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International Men’s Day set for November 19

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International Men’s Day set for November 19

International Men's Day

Following International Women’s Day, a special men’s day is being planned for them to get their own back.

Many men tweeted on the women’s equality day: “So much for that… when is International Men’s Day?”

Elderly comedian Richard Herring reminded them that it is on November 19, so groups need to start organising

Suffolk Men’s Liberation Society has pencilled the day in for events around the county.

A spokesman said last night: “The highlight of the day will be the Ipswich Loading The Dishwasher Disco, a light-hearted way of bringing awareness to men having their own way at putting the crockery and knives in the machine without women tutting and storming off in a huff.

“Stowmarket will feature a Parallel Parking Parade, while Needham will stage the Women Must Put The Bins Out rally.

“Back at Ipswich in the evening there will be a men’s football tournament at Portman Road with a special pre-match lecture on the offside rule.

“Men feel that in this day and age, they should have equal rights with women, whether in the home, the workplace, in sport, down the pub, and in pursuits like beard and moustache-growing.

Richard Herring, who is touring the country at different venues from his ex-Lee and Herring comedy partner, Stewart Lee, said: “I do my bit to promote men’s day and I’m glad Suffolk is getting behind it.

“Men are edging their way to equality every day but there is still a long way to go before men feel comfortable on a Spa Day.”

The news follows our revelation yesterday that a man had remarked an International Women’s Day banner needed ironing.

You’ll never need to mow the lawn again

The Editor
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You’ll never need to mow the lawn again

You won't have to mow the lawn

A Suffolk company has invented a type of grass that never needs to be cut, it has emerged.

Gardeners will be delighted to ditch their lawnmowers as the special seed formula ensures each blade never reaches more than an inch in height.

Instead it stops growing, leaving a beautiful, uniform finish across the garden.

Weekends will never be the same again as householders will no longer have to huff and puff with an expensive lawnmower, or worry about what to do with the grass cuttings.

But there is one downside to the wonder grass – lawnmower manufacturers and retailers will have to brace themselves for a huge downturn in business.

The new seeds were developed by InchPerfect Grass Ltd of Lavenham, in a secret testing facility behind one of the village’s chocolate-box houses.

InchPerfect is now being stocked in bags at all good garden centres and DIY stores. A £15.99 bag should be enough for lawns of up to one quarter of an acre.

The seed kills off the existing grass, which now grows alarmingly fast for around ten months of the year, and then grows itself – to just one inch.

Managing Director Lorraine Fisher, 34, revealed: “We’ve spent years developing the grass and it works a treat.

“However, we have to proceed carefully to ensure the grass seed does not cross-contaminate nearby farmers’ fields, because there’s every chance none of their crops would grow above an inch in height – and no-one likes a stubby carrot.”

She said InchPerfect grass was the perfect natural alternative to the awful artificial grass used by some lazy people – or those who get hayfever.

Women allowed to read the Suffolk Gazette for free

The Editor
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Women allowed to read the Suffolk Gazette for free

From the desk of the Editor

The Suffolk Gazette is celebrating International Women’s Day by allowing women across the world to read the newspaper for FREE.

For a period of ONE MONTH from midnight tonight, the popular publication is prepared to lose a small fortune in revenues simply to recognise the important role women have played in Suffolk life.

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Head of the paper’s Equal Opportunities Board, Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The Suffolk Gazette has championed women across the county, and hired some of the best female writers for decades, such as the much-missed, late In My Lady Garden columnist, Anita Bush.

“But we want to do more to celebrate women and to show our appreciation.

“For that reason, women everywhere will be able to read the Suffolk Gazette for free for a whole month.”

Ms Fisher explained that women can walk away with a free print version of the newspaper from any newsagent – while modern-day technology can detect the sex of any visitor to a website.

“We will know if you are a man pretending to be a woman while reading the online news, hoping to get something for nothing. So don’t try it.”

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Staff at the newspaper, which is read by hundreds of thousands of people a day, hope the initiative will prompt other local businesses to serve women for free.

Steve Walshe, head of finance, said: “This is going to leave a severe hole in our cash flow. But it’s important to take a stand.

“We urge colleagues at Adnams to give women free beer, and for local restaurants to allow them to eat for free.”

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Amazing WiFi BBQ will revolutionise summer cooking

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Amazing WiFi BBQ will revolutionise summer cooking

A fuel-free barbecue that runs off the household WiFi is set to take Britain by storm this summer.

The hi-tech grill does not need expensive gas or grubby charcoal to power up its flames.

Instead, you simply use a phone app to connect the BBQ to your WiFi signal.

The connection powers the grill, giving off brilliant flames or low heat, depending on the chef’s choice. If the BBQ is not your thing, you can find some genuinely cool gear for outdoor sporting pursuits at Globo Surf.

Experts say the WiFi BBQ, which will be available at all good DIY stockists from next week, will revolutionise how Britons enjoy their garden barbecue fun. With this feature, grilling in an outdoor kitchen will become easier and more convenient while still producing delicious results.

WiFi BBQ inventor Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Suffolk, said her product had already received advance orders numbering in their tens of thousands.

She said: “You can set up the WiFi BBQ anywhere in the garden without having to lug a heavy gas canister around – so long as it is within your house WiFi range (extenders are available).

“Once logged on, the grill lights up instantly, and the flames and heat can be adjusted just like any other barbecue.

“Anyone bored of trying to light charcoal BBQs and then disposing of the used charcoal afterward will find the WiFi BBQ is brilliant.”

Better than other crazy business ideas, it will come with a recommended retail price of just £79.99, and the phone app will be available to download for free.

Ms Fisher declined to explain exactly how a WiFi signal could power the barbecue, which is being made at her factory near the RAF Bentwaters airbase outside Woodbridge.

But experts say it is likely the WiFi BBQ will harness similar technology used by the cordless garden hose we featured in this newspaper last year.

Mugs that don’t even need WiFi

You can buy a mug that operates perfectly well without WiFi. They are provided by our partners Dirty Old Goat.

How to create a winning 10-page paper

The Editor
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How to create a winning 10-page paper

A large piece of writing is always scary. Students get worried thinking that they have no idea what to put into ten pages or how to complete such a big task in a short-term. However, every single student has to deal with a 10-page paper at least once. In this article, you will find out how to write a large paper successfully and make it stand out.

Here are some working tips that will help you to manage the task and complete it successfully. We gathered these recommendations to help you write a 10 page paper and break it down into bites, so the whole process of writing will become interesting and challenging (in a good sense).

Best tips to help you to compose a 10-page paper

– The best tip that will help you to write a large paper and make it successful is to start in advance. The more time you leave for preparing, the faster you will complete a paper. Start doing research as early as possible. Depending on the topic complexity, you may need to research it for a week. Some information can be taken from students, some from the Internet, and some somewhere far on the shelf of a library.
– Another reason to start in advance is to give yourself time to write and rewrite every bit if necessary. If you aim to deliver the best paper possible, then proofreading, editing and rewriting are important steps your paper should go through.
– Make a plan. Separate your paper into bits and plan how much time you will need to devote to each. When you are composing a winning paper in stages, it makes the whole process much easier. A timeline table with dates and tasks will help you to stick to the plan and complete every bit on time. For example, divide the whole task of writing a 10-page paper into obtaining knowledge about the topic, finding resources, taking notes, writing a two-page overview of a source of information, defining five major aspects of the topic and writing about them, dividing a topic into subtopics and discussing them, composing a few paragraphs of analysis, developing a thesis statement, writing a draft of the paper.
– Never leave writing a 10-page paper for the last-minute. The worst case scenario is that you may not find appropriate information. Therefore, you might struggle with writing even the few first pages. Remember that every paper needs a strong thesis statement, and if there is no supporting information, you will have to look for a new topic or just face failure.

The Structure of a winning 10-Page paper

As we have already mentioned above, it is important to break large papers into small units. Usually, a 10-page paper consists of approximately twenty-two paragraphs. So, how to divide the paper and information into twenty-two paragraphs? Follow experts’ advice and deliver a smartly structured paper, and get a high-grade:

– Two paragraphs of the introduction. Start the first paragraph with a question. Tell a brief story and explain why the story needs interpretation. In the second paragraph, you need to answer the question that you placed in the beginning. The second paragraph should end with a thesis statement and should catch readers’ attention and make them interested in reading your paper to the end.
– Eighteen paragraphs of the body. The body is the biggest part of any paper. So, eighteen paragraphs are the right number for a 10-page paper. Divide the body part into subheads. State one side’s position in the first part of the body and discuss the opposing opinion in the next. In the last part of the body, you can explain how the conflict was resolved supporting it with evidence. Therefore, to write such a big number of paragraphs and provide interesting information, and avoid repeating the same information just to extend the content as much as possible, you need to conduct research on the topic in advance.
– Two paragraphs of the conclusion. Replicate your thesis statement and explain why your idea or thought is the best in understanding the topic in the first paragraph. Prove the importance of your argument and the story in general in the second part of the conclusion.

Hopefully, those recommendations will make you feel calm about an upcoming task of writing a 10-page paper. Try them and see how easy it is to compose a large paper when you divide it into parts and plan your work in advance.

Theresa May to make CDs for insomniacs

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Theresa May to make CDs for insomniacs

Theresa May

Prime Minister Theresa May has given permission for her speeches to be recorded to help the millions of Britons who suffer from insomnia.

The boxed set of CDs, called Brexit Lullabieszzzz, includes Mrs May’s latest speech about the EU, in which she droned on about global blah, alignment blah, trade blah and borders blah.

Sleep scientists believe anyone listening will have suffered the pinnacle of boredom and mind-numbing repetition – something they have been unable to recreate in laboratory conditions.

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Professor Brian Brain, of East Anglia University, said: “It was remarkable in its sophisticated level of coma-inducing paralysis. It was beautiful. A work of bland genius.

“We approached Number Ten immediately to get permission to use it along with her other speeches to help people who suffer debilitating sleeplessness, which can affect people’s mental and physical help.

“We will add some repetitive sounds from Tibetan singing bowls and people will nod off for hours.

“Our research thus far has included scripts of Last of the Summer Wine, which gave good results, ocean sounds and birdsong.

“We found our guinea pigs almost fell asleep but often remained restless.

“Our advice to insomniacs is to have a cool bedroom, either not take alcohol or take shedloads before they literally fall into bed, and to listen to white noise.

“Mrs May has found the equivalent of white noise in speech form. It is nothing short of a miracle for sufferers.”

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Insomniac Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Stowmarket, said: “I can’t wait for the CD to be released. I have tried everything including sleeping pills and Night Nurse and classical music or the BBC World Service.

“Nothing works properly. I have been a guinea pig for Professor Brain and his team and he thinks he has finally found the answer to my prayers.”

The CD set will be on sale within weeks for £19.99, with profits going to The Insomnia Society.

Mrs May said last night: “I am delighted that my speeches, made for the many not the few who suffer from sleepless nights, and for hard-working families who cannot easily nod off, will find alignment with themselves to achieve a strong and stable sleep.”

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Suffolk pensioners being exploited to clear snow

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Suffolk pensioners being exploited to clear snow

elderly snow plough

Elderly people are being exploited as cheap labour to clear pathways in Suffolk, an investigation has revealed.

Up to 700 pensioners across the county have been asked to adapt their walking strollers by fitting a mini snow plough on the front.

They get paid in biscuits and hot chocolate for every half a mile of pavement they clear.

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But campaigners claim the scheme by local officials is a disgrace, and should be stopped before one of the elderly people comes to grief.

Our team of reporters found 15 of the pensioners clearing snow in areas from Bury St Edmunds in the west of the county, to Felixstowe and Aldeburgh in the east.

Audrey Smith, 88, from Felixstowe, shivered as she said: “My pantry is empty and my bungalow is freezing cold.”

Pictured above, nearly bent double as she work hard in the resort, she added: “So I signed up to help clear some of the snow because I like the idea of a snack and hot drink as a reward.”

However, charity worker Lorraine Fisher, 34, said the scheme was “disgusting”, and old people were being exploited.

“Instead of forcing them to clear snow in order to get a biscuit, we should all be pulling together to help them.

“I would urge everyone to check on elderly relatives, friends and neighbours to see if there is anything they need.”

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Official Steve Walshe, from Norwich, was unrepentant.

“Elderly people are always keen to please, so I don’t know what the fuss is about.

“We have not had many accidents.”

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Norfolk defends ‘rubbish’ new snow plough fleet

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Norfolk defends ‘rubbish’ new snow plough fleet

snow plough in Norfolk

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Highways officials in Norfolk have defended the county’s snow plough system after residents complained they were being snowed in.

County council chiefs say they have invested hundreds of pounds in a new fleet of hi-tech snow ploughs, including the one pictured above in Great Yarmouth.

But with the Beast From the East continuing to dump snow all over East Anglia, residents claim they are getting stuck on every road.

Norfolk mum-of-three Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Dereham said: “I can’t get out of my drive because the roads are blocked with snow.

“We saw one of Norfolk’s new snow ploughs first thing this morning and thought it looked a little feeble for the task.

“And then it got stuck.

“It’s a total waste of money and couldn’t clear a snowflake, let alone the tonnes of snow that is falling right now.”

But Graham Night-King, of the council’s highways team insisted: “The new snow ploughs do a fine job in Norfolk.

“They have many benefits – but the best is that if the vehicle gets stuck in a snow drift, the driver can simply lift it up and carry it somewhere else.

“People will complain about anything, sadly.”

He explained that Norfolk County Council had saved £5 million introducing the new fleet of snow ploughs, which were imported from a bloke in Azerbaijan.

Meanwhile, as snow continues to grip the region, a polar bear has been spotted in Ipswich, while there has been two feet of snow throughout Suffolk.

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