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Rail passengers mourn ‘dying’ train company

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Rail passengers mourn ‘dying’ train company

Exclusive
By Casey Jones
Railways Correspondent

Thousands of East Anglian rail passengers gathered in London last night to pay their last respects to a “dying” train company.

The Greater Anglia customers wanted to say their fond farewells after rumours swept the capital that their beloved train operator was on its last legs.

They flocked to Liverpool Street station and refused to budge for hours, deciding to stay united in their grief.

However, it emerged after three hours that the company’s evening operations were wheezing back to life and it was, for now, back from the dead.

Overjoyed at this great news, the mourners drifted away into the evening on the small number of trains that were actually able to leave the station.

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Grief: Mourners at Liverpool Street station tonight

A Greater Anglia insider said: “We had a near-death experience and everything stopped. But somehow we eventually got our sh*t together and managed to get some people home.”

Commuter Andy Hills from Ipswich said: “It was a great relief that our beloved train operator survived the evening.

“I’m glad I was able to be at Liverpool Street for hours to see the recovery.”

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Constable Savage in the dog house

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Constable Savage in the dog house

Classic sketch from Not The Nine O’Clock News, with Griff Rhys Jones as the racist copper and Rowan Atkinson playing his infuriated boss.

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Man-eating shark seen in Suffolk river

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Man-eating shark seen in Suffolk river

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EXCLUSIVE
By Courtney Pike, Angling Correspondent

Families have been warned to avoid paddling in Suffolk’s River Deben after a man-eating shark was spotted hunting for seals near Wadringfield.

Open water swimmers and small boat owners have also been told to beware of the six-foot Great White, which has appeared twice in recent days.

The shark has taken advantage of warmer waters to travel around the south coast into the North Sea.

Experts say it then became attracted by seals in the Deben estuary near Felixstowe Ferry, and swam inland, where it has plenty of protection from reeds and muddy water.

Members of the UK Shark Society have been out on the river since Saturday. They hope to find the shark and then guide it back to sea, from where it is expected to migrate back to the Atlantic.

“It is most unusual,” said the society’s Sean Finn. “These creatures are not normally seen around here.

“We would advise people to keep out of the water for now – these things can give a nasty nip.”

However, the mayor of Waldringfield, Peter Grimes urged everyone to enjoy the river as normal.

“It’s perfectly safe to come here, enjoy all we have to offer, and swim. The water is great!”

Local fisherman Trevor Whymark was less convinced, however.

“I’m going to need a bigger boat,” he said.

Suffolk shark expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said she did not believe the shark was the same one that attacked a Felixstowe windsurfer in 2016.

Harry Enfield Association Football

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Harry Enfield Association Football

In this classic video, Harry Enfield portrays how the ‘old-fashioned’ footballers from Arsenal would get on in a cup final against modern-day Liverpool at Wembley.

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Ultimate dog tease video: bacon

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This dog loves bacon, but isn’t getting any. The ultimate dog tease video has had more than 170 million views on YouTube.

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Cute boy, 5, finds out he’s going to be a big brother

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This is the moment a young boy finds out he’s going to be a big brother. His reaction is priceless, although it gets a little awkward when he asks his mum how she made the new baby!

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James Corden and Stevie Wonder

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James Corden and music legend Stevie Wonder carpool through Los Angeles singing some of his classic songs – and Stevie suggests he and James start a group called the Wondercats.

Stevie Wonder’s 20-city tour ‘Songs In The Key Of Life Performance’ starts on September 30 in Montreal and ends on November 24 at New York’s Madison Square Garden.

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Country bumpkin Corbyn to tour ‘Downton’ Suffolk

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Country bumpkin Corbyn to tour ‘Downton’ Suffolk

By Len Inn
Political Reporter

The newly-elected leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn is to undertake a fact-finding tour of Suffolk in next month, his advisers claim.

The Suffolk Gazette can reveal that Corbyn, who grew up in the rural idyll of Wiltshire, is a self-confessed ‘country bumpkin’ and has a passion for exploring how his new Labour Party line-up can help the county.

A recently-appointed member of his staff, who asked not to be named, showed the Suffolk Gazette a draft copy of his busy travelling itinerary which includes town meetings in Ipswich and Bury St Edmunds as well as visits to Leiston, Stowmarket, Woodbridge, Sudbury, Haverhill and Thetford.

The keen cyclist and teetotal vegetarian is also looking forward to stopping for lunch at the famous Adnams brewery in Southwold before intending to give an evening speech before Aldeburgh Town Council.

The source added: “We were quite surprised by this as Jeremy outlined strong views for reintroducing the people of Suffolk to solid Socialist values like working in the fields, fishing fleets and factories.

“He believes Suffolk people have got fat and lazy on too many years of Tory materialism and spent too much time watching Downton Abbey on 42-inch televisions and stuffed-crust pizzas and he is getting on his bike to show his resolve.”

Jeremy Corbyn: country boy

Mr Corbyn recently described his ‘impeccable middle-class upbringing’ to The Guardian newspaper. He grew up in the picturesque Wiltshire village of Kingston St Michael before moving to a seven-bedroomed home with his parents and three elder brothers in Shropshire.

His official “Team Corbyn” spokesman Karl Engels confirmed the plan, but added that Suffolk was one of several “Toryfied” counties that the new Leader wanted to visit. “He wants the democratically-elected local authorities to rediscover the lost Marxism principal of distribution of wealth. He believes a sharp dose of dialectical materialism will refresh the good people of Suffolk.”

No-one at Suffolk County Council was available for comment.

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