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Norfolk locals fear giant washed-up pipe is sea monster

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Norfolk locals fear giant washed-up pipe is sea monster

Pipe washed up

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Norfolk police have been called in to calm restless locals who believe a huge washed-up pipe is a sea monster.

The massive rubber piping came loose while being towed by a ship to Algeria.

It ended up on several Norfolk beaches in massive sections up to 480 metres long and eight foot in diameter.

Terrified locals are convinced the menacing black pipes are monsters from the deep that will move inland to kill them all.

They have been fighting amongst themselves and ransacking local stores for provisions before locking themselves in their cellars.

Inspector Will Knabham, of Norfolk Police, said: “We appeal for calm in Norfolk. These are not sea monsters, at least we don’t think they are.

“Even if they are, they appear to be dead, so there is no need for looting and violence. Everyone should just get back to work.”

Sea monster

Local Winterton-on Sea-resident Chris George said: “There are lots of pipes, but you can count them on one hand. So six.

“The police might say they are not monsters, but we can tell they are. Or it could be witchcraft like this internet thing.”

The rubber pipes were being towed from Norway, where they were built for a huge construction project in Algeria, when they came loose and landed on shore yesterday.

Pipelife, the Norwegian firm which made the pipes, urged people to keep away, warning they risked being crushed.

“See, they are bloody dangerous,” added Mr George.

Orwell Bridge to be closed weekly for livestock crossing

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Orwell Bridge to be closed weekly for livestock crossing

The Orwell Bridge

The discovery of an ancient bylaw means the Orwell Bridge will be closed every Wednesday morning to allow local livestock to cross, it has been revealed.

Police say the three-hour closure is likely to cause traffic chaos in and around Ipswich every week, but the move is unavoidable as they must enforce the law.

Local farmers unearthed an old manuscript at the county records office, dated from 1847, that confirms cattle have “roighte of waye oer the Orwell stream” should a crossing ever be built.

It means at least three farmers who have land on both banks of the river can now exercise their right to move cows and sheep across the huge bridge to fresh pastures.

Suffolk county highways chiefs have called on County Hall lawyers to draw up urgent plans to get the bylaw quashed.

A spokesman said: “When this ancient manuscript was drawn up, it was intended to relate to area in old Ipswich where the river is only 20 feet or so wide. It would have made sense in those days for cattle to be able to cross any wooden structure on Wednesday mornings – market day.

“But the document leaves the interpretation of what makes a ‘crossing’ open to debate. For now, local farmers have shown they can use the Orwell Bridge as it is quite clearly a crossing over the River Orwell.

Livestock on Orwell Bridge

“We have to go along with it and close the bridge – although we doubt any farmers would actually dare use the facility.

“It would be quicker for them to load the animals into trailers and simply drive them across to the fields on the other side.”

For now, motorists are advised to avoid the crossing next Wednesday morning.

Council chiefs are confident the council’s highways committee will revoke the bylaw in time for the following Wednesday (August 23) – although they cannot guarantee councillors will vote for the measure.

Driver Diana Majdalani said she did not mind sitting in her car at a police roadblock waiting for the animals to cross.

“It would make for a rather marvelous sight,” she said, adding: “and they were on this earth before cars and lorries anyway.”

Norfolk country music star Glen Spuckler dies, aged 54

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Norfolk country music star Glen Spuckler dies, aged 54

Glen Spuckler

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Country music star Glen Spuckler has died peacefully at his Norfolk ranch at the age of 54, it has been announced.

Spuckler, famous for hits such as By the Time I Get to Felixstowe, Scrap Metal Cowboy and Suffolk Nights, was a pioneer of the legendary Norfolk country and western scene.

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He famously left the family hovel near Downham Market as a penniless teenager, but he loved his music and was able to teach himself to play the banjo.

After jobbing gigs in dodgy Norfolk country pubs, he caught a lucky break and became the main summer attraction at Great Yarmouth pier for 18 summer seasons in a row.

Hits and television appearances on BBC Look East followed, and Spuckler was able to buy a sprawling ranch in Dereham (see photo above).

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He died at a grand old age – 54 being at the top end of average life expectancy in Norfolk.

Spuckler leaves his sister and their eight children, and funeral arrangements will be announced in the coming days.

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Slow yew down, bor

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Slow yew down, bor

Norfolk road speed signs

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Villages across Norfolk have been forced to spend a small fortune on new road signs so that locals can understand them.

The road signs are written in the backward local language so that Norfolk people can tell if they are going too fast.

They are cropping up all over the county, but one visiting motorist, who was risking life and limb by crossing over the border from Suffolk, found three in the same village of Old Buckenham, near Attleborough.

“It’s rare to see three in the same place,” the motorist, who asked not to be named for safety reasons, said.

“The local language is quite quaint, to be fair,” he added. “But it does rather add to Norfolk’s reputation of being a medieval throwback.”

Norfolk County Council said villagers were concerned that local horses and carts were passing through at over 7 or even 8mph, and had asked for warning signs that could be more easily understood.

A spokesman said: “Occasionally a real car visits from abroad in Suffolk. That really puts the wind up the locals and they can’t comprehend it.

“The sheer speed terrifies them, and they simply stand and point at the cars.”

Local turnip farmer Bubba Spuckler said: “The pace of life here is fast enough without having traffic passing through at the speed of light.”

Mr Spuckler, who lives with his sister and their eight children, added that he had been in a car once and didn’t much care for it.

After successful tests on the Norfolk Broads waterways, plans are now under way to introduce a 6mph speed limit across the whole of Norfolk.

Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes naked

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Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes naked

seagull

A rogue seagull ripped off a man’s right testicle as he sunbathed naked in his back garden, it has emerged.

Experts say the fearsome bird mistook the man’s exposed privates as a couple of birds eggs and dropped in for a tasty snack.

As the man – who has not been named – dozed on his patio in his detached home near Ipswich, the seagull swooped from the sky, and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle.

In gripping scenes that could have been written by a copywriter. He woke screaming in agony and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak.

His wife called an ambulance, and staff at Ipswich Hospital’s accident and emergency department had to patch him up, and give him a course of antibiotics to prevent infection.

Seagull Rips off like a Monster

A hospital source said: “Nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks.

“The injury is not life-threatening, and tests have confirmed that his remaining testicle is still in working order. So he will be able to have children”.

A spokesman for research group Seagull Watch International confirmed that seagulls often feed on the eggs of small birds.

“Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.

“It was no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent.

A big warning

“This is the first time we have heard of such an attack in the UK, and it is probably a one-off event, but just in case this particular seagull has now got a taste for ‘men’s eggs’, we would recommend putting some shorts on while sunbathing at home.”

Ipswich Hospital refused to name the seagull victim, or even pass on an interview request from the Suffolk Gazette.

Shock as famous cabbage sprinter fails to win last race

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Shock as famous cabbage sprinter fails to win last race

A sell-out crowd and huge television audience were left disappointed last night when East Anglia’s greatest cabbage sprinter failed to win his last race before retirement.

Anticipation was sky-high that Hussain Holt would add one final world title to add to his astonishing eight cabbage-sprinting Olympic golds.

Cabbage sprinting is a traditional East Anglian sport in which athletes dress in suits and have to run 100 metres as fast as they can – with a cabbage balanced on their head.

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Holt, from Stowmarket in Suffolk, became a firm crowd favourite, but his final appearance last night at the Mildenhall speedway stadium track was marred because the race was one Justin Spuckler, from Norfolk.

Spuckler has twice been banned from cabbage sprinting after being found guilty of substance abuse.

Tests revealed he had been putting glue on his cabbage to help him balance it on his head, allowing him to run faster.

Cabbage srpinting

And although he has now turned over a new leaf, cabbage sprinting fans, and especially supporters of Hussain Holt, have never forgiven Spuckler (pictured above, center, with Holt on the left and third-placed finisher Ben Olney, right).

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He was booed when he appeared on track for the race, and again when he won in 27.03 seconds, a season best time.

Holt, however, greeted his adoring fans at the end and even did his trademark salute, which involves sticking his cabbage onto the end of an arrow, and firing it into the crowd.

He told BBC Look East afterwards: “It was a shame to lose my last race, but fair play to Spuckler.

“I now intend to enjoy my retirement – although I have one cabbage relay race to go. This is it for my individual sprinting, however.”

Experts say it is highly unlikely another cabbage sprinter will come anywhere near winning so many world championships and Olympic golds.

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Police chase stolen combine harvester for five miles, slowly

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Police chase stolen combine harvester for five miles, slowly

Combine police chase

By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

A thief stole a combine harvester and led police on the slowest five-mile chase on record, it has emerged.

The sneaky criminal struck while farm workers in Stanton, Suffolk were on a break from the wheat harvest.

He climbed in the cockpit and sped off at 6mph as farm labourers tried to give chase on foot.

Meanwhile, farmer Paul Eaton called cops as his prized £500,000 yellow New Holland harvester trundled towards a gate at the bottom of the field.

The thief smashed through the gate, damaging part of a hedge, and then disappeared up the country lane towards Bury St Edmunds.

Police soon caught up with the harvester, which had by now shed it’s header – the cutting blades at the front – and was weaving erratically.

Combine harvester

A spokesman said: “We had four patrol cars with blue lights flashing behind the harvester, but we could not overtake on the lanes.

“It was frustrating for the traffic units to be forced to follow helplessly at 6mph for so long – it had to be the slowest getaway attempt on record.

“The harvester hit a total of 13 parked vehicles as it sped through Hunston and Stowlangtoft at 6mph, causing £15,000 of damage.”

The police spokesman added: “We followed it for five miles until eventually it was forced to stop because it went down a dead-end just outside Pakenham.

“Officers were able to jump up to the cab and apprehend the driver before he could get out. He smelt strongly of cider.”

Mr Eaton said he was able to collect the harvester, which was undamaged, later in the day, and reattach the header before continuing with the harvest.

Police say a 27-year-old man from Cambridge had been arrested on suspicion of stealing a combine harvester, failing to stop, drink-driving, and criminal damage.

A man will appear before Bury St Edmunds Magistrates later today.

Norfolk Police check dental records to ID headless corpse

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Norfolk Police check dental records to ID headless corpse

Headless corpse

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent
and Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Norfolk Police will use dental records to help them identify a headless corpse found in woodland near Norwich this week.

The body was wrapped in several potato sacks and dumped in what officers describe as a “big hole”.

“We’re looking into it,” said Detective Inspector Will Nabham.

Detectives have so far drawn a blank over the identity of the male victim, whose head was missing from the grim scene in Bluebell Wood.

“We suspect foul play because the body, which had been there for around three days, does not have a head,” explained Det Insp Nabham.

“But it’s too early to say for sure. It could have been an accident.”

He explained that Norfolk Police was employing the latest forensic techniques, and would be checking dental records to help identify the man, who was believed to be around 30 years old.

“It’s a new method to help with identification in these sorts of cases. We’ll be trawling through tens of thousands of dental records.”

Police are appealing for witnesses as they have absolutely no idea what happened to the victim, or how he died – although they agree losing his head might have had something to do with it.

Force press officer John Venables said: “We are appealing for anyone who saw anything suspicious in the Bluebell Wood area to come forward.

“We appreciate most people in Norwich look suspicious, so we specifically need to speak to those who were acting more suspiciously than normal.”

He said the victim was wearing pink tracksuit bottoms and a yellow and green Norwich City football shirt.

“This could help narrow down our list of suspects to 200,000 Ipswich Town fans,” Mr Venables said.

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