly spending endless miles neck and neck between 50 and 60 miles per hour.

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Meanwhile, hundreds of frustrated car drivers stack up in the fast line behind them, unable to pass.

But those who sighed or cursed when Mr Greening pulled out ahead of them on the A14 outside Ipswich soon burst into spontaneous applause when he was clear of the other lorry before Claydon.

News of the amazing piece of driving spread across social media like wildfire – and now Mr Greening, of Diesel Road, Stowmarket, is being hailed a hero.

He told the Suffolk Gazette: “I’m a bit embarrassed about all the attention. It could have happened to anyone, but luckily it was me. I’d got a previous personal best of overtaking in two miles, but to get down to one is a great feeling.

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“Drivers have been high-fiving me in the street, hoping other lorry drivers can follow suit. They tend to get a bit peed off when lorries go head-to-head and the one in the slow lane fails to slow down a little bit.”

The Mayor of Ipswich, Kenneth Branagh, is now thinking of giving Mr Greening the freedom of the borough.

Lorry overtakes

Some councils have banned lorries from overtaking each other on busy sections of dual carriageway. But Suffolk County Council chiefs now believe a new generation of fast-overtaking lorry drivers might solve the problem.

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FIFA 16 to include FIFA bribery scandal

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FIFA 16 to include FIFA bribery scandal

EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Reporter

The new version of the FIFA football game will be more realistic than ever before – with new bribery and corruption scenarios, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

FIFA 16 will give players the chance to influence where in-game tournaments should be held by paying out large sums of cash to local football association officials.

The new gameplay will throw up hilarious and outrageous outcomes, such as World Cups being played in the Middle East, in a country with absolutely no footballing pedigree.

It might also allow a tournament to be played in a country which recently invaded a neighbour and seized its territories.

FIFA-16

Bribery and scandal comes to FIFA 16
An insider at software developers EA SPORTS said it was important to keep the gaming franchise as realistic as possible.

“We have to move with the times,” he said. “Alleged bribery has become part of world football, so it is only right and proper that we should include corruption in the newest version of the game.”

The Suffolk Gazette has seen test versions of the bribery scenarios, and can confirm players will be able to get away with the scandals for years without fear of being caught. Allegedly.

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Women secretly find cycling MAMILs sexy

The Editor
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Women secretly find cycling MAMILs sexy

By Bernie Legg, Cycling Correspondent

Flabby male cyclists wearing tight lycra clothing have become unlikely sex symbols for women across Britain, a shock new study reveals.

The sight of a Middle-Aged Man in Lycra, dubbed a MAMIL, has become commonplace on Suffolk’s roads as guys of a certain age try to get fit before it’s too late.

But while many women openly joke about the frightful image of a man bulging from all the wrong places in figure-hugging shorts, it transpires this is actually a massive turn-on for them – but they’re simply too bashful to admit it.

mamil

Sex bomb: A MAMIL in all his glory on a Suffolk lane
More than 95% of those quizzed revealed they actually fantasized about middle-aged men in lycra, with many admitting they drove around the countryside on a Sunday morning in the hope of seeing them in the flesh.

And the study discovered that road rage incidents, where drivers seemingly despair about cyclists slowing them up, is actually caused by male drivers becoming seriously jealous of those on two wheels.

Professor Didier Strava, of Suffolk University’s psychology department, which commissioned the research, said men in cars became aggressive when they realised their partners in the passenger seat were ogling male cyclists.

“The women go all-a-quiver when they see a middle-aged man on his road bike, wearing tight lycra shorts that leave little to the imagination, and tight cycling jerseys that show off all the flabby bits.

“To try and cover their emotions up, women we surveyed admitted that when they spoke with their friends they ridiculed how middle-aged male cyclists look, but in fact, they were secretly yearning for their ‘company’ because they were more manly than their husbands ever could be.”

‘Waving their underwear’

One MAMIL from Ipswich, who asked not to be named for fear of attracting too much female interest, said: “We’ve known this for years. As we cycle along the sleepy lanes of Suffolk, women hang out of their cottage bedroom windows cooing and waving their underwear at us.”

The 47-year-old added: “I even had one woman trying to stop me on a quiet road through Tunstall Forest urging me to join her and her friend in the bushes.

“It’s quite shocking – we are only out to have a bit of exercise. But not THAT sort of exercise.”

Suffolk Police confirmed there are a rising number of complaints from male cyclists about unwanted female attention.

A spokesman said: “We respect women’s rights to admire middle-aged men in lycra shorts. But we advise they simply look and don’t try and touch.”

Kevin Pietersen career saved by Suffolk

The Editor
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Kevin Pietersen career saved by Suffolk

EXCLUSIVE
By Jock Strapp, Cricket Correspondent

Cricket legend Kevin Pietersen has been offered a career lifeline with minor counties side, Suffolk.

The combative batsman was furious this week when the ECB confirmed he would never play for England again, claiming there was a “trust” issue between him and the national set-up.

Pietersen was furious, having just smashed a career-best 355 not out to prove he was on top form and ready to play test cricket again.

But after fearing his career was now in a tailspin, Pietersen has been offered the chance to shine at Suffolk, where officials say trust is not a major issue.

County selector Alfred Carstairs said: “The only thing we trust is that if he played for us against the likes of Bedfordshire or Norfolk, he’d get a world-record number of runs.

“There is just no way that Andrew Strauss and the rest of the ECB could ignore such performances, and he’d be back in the England team in time for the next Ashes series later this summer.”

Bowled over: Pietersen is humbled by the Suffolk approach
Pietersen currently plays for Surrey, a relatively unknown county side. The Suffolk Gazette understands he is interested in stepping up to the standard enjoyed in the Minor Counties League.

A friend of the star said: “Kevin’s ears pricked up when he heard Suffolk wanted him. This sort of opportunity does not come round very often. He loves that part of the world, too.”

His arrival, on a suggested salary of four cheese and pickle sandwiches a week and the use of a sponsored tractor, would not come soon enough for Suffolk, who as recently as this week were bowled out for just 83 runs by high-flying Cambridgeshire.

Meanwhile, the Suffolk company which invented the left-handed cricket bat, is said to be exploring sponsorship opportunities if Pietersen arrived in East Anglia.

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