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Coronavirus panic buying sees artichoke hearts cleared from Waitrose shelves

The Editor
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Coronavirus panic buying sees artichoke hearts cleared from Waitrose shelves

Artichoke hearts, cappuccino mousse and curd cheese have sold out across Waitrose stores as well-heeled shoppers panic over coronavirus fears.

Shelves were cleared of posh grub as customers attempted to stock up for grim weeks of self-isolation.

It is feared lobster, avocado, houmous and quark will also be sold out in Waitrose within hours.

Frustrated shopper Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I woke up in a panic yesterday when I realised I only had two cans of artichoke hearts left in the larder.

“I went to my local Waitrose and they had sold out. People were wandering around in tears. How are we supposed to cope now?

“Someone said Lidl had artichoke hearts but I won’t be seen dead in there, and I doubt they sell curd cheese.”

It is not known when Waitrose bosses will get more of the tasty, spiny vegetables in stock.

Meanwhile, sales of the Daily Mail continue to soar because everyone has run out of toilet roll.

Daily Mail sales soar as coronavirus panic buying wipes out toilet roll stock

The Editor
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Daily Mail sales soar as coronavirus panic buying wipes out toilet roll stock
Daily Mail toilet roll
Daily Mail substituting for toilet roll

Sales of the Daily Mail are soaring – but not because of any new-found fondness for its journalism.

Instead, British shoppers are snapping up the rag because toilet roll is running out in the shops.

Panic buying over the coronavirus is leading to bog roll shortages – but enterprising Brits know the Daily Mail is the ideal replacement.

Shopper Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “My usual brand of soft, strong and very long lavatory paper has been cleared off the shelves by overly-worried shoppers.

“But like many others, I instead purchased a copy of the Daily Mail, which is good for nothing except wiping your arse.”

Daily Mail executives were delighted with the unexpected sales rise after suffering for years with their circulation going down the toilet.

Circulation boss Alex Howard said: “The coronavirus has been great for business.

“We’ll wipe the floor at the British Newspaper Sales Awards now.”

Norwich City dusting down trophy cabinet after reaching cup quarter-final

The Editor
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Norwich City dusting down trophy cabinet after reaching cup quarter-final
Norwich FC trophy cabinet

Excited staff at Norwich City Football Club have begun dusting down their empty trophy cabinet after the magnificent achievement of reaching the FA Cup quarter-finals for the first time in 28 years.

Even though the Norfolk club must win another three games before lifting their first-ever proper trophy, preparations in the board room are underway.

Norwich spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Our trophy cabinet has remained empty since the club was formed on a carrot field in 1951.

“It’s always been upsetting to see our bigger local rivals, Ipswich Town, enjoying a packed trophy cabinet including gleaming European and domestic trophies.

They have won the UEFA Cup, FA Cup and the top-flight league championship.

“We participated in the UEFA Cup once.

“But now we are odds-on to win the FA Cup. We’re in the quarter-finals; what could possibly go wrong?”

Norwich scraped through the fifth round on penalties last night.

Club owner Delia Smith is desperate to fill the empty trophy cabinet with something.

A pal said: “She wakes up in the night screaming at trophies, ‘Where are you? Let’s be having you’, but it never works.”

Five jockeys that have won multiple Gold Cups at Cheltenham

The Editor
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Five jockeys that have won multiple Gold Cups at Cheltenham

There are certain horse races that all jockeys dream of winning, and the Gold Cup at the Cheltenham Festival is undoubtedly one of them. Run over a distance of three miles, two furlongs and 70 yards, the Gold Cup is a major test of the credentials of both horse and jockey.

For most riders, winning the Gold Cup just once represents something of a dream, but there is an elite group of jockeys who have won the famous race on more than one occasion. With the 2020 race fast approaching, and as those who place a Gold Cup bet on Cheltenham Festival try and determine who might win, we look at five jockeys who have enjoyed multiple victories in the famous Cheltenham showpiece.

Tommy Carberry

You have to go all the way back to the 1970s for Tommy Carberry’s Gold Cup triumphs. Riding the famous L’Escargot, Carberry won the race two years running in 1970 and 1971. The horse, trained by Richard R. Guest, was a 33/1 outsider going into the 1970 edition, but Carberry produced a fine performance to get the win.

Not content with just two Gold Cup triumphs, the Irish jockey would go on to win it once again in 1975, this time on Ten Up, completing a hat-trick of victories in the famous race.

Tony McCoy

One of the most recognisable names in horse racing, Anthony Peter ‘Tony’ McCoy is another who has enjoyed Gold Cup glory more than once. His first success came in 1997, riding the 20/1 shot Mr Mulligan to victory, but he would have to wait 15 years to double his Gold Cup titles. In 2012, he guided Synchronised to a first-place finish, to the delight of racing fans across Britain and Ireland.

McCoy is a much-loved figure in the sport, and won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award in 2010, becoming the first jockey to get their hands on the famous sporting prize – after winning the Grand National on Don’t Push It..

Richard Johnson

Richard Johnson is widely regarded as the finest jockey in jump racing at the moment and has won the Champion Jockey title four years running. His first taste of glory in the Gold Cup came in 2000 on Looks Like Trouble, but like McCoy, Johnson would have to wait a long time for his second triumph. It came 18 years after he won the race for the first time, as he guided the Colin Tizzard-trained Native River to victory in 2018.

Sadly, Native River has been ruled out of the 2020 race, and so won’t have the chance to emulate the great Kauto Star by reclaiming the Gold Cup.

Jim Culloty

Jim Culloty is one of only three jockeys to have won the Gold Cup on three successive occasions, as he steered Best Mate to victory in 2002, 2003 and 2004. The Henriette Knight-trained horse was 7/1 to win the race in 2002, and was the odds-on favourite by the time the 2004 race came around – proof of the dominance Best Mate and Culloty showed in those years.

Culloty achieved the rare feat of winning both the Gold Cup and the Grand National in the same year in 2002, before retiring in 2005 as one of the Gold Cup’s most successful riders.

Ruby Walsh

Another famous name in horse racing, Ruby Walsh won the Gold Cup in 2007 and 2009, riding the much loved Kauto Star. Clive D. Smith’s horse was the favourite ahead of both races, proof of Walsh’s reputation and expert performances in the saddle on both occasions.

Kauto Star is the only horse to have regained the Gold Cup. Having lost the title to stablemate Denman in 2008, Walsh and Kauto Star came back stronger to win it back a year later, etching their names in Gold Cup folklore.

Geoffrey Chaucer came from Kesgrave

The Editor
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Geoffrey Chaucer came from Kesgrave

By Janice Page-Turner, Literary Editor

Academics have made an extraordinary discovery proving that Geoffrey Chaucer, widely accepted as the father of English literature, was born and raised in Suffolk.

Long-forgotten papers uncovered at the Suffolk Records Office show that the celebrated poet, who hit number one in the book-selling charts with The Canterbury Tales, was born in 1343 in Gressgrava, the small hamlet now known as Kesgrave, near Ipswich.

Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34, a lecturer at University Campus Suffolk, was sifting through ancient manuscripts when she made the discovery in a diary that will change educational thinking about the brilliant Suffolk copywriter.

“It was an incredible surprise,” she said. “We already knew Chaucer’s grandfather was a rich wine merchant who lived in Ipswich, but to get concrete evidence in a diary entry linking Chaucer’s birthplace to Kesgrave was still unexpected.”

At the time, Gressgrava was a small agricultural settlement with just a few farms, a church and a coaching inn called The Farmhouse. The pub is still there, but the nearby building where it is believed Chaucer was born has now been swallowed up by the Grange Farm development.

“We can’t pin him exactly to the pub, but it is thought it was Chaucer’s favourite watering hole – and our research makes it likely that his grandfather might have owned it,” Dr Fisher explained.

Chaucer’s most famous work was the Canterbury Tales, which told the stories of fictional pilgrims on the road from London to Canterbury Cathedral.

And some Suffolk historians now believe the tales could have been inspired by a journey now serviced by a well-known local bus route.

route-66

All aboard: bus route may have inspired a young Geoffrey Chaucer. (Photo by Peter Eastern)
“Chaucer would almost certainly have walked along the track now covered by the Route 66 bus service,” said Dr Fisher. “The pilgrims he met on Route 66, particularly between Grange Farm and Martlesham, could well have sparked the initial sketches in his head for the characters in the Canterbury Tales.”

Dr Fisher added that Chaucer would have been taken to live in London at a fairly early age so it would always remain a mystery as to how much he remembered about his formative years in the Suffolk countryside, particularly as he spent a lot of time in the pub.

geoffrey-chaucer

Paperback writer: Geoffrey Chaucer
She believes the turbulent history of Chaucer’s family offers clues to why he ended up in Kesgrave.

“It is well documented that his father was kidnapped by an aunt at a young age in the hope of marrying him off to her daughter in order to keep a property in Ipswich.

“The parents of Geoffrey Chaucer understandably wanted to protect their son from a similar fate so in order to safeguard his inherited wealth from jealous members of the family, he was hidden in Kesgrave, a place that even to this day people never seem to leave.”

Dr Fisher will be sharing her findings as guest speaker of the Chaucer Society later in the month.

Elderly man beating older man to take on pensioner for White House job

The Editor
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Elderly man beating older man to take on pensioner for White House job
Three old men

Three very old men are locked in a battle to take on perhaps the most stressful job in the world, it has emerged.

Democrat Joe Biden, 77, seems likely to beat Bernie Sanders, 78, for the right to fight Donald Trump, 73, for the White House.

It is now law in the US for Presidential hopefuls to be male, very old and implausibly out of touch with normal people.

US political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Even though I am female and young – I am 34 – I am qualified to comment on this.

“The US political system is bizarre. We have a 78-year-old heart attack victim who would be 79 by the time he took office, and 87 if he won two terms.

“I’ve seen people in their late eighties, and they should be putting their feet up with a cup of tea, not trying to run the world.”

Biden seems likely to win the Democratic race to run for President next November after a successful Super Tuesday.

Why sports are important in the UK economy

The Editor
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Why sports are important in the UK economy

It’s not just nurses and teachers that are underpaid in the UK. Anyone working in the UK’s sporting industries may also want more money when they hear how valuable that sport is to the economy and how much money is floating around the sporting world.

There are some great jobs on Jobrapido, but before you start scrolling through them, let’s take a look at the UK’s sports industry, why the best sports jobs are in Suffolk – and how it all helps the local economy. 

Where the big money is

Sport in the UK is overseen by a governing body known as UK Sport. This organisation is responsible for distributing government sports funding to other entities, NGAs, clubs and initiatives. The funding is reserved for elite-level sport. The amount of money being used to help athletes is staggering. For example, the Olympic rowing team for Tokyo 2020 has received over £30 million.

This is a drop in the ocean compared to other elite sports such as the Premier League, which is a colossal contributor to the economy. The Times has even reported that in 2017, the league brought around £7.6 billion to the economy, enough for many hospitals – or approximately five months of our weekly £350 million membership with the EU (sarcasm intended!).

The Lottery and grassroots sport

The National Lottery money raised goes towards worthwhile causes, and one of those causes is sport in the UK. It pays for sporting facilities, children’s clubs and many more community-based sports projects. These help to develop young people and keep them fit and healthy.

The result of these initiatives is helping to develop children as social team players and their confidence. Still, it also has long-term effects at reducing the toll on the NHS and even improving mental health.

What about Suffolk?

If you hadn’t already heard, Ipswich is burning the torch for the UK tourism industry as the city was named in the top 25 destinations in the world on TripAdvisor. Yet, it is not just mistakes on well-known sites that put Suffolk on the map. The sporting activities here are also significant contributors to the local economy with research putting the figure close to a whopping £300 million.

Economic specialist Hatch Regenris carried out research evaluating sports contribution to the local region and found that:

  • Sport contributes £270 million each year to Suffolk
  • 10,000 jobs are made here through sport
  • That equates to 3% -double national levels
  • Sport employment is up 60%, the fastest growing sector around.

There is a lot to shout about regarding the sporting industry in Suffolk and the connected employment market. Anybody seeking a sports job may want to consider the region as one of the best places to work within the industry – if they are not already rowing in Tokyo or working for Premier League clubs.

Online sports betting – top 4 tips for beginners

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Online sports betting – top 4 tips for beginners

It’s not hard to see the appeal of online sports betting. After all, not only is it convenient and simple, but it also presents us with the opportunity to make some real money, too.

Despite the accessibility as well as the potentially lucrative nature of the activity, however, it’s crucial not to impulsively place wagers. After all, it’s easy to get a lot of things wrong and kill your profit potential before you’ve even begun to understand it. So to ensure that this doesn’t happen, here are some top tips for beginners that you should keep in mind when it comes to online sports betting.

1. Set realistic goals and objectives

Contrary to popular belief, winning in online sports betting isn’t difficult. In actuality, anyone who is even remotely knowledgeable on the chosen sport has a decent chance of making a few good wagers and accurate predictions. However, achieving the desired outcome with enough consistency to generate higher profits is where the challenge lies. And one way that this can be accomplished is by setting realistic goals and objectives for your online sports betting. After all, unreasonably high expectations are likely to lead you to disappointment as well as frustration. Which, in turn, will force you to make more mistakes and prevent you from getting the winnings that you want.

2. Take the time to learn the basics

Online sports betting may be simple, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s without its fair share of challenges. As such, it makes sense to take the time to learn the basics first before betting on Liverpool or your favorite teams. While it may not be the most exciting part of sports betting, but it will allow you to avoid errors and mistakes that you might have made otherwise. More importantly, you may even learn a few effective strategies too, and as a result, save yourself money and get more opportunities to earn a profit.

3. Set a firm budget

One of the reasons why online sports betting – not unlike any other form of gambling – can get a bad rap is the fact that it can be more than just a little challenging to keep ourselves from spending more than we need to. As such, it’s crucial to set a firm budget before playing. In this way, you’ll be able to manage your finances much better and avoid taking too many losses as well.

4. Always keep a record of all of your wagers

Keeping a record of your wagers is essential for two reasons. Firstly, it will allow you to keep track of exactly how much you’ve spent so far and help you avoid breaking your budget in the process. Secondly, it can shed some light into any mistakes that you’ve made. And allow you to improve as a result. And this can make all the difference between profiting and taking financial losses.

It’s easy to see why many look upon online sports betting as the future of all gambling. After all, it offers a higher degree of comfort and convenience without compromising on the quality of the experience. And with these top tips, you’ll be able to keep both your level of enjoyment as well as your savings high.

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