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How to celebrate Brexit Day in Suffolk just right

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Suffolk just so happens to be one of the best places in the UK to dress up and celebrate the odd American holiday of Halloween, with events taking place all over the county that are far better than those across the border in Norfolk.

Of course, this year in the UK, we may be treated to a double holiday, with All Hallows’ Eve coinciding with the infinitely scarier Brexit deadline. This schedule clash, along with other preparations, has led to a few tweaks in Suffolk’s packed Halloween events line-up, so let’s check out the events that are being staged here and the costumes that you can deploy to be both edgy but within the boundaries of modern demands.

Stockpiling Scares in Suffolk on 31 October

Along with the pubs and clubs in Ipswich and across the county likely putting up decorations and having kooky-coloured shots on offer, there are many organised events taking place around Suffolk. One of the most notable is ScaresVille: The Haunted Village, which is now, spookily, entering its 13th year. It’s a popular event around here, taking place at Kentwell Hall each October.

While they advise against wearing Halloween costumes, they’ve said nothing about sporting some Brexit-wear. Why not improvise a mummy costume using Union Jack bunting? Or better yet, you could celebrate the severing of our union with the body of the EU by crafting a headless horseman costume? Just be careful of where you leave your head lying around if you go with this choice, as we’re sure Brexiteers won’t want to lose their heads on this auspicious day.

Politically Appropriate Costumes for Halloween 2019

Picking a good, recognisable, and possibly funny costume can be very difficult for Halloween, but there are a few key characters, and items, which can help you stand out on the night. Avoiding inappropriate stereotypes and being culturally considerate in the face of the impending doom of a possible Irish backstop, the classic leprechaun costume is a perfectly apt choice this year.

Leprechauns are cheeky little creatures, loved the nation over, much like all of our MPs. This is most likely because they are still the main characters in popular gambling games like Slots O’ Gold, Rainbow Jackpots, and Rainbow Riches, allowing people to recognise and see the fun in big green costumes and top hats.

Considering the political horror show that has been the last three years, you need not look further than our current parliamentary representatives for costume ideas! Want to emulate BoJo for that touch of conservatism? Simply buy a suit three sizes too big and do nothing with your hair. Is a hard Brexit more your speed? With a few tweaks, any old gargoyle or frog costume can be repurposed into an impassioned Farage facade. Can’t decide on either option? That’s great! You’ve already got your Corbyn costume sorted.

Where pop culture is concerned, Avengers Endgame will be cornering the single market as the highest-grossing film ever, so you’re bound to see a few Caps, Hulks, and Iron Men bouncing around Halloween 2019. But what about costume ideas based on our unsung heroes, the political correspondents that have had the arguably most interesting years of their lives? Swap out that Black Widow outfit and light up Twitter with a homage to Laura Kuenssberg, with most M&S suits doing the trick. Better yet, double down on the pop-culture element and go as an entirely different sort of Jon Snow!

Whatever your political leaning, one thing is for certain: October 31st, 2019 is going to be the scariest Halloween yet!

I’m in charge now, says Larry the Downing Street cat

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Prime Minister Larry

UPDATED

Larry the Downing Street cat has again reassured Britain that he is now running the country.

After the Supreme Court ruled Prime Minister Boris Johnson had acted illegally and lied to the Queen, Larry wanted to calm the nation’s fears.

Larry, 12, declared: “Don’t worry, Britain. I’m in charge now.”

As he has moved from his favourite doorstep outside Number 10 to take up office inside, he insisted he is the right cat for the job and would never have prrrrrrrorogued Parliament.

Larry makes his grand entrance to Number 10 earlier today

In a powerful address to the nation, he promised to bring a divided country back together.

He said: “This is the greatest honour that can come to any cat in a democracy. I know full well the responsibilities that await me as I enter the door of No. 10 and I’ll strive unceasingly to try to fulfil the trust and confidence that the British people have placed in me and the things in which I believe.

“And I would just like to remember some words of St. Francis of Assisi, which I think are really just particularly apt at the moment. ‘Where there is discord, may we bring harmony. Where there is error, may we bring truth. Where there is doubt, may we bring faith. Where there is despair, may we bring hope, and where there is an empty dish, may we bring Whiskas’.”

Larry prepares for his first Cabinet meeting

Larry’s first job, after a nap in the sunshine, will be to form his first Cabinet.

Political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Speculation is rife about who will join Larry in Cabinet. He thinks Michael Gove is a rat, so for his own safety he might like to keep away.”

It’s unclear where Larry stands on the Brexit debate. One minute he asks to go out, then he’s in, then he asks to go out again. Some campaigners fear he’ll simply push Brexit off the table. That would certainly put bookmakers in the litterbox, who have happily collected future bets while giving both remain and leave a sporting chance.

Removal teams were today arriving in Downing Street with some of Larry’s belongings to help him settle in, including a scratching post and a clockwork mouse.

Downing Street staff must expect many changes, including allowing the Prime Minister to poo in the rose garden.

The Suffolk Gazette is produced by the top copywriter at Magic Word Media.

Top 5 universities in the US 2019

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Every student is looking for a university that will be the right place, will feel like home and will meet their academic aspirations. So, what are the reasons that push them forward and inspire them to make a choice?

For some of them, it is the brand name that makes students work extra hard only to get enrolled, while others simply choose a curriculum that feels right. Although Harvard and Stanford’s universities still get in the Top 5 for decades now, the effects of modern technology on the study habits of students thesis for relevant research to reveal the answers.

In practice, computer courses online like Khan Academy have popularity and enrollment that can compete with the big names. However, as the times change and there is more digital content involved, the names below are more than just brands as the big picture is in the details like community, campus life, immediate employment, and instruction that cannot be found anywhere else.

Top American universities in 2019

  1. Harvard. Some may think that it is overrated or impossible to get enrolled, but it is not exactly so because this famous university has a definite character of free-thinking. Nevertheless, it does involve many tasks and practical work that leaves very little time for leisure. The key difference is that usual life beyond the campus is not of any difference. It is a culture, a sense of community, and a high set of standards that are expected from all, which is a reason why it differs.
  2. Stanford.  Do you remember Professor Terman who created Silicon Valley? A famous electrical engineer of the Stanford University fame once said that high quality comes first instead of a career and an income. His words speak truth because Stanford has an extensive research foundation in Engineering, Education, and even Business Management where a different academic approach is applied. Still, everything starts with planning and a lengthy list of essays that should be submitted on time. It is crucial to understand the importance of each task because it is already a research project that will be analyzed at the faculty. A solution that works safely is a custom essay writing service where an expert can check for plagiarism even if there is little time left to submit a paper. Regardless if you are stuck with an introduction outline or require dissertation help service, writing assistance online helps to avoid minor mistakes like editing and formatting.
  3. Yale University. Most students of this top school are quite modest because it is not about t-shirts and campus, but tons of hard work and the library researching. As 2019 statistics show, Yale professors create unique assignments that cannot be found online or discussed with the former students. Choosing a good research topic is one of the greatest challenges. There are lectures with the best in the field, laboratory emulation, and voluntary practice, which forces Yale students to seek information everywhere, memorizing every useful source to keep things going!   
  4. Massachusetts Institute of Technology. It would not make anyone surprised that MIT always makes it to the top universities in the US because it is a non-stop research project where new students replace the ones who came before them. It is not an exaggeration since it has a unique curriculum based solely on case studies and reflective writing that should be original. It is considered the strictest US school in terms of plagiarism. It is also one of the most famous universities that publish scientific papers on a weekly basis.
  5. Princeton University. It has one of the best alumni networks and a truly relaxed environment, compared to the aforementioned schools. While it is not among the strangest schools in the world, it is famous for its experimentation and futuristic projects.

Always consider asking for help

No matter if it is a digital platform or one of the first universities that make it to the fierce debates, universities 2019 top list still has the names that are known almost to everyone. It also reveals that modern students need innovative methods, lots of writing, and emotional intelligence because success never comes easy.

It may be challenging, take outlines and drafts, yet it is a part of the game. The most important is not to procrastinate when things get confusing and ask for help from the writing experts when one is stuck because if a person always moves forward and learns, no task is too difficult. Yale with its custom curriculum or Princeton with a wizard-like approach, the top schools in the United States are always made of its bright students and each writing assignment that has been completed. Just work hard, plan your tasks, and follow your dreams!

Connie Elser

An essay writing expert and your guide through college life who demonstrates skills and experience in any academic topic. Regardless if you need to write a dissertation or fix grammar mistakes quickly, she has all the answers. Accessible and caring, her words are always enough to help any student’s needs.

Image source: Pixabay.

Thomas Cook rescue jets to also send Europeans home after Brexit

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The 45 jets chartered by the Government to rescue stranded Thomas Cook customers will also be used to throw Europeans out of Britain after Brexit.

Officials say they have secured a special deal to keep the fleet of planes for an additional month so they can throw all the Europeans out of the country after October 31.

Government Brexit adviser Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This Thomas Cook collapse is giving us perfect training, except that rather than flying hundreds of thousands into Britain, after Brexit we’ll be sending them the other way.

“We’ve got the 45 jets we secured for repatriation of stranded holidaymakers, and we’re now also putting in a cheeky bid for all of Thomas Cook’s planes as well. They won’t be needing them.

“By the end of next month, we’ll have hundreds of planes.

“Everyone from foreign places, from France to Bulgaria can be bundled on board and sent home unless they have visas to remain.”

Image: Jeff Hitchcock CC BY 2.0

Shopper failed to find camouflage trousers

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camouflage trousers

A Suffolk woman has revealed she spent four hours in a shop yesterday searching for a pair of camouflage trousers.

The quality of the patterned garment was so good she was unable to see it anywhere on the shelves.

Shopper Lorraine Fisher, 34, fumed: “I needed a pair of camouflage trousers for a fishing trip this weekend.

“But when I went to the shop they were so well camouflaged that I couldn’t find them. I spent hours going back and forth and eventually had to give in and ask a shop assistant.

“Would you believe they were right under my nose the whole time? It just goes to show how well camouflaged they are. A bargain at £9.99.”

Ms Fisher says she attached a balloon to the trousers when she got home to Felixstowe so that she could find them easily in the morning.

“I can have a bit of fun when I wear them and creep up on people because they’ll never see me coming.”

Michael Gove insists cocaine users do not need to stockpile ahead of Brexit

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Worried cocaine users do not need to stockpile the drug ahead of a no-deal Brexit, the Government insists.

Michael Gove, who is responsible for preparing for no deal, and who is an expert on the cocaine market, says supplies will not be interrupted after October 31.

But with customs checks set to increase at the borders, there are fears of widespread delivery delays to dealers.

Cocaine user Steve Walshe said: “Everyone bangs on about possible shortages of avocados, Spanish tomatoes and medicines, but no one has mentioned cocaine.

“It’s one of Britain’s biggest imports yet no-one has picked up on the problems we face. There will be queues of drug-laden containers on ships at our major ports for days on end.

“To ensure I am fully prepared for every eventuality, I’ve personally ordered in 25kgs from my dealer, which should see me through the autumn and busy Christmas and New Year party season.

“Hopefully, the manufacturers in Colombia will be able to handle this unusual spike in demand from the UK.”

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a spokeswoman for Brexit planner Michael Gove said: “Mr Gove says this cocaine business gets right up his nose. He’s only too well aware of the needs of cocaine users.

“He has been working hard to ensure there will be no interruption in supply.

“However, Mr Gove recognises the size of the task is not to be sniffed at.”

A cocaine industry spokesman said: “We would urge our customers not to worry. We have developed many alternative transport methods over the years and will avoid any queues at the border.”

Image: Pixabay

The UK betting highlights of the year

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Every year we see thousands of people flock to bookies up and down the country to make a bet. Whether their bet is based on loyalty to the team/person, knowledge or maybe their Spidey-senses are tingling, there are many reasons for people placing their bets.

Some people like to spice up their weekends and play slots, others head to gambling events. Some events receive a greater influx of bets than others – there are events across all sorts of sports – but what events are the highlights in the calendar?

The Grand National

One of the most famous horse racing events in the world is the Grand National. It is a steeplechase event that captures the attention of the nation and other countries across the globe. The Aintree racecourse is historic with the first Grand National being held 180 years ago in 1839. Now the event is at the point where we see over £200 million being bet on the event each year. That’s right, from all the sweepstakes, last-minute-bets, carefully calculated and joke bets that the public place on the event, the bookies take-in millions of pounds in bets. Make sure you’re keeping an eye on the odds the bookies give around the time of the Grand National so you don’t miss out.

The FIFA World Cup

Every four years the FIFA World Cup comes around and football fever grips every participating nation. Similar to the Grand National, the World Cup usually attracts a lot of sweepstakes amongst friends, work colleagues and families. When betting on the World Cup there are so many options to choose from. You can bet on the team to win, bet on the winner of a single game, bet on who scores in a game or even which team will receive the most amount of cards in the tournament – the list is practically endless. In the UK, the amount of money spent on gambling for the 2018 World Cup was around £2.5 billion, with bookies worldwide making a profit of around $36 billion, so be sure to get your bets in for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar and see if you could grab some of that money for yourself.

Wimbledon

The oldest tennis tournament in the UK is played on the luscious grass of Wimbledon. The third tournament of the year in the series of Grand Slam events, Wimbledon is an icon in the world of tennis with young players aspiring to play there in the years to come. The five disciplines (men’s singles, women’s singles, men’s doubles, women’s doubles and mixed doubles) allow you to bet across multiple different events, chancing the winner of any match or the outright tournament winner. Each year this event sees a huge spike for betting in tennis with around £1.5 billion worth of bets placed each year.

The Super Bowl

You might be surprised to find this event on the list as it’s not even an English sport, but the Super Bowl is one of the most popular betting events of the year in the UK. With American football becoming increasingly popular on this side of the pond, more and more fans are staying up until the early hours to watch the annual event take place. In America, the bookies made a profit of $10 million after $145 million was wagered for the 53rd edition of the event which saw the New England Patriots claim another title by defeating the Los Angeles Rams.

So there you have it, now you know the biggest events in the UK to bet on, put them in your calendar and keep an eye out for those odds being advertised. With so much money to be made on these events, a small bet would be fun or get together a sweepstake at work – you never know, you might win big.

Image: Pixabay

Gunman stuns Dragons Den stars with daring studio heist

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Gunman ‘Colin’ holds up the Dragons’ Den stars

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Police are hunting a shotgun-wielding Suffolk man who ‘robbed’ the stars of TV’s Dragons’ Den out of a £100,000.

Brandishing a shotgun and a bag, he brazenly walked out of the famous studio lift and onto the set during filming last week.

The BBC show’s stars, including tycoons Peter Jones and Deborah Meaden, assumed the man was a genuine entrepreneur pitching for funding.

Dragons Den

He walked up to the five Dragons and said: “My name is Colin, and I’m asking today for £100,000 of your money in return for zero per cent of my business.”

Shocked by what seemed like an unappealing investment opportunity, Peter Jones was the first to speak.

He said: “Hello, Colin. I’m Peter. What exactly is this business idea of yours? Are you setting up a clay pigeon shooting school or something? If so, I would expect 30% of your business. You can go to the back wall and think about it if you like.”

But then Colin raised his gun and, in a broad Suffolk accent, explained: “No, Peter. The business idea is simple, really. You see, this is my gun, and this is my bag. Just put all your money in the f**king bag!”

The show’s Dragons famously have tens of thousands of pounds on the tables next to them, ready to invest in entrepreneurs and their business ideas.

Colin – not believed to be his real name – watched as they nervously tipped all their cash into his bag. Animal lover Deborah Meaden looked down her nose and said: “I hope that’s not a leather bag. I’m out.”

He then turned around, calmly caught the lift downstairs and walked out passed shocked presenter, Evan Davis.

Police spokeswoman Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We can confirm a man walked onto the Dragon’s Den studio set on the pretence of having a business opportunity.

“But he promptly used his props – a shotgun and a bag – to rob the show’s stars.

“The man has a broad Suffolk accent, is not thought to be called Colin, and is about 6 foot tall with brown hair.”

Dragons Den fake money

A BBC insider insisted the cash that Colin stole was fake money.

“He’ll have a shock when he tries to spend it,” the insider said.

“It’s never nice being the victim of crime, but this should make for excellent TV when it’s aired as part of series 18 next year.”