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VIDEO: Norfolk hit celebrates forbidden ‘cousin love’

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VIDEO: Norfolk hit celebrates forbidden ‘cousin love’

Bubba Spuckler

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Norfolk country singing star Bubba Spuckler has released a sparkling new hit that’s getting played 24/7 in the county.

Dashing Spuckler, 34, is enjoying extraordinary success with Cousins, a song about his first love.

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Country music fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Suffolk, said: “I like the music, but I’m a little concerned about the words.”

See for yourself, as Spuckler performs the song at Cromer village hall…

The song is expected to go straight in at number one in this weekend’s Norfolk charts.

It will finally knock off When She Gets Randy, Her Extra Finger Comes in Handy from the top spot, where it’s been for 47 weeks.

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Spuckler, who lives in Downham Market with his sister and their eight children, has already enjoyed musical success with his top-selling album Delia Smith Bit my Carrot.

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Norfolk residents gripped by fear over village’s fate

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Norfolk residents gripped by fear over village’s fate

New Buckenham village fate

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A Norfolk village is in fear after residents were called to a meeting to learn its fate.

Villagers have been ordered to the village hall for the crunch decision at 1pm on August 27.

They will take blankets, torches and tinned foods in case the news is bad.

New Buckenham, which is near Old Buckenham (they are nothing if not original in Norfolk) has been fearing the worse.

Villager Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I remember once being called to the headmaster’s office to learn my fate. It didn’t end well.

“Now signs (photo: New Buckenham Facebook group)have gone up calling us to the village hall for the village fate.

“People are stockpiling food and bottled water in case they get to the hall, only to be told they can never leave again.

“Some Norfolk people are even fleeing to Suffolk where everything in life seems far more certain.”

Norfolk Police said they could not comment on New Buckenham’s fate.

The news comes just weeks after the Norfolk Day annual wash was postponed for another year, whether the locals needed it or not.

‘I was there, but I don’t think I was involved’ – Jeremy Corbyn’s dog

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‘I was there, but I don’t think I was involved’ – Jeremy Corbyn’s dog

jeremy corbyn dog

Jeremy Corbyn’s dog has admitted she was present when a cute teddy bear was torn to shreds, but didn’t think she was actually involved.

Bull terrier Lola was filmed clearly present at the scene of the carnage.

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But despite posing for pictures next to the little cuddly bear’s decapitated head, she insisted that she had not been involved.

Master Mr Corbyn accepted this explanation and said any suggestion otherwise was simply a smear campaign by his cat.

Five-year-old Lola, he insisted, had spent a lifetime enjoying the company of cuddly toys and promoting harmony in the home.

The Labour Party leader has some sympathy for Lola, since he himself was photographed at a wreath-laying service for Palestinian terrorists, allegedly including individuals behind the Israeli Olympic team attack, which left 11 Israelis dead.

As the row blew up, including condemnation from Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Mr Corbyn said: “I was present at that wreath-laying, I don’t think I was actually involved in it.”

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Meanwhile Lola, surrounded by teddy bear stuffing and clear evidence that the toy had been ripped apart by a four-legged animal, like a dog, was sticking by her guns.

“I was here, but it wasn’t me. It must have been the cat.”

Political analyst Lorraine Fisher, 34, said it had been a tough week for Lola.

“This is absolutely a smear campaign by the cat. The cat has been having a rough time of it after being caught shitting on Mr Corbyn’s kitchen floor.

“So, it’s a bit of a coincidence this bear story should emerge now.”

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Suffolk village houses are only sloightly on th’ huh

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Suffolk village houses are only sloightly on th’ huh
Suffolk village houses

By Ruth Tyler, Property Correspondent

Traditional Suffolk village houses are not about to fall down but are simply “sloightly on th’ huh”, it has emerged.

Locals confirm wonky buildings have been seemingly falling over for years, so there’s nothing to worry about.

Londoner Lorraine Fisher, 34, insisted on walking down the middle of the street during a recent visit to Lavenham, just in case the pretty crooked houses fell on top of her.

Writing in the London Evening Standard newspaper, she said: “They don’t look like they were made very well.

“Builders in Suffolk clearly don’t seem up to much – perhaps the spirit level hasn’t reached rural East Anglia yet.”

But local property expert Jeremiah Tolly exclaimed: “Blaarst me! They’re only sloightly on th’ huh.”

He said the houses had been built more than 600 years ago by wealthy wool merchants.

And if they were going to fall down, they would have done so long ago.

Not wonky, just sloightly on th’ huh

“Cood-a-hell! That Lorraine Fisher woman is a wurry guts. She’s talking a lood of old squit,” Mr Tolly said.

News that Lavenham’s houses are not about to fall down was welcomed by tourists in the town today.

Steve Walshe, 38, from the United States said: “I tried to talk to some local Suffolk people. Don’t these guys speak English?

“Is there a fried chicken joint here?”

The news comes soon after it emerged a local woman had been able to to afford to buy a house in Southwold.

Greater Anglia launches reliable new train service

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Greater Anglia launches reliable new train service

Greater Anglia new train

By Casey Jones, Railways Correspondent

Greater Anglia has launched a new hi-tech commuter rail service which promises to be its most reliable ever.

The under-fire train company has begun a novel peak-time service between Ipswich and London Liverpool Street, stopping at Colchester.

It features a single train carriage strapped to the back of a lorry, which sets off from Ipswich station at 5.30am.

The ‘train’ then heads down the A12, round the M25 and into east London to Liverpool Street via the A13, arriving at 10am.

Service levels are said to be “excellent”, with no reliability issues with trains breaking down.

And the only signal problems encountered so far was when the traffic lights at the end of Burrell Road turned red just as the lorry was approaching.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Greater Anglia’s innovations department, said: “Our customers have been telling us for years that our trains are unreliable.

“Together with points issues, signal failures, line-side fires, leaves on the line, it being too cold and it being too hot, it all adds up to a fairly crap service.

“Now we have come up with this brilliant new plan, and we haven’t had one train fault yet.”

The lorry train has been such a hit that Greater Anglia is leasing another 30 lorries.

Each will have its own train carriage on the back, and will be able to take hundreds of passengers every day.

Rail user Steve Walshe, 38, of Woodbridge said: “I commute into London every day from Ipswich and have used this new service once.

“It was very reliable, but a little slow. However, at least it got me to work, which is not always guaranteed with the current rail service.”

But critics say Greater Anglia’s the new lorry train idea is a waste of money.

“They already have a huge fleet of rail replacement buses. Why not just use them all the time?” asked on angry passenger.

Rotherham and Ipswich Town fans in unique Barry Chuckle tribute

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Rotherham and Ipswich Town fans in unique Barry Chuckle tribute

Football fans will today pay a unique and emotional tribute to comedy legend Barry Chuckle, who died last week aged 73.

Barry was a life president at his hometown club Rotherham United, and today the Chuckle Brothers’ catchphrase will be chanted loud and clear between Rotherham and visiting Ipswich Town supporters.

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During the 73rd minute, no matter what the score is or how exciting the game is, Rotherham fans will shout: “TO ME”, and the 2,000 Ipswich supporters will respond with “TO YOU”.

This will carry on for the whole minute in recognition of The Chuckle Brothers’ famous catchline, which was usually accompanied with a plank of wood.

The Suffolk Gazette is proud to be an Ipswich fan on a day when football comes together and supporters can do their bit to honour a great man.

It’s not clear if his brother Paul will be attending the game.

RIP Barry Chuckle, although we still hope Ipswich come away with three points today.

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Football fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “A whole generation of people have grown and found it impossible not to say, ‘To me, to you’, when carrying something with a friend.

“Well done to Rotherham and Ipswich fans for this moving tribute, and we all look forward to seeing videos of it afterwards.”

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Two strangers arrive to perform Boris Johnson’s weekly colonic irrigation

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Two strangers arrive to perform Boris Johnson’s weekly colonic irrigation

Boris Johnson's colonic irrigation

A health care agency has sent two different members of staff to Boris Johnson’s home for his weekly colonic irrigation treatment.

The ladies were pictured arriving this morning holding objects that they intended to insert up the former foreign secretary’s rectum.

Some say Mr Johnson needs weekly colonic irrigation because he’s so full of sh*t.

But after his latest outburst about women in burkas looking like bank robbers and postboxes, it seems he’s in for a particularly hair-raising session today.

An insider at R C Pipe Health Ltd revealed the two women had specifically asked to attend to Mr Johnson.

“They normally work in our pedicure department, but for some reason they were very keen to give colonic irrigation a go today.

“I’m not sure why they took two rather large umbrellas with them.

“It must be because it’s hot.”

Mr Johnson has not been seen since the ladies entered through his rear entrance.

Neighbour Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I was quite surprised when they arrived because the other two health workers have been attending to Mr Johnson for years.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, but I did hear a rather alarming scream a short while ago.

“Perhaps nobody told these woman it’s bad luck to open umbrellas indoors?”

Woman tried to steal recipe for prize-winning chutney

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Woman tried to steal recipe for prize-winning chutney

By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

A jealous woman was caught breaking into a Suffolk farmhouse to steal the secret recipe for an award-winning homemade chutney, a court heard yesterday.

Edna Spratt, 44, was jealous of Lorraine Fisher’s success with her tasty chutney at country fayres and Women’s Institute shows.

Spratt’s own pickles, which used to be the talk of East Anglia, had failed to win any prizes for five years, and she was determined to get hold of 34-year-old Ms Fisher’s ingredients, Ipswich Crown Court was told.

Edna Spratt on LinkedIn

 

Spratt: accused of attempted theft of award-winning chutney recipe

Timothy Simpkins, prosecuting, told the shocked courtroom: “Ms Fisher, 34, had just retired to bed when she heard a loud crash. She ran down to the kitchen where she found the accused headfirst in the swing bin, having climbed through the window above and fallen down.

“Her legs were waving about and there were muffled screams as Spratt had evidently got her head stuck in a chicken carcass.

“Rather than help her out, Ms Fisher called Suffolk police, who arrived within 25 minutes to make an arrest.

“Spratt admitted to officers at the scene that she had walked to Suffolk from her hovel in Dereham and simply wanted to see the award-winning chutney recipe. She was visibly upset, although police believed it was an act.

“They insisted Spratt, who used to be a cook, was now a seasoned criminal.”

chutney

 

Tangy treat: One of Ms Fisher’s (34) celebrated chutneys

However, Marigold Cross, for Spratt, said her client denied breaking and entering and the attempted theft of a chutney recipe.

She said: “Miss Spratt was simply out for a pleasant evening stroll and got a bit lost. She knows her Norfolk landscape well but got disoriented south of the border in Suffolk. She was simply seeking help when she spotted this farmhouse.

“Miss Spratt produces splendid chutney and jams of her own, and there is no need for her to steal a recipe from Ms Fisher, 34. I know it looks suspicious because 34-year-old Lorraine Fisher has won so many prizes and she is my client’s arch-rival, but this is all an unfortunate coincidence.”

Mrs Cross told the jury that Miss Spratt lived with her brother and their ten children near Dereham in Norfolk, and being found guilty would cause great hardship to the family. “There would be no-one left to grow and look after their turnips,” she said.

Judge John Dredd is due to hear closing speeches tomorrow. The case continues.

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